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You really need to stop f*****g your therapist. In the basin of an island outcast in a shallow sea, a city yearns for the gold of a dragon's horde. Will these four idiots find fortune, fame, and freedom? Probably not.   !! Content Warnings !! 00:01:50 Depictions of being boiled alive 00:28:25 Threat of institutional/police violence 00:46:00 Depictions of body horror   == CREDITS == Cast: Patrick Perini, GM Caustic Phoenix as Cal Ironwater Cinderblocksally as Weevil Woebringer Craig Pate as Odion Osprey-Heronshaw Emily Greymoore as Arianna Floridia “Flo” Osprey II Renee Juneau as Coloursby Adrian C. Lawrence as Johnnie Rowe Noir Enigma as Jareth Woodfoot Sara Roberts as Valnise Aram Vartian as The Dream Devil Cleo Birch as Ferrin Whel IV Crew: Sabrina Ortiz, Producer Nick Plaisance, Lorekeeper Renee Juneau, Chronicler Mason Allan, Game Design Consultant Sayer Roberts, Composer Callahan Bevilacqua, Dialogue Editor Colin Epstein, Writer System: Tales of the Valiant by Kobold Press Follow us on Bluesky @uepodca.st

It was nice to meet you and I hope I never see you again. An elemental needs dispatchin’, and our heroes want to be ready. While Odion and Weevil gather critical intelligence, will Flo get a good rate on her wardrobe? Probably not.   !! Content Warnings !! 00:59:50 Social exclusion, reactive violence 01:47:45 Mention of explosives in a crowd   == CREDITS == Cast: Patrick Perini, GM Caustic Phoenix as Cal Ironwater Cinderblocksally as Weevil Woebringer Craig Pate as Odion Osprey-Heronshaw Emily Greymoore as Arianna Floridia “Flo” Osprey II Cleo Birch as Ferrin Whel IV Crew: Sabrina Ortiz, Producer Nick Plaisance, Lorekeeper Renee Juneau, Chronicler Mason Allan, Game Design Consultant Sayer Roberts, Composer Callahan Bevilacqua, Dialogue Editor Colin Epstein, Writer System: Tales of the Valiant by Kobold Press Follow us on Bluesky @uepodca.st

It’s a promise for the few. You gotta survive it first. A bomb has gone off, destroying a tunnel and dragging out our heroes journey into the lair by nearly a week. Will they survive the monsters, ghosts, and each other? Probably not.   !! Content Warnings !! 00:07:40 Explosions in a crowd, cave collapse 00:23:40 Profiteering in a crisis   == CREDITS == Cast: Patrick Perini, GM Caustic Phoenix as Cal Ironwater Cinderblocksally as Weevil Woebringer Craig Pate as Odion Osprey-Heronshaw Emily Greymoore as Arianna Floridia “Flo” Osprey II Cleo Birch as Ferrin Whel IV Crew: Sabrina Ortiz, Producer Nick Plaisance, Lorekeeper Renee Juneau, Chronicler Mason Allan, Game Design Consultant Sayer Roberts, Composer Callahan Bevilacqua, Dialogue Editor Colin Epstein, Writer System: Tales of the Valiant by Kobold Press Follow us on Bluesky @uepodca.st

And she hates Rip Durkin. The elemental they seek is a fates-damned Xorn, gape-mouthed and hungry for gold. Will Cal give hers up to save the party? Probably not. !! Content Warnings !! 00:48:40 Exploitative medical practices   == CREDITS == Cast: Patrick Perini, GM Caustic Phoenix as Cal Ironwater Cinderblocksally as Weevil Woebringer Craig Pate as Odion Osprey-Heronshaw Emily Greymoore as Arianna Floridia “Flo” Osprey II Cleo Birch as Ferrin Whel IV Crew: Sabrina Ortiz, Producer Nick Plaisance, Lorekeeper Renee Juneau, Chronicler Mason Allan, Game Design Consultant Sayer Roberts, Composer Callahan Bevilacqua, Dialogue Editor Colin Epstein, Writer System: Tales of the Valiant by Kobold Press Follow us on Bluesky @uepodca.st

All I wanted was for someone to care. The only people who ever did were paid to. Magic items. Level ups. New legend. Our heroes return triumphant from the lair and immediately prepare for the next leg of our adventure. Will they stay sober for the duration? Probably not.   !! Content Warnings !! 00:16:50 Peer pressure (drugs) 00:54:45 Memory loss (drugs) 00:58:45 Parental neglect mentioned 01:31:15 Depictions of self-harm 01:35:25 Loss of self-governance 01:42:00 Natural disaster aftermath   == CREDITS == Cast: Patrick Perini, GM Caustic Phoenix as Cal Ironwater Cinderblocksally as Weevil Woebringer Craig Pate as Odion Osprey-Heronshaw Emily Greymoore as Arianna Floridia “Flo” Osprey II Cleo Birch as Ferrin Whel IV Aram Vartian as The Dream Devil Crew: Sabrina Ortiz, Producer Nick Plaisance, Lorekeeper Renee Juneau, Chronicler Mason Allan, Game Design Consultant Sayer Roberts, Composer Callahan Bevilacqua, Dialogue Editor Colin Epstein, Writer System: Tales of the Valiant by Kobold Press Follow us on Bluesky @uepodca.st

I didn’t expect to many convoluted connections. I just thought we were gonna go adventuring. After a cataclysmic flood, our heroes have to reckon with what’s really important to them. Honor. Gold. Drugs. Will this adventure give them what they want? Probably not.   !! Content Warnings !! 00:33:55 Physical intimidation 00:40:55 Gaslighting. Physical abuse. Sexism 01:30:35 Deceptive/coercive contracts   == CREDITS == Cast: Patrick Perini, GM Caustic Phoenix as Cal Ironwater Cinderblocksally as Weevil Woebringer Craig Pate as Odion Osprey-Heronshaw Emily Greymoore as Arianna Floridia “Flo” Osprey II Cleo Birch as Ferrin Whel IV Crew: Sabrina Ortiz, Producer Nick Plaisance, Lorekeeper Renee Juneau, Chronicler Mason Allan, Game Design Consultant Sayer Roberts, Composer Callahan Bevilacqua, Dialogue Editor Colin Epstein, Writer System: Tales of the Valiant by Kobold Press Follow us on Bluesky @uepodca.st

You do that again and I will send you off into the abyss with that harpoon. Back into the lair, the party is waylaid by bulettes, perytons, and something even more sinister: incompetence. Will they win their race against The John Johnson? Probably not.   !! Content Warnings !! 00:57:10 Parental neglect 01:02:50 Abduction 01:16:00 Depictions of gore   == CREDITS == Cast: Patrick Perini, GM Caustic Phoenix as Cal Ironwater Cinderblocksally as Weevil Woebringer Craig Pate as Odion Osprey-Heronshaw Emily Greymoore as Arianna Floridia “Flo” Osprey II Cleo Birch as Ferrin Whel IV Crew: Sabrina Ortiz, Producer Nick Plaisance, Lorekeeper Renee Juneau, Chronicler Mason Allan, Game Design Consultant Sayer Roberts, Composer Callahan Bevilacqua, Dialogue Editor Colin Epstein, Writer System: Tales of the Valiant by Kobold Press Follow us on Bluesky @uepodca.st

"You don't have a millstone, boy. You run a mill." What do you get when you take a remote logging village and plague it with a string of bad luck until it hits rock bottom bottom? Rally. Join Isaac, Harisa, June, and Guard as they bumble their way through waning trees, doubling demands, and, finally, a broken millstone. Oh, and the damn boar got out again. It seems something has spooked them. Can our heroes mend the pieces of their fractured community and find out what's behind all of these misfortunes? Probably not.   == CREDITS == Soundtrack “Stronger Rallied” by Sayer Roberts “Hustle and Bustle” by Sayer Roberts “Grand Buffon” by Benjamin Rice, Epidemic Sound “Hocus Bogus” by T. Mori, Epidemic Sound “Be My Shelter” by Headlund, Epidemic Sound “Rally at Dusk” by Sayer Roberts “The Wind is Changing” by Howard Harper-Barnes, Epidemic Sound "High Scepter” by Sayer Roberts “June's Magic Surge”, Patrick Perini and Samantha Oliver “Toy Army March” by Martin Klem, Epidemic Sound “Secret Garden” from Tabletop Audio “Speed Fight Ozo” by Hampus Naeselius, Epidemic Sound Support TW Clawson, beta listener Tyler J. Henderson, beta listener Le_Top_Hat, beta listener

"Only animals that are playing fight with rules. It will be fun to play with you." The Minehead boys have come to Rally to gamble a new millstone. Their champion, Big Paul, will wrestle Guard. And in all likelihood, win. Will Harisa's plan to get Big Paul blind drunk give Guard the edge — or backfire horribly? And what of the mysterious sandal prints? Is anyone still worried about those? Probably not.   == CREDITS == Soundtrack “Stronger Rallied” by Sayer Roberts “The Wind is Changing” by Howard Harper-Barnes, Epidemic Sound “Rally at Work” by Sayer Roberts “Toy Army March” by Martin Klem, Epidemic Sound “Hide and Sneak” by The Fly Guy Five, Epidemic Sound “By My Shelter” by Headlund “Keep it Under Wraps” by Mac Taboel, Epidemic Sound "Entering Kathmandu” by Sight of Wonders, Epidemic Sound “Speed Fight Ozo”, Hampus Naeselius, Epidemic Sound “Flame Killer” by Martin Klem, Epidemic Sound Support Tyler J. Henderson, beta listener

I’m gonna be an adventurer. I’m gonna be an adventurer. I’m gonna be an adventurer. The Angels are back. They want… something and they mean to take it. When death comes knocking at their door, will our heroes be ready to answer? Probably not.   !! Content Warnings !! 00:09:05 Home invasion 00:22:50 Claustrophobia 01:13:25 Falling from heights 01:25:55 Death by falling   == CREDITS == Cast: Patrick Perini, GM Caustic Phoenix as Cal Ironwater Cinderblocksally as Weevil Woebringer Craig Pate as Odion Osprey-Heronshaw Emily Greymoore as Arianna Floridia “Flo” Osprey II Cleo Birch as Ferrin Whel IV Crew: Sabrina Ortiz, Producer Nick Plaisance, Lorekeeper Renee Juneau, Chronicler Mason Allan, Game Design Consultant Sayer Roberts, Composer Callahan Bevilacqua, Dialogue Editor Colin Epstein, Writer System: Tales of the Valiant by Kobold Press Follow us on Bluesky @uepodca.st

"Guard, stand down!" All hell has broken loose in Rally — the boar are running amuck, the Minehead boys want revenge, and June has spotted the sandal man. When the dust settles, will Isaac be able to keep his people together and get Sherwood to build him a new millstone? Probably not.   == CREDITS == Soundtrack “Stronger Rallied” by Sayer Roberts “The Bayou” by Tigerblood Jewel, Epidemic Sound “Speed Fight Ozo” by Hampus Naeselius, Epidemic Sound “Prepare for Take-Off” by Phoenix Trail, Epidemic Sound “Enter Sandalman” by Sayer Roberts “Governor of the North” by Jo Wandini, Epidemic Sound “To Ashes” by Jon Sumner, Epidemic Sound "Race to the Finish Line” by Experia, Epidemic Sound “Pegasus Returns”, Max Anson, Epidemic Sound “Trade and Fortune” by Mary Riddle, Epidemic Sound “The Wind is Changing” by Howard Harper-Barnes, Epidemic Sound “High Scepter” by Sayer Roberts “Be My Shelter” by Headlund, Epidemic Sound “Nippon” by Yi Nantrio, Epidemic Sound Support Frank Romeo, beta listener

"Am I a gecko?" With the Minehead boys working on the millstone, our heroes venture into the woods in hopes of finding an elderwood copse they can actually harvest. But will they be ready to face the vicious creatures lurking in the trees, plotting their downfall at every turn? Probably not.   == CREDITS == Soundtrack “Stronger Rallied” by Sayer Roberts “Spider Juice” by Jon Sumner, Epidemic Sound “Secret Garden” from Tabletop Audio “Rally at Dusk” by Sayer Roberts “Silent Forest” by Kikoru, Epidemic Sound “Hiding in Shadows” by Luella Green, Epidemic Sound “Smokey” by Edward Karl Hanson, Epidemic Sound "Desert Footsteps” by Sight of Wonders, Epidemic Sound “Alone in the Forest”, by Kikoru, Epidemic Sound “Be My Shelter” by Headlund, Epidemic Sound “Hide and Sneak” by The Fly Guy Five, Epidemic Sound

"You and me. Let's have a conversation. Stop this, right now." After a fitful and potentially-prophetic night, our heroes finally arrive at their first elderwood grove in months. But someone is watching from the treetops. Red robes, wooden sandals. And a boarish attitude. Will our heroes hear him out? Will they even survive? Probably not.   == CREDITS == Soundtrack “Stronger Rallied” by Sayer Roberts “Something's Afoot” by Experia, Epidemic Sound “Rally at Dusk” by Sayer Roberts “The Collector” by Farrell Wooten, Epidemic Sound “Forest Flute” by Leimoti, Epidemic Sound “The Proving Grounds” by Dragon Tamer, Epidemic Sound “Desert Wind” by Jon Algar, Epidemic Sound "Fast Driver” by Andreas Dahlback, Epidemic Sound “Be My Shelter”, by Headlund, Epidemic Sound “High Scepter” by Sayer Roberts “Nippon” by Yi Nantiro, Epidemic Sound “First Call Horns” by Francis Wells, Epidemic Sound “Woodcutter's Dream” by Patrick Perini and Cinderblocksally “Flickering Touch” by Christian Anderson, Epidemic Sound “Enter Sandalman” by Sayer Roberts “Shapes of the Wind” by Deskant, Epidemic Sound “Governor of the North” by Jo Wandrini, Epidemic Sound “Involuntary Twitch” by Jon Sumner, Epidemic Sound “Power Up” by Phoenix Tail, Epidemic Sound

"The geckos are the smallest gods of the forest, June." Isaac, Guard, Harisa, and June — each life entwined with the forest in a unique way. But with the Empressar's scepter dangling overhead, will they take up the mantle of the Western Weald's defense? Probably not.   == CREDITS == Soundtrack “Stronger Rallied” by Sayer Roberts “Blood Drums” by Skyra, Epidemic Sound “Forest Flute” by Leimoti, Epidemic Sound “Dusty Delta Day” by Lennon Hutton, Epidemic Sound “Steel Factory” by Anthony Earls, Epidemic Sound “Back to Life” by Farrell Wooten, Epidemic Sound “Dark Woods” by Phoenix Tail, Epidemic Sound "The Small Things” by Leimoti, Epidemic Sound “Be My Shelter”, by Headlund, Epidemic Sound “The Kidnapping” by Farrell Wooten, Epidemic Sound “Enter Sandalman” by Sayer Roberts “Silent Forest” by Kikoru, Epidemic Sound “Question” by Million Eyes, Epidemic Sound “Protector of the Sky” by Jo Wandrini, Epidemic Sound “The Proving Grounds” by Dragon Tamer, Epidemic Sound “Terra Firma” by Dream Cave, Epidemic Sound “Fairy’s Fear” by Deskant, Epidemic Sound “Rally at Work” by Sayer Roberts “Hydrogenic” by Anthony Earls, Epidemic Sound “The Treasure Map” by Fabien Tell, Epidemic Sound “Nippon” by Yi Nantiro, Epidemic Sound

"Fuck me, Isaac! Declaring war on the Empressar?!" The elder gods loom on the horizon — apparently. But Rally has a living god of its own to first contend with: the Empressar, Holiest Amongst the Living. If they don't receive their allotment of elderwood resin, the elder gods of the Western Wealds might not get a chance to bring Rally down. But will Isaac be able to pull off his desperate plan to play Agravar and the Empressar off one another? Probably not.   == CREDITS == Soundtrack “Stronger Rallied” by Sayer Roberts “Rally at Dusk” by Sayer Roberts “Back on Roads” by Medite, Epidemic Sound “Forest Flute” by Leimoti, Epidemic Sound “Xingu Nights” from Tabletop Audio “Poisonous Rain” by Alec Slayne, Epidemic Sound “Shelter from the Storm” from Tabletop Audio "We’re Dreaming Now” by Joseph Beg, Epidemic Sound “Rally at Work” by Sayer Roberts “Overland with Oxen” from Tabletop Audio “Be My Shelter” by Headlund, Epidemic Sound “I Thought So” by Kikoru, Epidemic Sound “In All Honesty” by Skyra, Epidemic Sound “An Animal Conspiracy” by Arylide Fields, Epidemic Sound “Nippon” by Yi Nantiro, Epidemic Sound “Governor of the North” by Jo Wandrini, Epidemic Sound