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Been There Got Out Podcast

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Rating
★★★★★
4.5
from
25 reviews
This podcast has
334 episodes
Language
English
Publisher
Chris & Lisa
Explicit
No
Date created
2022/08/09
Latest episode
2026/02/06
Average duration
37 min.
Release period
5 days

Description

Chris and Lisa of BeenThereGotOut.com both survived toxic marriages with narcissistic partners and the legal and co-parenting nightmares that go hand-in-hand with all of that.If you are struggling in a high-conflict relationship, divorce, custody battle, or co-parenting hell which requires PERSONALIZED attention, let us HOLD YOUR HAND along the way, while providing EXPERT, STRATEGIC guidance based on one's years of success (representing myself in court!), coupled with the other's High Conflict Divorce Coach certification.Our podcast features interviews with lawyers, therapists, co-parenting coordinators, guardians ad litem, and other subject matter experts, as well as other content, all with one goal in mind: Let us teach you how to HELP YOURSELF!

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Check latest episodes from Been There Got Out Podcast podcast


What Custody Evaluators Actually Look For (From an Attorney Who Does Them)
2026/02/06
🎯 "What does a custody evaluator actually look for?" If you're terrified of your upcoming custody evaluation, attorney Tracy Galloway has the answer—and it might not be what you think. Tracy has been a Massachusetts child custody and divorce attorney for over 30 years. She started at the Department of Children and Families working child welfare and abuse/neglect cases before transitioning to private practice in 1998. And here's what makes her perspective unique: Tracy does custody evaluations herself. "I need to see that the person in front of me is being proportionate about their experience, but also able to hold in their mind at the same time that a judge needs facts and what's going to be best for a child," Tracy explains. "That's a lot of plates to hold at the same time." This conversation demystifies the custody evaluation process, explains the different types of GALs and what they're actually looking for, and provides practical strategies for presenting yourself credibly—even when discussing domestic violence. What You'll Learn: ✅ What custody evaluations are and when they're ordered ✅ Category E GALs (clinicians) vs. Category F GALs (attorneys)—and why the difference matters ✅ Does it matter who pays the GAL? (No—and here's why) ✅ Substituted judgment GALs: When child's therapy privilege is at issue ✅ How to talk about domestic violence: "It's not the what, it's the how" ✅ What "proportionate communication" means to evaluators ✅ Why credibility matters more than having all the answers ✅ Does confirmation bias exist? (Should you meet the GAL first?) ✅ What evaluators want to see: openness, cooperation, child-focus ✅ The two things to do TODAY if evaluation is coming ✅ How to prepare: Brief, informative, factual email ✅ Why anger management and exercise are critical ✅ "You met that person, you made a baby with that person—this is what you have to work with" ✅ Tracy's passionate, direct approach to helping clients take responsibility About Tracy Galloway: Attorney Tracy Galloway has been practicing Massachusetts child custody and divorce law for over 30 years. Her roots are in litigation for the Department of Children and Families, handling child welfare, abuse, and neglect cases. Since transitioning to private practice in 1998, she's honed her focus specifically to divorce—"Because it's a very, it's its own model and it ends up with the happy result at the end of a divorce." Tracy also conducts custody evaluations herself, giving her unique dual perspective as both advocate and evaluator. She's the founder of Divorce Bootcamp, an online coaching business born from frustration that there isn't more accessible information available in multiple formats (video, not just text) for people navigating divorce. She offers free and low-cost resources, coaching, and "fresh talk" to anyone who needs it—literally giving her cell phone number and offering 5 free minutes to anyone who texts. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction: Demystifying custody evaluations 02:10 - What is a custody evaluation and when is it ordered? 03:58 - Category E (clinician) vs. Category F (attorney) GALs 05:47 - Tracy's background: DCF to private practice to Divorce Bootcamp 07:06 - How to talk about domestic violence to evaluators 07:58 - Proportionate communication: Holding multiple plates at once 09:45 - Credibility is everything: They need to believe you 12:30 - Does it matter who pays the GAL? (Bias concerns) 15:20 - Substituted judgment: Child therapy privilege evaluation 18:40 - Does confirmation bias exist in custody evaluations? 21:15 - What evaluators look for: Openness, cooperation, child-focus 24:50 - Documentation: When and how to provide materials 28:35 - Preparing for home visits and child observations 32:20 - The importance of routine and sta
Why You Should Try Mediation with a Narcissist (Even When Everyone Says Don't)
2026/01/27
🎯 "Mediation? With a NARCISSIST? Are you crazy?" If that's your reaction, you're not alone. Most people in high-conflict divorce assume mediation is pointless when dealing with someone who has a personality disorder or active addiction. But according to Liz Merrill—who spent 20 years married to a narcissist scientist before becoming a divorce mediator herself—it's worth trying. And here's why: "A surprisingly high percentage of people who come with high conflict divorces get through the mediation process successfully without having to resort to litigation," Liz explains. "Because by the time they start mediating and working through and understanding what their options are, they kind of realize that they're not likely to get a better resolution by litigating." Even if mediation doesn't result in settlement, you gain something invaluable: information. "Keep your mouth shut and listen to what they're having to say and encourage them to talk," Liz advises for that crucial first session. "You will learn a lot about what's important to them, what they are thinking about, what their strategy might be. And that's all information that you can use in the future, even if you're not using it right now. And that's worth a lot." This conversation reveals why mediation is always worth trying, how to prepare strategically, what you can realistically expect, and why sometimes the "difficult" partner actually comes to mediation thinking they're smarter than everyone else—which creates an opportunity. What You'll Learn: ✅ Why high-conflict parties often come to mediation (thinking they can "bamboozle") ✅ The role of a CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst) in keeping things factual ✅ How facts, law, and math create a limited range of outcomes regardless of process ✅ Why it's "absolutely always worth trying" mediation (even if only costs a few thousand) ✅ The first session strategy: Keep your mouth shut and gather information ✅ What you can't mediate (hint: anything that happened in the past) ✅ How to prepare for mediation: agenda, goals, realistic expectations ✅ Why you shouldn't tell your mediator your "whole sad story" ✅ Strategic approach: Easy wins first to build goodwill vs. tackle hard stuff ✅ How to use what you learned in session one to inform session two ✅ Avoiding "barstool counsel" (Facebook groups, well-meaning friends) ✅ Second Saturday workshops: Free divorce education for women ✅ Why emotions are "on fire" and how professionals help manage them ✅ When Liz's daughters asked "Mom, can we get divorced?" About Liz Merrill: Liz Merrill, known as "the divorce whisperer," is a Colorado-based divorce mediator who spent 20 years in a marriage with a narcissist—a very successful research scientist considerably older than her. They had three daughters together and moved all over the world. "I thought I had to stay in this situation for my children and for my own safety and for my financial safety," Liz shares. When her daughters (all around mid-teens at the time) came to her and asked, "Mom, are we—can we get divorced? Why are we?" she realized she wasn't being brave by staying—she was scared. She filed that day. The divorce process was as horrible as she feared, requiring a loan to pay for it. She went from attorney to attorney trying to explain her situation, and "almost all of them were horrible to me. They were acting like I was the problem." This experience, combined with recognizing how badly the court system is set up for divorces (particularly for people in abusive marriages and domestic violence situations), caused her to shift careers midlife. She used her limited maintenance time to get mediation training and build her business. For seven years now, she's helped hundreds of couples navigate divorce, with her approach informed by lived experience of surviving high-conflict marriage.
Trauma Bonds Explained: Why You Keep Attracting Narcissists
2026/01/24
"I finally got out of that toxic relationship! I'm never doing that again!" Six months later: Same person, different body. If this pattern sounds familiar, you're not alone—and according to trauma therapist Sherry Gaba, it's not your fault. But it is something you need to understand if you ever want to break free. "Love addicts are in love with love," Sherry explains. "And when they don't have a relationship, it feels like they are in the ethers of emptiness. So they will often settle for less because they feel so empty." That emptiness isn't weakness. It's not being "too needy" or "not strong enough." It's an attachment wound—often formed before you could even speak—that created a nervous system wired to associate chaos with love and safety with boredom. The good news? Once you understand how trauma bonds form, how intermittent reinforcement hijacks your dopamine system, and why your body literally becomes addicted to emotional chaos, you can finally start rewiring your patterns. What Makes This Conversation Essential: 🎯 Names the exact cycle ("same person, different body") 🎯 Explains WHY safe feels boring (nervous system conditioning) 🎯 Reveals early attachment wounds most people don't know they have 🎯 Shows how toxic partners "hook you in" from the beginning 🎯 Unpacks intermittent reinforcement = slot machine addiction 🎯 Provides daily practices for recognizing worth beyond people-pleasing 🎯 Shares Sherry's personal recovery journey (love addict → trauma therapist) 🎯 Explains different types of addiction (love vs. codependency vs. romance) 🎯 Offers specific 12-step program recommendations Perfect For: - Anyone who keeps attracting the same toxic partner - People whose ex had addiction issues or personality disorders - Those recovering from narcissistic abuse - Anyone who feels empty without a romantic relationship - People who find "stable" partners boring - Those dealing with shame about their "bad picker" - Anyone ready to understand the neuroscience of their patterns - People who need permission to choose safety over excitement - Those seeking community support that actually heals About Sherry Gaba: Sherry Gaba is living proof that understanding your patterns can transform your life. A psychotherapist and love addiction specialist, Sherry describes herself as "a love addict in recovery"—someone who experienced the emptiness, the people-pleasing, the turning herself "into a pretzel" to please unavailable partners. Her attachment wound? Being premature and spending her first three months in an incubator without maternal contact. "I was in an incubator. I did not get that first three months of attachment with my mom. So I had a lot of separation anxiety, attachment wounds." This early rupture, combined with an emotionally unavailable mother, set up lifelong patterns of seeking external validation. After being married to an alcoholic, Sherry shifted from working with addicts to working with families of addicts—recognizing her own codependency. Her specialty now encompasses love addiction, codependency, toxic relationships, and narcissistic abuse, using deep trauma therapy to help people connect internally rather than seeking external sources. Al-Anon literally changed the geography of her life—she moved from California to Florida because of connections made in recovery. Author of "Love Smacked," Sherry offers a free trauma quiz to help people understand the childhood roots of their relationship patterns. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction: Breaking the cycle of toxic relationships 01:28 - The link between domestic violence and love addiction 03:10 - Sherry's background: From addiction work to toxic relationships 04:54 - The early attachment wound: Premature birth and incubator effects 06:55 - Why you're attracted to what you know (e
You're Not "Just Anxious." You're Validation Addicted (And Here's What to Do)
2026/01/20
🎯 "If I don't get validation from my partner (or - yikes - my ex), I can't function. I'm a mess unless I get that feedback, that positive reinforcement." That's validation addiction, and according to Ralph Brewer, founder of Help for Men and author of five books including "The Dead Bedroom Fix" and "Rebuild: The Complete Guide," it's an epidemic affecting far more people than you'd think. Most people assume this compulsive need for external validation is a "female thing"—the anxious, preoccupied partner always seeking reassurance. But Ralph works with thousands of men who fit this exact profile: codependent, anxiously attached, desperate for their partner's approval, and willing to tolerate almost anything as long as they get occasional positive reinforcement. This conversation reveals the attachment dynamics behind toxic relationships, why men stay way too long hoping things will change, and what happens when men finally do show vulnerability—only to be punished for it. What You'll Learn: ✅ What validation addiction actually is (and why it's different from just being "needy") ✅ Anxious vs. avoidant attachment: The relationship dance that creates misery ✅ Why most men seeking relationship help are codependent and anxiously attached ✅ The "toxic hopefulness" pattern: Why men keep saying "I'd take her back" ✅ How avoidant partners can appear almost narcissistic (but aren't quite) ✅ Why men don't seek help or open up about relationship problems ✅ The devastating pattern: Man shows vulnerability → Woman withdraws → Sex stops ✅ Sex as the "barometer" for relationship health (male perspective) ✅ What happens when a woman walks into a men's support group ✅ Why gender-specific support works when mixed groups don't ✅ The echo chamber problem: Getting validation instead of reality testing ✅ How the Brotherhood creates safe space for 1,400+ men About Ralph Brewer: Ralph Brewer is the founder of Help for Men and author of five books, including "The Dead Bedroom Fix" (which has sold hundreds of thousands of copies and brought roughly 80% of his membership) and "Rebuild: The Complete Guide." He runs a private membership community called the Brotherhood with over 1,400 men, offering discussion forums, live Zoom meetings, over 1,400 hours of audio content, coaching, courses, and in-person conferences. The organization just held its sixth annual conference and brings together men recovering from divorce, overcoming abusive relationships, and rebuilding their lives. Ralph has been creating content under the handle "Dad Starting Over" for over a decade, with some videos reaching millions of views. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction: Validation addiction isn't just a female thing 00:55 - Ralph's background: Help for Men, the Brotherhood, five books 02:58 - Defining validation addiction: Compulsive need for external approval 04:30 - Anxious vs. avoidant attachment styles in relationships 05:59 - Why men in our community seem more hopeful than women 07:48 - The "toxic hopefulness" pattern: "I'd take her back no matter what" 09:53 - Why men don't seek help or talk about relationship problems 11:40 - Society's message to men: You're weak if you can't handle her 13:55 - The shame of being controlled by someone "so much smaller than you" 16:22 - How abusive partners weaponize children to maintain control 18:54 - "Who you gonna go get, mister?" The emasculation tactic 19:52 - What happens when a woman walks into a men's group 21:18 - Sex as the barometer for relationship health (male perspective) 22:57 - The Dead Bedroom Fix: How Ralph's book built his community 23:16 - 70% buy lifetime membership: What that says about community value 24:00 - In-person conferences: Building real friendships beyond online support 25:00 - How to find Help for Men and the Brotherhood
When Your ADHD or Special Needs Child Is Weaponized Against You in Court
2026/01/16
🎯 **"90% of families with special needs children end up divorcing. And when they do, those children become incredibly vulnerable to gatekeeping behaviors that can lead to parental alienation."** Ashish Joshi—one of our most frequently cited experts and a leading attorney specializing in family violence, parental alienation, and neurodivergent family cases—returns to explain the critical intersection between special needs children and custody battles. If you have a child with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or other neurodivergent conditions, this conversation could change how you approach your custody case and protect your relationship with your child. **What You'll Learn:** ✅ Why special needs cases are exploding in family courts (and what's driving the increase) ✅ The 3 types of gatekeeping: Facilitative vs. Protective vs. Restrictive ✅ When "protecting" your special needs child crosses the line into alienation ✅ Implicit bias against neurodivergent parents in family court (and how to counter it) ✅ Why having ADHD or autism doesn't make you an unfit parent ✅ How your ex weaponizes your child's special needs against you ✅ The perfect storm: Over-involved parent + under-involved parent + autistic child ✅ Why family systems therapy is crucial for neurodivergent family cases ✅ What to do when therapy sessions keep getting canceled (consequences that actually work) ✅ Pre-alienation warning signs and early intervention strategies ✅ Why one judge managing your entire case makes all the difference ✅ The "Welcome Home Pluto" approach to psychoeducation for parents **About Ashish Joshi:** Ashish Joshi is an attorney whose practice focuses on cases involving family violence—including domestic violence, intimate partner violence, emotional abuse, coercive control, and parental alienation (which he describes as gatekeeping behaviors). His earlier background in criminal defense and family law led him into alienation work through issues of child suggestibility and forensic interviewing in child abuse cases. Over time, he's become a leading expert in cases involving neurodivergence—whether it's a parent on the autism spectrum, a child with severe ADHD, or other special needs situations. Ashish is frequently cited in our books and has become part of what we call the "dream team" of professionals who truly understand the most extreme divorce, separation, and custody situations. ⏱️ **TIMESTAMPS:** 00:00 - Introduction: The special needs + alienation connection 01:40 - Why 90% of special needs families divorce 04:43 - Ashish's niche: Family violence, alienation & neurodivergence 07:04 - Implicit bias: When courts assume neurodivergent parents are unfit 09:19 - The 3 types of gatekeeping (facilitative, protective, restrictive) 12:18 - Red flags of restrictive gatekeeping behavior 16:30 - The "perfect storm" in special needs custody cases 20:15 - Why family systems therapy is essential 24:50 - Enforcing therapy when the alienating parent won't comply 28:40 - Court orders without consequences = meaningless paper 33:34 - Creative solutions when teens refuse therapy 36:48 - Pre-alienation warning signs and early intervention 38:08 - The importance of psychoeducation (Welcome Home Pluto) **⚠️ This Interview Is Critical If:** - Your child has autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or other special needs - Your ex is saying "the child only responds well to me" - You've been accused of being unfit because of your own ADHD or neurodivergence - Your ex is weaponizing your child's special needs in court - You're the highly attuned parent worried about crossing into restrictive gatekeeping - Therapy sessions keep getting canceled with no consequences - You're seeing early warning signs of alienation but parents are still together - You have court orders that aren't being
The Long-Term Effects of Parental Alienation: An Adult Child's Perspective
2026/01/13
🎯 "Just pretend they are dead." That's what a psychiatrist told Steven Eichenblatt's biological father—advice he followed when he dropped seven-year-old Steven and his twin sister off one day and never came back. Steven is now an attorney with 37 years of experience, a guardian ad litem who represents children pro bono in custody cases, and the author of "Pretend They Are Dead"—a riveting memoir about what it's actually like to be the alienated child. This conversation offers a perspective rarely heard in discussions about parental alienation: what happens to that child decades later? What are the long-term effects? How do you survive and build a life after that kind of abandonment? What You'll Learn: ✅ What it's like when your father disappears and you come home to a stranger who's now your "new dad" ✅ The Brady Bunch from Hell: Being thrown into a blended family with zero preparation ✅ How compartmentalizing helps kids survive—and haunts adults later ✅ Why Steven describes his emotional state as "the feeling of no feeling" ✅ The journey to reuniting with his biological father (spoiler: there's no fairy tale ending) ✅ What Steven sees as a guardian ad litem that parents don't understand ✅ Why anger in custody disputes makes everything worse for your kids ✅ The critical importance of not bad-mouthing the other parent (from someone who lived it) ✅ How to present yourself to a GAL if one is appointed in your case ✅ Why therapy and exercise are non-negotiable for parents in high-conflict divorce About Steven Eichenblatt: Steven Eichenblatt is a personal injury attorney in Orlando, Florida with 37 years of legal experience. He represents children pro bono as a guardian ad litem in custody cases—work he's passionate about because of his own childhood experience with family disruption and parental abandonment. He's been married three times, is a father of five, and openly discusses how his childhood alienation affected his ability to form intimate emotional connections in his adult relationships. His book "Pretend They Are Dead" chronicles his experience being abandoned by his biological father, adopted by an abusive stepfather, and his later journey to reconnect with the father who left. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction: Adult alienated child + attorney + guardian ad litem 01:57 - "Pretend they are dead": The title's devastating origin 03:05 - Steven's background: 37 years as attorney, guardian ad litem work 03:26 - What happened: Father disappeared, new man moved in overnight 05:11 - The Brady Bunch from Hell: Seven kids, no counseling, punitive rules 07:25 - Major disruptions all at once: New father, siblings, name change, move 09:21 - Compartmentalizing to survive: "The feeling of no feeling" 12:15 - Difference in impact between Steven and his twin sister 15:40 - The journey to finding his biological father (no fairy tale) 18:22 - Learning his father's side of the story (complex, no villains) 21:35 - Long-term effects: Struggles with intimacy and emotional connection 24:10 - What he sees as a guardian ad litem 27:45 - How to present to a GAL: Don't be angry, be organized 30:18 - The critical mistake parents make: Bad-mouthing the other parent 33:50 - Why the "victim role" doesn't serve you or your kids 37:24 - Practical advice: Therapy, exercise, managing anger 40:21 - Where to find Steven and his book READ STEVEN'S BOOK: 📚 "Pretend They Are Dead" - Available on Amazon 🌐 Website: www.stevenscottiechenblatt.com 📧 Available for questions and lawyer referrals in Florida BEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES: 📚 Parental Alienation Course (Launching March 2026) 💬 Instagram: @been_there_got_out 🌐 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog #ParentalAlienation
Living Bereavement: Processing Grief When Your Child Turns Against You
2026/01/09
🎯 "Loss is loss. And we lose not only loved ones, but we lose a lot of different aspects in our life. Losing a child through disconnection... that is a really serious aspect of grief." Jock Brocas—spiritual medium, psychologist researcher, ex-military, and grief expert—explains the unique grief of alienated parents during what he calls the "Bermuda Triangle" of holidays (Thanksgiving through New Year). This conversation addresses the grief no one talks about: when your child is alive but you've lost them. When they've rejected you or been turned against you. When you're experiencing what Jock calls "living bereavement." What You'll Learn: ✅ Why grief isn't the five stages you learned (and what it actually is) ✅ The "golden thread" that runs through every type of loss ✅ Why disconnection—not death—is at the heart of all grief ✅ The first grief people don't recognize: disconnection from yourself ✅ Why holidays amplify grief for parents separated from children ✅ How anger serves a purpose (and what to do with it) ✅ The power of journaling—written, video, or audio ✅ Why gratitude needs to go deeper than surface level ✅ How to know yourself when you've lost your center ✅ Practical tools for processing grief without closure About Jock Brocas: Jock Brocas is a spiritual medium, psychologist researcher (finishing Masters in Transformational Psychology), founding chief editor of Paranormal Daily News, and author of multiple internationally published books. With backgrounds in military service and monastery training, Jock brings unique perspective to grief work—combining spiritual wisdom with psychological research. He's spent over 25 years helping people process all types of loss, from battlefield deaths to relationship disconnection to parental alienation. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction: Grief expert meets Been There Got Out 02:42 - What makes this grief different from death or divorce 04:48 - Jock's background: Medium, psychologist, military 09:01 - Why the "stages of grief" are wrong 15:30 - The Bermuda Triangle: Holidays and alienated parents 20:45 - Disconnection as the heart of all grief 27:15 - Anger's purpose and how to channel it 33:40 - Journaling as cathartic practice 38:20 - Video and audio journaling techniques 42:35 - The first grief: Disconnection from yourself 44:07 - Understanding gratitude beyond surface level 47:18 - Jock's upcoming grief course 48:40 - Final thoughts on transformation CONNECT WITH JOCK BROCAS: 🌐 Website: https://JockBrocas.com 📱 Instagram: @jockbrocas 📰 Paranormal Daily News (Founding Chief Editor) 📚 Multiple Published Books on Spirituality & Grief BEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES: 📚 Parental Alienation Course (March 2026): [Link] 💬 Instagram: @been_there_got_out 🌐 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog #Grief #ParentalAlienation #AmbiguousLoss #LivingBereavement #HolidayGrief #Disconnection #GriefTherapy #SpiritualMedium #ChildRejection #HolidaysWithoutKids
Can My Kids Be OK? A Divorce Therapist Who's Been There Explains
2026/01/07
🎯 "I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. It was all because of what I was doing—what we were doing—to my kids." If that sounds familiar, this conversation is for you. Jill Barnett Kaufman is a licensed therapist, divorce coach, certified mediator, and co-parenting expert who's been helping parents since the 90s. But she's also been exactly where you are—terrified that divorce would ruin her children's lives. Now, years later, with thriving adult children (including a middle child who recently told her she finally understands what a healthy relationship looks like), Jill shares what actually protects kids during high-conflict divorce—and why your fear that they'll be ruined is probably wrong. What You'll Learn: ✅ Signs your child is struggling vs. normal adjustment to divorce ✅ Why anxiety and depression in kids look different than you'd expect ✅ What regression actually means (it's not just bedwetting) ✅ Why your ex will treat your child differently than they treated you ✅ How to respond when your ex badmouths you to the kids ✅ The power children have that spouses don't (and why this matters) ✅ Parallel parenting vs. co-parenting: When to accept reality ✅ Communication strategies when every notification triggers your PTSD ✅ Why using ChatGPT for emails usually backfires (and what to do instead) ✅ The one truth that changed Jill's perspective: Staying in an unhealthy marriage teaches kids THAT is what relationships look like About Jill Barnett Kaufman: Jill is a licensed therapist, divorce coach, and certified mediator who's specialized in parenting and co-parenting since the 1990s. She runs a large Facebook community for people going through separation and divorce and offers group coaching, one-on-one support, an online course, and a book. Most importantly, she's lived it—she went through her own high-conflict divorce when her son was 12, experiencing the same terror about her children's futures that she now helps other parents navigate. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction: Will my kids be okay? 01:44 - Signs your child is struggling with divorce stress 03:10 - What regression looks like (beyond bedwetting) 04:47 - Anxiety and depression in children: What to watch for 06:16 - When temporary symptoms become concerning 08:39 - Why your ex will treat your child differently than you 09:52 - The power kids have that you didn't as a spouse 11:15 - How to respond when your ex badmouths you 13:40 - Teaching kids to set boundaries (without coaching them) 15:20 - The importance of listening more than talking 17:36 - Why parents shouldn't script kids' responses 19:00 - Parallel parenting vs. co-parenting reality 19:58 - Communication when every notification triggers PTSD 20:45 - Common communication mistakes (even with ChatGPT) 22:35 - The truth about staying "for the kids" 24:25 - Why kids feel responsible when you're struggling 25:27 - How to find Jill and her community CONNECT WITH JILL BARNETT KAUFMAN: 🌐 Website: https://DivorceCoachJill.com 📧 Email: [email protected] 👥 Facebook: Separation and Divorce Support Community 📚 Book, Online Course, and Group Coaching available BEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES: 📚 Strategic Communication Course: https://programs.beentheregotout.com/strategic-communication 💬 Instagram: @been_there_got_out 🌐 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog #KidsAndDivorce #HighConflictDivorce #ParallelParenting #DivorceCoach #HealthyParent #CoParenting #AnxiousKids #DivorceAdvice #ParentingAfterDivorce
Overwhelmed by Divorce Paperwork? A Life Coach's Strategies for Managing the Chaos
2025/12/30
🎯 If divorce paperwork makes you want to crawl under your desk and never come out, you're not alone—and you're not broken. Jorie Houlihan, a certified life coach specializing in ADHD (and diagnosed herself at age 49), explains why so many people in high-conflict divorce situations struggle with the organizational demands—and what actually helps. Even if you don't have an ADHD diagnosis, the strategies Jorie shares work for anyone dealing with overwhelm, decision fatigue, and the paralyzing stress of legal deadlines! What You'll Learn: ✅ Why ADHD diagnoses are surging (especially for women) and what it actually looks like ✅ The subtle signs of ADHD that get dismissed as "character flaws" ✅ Why divorce paperwork triggers paralysis and decision fatigue ✅ How to break overwhelming tasks into manageable chunks (the "3 questions at a time" method) ✅ Body doubling: The weird productivity hack that actually works ✅ Why analog tools (paper lists, physical timers) outperform digital for many people ✅ Time blindness and how to work with it (not against it) ✅ Celebrating small wins when you don't have a natural sense of accomplishment ✅ Why "I did my best" isn't always enough—and what to do instead About Jorie Houlihan: Jorie is a certified life coach who specializes in working with women diagnosed later in life with ADHD. After being diagnosed herself at age 49—30 years after first trying to talk to a doctor about it—Jorie now helps clients understand how their brains work, put guardrails around struggles, and recognize their strengths. She calls herself "your guide for the dopamine deprived" and hosts the podcast "ADHD and... with Jorie Houlihan." ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction: ADHD and the shame cycle 02:25 - Why ADHD diagnoses are increasing (it's not what you think) 04:49 - The three presentations of ADHD and subtle signs 07:19 - ADHD in divorce: Paralysis with paperwork and deadlines 10:38 - The "3 questions at a time" method for overwhelming tasks 13:25 - Externalizing thoughts: Why writing everything down matters 16:42 - Decision fatigue and simplifying choices 19:50 - Breaking tasks into tiny steps (and why that's not "cheating") 23:15 - The dopamine crisis and shame cycle 26:40 - Body doubling: The productivity hack that sounds weird but works 29:30 - Analog vs. digital: Why paper lists and physical clocks help 33:12 - Celebrating wins when accomplishment doesn't come naturally 35:31 - ADHD strengths: Creativity, pattern recognition, empathy 37:57 - How to find Jorie Houlihan CONNECT WITH JORIE HOULIHAN: 🌐 Website: https://joriehoulihan.com 📱 Instagram: @joriehoulihan 💼 LinkedIn: Jorie Houlihan 🎙️ Podcast: "ADHD and... with Jorie Houlihan" (available everywhere) BEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES: 📚 Strategic Communication Course: https://programs.beentheregotout.com/strategic-communication 💬 Instagram: @been_there_got_out 🌐 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog
Art Activities for Kids in High-Conflict Divorce: Processing Without Pressure to Talk
2025/12/26
🎯 If your child is drowning in anxiety from family stress and you're tired of adding more therapy appointments, this conversation will open new possibilities.   Brian Barry, Program Manager at Clay Art Center in Port Chester, NY, explains why anxious kids don't need fancy tools or expensive art supplies—they just need curiosity, enthusiasm, and a chance to get their hands messy.   Lisa visits the Clay Art Center to explore how creative activities help children process stress without the pressure to talk about their feelings—perfect for kids dealing with divorce, custody transitions, or family conflict.   What You'll Learn:   ✅ Why anxious kids benefit from creative outlets (not more talk therapy) ✅ How clay's messy nature forces kids off their phones and into the present ✅ The misconception that art requires talent or expensive supplies ✅ Why "working with your hands" helps process emotions kids can't verbalize ✅ How failure in ceramics teaches resilience (things explode, break, or don't turn out—and that's okay) ✅ The importance of NOT forcing kids to talk about feelings during creative activities ✅ How digging wild clay teaches science, math, and perseverance ✅ Why parents should work alongside their kids (without pressuring performance) ✅ Alternatives if you don't have a local art center (air-dried clay, local schools, community programs) About Brian Barry: Brian Barry is the Program Manager at Clay Art Center in Port Chester, NY, where he coordinates community arts programs for children and adults. Before joining Clay Art Center, Brian worked at an educational nonprofit providing free tutoring for students in grades 2-12. Despite having zero ceramics experience when he started, Brian has learned firsthand how accessible and transformative working with clay can be—no prior experience or fancy tools required.   ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction: Art activities for anxious children 00:27 - Brian introduces himself and Clay Art Center 02:06 - Misconceptions about art and who it's "for" 04:07 - You don't need experience, skills, or expensive supplies 04:58 - Digging wild clay: Kids learn from start to finish 06:09 - The science behind clay (testing, absorption rates, shrinkage) 07:38 - Math, science, and art working together 09:15 - How clay helps anxious kids process emotions 10:30 - Technology addiction and why clay forces presence 11:53 - Learning resilience through failure (things explode and break) 13:16 - Student transformation stories: Confidence and growth 14:52 - Getting kids out of virtual worlds and into creative spaces 16:46 - The importance of joy (not performance or pressure) 18:03 - Why forcing kids to talk about feelings can backfire 19:00 - Alternatives if you don't have a local art center CLAY ART CENTER: 📍 Port Chester, NY 🌐 Website: [Clay Art Center website] 📱 Instagram: [Clay Art Center Instagram] BEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES: 📚 Strategic Communication Course: https://programs.beentheregotout.com/strategic-communication 💬 Instagram: @been_there_got_out 🌐 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog
Reversing Parental Alienation When Your Kids Are Adults
2025/12/23
🎯 If your adult child has cut contact and you think it's too late, this interview will change everything.Ginger Gentile, director of the documentary "Erasing Family" (free on YouTube), has helped reunite 180 families—including cases where parents had NO contact with adult children for up to 12 years. No email access, no phone number, didn't even know where their kid lived.And here's the surprising part: in the most successful reunifications, the child initiates the reconnection, not the parent. What You'll Learn: ✅ Why your first step ISN'T reaching out to your child (and what to do instead) ✅ How to release trauma responses that push adult children further away ✅ The social media strategy that works (your kids ARE watching, even with fake accounts) ✅ Why "I did my best" isn't the response adult children need to hear ✅ How to become a "magnet" that draws your child back ✅ The difference between fighting in court vs. strategic preparation ✅ Why celebrating small victories (like a viewed text) matters more than the "big win" ✅ Real success stories: From 12 years of silence to reconnection About Ginger Gentile: Ginger is the director and producer of "Erasing Family," a documentary told from the child's perspective about how divorce impacts kids. As someone who experienced parental alienation herself as a child, she brings both personal and professional insight to healing families. After the documentary's release, parents began asking for help reuniting with their children, leading Ginger to create a coaching program that has helped 180 families reconnect—including adult children who had been estranged for years. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction: Reuniting families when kids are over 18 02:26 - The first strategic step (it's NOT reaching out) 04:20 - Ginger introduces herself and the Erasing Family documentary 06:24 - Why you need to become a "magnet" that draws your child back 06:58 - The third way: Not fighting, not waiting, but actively preparing 08:36 - Dealing with the "us vs. them" narrative without becoming defensive 09:35 - When Ginger used the words "you abandoned us" about her own dad 12:45 - The difference between "I did my best" and what kids need to hear 15:20 - Why adult children feel entitled to space and how to respect boundaries 18:40 - How kids spy on parents using fake social media accounts 21:15 - The social media strategy alienated parents are missing 24:30 - Small steps and victories: Viewed texts, brief interactions 27:50 - Why you can't control the outcome but you can control your response 30:45 - The power of releasing trauma responses and staying calm 33:20 - Learned helplessness vs. taking strategic action 37:16 - Leaning into the grief: "It's my funeral and my kids didn't show up" 38:22 - The importance of validation rather than toxic positivity 40:25 - Progress over perfection: Tracking small wins 42:17 - How to find Ginger and her team 42:50 - The importance of community and accountability WATCH THE ERASING FAMILY DOCUMENTARY (FREE): https://www.youtube.com/erasingfamily CONNECT WITH GINGER GENTILE: 🌐 Website: https://reversingparentalalienation.com 📱 Instagram: @erasingfamily 🎬 YouTube: @erasingfamily BEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES: 📚 Strategic Communication Course: https://programs.beentheregotout.com/strategic-communication 💬 Instagram: @been_there_got_out 🌐 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog
Demystifying Family Court with Insight & Humor
2025/12/19
Danny Karon, fondly known as "your lovable lawyer," offers a fresh perspective on the legal system by championing accessibility and empowerment. In this enlightening conversation, Danny shares his journey and mission to demystify legal complexities and reduce the prohibitive costs associated with legal services. With insights from his book "Your Lovable Lawyer's Guide to Legal Wellness," he equips listeners with practical tools to navigate legal challenges independently. We also tackle the evolving role of AI in law, highlighting both its potential and pitfalls, as Danny shares his cautious outlook on its current capabilities. Shifting gears to the courtroom, we explore the unique hurdles faced by women attorneys and the importance of gender equality in the legal profession. Dispelling Hollywood myths, we shine a light on the nitty-gritty of courtroom dynamics. From understanding court rules to the pivotal role of courtroom demeanor, our discussion is packed with real-world tips for those considering self-representation. Danny's anecdotes serve as a powerful reminder that, often, success in court is as much about presentation as it is about the facts. Finally, we delve into the concept of legal wellness, stressing the importance of understanding legal rights to avoid costly missteps. Through high-profile case studies like Amber Heard versus Johnny Depp, we underscore the value of legal literacy. Danny's passion for spreading hope through education is contagious, as he channels his efforts into building a brand that resonates with college students and the general public alike. His aim is simple yet profound: to make the law approachable through humor and clarity, empowering everyone to protect their interests effectively.
Guiding Kids Through Through the Turmoil of High-Conflict Divorce
2025/12/16
What if the child who seems to have it all together is actually struggling the most? Join us as we sit down with Colorado therapist Stacy Schaffer, who offers her expertise on the hidden emotional battles children face during parental conflict and divorce. We examine the façade of the "shiny kid," outwardly thriving yet internally wrestling with feelings of guilt and responsibility. Stacy shares strategies to empower these young ones by focusing on their ability to control their emotions and reactions, providing them with a much-needed sense of agency and resilience. We also explore the creation of "comfort kits," a resourceful way to help children engage their five senses to navigate challenging situations. Discover how to fill these kits with comforting sensory items, such as personalized notes and soothing scents, to offer solace and connection wherever they are. Additionally, we discuss the potential future of counseling services beyond Colorado and Texas, as changes in professional licensing could soon make mental health support more accessible. Tune in for practical strategies and insights that promise to support children in managing their emotions and to stay informed on the evolving landscape of mental health services.
Navigating Trust and Betrayal in Military Marriages
2025/12/12
Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky, a distinguished psychologist and marriage and family therapist, returns to share her invaluable insights on one of the most challenging issues faced by military couples: infidelity. With infidelity rates climbing by 22% during deployments, Dr. Polinsky unveils the seven distinct types of affairs that can arise, offering a clearer understanding of the underlying motivations. The conversation delves into the immense stress and separation distress that deployments can impose, often leading to emotional disconnection and conflict that may drive individuals to seek solace elsewhere. Her expertise helps listeners navigate the murky waters of self-blame and relationship challenges. As technology bridges the distance between separated partners, it also introduces new dynamics that can inadvertently fuel infidelity. Our discussion touches on how tools like Wi-Fi on military ships enable frequent communication but also open doors for missteps. Dr. Polinsky categorizes affairs into three main types—protest or revenge, "come and get me," and burnout exit—each with its unique emotional drivers. With her guidance, we unravel the complex emotions at play and the potential pitfalls for long-distance and military relationships, offering a roadmap to understanding and addressing these issues. In our final segment, we tackle the intricate psychological factors that often underpin affairs, especially in those with trauma histories or in hyper-masculine professions. We explore the role of compulsive sexual behavior as an escape from emotional pain, drawing connections to childhood experiences that stunt emotional growth. Dr. Polinsky underscores the importance of understanding and patience, highlighting the potential for healing and growth despite the challenges. Through her insights, we aim to inspire hope and foster long-term commitment to change, providing a beacon of hope for those navigating the complexities of infidelity.
The Transformative Power of Confidence in Relationships
2025/12/09
Comedian and relationship coach Paul Roseberry joins us for a candid chat about the transformative power of confidence in relationships. Discover the "security method," a fresh perspective on understanding personal worth and the courage to walk away from toxic dynamics. Through Paul's blend of humor and wisdom, we address the all-too-common fear that keeps people stuck in need-based relationships and unlock the potential of interest-based connections. Journey with us as we reflect on the profound impact of past relationships on our self-esteem and the art of building a solid foundation before diving into partnerships. With sharp insights and personal anecdotes, we critique the romanticized notions perpetuated by pop culture, encouraging listeners to create intentional relationship goals. This episode is your guide to forming authentic partnerships rooted in mutual respect, with a focus on building self-awareness and a strategic plan for personal growth. Drawing from his personal experiences and challenges, Paul shares stories of resilience, from overcoming poverty and stuttering to thriving as a vegetarian in the 80s. This is a narrative of perseverance, urging listeners to learn from past mistakes and minimize negative thought patterns. In an episode that balances life's struggles with its joys, we leave you with a sense of gratitude, a commitment to personal growth, and a reminder that even amidst technical hiccups, the journey to self-discovery is a rewarding one.

Podcast reviews

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4.5 out of 5
25 reviews
★★★★☆
Ka88xosjeu 2024/03/15
Great content, wish it had had better editing
I love the content in this podcast, it is very relevant to me and my situation, and I am a newer follower. My only suggestion would be to edit the pod...
★★★☆☆
must have for new moms 2025/08/09
Generally good
I was so infuriated by episode 286 I almost didn’t get through it. No wonder Lisa stepped away. “Women kill the men they’ve attracted, metaphorically”...
★★★★★
Jeanine Mouchawar 2025/07/03
Great tips on how to co-parent with a toxic ex
Love the support Lisa and Chris’ podcast provides!!! So helpful!
★★★★★
MindOverMatters 2025/07/02
Great Interviewer!!
Thank you, Lisa, for all you do and how well you clearly do it - not only with your clients but as an interviewer too. It was truly my pleasure to con...
★★★☆☆
AnonymousButIntrigued 2025/05/20
5 star and 1 star episodes
Avid fan and longtime listener. High conflict is high conflict. If you have never experienced it, I could take a lifetime and you would never underst...
★★★★★
vms133 2023/09/03
One of the best podcasts for custody case support
Each episode is chock full of great content with no fluff. Lisa and Chris have made excellent connections that are necessary in our cases. Chris/Lisa...
★☆☆☆☆
75023tx 2023/08/08
Please vet your guests
Disturbing how you didn’t do a simple Google search to vet one of your attorney “experts” . Had you done this, you would have detected a con, an undi...
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