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What do you do when someone’s words say one thing, but their actions tell a different story? In this episode, I’m answering four Dating Dilemmas about confusing behavior, mixed signals, and figuring out whether a connection is actually right for you. We’re talking about someone who keeps dating you but won't define the relationship, someone who says they’re ready to date but isn’t available, a long-distance connection that goes nowhere, and a relationship that starts intensely and then ends abruptly. The common thread? Instead of trying to figure out exactly how someone feels about you, pay attention to how their behavior makes you feel and whether the relationship they’re offering is one you actually want. Submit a dating dilemma: https://forms.gle/qNimkXbWPwM4euW47 In this episode: How to ask for clarity when someone avoids commitmentWhat to do when someone isn’t ready to dateHow to navigate a confusing long-distance connectionWhy intense beginnings don’t guarantee lasting interestHow to recognize unhealthy communication patternsWhy you don’t have to match someone else’s paceHow to move on without waiting for an apologyWhen to stop playing detective and trust what you seeMENTIONED: Episode 306 on pacing mismatch MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me Submit a dating dilemma See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if building a lasting relationship has less to do with falling in love and more to do with knowing yourself, choosing the right person, and learning how to love someone who is different from you? In this episode, I’m talking with relationship expert Kristy Scher about why we can’t rely on chemistry and the excitement of falling in love alone to build a lasting relationship, and how developing self-awareness and taking responsibility for our own behavior can change the way we show up in relationships. Kristy breaks down the difference between falling in love and mature love, why disillusionment is a necessary part of building intimacy, and how learning to tolerate discomfort and embrace our differences can help us create deeper, more connected relationships. We’re getting into how to... Find the right fit instead of getting swept up in the intensity of falling in loveUnderstand the three essentials of a lasting partnership: love, lust, and likeMove through disillusionment and build mature loveStay true to yourself while making room for your partner to be differentRecognize how social media shapes our views of relationships and genderUnderstand how childhood experiences and personal wounds affect our relationshipsTake responsibility for your own behavior instead of focusing only on your partner’s flawsAppreciate your partner’s efforts while giving grace without dropping your standardsGet comfortable with silence and stop feeling responsible for carrying every conversationStop imagining a future with someone before you know them and learn to tolerate uncertainty in dating Plus, Kristy and I answer a dating dilemma from a 26-year-old man who wants a serious relationship but finds himself imagining a future with women before he even knows them. We talk about why the desire for connection can make us rush ahead, how to get curious about our own unmet needs, and why taking the time to discover whether someone is actually right for you matters more than simply finding someone who’s available. MENTIONED Kristy’s year-long program: The Way of the Adored Woman™ Kristy’s Instagram MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me Submit a dating dilemma See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Have you ever gone on what felt like a really good date, only to get the dreaded “I had a great time, but I didn’t feel a romantic connection” text afterward? In this episode, I’m breaking down what actually creates romantic connection in early dating and 10 ways to make it easier for that connection to develop without forcing chemistry, performing, or trying to convince someone to like you. I’m getting into... What a romantic connection actually feels like in the first few datesWhy a great conversation doesn’t always translate into romantic chemistryWhy first dates can feel more like performances than real connectionThe interview, audition, and evaluation date traps that keep dates feeling platonicWhy playing it cool and waiting for the other person to make every move can kill momentumHow compliments, vulnerability, and follow-up questions create more connectionWhy showing more of your personality makes you more attractive to the right peopleThe role texting and between-date communication plays in building momentumWhy physical touch and flirting matter and how to do both without making things overly sexualHow being honest about your interest can make dating feel less confusingWhy talking about your goals and dreams can create surprising intimacyHow to give someone more access to the real you without oversharingWhy your job isn’t to make someone like you, but to make it possible for them to actually get to know youPlus, I answer a Dating Dilemma from a listener wondering how to embrace a slow burn when the person she’s dating is still seeing other people, including how to think about exclusivity, sex, and boundaries in early dating. MENTIONED IN THIS EP Ep 211 on flirting w/ Francesca Hogi THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me Submit a dating dilemma See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if getting divorced wasn’t the end of your love story, but a chance to rebuild your life and learn to date in a completely different way? In this episode, I’m talking with dating-after-divorce creator Alex Daly about dating after divorce, rebuilding your life from scratch, and how approaching dating with curiosity and an experimental mindset can help you figure out what you actually want. Alex shares her experience of getting divorced in her late 30s, moving to a new city, and re-entering the dating world after a long break. We’re talking about her Hoe era, why dating doesn’t have to be so serious, and how letting go of the pressure to find a relationship can actually create space for a connection to develop naturally. We’re getting into how to... Rebuild your life and approach dating after divorceUse dating as an opportunity to explore what you actually wantHave a "Hoe era" without shame, guilt, or putting pressure on yourself to find a relationshipDate safely and have conversations about sexual healthHandle ghosting and other disappointing parts of dating without taking them personallyLet go of arbitrary dating rules and take an experimental approach insteadKnow when it’s time to try dating outside of your usual “type”Transition from enjoying your single life into a relationship without rushing itHave check-in conversations with a new partner without turning them into pressure-filled “what are we?” conversationsLook at your own patterns and take responsibility for how you show up in relationshipsTalk about divorce in early dating without oversharing or bad-mouthing your exBuild a relationship differently after learning from what didn’t work in the pastTrust that it’s never too late to start over, date, explore, or find lovePlus, Alex and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who has spent years repeating a cycle with her ex-husband and continues to find herself attracted to men who don’t choose her. THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me Submit a dating dilemma See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How fast should a relationship actually move? In this episode, I’m breaking down one of the trickiest parts of early dating: what to do when you and the person you’re dating aren’t moving at the same pace. We’ll talk about why pacing mismatches are so normal, how to tell when a relationship is simply moving slowly versus going nowhere, and how to navigate it when one person is ready for the next step before the other. I'm getting into... Why there’s no universal timeline for becoming official, having sex, saying “I love you,” or hitting other relationship milestonesThe difference between a pacing mismatch and a pacing problemWhy wanting the same relationship but moving at different speeds can still workHow to talk about pacing without turning every date into a relationship check-inWhat to say when you need more time or when you’re the one waitingWhy someone moving slowly doesn’t necessarily mean they’re less interested in youHow to know when “slow” has become stagnantThe five areas of a relationship where you should still see some forward motionWhy catching feelings makes pacing feel so much more stressfulHow to stay present and keep vetting someone instead of obsessing over the next milestonePlus, I answer a Dating Dilemma from a listener whose two past connections unexpectedly came back into her life. MENTIONED: The Slow Burn Masterclass: How To Stop Rushing Connections - live on 10/19! THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me Submit a dating dilemma See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why do so many couples who believe in equality still end up falling into traditional gender roles? I’m joined by Stefanie O’Connell Rodriguez, author of The Ambition Penalty, to talk about what happens when money, ambition, power, and gender collide in dating and relationships. We get into why women’s success can create unexpected tension in heterosexual relationships, what happens when a woman earns more than her male partner, and why saying you want an equal relationship is very different from building one in practice. We also talk about dating when you’re financially successful, expanding what it means to “provide,” when to start talking about money, and how to think about a partner who isn’t where you want them to be financially. In this episode... Why modern couples still fall into traditional gender rolesWhat can happen when a woman earns more than her male partnerWhy believing in equality doesn’t automatically create an equal relationshipWhat real support for an ambitious partner looks like in practiceWhy “providing” in a relationship should mean much more than moneyWhen and how to start talking about salary, debt, savings, and finances while datingHow to date someone who is financially behind without dating their potentialWhy having a full life and strong community outside your relationship matters MENTIONED Stefanie’s Substack, Too Ambitious Fair Play by Eve Rodsky THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me Submit a dating dilemma See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Texting can create SO much unnecessary anxiety in early dating. You’re wondering if you’re texting too much, if you should text first, why they suddenly seem less responsive, or whether someone who’s great in person but terrible over text is actually worth pursuing. In this episode, I’m breaking down what texting should actually look like before, after and between dates so you can stop analyzing every message and focus more on the connection happening in real life. This episode originally aired in December 2023. You’ll learn: Why texting too much before a first date can create false intimacyWhy you don’t need to wait for someone else to text first after a good dateThe texting mistake that can turn a promising connection into a pen-pal situationWhat realistic communication between dates can look likeWhat to do when you notice someone’s texting suddenly slow down or changeHow to handle dating someone who texts much less than you’d preferWhy double texting isn’t the dating crime people make it out to beWhat to do when texting turns sexual earlier than you’re comfortable withPlus, I answer a new Dating Dilemma from a listener who's worried she accidentally gave her date the impression that she only wants something physical. MENTIONED Speaking in Thumbs by Mimi Winsberg Free Texting Templates! MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me Submit a dating dilemma See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if the secret to better dates isn’t saying the “right” thing, but worrying less about how you’re coming across and getting more curious about the person in front of you? In this episode, I’m talking with experimental social psychologist and author Vanessa Bohns about the science of what we say, what we hold back, and how other people actually respond to us. Vanessa breaks down why we often underestimate how much people like us, why vulnerability tends to go over better than we expect, and how asking the right kinds of questions can create more intimacy without making a date feel like an interview. We’re getting into how to... Decide when to share something vulnerable or sensitive in early datingTell the difference between healthy vulnerability and trauma dumpingFigure out why you feel the urge to disclose somethingTalk about your accomplishments without sounding like you’re braggingUnderstand the “liking gap” and why your dates may like you more than you thinkAsk questions that actually build connection instead of slipping into interview modeUse follow-up questions to naturally get into deeper conversationsHandle dates where you’re doing all the asking and they aren’t asking anything backDecide whether you should give someone feedback after a dateBe honest without saying something unnecessarily hurtfulStop focusing so much on impressing someone and start paying attention to whether you actually like themPlus, Vanessa and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who is four dates in with someone she likes and wondering whether she should proactively tell him she’s still dating other people. MENTIONED Vanessa's book: Should I Say Something?: The Science of What to Share―and What to Keep to Yourself Vanessa's Instagram MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me Submit a dating dilemma See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How do you actually know if you’re in a healthy relationship? In this episode, I’m breaking down the four pillars I believe healthy relationships are built on: responsiveness, safety, freedom, and connection. We’ll talk about what each one actually looks like, where we tend to get it wrong, and how you can start building these qualities from the very beginning of dating. I'm getting into... What it really means to feel understood and cared for by your partnerWhy validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything your partner saysHow to tell the difference between relationship safety and simply avoiding conflictWhy calm and steadiness aren’t signs that something is missingHow independence and freedom can actually strengthen your relationshipWhy your partner shouldn’t have to be your entire support systemHow small everyday “bids for connection” build intimacy over timeWhat to look for in early dating if you want to build a healthy long-term relationshipFour questions you can ask yourself to assess the health of your relationshipPlus, I answer a Dating Dilemma from a listener wondering whether she should give a promising connection more time or whether she’s already trying too hard to manage her way into compatibility. MENTIONED: Episode 244 on building inner security THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me Submit a dating dilemma See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if jealousy wasn’t a sign that something is wrong with you or your relationship, but an emotion you could actually learn from? In this episode, I’m talking with relationship coach Ally Iseman about why jealousy gets such a bad reputation, what it’s actually trying to tell us, and how to work through it without blaming your partner or shaming yourself. Ally breaks down the different types of jealousy, including insecurity, comparison, fear of abandonment, distrust, and retroactive jealousy, and explains why learning to tolerate discomfort is one of the most important relationship skills you can build. We’re getting into how to... The difference between jealousy and envyFigure out whether your jealousy is about you, your relationship, or something from your pastWhat to do when jealousy comes upWork through retroactive jealousyAsk your partner for reassurance without making them responsible for your emotionsHandle it when your partner is jealous of your pastUnderstand the difference between boundaries, rules, and relationship agreementsStop trying to force certainty or commitment before you actually know someoneBuild the relationship skills that help you navigate uncomfortable conversationsDecide what to do when the person you’re dating handles a situation in a way that completely turns you offPlus, Ally and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who showed up to a museum and caught the guy she was seeing on a date with another woman after he told her he was sick. CONNECT WITH ALLY on Instagram THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dating comes with a lot of frustrating uncertainty. You can’t know if attraction will grow, whether someone will choose the relationship, or how another person will react when you tell them the truth. In this special 300th episode of Dating Intentionally, I’m answering your dating dilemmas about what happens when you want certainty, but the situation simply can’t give it to you yet. We’re getting into four dating dilemmas: How long should you give someone to warm up physically when you’re tired of making the first move?What do you do when you’ve been telling little lies to make someone like you and now the relationship is getting more serious?Should you give a longtime friend a romantic chance when you’re not sure the attraction is there?How long do you wait when your partner says they need to “figure things out”?I’m talking about... Why trying to control the outcome can actually make dating harderHow to tell the difference between accepting someone’s pace and ignoring your own needsWhy self-worth can affect how honestly you show up when you really like someoneWhat to do when you’re curious about someone but don’t feel an immediate sparkWhy you don’t need to play out an entire relationship in your head before you’ve even gone on one dateWhat “figuring things out” should actually look like inside a relationshipHow to make dating decisions when you have no idea how the story will endAnd because this is episode 300, I’m ending with a rapid-fire Q&A covering questions like: What’s the most underrated green flag? How do you stop obsessing over someone after it ends? Should you give up if they cancel twice without rescheduling? How do you tell someone you don’t want to text all day? And how do you stay unbothered when you know the person you’re dating is seeing other people too? Submit a dating dilemma THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if dating felt less like a stressful search for your person and more like an experience you could actually enjoy? In this episode, I’m talking with Serena Kerrigan, creator and author of Let’s F*****g Date, about lowering the stakes in dating, stopping the need to control the outcome, and staying open to connections that don’t look exactly how you expected. Serena shares how meeting her boyfriend challenged her assumptions about age, success, and what the “right” partner should look like, plus the mindset shifts that helped her stop overmanaging her dating life and actually enjoy it. We’re getting into how to... Use Serena’s “potential, practice, or plot” framework to make every date feel worthwhileStop putting so much pressure on every first date to become somethingStay open to people who don’t fit the picture you had in your headTell the difference between showing interest and doing too muchGive someone enough space to actually reveal how interested they areLet go of control when dating feels uncertainGet out of your comfort zone when your dating life feels stagnantStop treating self-improvement like a formula that guarantees you a relationshipKnow when an “ick” is meaningful and when you might need to get a gripDate with a more abundant mindset when age and timelines are stressing you out THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Feel like you're done wasting time on the wrong connections? I get it! In this episode, I'm breaking down seven of the most common mistakes I see people make in early dating, from dating someone's potential and staying in situationships to taking constant dating breaks, avoiding uncomfortable conversations, and being pen pals. I'm also sharing what to do differently so you can protect your time and energy and get closer to the relationship you actually want. In this episode, you'll learn: Why dating someone's potential can keep you invested way too longHow staying in a situationship can delay you from finding your personWhy constantly taking breaks from dating may be slowing you down and what to work on insteadHow speaking up about small issues early can reveal someone's ability to handle conflictWhat it means to date from your "back foot" and why it's a time wasterWhy texting for weeks before meeting can create false intimacyHow to recognize red flags without confusing them with preferencesWhy getting curious about someone's behavior can help you make better decisions soonerHow to stay grounded in who someone is today instead of who you hope they'll becomePlus, I answer a dating dilemma from a 40-year-old man who just learned that his new girlfriend occasionally smokes cigarettes and he's not sure what to do. Ready to date with intention? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker at thedatetracker.com! (iOS link) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Ep 260 - How to end a situationship Ep 186 - Tips for taking a dating break Ep 286 - Balancing effort in early dating Ep 192 - Sneaky red flags in early dating THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How much is your self-worth affecting the way you date? In this episode, I’m talking with psychologist and author Dr. Marisa G. Franco about how our past experiences can shape what we believe we deserve, how we interpret rejection, and even our ability to accept love from someone who genuinely likes us. We’ll also explore what it means to build self-worth and how to stop dating from a place of fear and start going after what you want. We’re getting into how to... Understand the difference between self-esteem and self-worthRecognize when you’re dating to avoid rejection instead of pursuing what you wantUnderstand why rejection hits some people so much harder than othersIdentify old experiences that may still be shaping how you see yourselfStop assuming someone doesn’t like you when there’s no evidence they don’tBuild self-worth by paying attention and responding to your emotionsKnow when you’re seeking healthy reassurance versus outsourcing your worth to a partnerNavigate dating when you don’t feel completely confident or worthy yet MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment by Dr. Marisa G. Franco Marisa's website THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

There's a reason you keep dating the same people in different fonts: it's your dating patterns. In this episode, I'm sharing the three patterns I discovered while tracking my own dating life, how they were getting in the way of the relationship I actually wanted, and what I did differently once I could finally see them. I'm also walking you through a simple way to identify your own patterns and turn them into experiments so you can start getting different dating results. In this episode, you'll learn: What dating patterns actually are and how they can quietly influence who you choose and how you behaveCommon patterns like getting attached too quickly, chasing unavailable people, staying too long, or writing people off too soonThe three dating patterns I discovered in my own dating lifeWhy I stopped rushing physical intimacy and started approaching sex differentlyHow I realized I was trying to earn affection instead of evaluating whether someone was right for meWhy consistency can feel less exciting when you're used to chasing someone's attentionHow tracking my dates helped me spot behaviors I couldn't see in the momentHow to turn your own dating patterns into small experiments that help you make different choicesPlus, I answer a dating dilemma from a 41-year-old man figuring out how to start dating again after a 13-year marriage—and how to avoid falling back into old people-pleasing habits. Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Episode 277 on IRL dating What my date tracking note looked like & the emoji key THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.