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What if the secret to better dates isn’t saying the “right” thing, but worrying less about how you’re coming across and getting more curious about the person in front of you? In this episode, I’m talking with experimental social psychologist and author Vanessa Bohns about the science of what we say, what we hold back, and how other people actually respond to us. Vanessa breaks down why we often underestimate how much people like us, why vulnerability tends to go over better than we expect, and how asking the right kinds of questions can create more intimacy without making a date feel like an interview. We’re getting into how to... Decide when to share something vulnerable or sensitive in early datingTell the difference between healthy vulnerability and trauma dumpingFigure out why you feel the urge to disclose somethingTalk about your accomplishments without sounding like you’re braggingUnderstand the “liking gap” and why your dates may like you more than you thinkAsk questions that actually build connection instead of slipping into interview modeUse follow-up questions to naturally get into deeper conversationsHandle dates where you’re doing all the asking and they aren’t asking anything backDecide whether you should give someone feedback after a dateBe honest without saying something unnecessarily hurtfulStop focusing so much on impressing someone and start paying attention to whether you actually like themPlus, Vanessa and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who is four dates in with someone she likes and wondering whether she should proactively tell him she’s still dating other people. MENTIONED Vanessa's book: Should I Say Something?: The Science of What to Share―and What to Keep to Yourself Vanessa's Instagram MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me Submit a dating dilemma See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How do you actually know if you’re in a healthy relationship? In this episode, I’m breaking down the four pillars I believe healthy relationships are built on: responsiveness, safety, freedom, and connection. We’ll talk about what each one actually looks like, where we tend to get it wrong, and how you can start building these qualities from the very beginning of dating. I'm getting into... What it really means to feel understood and cared for by your partnerWhy validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything your partner saysHow to tell the difference between relationship safety and simply avoiding conflictWhy calm and steadiness aren’t signs that something is missingHow independence and freedom can actually strengthen your relationshipWhy your partner shouldn’t have to be your entire support systemHow small everyday “bids for connection” build intimacy over timeWhat to look for in early dating if you want to build a healthy long-term relationshipFour questions you can ask yourself to assess the health of your relationshipPlus, I answer a Dating Dilemma from a listener wondering whether she should give a promising connection more time or whether she’s already trying too hard to manage her way into compatibility. MENTIONED: Episode 244 on building inner security THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me Submit a dating dilemma See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if jealousy wasn’t a sign that something is wrong with you or your relationship, but an emotion you could actually learn from? In this episode, I’m talking with relationship coach Ally Iseman about why jealousy gets such a bad reputation, what it’s actually trying to tell us, and how to work through it without blaming your partner or shaming yourself. Ally breaks down the different types of jealousy, including insecurity, comparison, fear of abandonment, distrust, and retroactive jealousy, and explains why learning to tolerate discomfort is one of the most important relationship skills you can build. We’re getting into how to... The difference between jealousy and envyFigure out whether your jealousy is about you, your relationship, or something from your pastWhat to do when jealousy comes upWork through retroactive jealousyAsk your partner for reassurance without making them responsible for your emotionsHandle it when your partner is jealous of your pastUnderstand the difference between boundaries, rules, and relationship agreementsStop trying to force certainty or commitment before you actually know someoneBuild the relationship skills that help you navigate uncomfortable conversationsDecide what to do when the person you’re dating handles a situation in a way that completely turns you offPlus, Ally and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who showed up to a museum and caught the guy she was seeing on a date with another woman after he told her he was sick. CONNECT WITH ALLY on Instagram THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dating comes with a lot of frustrating uncertainty. You can’t know if attraction will grow, whether someone will choose the relationship, or how another person will react when you tell them the truth. In this special 300th episode of Dating Intentionally, I’m answering your dating dilemmas about what happens when you want certainty, but the situation simply can’t give it to you yet. We’re getting into four dating dilemmas: How long should you give someone to warm up physically when you’re tired of making the first move?What do you do when you’ve been telling little lies to make someone like you and now the relationship is getting more serious?Should you give a longtime friend a romantic chance when you’re not sure the attraction is there?How long do you wait when your partner says they need to “figure things out”?I’m talking about... Why trying to control the outcome can actually make dating harderHow to tell the difference between accepting someone’s pace and ignoring your own needsWhy self-worth can affect how honestly you show up when you really like someoneWhat to do when you’re curious about someone but don’t feel an immediate sparkWhy you don’t need to play out an entire relationship in your head before you’ve even gone on one dateWhat “figuring things out” should actually look like inside a relationshipHow to make dating decisions when you have no idea how the story will endAnd because this is episode 300, I’m ending with a rapid-fire Q&A covering questions like: What’s the most underrated green flag? How do you stop obsessing over someone after it ends? Should you give up if they cancel twice without rescheduling? How do you tell someone you don’t want to text all day? And how do you stay unbothered when you know the person you’re dating is seeing other people too? Submit a dating dilemma THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if dating felt less like a stressful search for your person and more like an experience you could actually enjoy? In this episode, I’m talking with Serena Kerrigan, creator and author of Let’s F*****g Date, about lowering the stakes in dating, stopping the need to control the outcome, and staying open to connections that don’t look exactly how you expected. Serena shares how meeting her boyfriend challenged her assumptions about age, success, and what the “right” partner should look like, plus the mindset shifts that helped her stop overmanaging her dating life and actually enjoy it. We’re getting into how to... Use Serena’s “potential, practice, or plot” framework to make every date feel worthwhileStop putting so much pressure on every first date to become somethingStay open to people who don’t fit the picture you had in your headTell the difference between showing interest and doing too muchGive someone enough space to actually reveal how interested they areLet go of control when dating feels uncertainGet out of your comfort zone when your dating life feels stagnantStop treating self-improvement like a formula that guarantees you a relationshipKnow when an “ick” is meaningful and when you might need to get a gripDate with a more abundant mindset when age and timelines are stressing you out THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Feel like you're done wasting time on the wrong connections? I get it! In this episode, I'm breaking down seven of the most common mistakes I see people make in early dating, from dating someone's potential and staying in situationships to taking constant dating breaks, avoiding uncomfortable conversations, and being pen pals. I'm also sharing what to do differently so you can protect your time and energy and get closer to the relationship you actually want. In this episode, you'll learn: Why dating someone's potential can keep you invested way too longHow staying in a situationship can delay you from finding your personWhy constantly taking breaks from dating may be slowing you down and what to work on insteadHow speaking up about small issues early can reveal someone's ability to handle conflictWhat it means to date from your "back foot" and why it's a time wasterWhy texting for weeks before meeting can create false intimacyHow to recognize red flags without confusing them with preferencesWhy getting curious about someone's behavior can help you make better decisions soonerHow to stay grounded in who someone is today instead of who you hope they'll becomePlus, I answer a dating dilemma from a 40-year-old man who just learned that his new girlfriend occasionally smokes cigarettes and he's not sure what to do. Ready to date with intention? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker at thedatetracker.com! (iOS link) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Ep 260 - How to end a situationship Ep 186 - Tips for taking a dating break Ep 286 - Balancing effort in early dating Ep 192 - Sneaky red flags in early dating THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How much is your self-worth affecting the way you date? In this episode, I’m talking with psychologist and author Dr. Marisa G. Franco about how our past experiences can shape what we believe we deserve, how we interpret rejection, and even our ability to accept love from someone who genuinely likes us. We’ll also explore what it means to build self-worth and how to stop dating from a place of fear and start going after what you want. We’re getting into how to... Understand the difference between self-esteem and self-worthRecognize when you’re dating to avoid rejection instead of pursuing what you wantUnderstand why rejection hits some people so much harder than othersIdentify old experiences that may still be shaping how you see yourselfStop assuming someone doesn’t like you when there’s no evidence they don’tBuild self-worth by paying attention and responding to your emotionsKnow when you’re seeking healthy reassurance versus outsourcing your worth to a partnerNavigate dating when you don’t feel completely confident or worthy yet MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment by Dr. Marisa G. Franco Marisa's website THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

There's a reason you keep dating the same people in different fonts: it's your dating patterns. In this episode, I'm sharing the three patterns I discovered while tracking my own dating life, how they were getting in the way of the relationship I actually wanted, and what I did differently once I could finally see them. I'm also walking you through a simple way to identify your own patterns and turn them into experiments so you can start getting different dating results. In this episode, you'll learn: What dating patterns actually are and how they can quietly influence who you choose and how you behaveCommon patterns like getting attached too quickly, chasing unavailable people, staying too long, or writing people off too soonThe three dating patterns I discovered in my own dating lifeWhy I stopped rushing physical intimacy and started approaching sex differentlyHow I realized I was trying to earn affection instead of evaluating whether someone was right for meWhy consistency can feel less exciting when you're used to chasing someone's attentionHow tracking my dates helped me spot behaviors I couldn't see in the momentHow to turn your own dating patterns into small experiments that help you make different choicesPlus, I answer a dating dilemma from a 41-year-old man figuring out how to start dating again after a 13-year marriage—and how to avoid falling back into old people-pleasing habits. Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Episode 277 on IRL dating What my date tracking note looked like & the emoji key THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How do you stay open-minded in dating without settling for less than what you want? And what happens when someone treats you well, checks a lot of the important boxes, but something still feels… off? In this episode, I’m joined by licensed therapist Jordanne Sculler to talk about the messy, nuanced parts of dating that don’t fit neatly into a set of rules. We unpack why familiar relationship dynamics can feel more attractive than healthy ones, why self-awareness alone doesn’t always break old patterns, and how to tell when you’re honoring your needs versus shrinking yourself to keep someone around. Listen for... How to be open in dating without lowering your standardsWhy dating checklists can get in the way of real connectionThe difference between self-soothing and suppressing a legitimate needWhy someone healthy might initially feel uncomfortable or unfamiliarHow to stop focusing so much on whether someone likes you and ask whether you like themWhat dating disappointment can bring up about your self-worthHow social media can reinforce negative stories about datingGrieving the relationship or life timeline you thought you’d have by nowWhy processing disappointment is different from simply “getting over it”How Jordanne met her husband after initially writing him off And at the end, we answer a dating dilemma from a woman wondering if she made a huge mistake by ending things with a great guy who didn’t feel like her person. THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link) Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode, I'm sharing 5 tiny habits that can help you get better dating results, feel more confident and in control, and make dating a little more enjoyable. We’ll talk about how to make decisions without endlessly second-guessing yourself, learn from your dates, show interest without playing games, protect your mindset from dating negativity, and get clear on intentions early. In this episode, we cover: How being more decisive can build confidence and self-trustWhy tracking and reflecting on your dates can help you spot patterns and learn what actually works for youHow to show interest when you're interested without playing it cool or worrying about “double texting”Why opting out of negative dating narratives can help you stay open and hopefulHow bringing up your intentions early can help you avoid confusion, situationships, and wasted timeDating habits from the Dating Intentionally community that helped people stay grounded and keep goingA dating dilemma about bad timing, competing connections, and whether being direct after two dates was “too much” Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Episode 286 - If they wanted to they would? The truth about effort in dating THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What can you learn from a first date that was just okay? And why does what happens after the date sometimes tell you more than the date itself? This is another episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on a listener to walk me through a recent first date, from matching and messaging to the date itself, the post-date feelings, and what happened next. This time, I’m talking to Katelyn (39), a single mom looking for a long-term relationship. She met “Trey” on Facebook Dating, moved the conversation over to Instagram, and eventually went on a two-hour dinner date. We’re getting into: Why she prefers active first dates over dinnerHow she uses Instagram in her dating lifeThe green flags she looks for in dating app conversationsHow she realized she wasn’t actually that excited about himWhy feeling safe and having a “good enough” time doesn’t automatically mean you should go on a second dateThe post-date interaction that gave her a whole new data pointHer firm boundary around second dates at homeHow she decides whether to give someone another chanceAnd how to spend less time on the apps while getting to the date fasterPlus, Katelyn shares her best advice for staying positive when dating feels like a never-ending series of almosts. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here. Get the Date Tracker app (iOS only for now) so you can do your own vibe checks! THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Whether you’re newly single, coming out of a long-term relationship, or you’ve simply been out of the dating world for years, getting back into dating can feel overwhelming. The apps have changed, the dating culture has changed, and you may have changed, too. In this episode, I’m breaking down how to get back into the dating scene with less pressure, more confidence, and a whole lot more perspective. Think of this as your dating bestie’s guide to getting your feet wet again without expecting yourself to immediately find your future spouse. Listen for: How to know if you’re actually ready to date Why your first goal should simply be going on a date, not finding a relationshipHow to lower the stakes Why awkward, boring, or unsuccessful dates are actually part of the processThe different ways to meet people to dateHow to manage fears around rejection, inexperience, being judged, or someone changing their mindWhy you need to stop getting ahead of yourself How journaling, setting intentions, and finding ways to feel confident can make the process feel more manageableThe biggest lessons I learned when I jumped back into dating after a six-year relationship And I'm sharing a new dating dilemma at the end about trying to figure out whether someone wants kids before you date them. THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Start tracking dates with Date Tracker (iOS) Submit a dating dilemma Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz) Book a 1:1 with me Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If someone doesn't have any red flags, is that a green flag? This is the third episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me, from how they met and planned the date to what actually happened and how they felt afterward. This time, I'm talking to Jenny, a 27-year-old in the UK who is relatively new to dating and using it to build confidence, meet people, and figure out what she actually wants. She met "Steve" on Breeze, an app that skips the messaging and gets you straight to the date. We're getting into her unconventional first-date setup, the venue that had absolutely no vibe, the spontaneous bar-hopping that followed, and the green flags and amber flags she noticed along the way. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here. Get the Date Tracker app so you can do your own vibe checks! THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How much information do you actually need before you make a decision in your dating life? In this episode, I’m answering four real dating dilemmas that all come down to that one question. We’re talking about dating two people and not knowing who to choose, deciding whether a sexual-health disclosure is a deal breaker, trying to figure out whether a struggling relationship is still worth fighting for, and realizing in hindsight that someone wasn’t quite who you thought they were. The common thread? You’re rarely going to get 100% certainty in early dating. Instead, you have to learn how to gather information, stay connected to your values, and make decisions based on what you actually know, not what you wish you knew. Submit a dating dilemma In this episode: How to choose between two people without turning dating into a competitionWhat to do when someone discloses an STI and you’re unsure how you feel about itHow to tell when someone is overwhelmed by life versus no longer prioritizing the relationshipWhat to make of someone who seems great at first but gradually reveals a very different side of themselvesWhy you should evaluate people against your own needs, not against each otherHow to make good dating decisions without waiting for perfect certainty THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Book a 1:1 with me Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz) See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if a first date is too easy and comfortable? This is the second episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me, from how they met and planned the date to what actually happened and how they felt afterward. This time, I'm talking to Carol Ann, a 47-year-old single mom in the Midwest who met Zach on Hinge after taking a several-month break from dating. We're getting into her dating-app approach, the messaging that led to this first date, and how she's learned to trust her body. Carol Ann also shares her thoughts on the spark, the green flags she noticed along the way, and what happened after. Stay tuned for her update at the end. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here. Get the Date Tracker app so you can do your own vibe checks! THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz) See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.