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See you soon - I'll miss you! Make sure you're subscribed so you know when Soul Gum is back. WHERE TO FIND ME: MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!)Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month!⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Everyone wants love, but no one can tell you exactly what love is. In this episode, we deep dive into seven philosophical perspectives on love, ranging from the Ancient Greeks to the existentialists. If you’re curious whether Plato thought soulmates were real or Kierkegaard would tell you to text your ex, this episode is for you.  EPISODE OUTLINE  00:00 Intro (the philosophy of love) 03:19 What even is love? (hypotheticals on love) 07:07 Ancient Greek philosophy on love  07:35 Origins of the concept of soulmates (Plato’s The Symposium) 09:03 Socrates’ ladder of love  13:03 Enlightenment thinkers on love  13:15 Love as social performance (Rousseau) 13:58 Rousseau’s two types of self love  15:22 How self love affects how you love others 17:31 The humanity formula (Kant)    19:49 Practical vs. passionate love (Kant) 22:07 Love as a trick (Schopenhauer) 24:04 Why do opposites attract? (Schopenhauer) 24:28 Is love just biological encouragement to reproduce? (Schopenhauer) 26:06 Existentialists on love 26:14 The tension between love and freedom of choice (Sartre) 27:50 Love as an objectifying force (Sartre) 30:32 Jean Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir’s non-monogamous love story  31:40 The relationship between love and possession (de Beauvoir)  33:06 How your fear of being seen impacts your ability to give and receive love (Sartre, Doestoevsky, de Beauvoir)  36:54 Kierkegaard’s Works of Love  37:22 Unreasonable standards in love (Kierkegaard) 42:24 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Plato, The Symposium (c. 385–370 BCE)Jean-Jacques Rousseau, The Social Contract (1762)Immanuel Kant, Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals (1785)Immanuel Kant, The Metaphysics of Morals (1797)Arthur Schopenhauer, The World as Will and Representation (1818)Søren Kierkegaard, Works of Love (1847)Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground (1864)Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943)Jean-Paul Sartre, No Exit (1944)Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949)Gordon Marino, The Existentialist’s Survival Guide (2018) MY LINKS MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!)Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month!⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Ever wonder why some people seem to have endless creativity while you’re stuck with half-baked ideas that never make it out of your Notes app? In this episode, we explore the habits, tips and artistic processes of creative geniuses ranging from Plato and Picasso to Mary Oliver and Rick Rubin. I reveal the 7 secrets of creative geniuses that helped me stop chasing perfection, relight my creative spark, and actually enjoy the process of making art. If you’re ready to stop gatekeeping your own creativity, this one’s for you.  EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro: Why creativity matters for everyone (not just artists) 03:58 1. Great creatives don’t let perfection be the enemy of creation (Plato’s Republic, perfection vs. forms, Ira Glass on “the gap”) 11:28 2. They separate creation, refinement, and critique (Rick Rubin, The Creative Act) 14:41 3. They focus on next possibilities, not ultimate goals (Stuart Kauffman’s adjacent possible, evolutionary biology, Bhagavad Gita, Rick Rubin on artistry vs. craftsmanship) 20:56 4. They embrace flow and anti-flow (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi on flow state; Mary Oliver’s editing process; Stanley Kubrick’s many takes) 25:52 5. They thrive under constraints (Barry Schwartz’s paradox of choice; Mary Oliver writing Wild Geese as a constraint exercise; Parkinson’s Law) 30:35 6. They know that if they don’t create it, someone else will (Rick Rubin on how ideas move, Elizabeth Gilbert’s hand-off story with Ann Patchett) 34:01 7. They know that no one really knows (Socrates on knowing nothing, imposter feelings, why your contributions matter) 37:57 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE  • Plato, The Republic  • Studies on the impact of perfectionism on performance and creativity (2022 and 2025) • Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being  • Stuart Kauffman, At Home in the Universe  • Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience  • Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook; “Wild Geese”; On Being interview with Krista Tippett  • Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice • Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear  MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!) ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats!  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

What happens when your faith collapses? In this episode, I share my story of spiritual deconstruction and how I learned to believe again—sort of. This isn’t a “how to get your faith back” story. It’s the story of tearing my faith down to the studs, sifting through the rubble, and deciding what was worth keeping. We’ll talk god shaped holes, Kierkegaard, Camus, Pascal’s wager, and the surprising peace of not needing all the answers. This episode if for anyone who is currently filling their god-shaped hole with TikTok marathons, self-help books and spiral-inducing questions. If you started at church camp and have landed in full-blown nihilism, press play.  EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro: the story of how I lost my faith and got it back (sort of) 08:01 1. Why spiritual crises often happen at the worst possible time 10:35 How my own spiritual crisis began 18:07 Kierkegaard on despair and the self 19:47 2. Why spiritual health gets worse before it gets better 26:19 The delight of spiritual curiosity 27:43 3. Choosing how to fill the God shaped hole 29:42 Absurdism and optimistic nihilism (Camus) 30:57 Pascal’s Wager explained and what it gets wrong 32:51 Approaching belief pragmatically (belief as a choice) 33:53 What “god” means to me now  35:33 Can you make yourself believe? Should you? 36:16 On stepping in the same river twice (Heraclitus) 36:49 Five reflection questions (Rainn Wilson) 38:14 Lightning round recap  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE  Søren Kierkegaard, The Sickness Unto Death (1849) Rhett McLaughlin’s Spiritual Deconstruction Story Blaise Pascal, Pensées (1670) St. Augustine, Confessions (c. 400 CE) Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus (1942) Heraclitus, Fragment 49a (c. 500 BCE) Rainn Wilson, Soul Boom (2023) Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays (2016) MY LINKS • ⁠Listen to my episode of Soul Boom with Rainn Wilson on Spotify  • ⁠Watch my episode of Soul Boom with Rainn Wilson on Youtube • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!) ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats!  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  RESOURCES  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• Chat with a Trevor Project counselor now  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ANAD helpline  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• 988 lifeline

Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harder—on your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode, explore how to get better at having tough conversations. We’ll look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman institute’s world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says “we need to talk,” this one's for you. EPISODE OUTLINE  00:00 Intro  05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respect  06:27 Joan Didion On Self Respect  08:47 The trolley problem (Foote) 14:33 2. Approaching confrontation practically  16:33 Phronesis (Aristotle)  18:35 Kant’s categorical imperative 20:50 Thich Nhat Hanh’s three gates  23:27 3. Confrontation dos and don’ts 23:49 the Gottman institute  24:44 Confrontation don’ts 26:14 Confrontation dos 26:17 The magic ratio for healthy relationships 26:53 Bids for attention 27:59 Soft startups  29:08 Repair attempts 32:09 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE  ​ ⁠Joan Didion, On Self Respect (Vogue, 1961)​ ⁠Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics (c. 350 BCE)​ ⁠Immanuel Kant, Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals (1785)​ ⁠Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Art of Communicating (2013)​ ⁠Drs. John & Julie Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) MY LINKS ​ ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Want to become a better conversationalist? You should! Good conversations can open doors, build friendships, and even change your life. But in an age of goldfish attention spans, hot takes, and chronic fear of being seen, real connection is harder than ever. The good news? Conversation is an art, but it’s also a science. In this episode, we walk through 5 things great conversationalists do differently, according to philosophy and psychology. If you want to feel less robotic on dates, network without cringing, vibe better with your friends, or just not panic when someone says “tell me about yourself,” this one’s for you.  EPISODE OUTLINE: 00:00 Intro 04:07 1. Seeing conversation as a skill 11:03 2. Starting lots of conversations 18:30 3. Asking more questions 25:06 4. Leaving room for the unexpected 29:08 5. Expecting reality, not hyperreality  33:27 Lightning round recap  36:19 Challenge  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Simulacra and Simulation, Jean Baudrillard (1981) TALK: The Science of Conversation and The Art of Being Ourselves, Alison Wood Brooks (2025)

Feeling stuck, numb, or overwhelmed? Crashing out for the third time this week? Good news! Philosophy, the sad girl discipline of academia, has lots of advice for you. This episode breaks down 5 reasons why we get stuck according to philosophical greats like Franz Kafka, Soren Kierkegaard, Jean Paul Sartre, Albert Camus and more. We’ll talk about practical strategies to climb out of your spiral and start feeling like yourself again. If your search history includes ‘why am I like this’ and ‘how to feel okay again,’ press play. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro  04:53 You’re stuck because… 05:00 1. You’re free  05:18 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard) 06:04 We’re condemned to be free (Sartre) 07:13 The fig tree allegory (Sylvia Plath) 13:21 2. You’re choosing information over experience  13:35 Mary’s Room hypothetical (Jackson) 22:49 3. You’ve outgrown a version of yourself 23:02 The Metamorphosis (Kafka)  26:54 4. You’re expecting sense in senseless places 27:04 The Trial (Kafka) 35:14 5. You think nothing matters  35:24 Mechanical life (Camus) 36:34 The moment of the absurd (Camus) 37:13 The myth of Sisyphus (Camus)  40:08 Lightning round recap  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  On Anxiety, Soren Kierkegaard (1844) Being and Nothingness, Jean Paul Sartre (1943) The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath (1963) The Big Secret, Deepak Chopra (2008) Epiphenomenal Qualia, Frank Jackson (1982)  The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka (1915) The Trial, Franz Kafka (1925) The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus (1942)

19th century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed every transformation followed a sacred three-step pattern. In this episode, we walk through the three metamorphoses of the soul from Nietzsche’s 1883 work Thus Spoke Zarathustra. We’ll talk about why a chapter of chaos might be necessary to become your fullest, truest self, and how Nietzsche’s stages apply to modern life. This episode is for you if you're experiencing or anticipating a big shift, no matter whether it relates to your career, relationships, creativity, spirituality, identity, or everything at once. If you’re feeling lost, restless, or ready for reinvention, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE  00:00 Intro 06:34 The camel spirit  11:32 The lion spirit  17:25 The child spirit  25:40 Lightning round recap  26:43 Challenge MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats!  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Thought daughters, this one’s for you. This episode is your guide to keeping your mind fed all summer long. In it, I share the note-taking system that’s changing my life, a 10 minute morning routine that primes your brain for creative work, recs for intellectually stimulating podcasts, books, and newsletters, and more.  EPISODE OUTLINE  00:00 Intro 02:14 1. Take notes   06:57 2. Write by hand 08:42 3. Get out of your echo chamber 11:01 4. Remember the Zeigarnik effect  14:54 5. Change your conversation norms 18:08 6. Practice hard attention 21:11 7. 10 minute morning rule 22:33 8. Chew your brain food 23:54 9. Show what you don’t know 26:20 Newsletter recs  27:41 Philosophy podcast recs 28:08 Poetry recs 29:40 Lightning round recap 

So your life just changed. Maybe you moved, your relationship ended, or you quit a job. You've found yourself in new territory without your usual routines, roles, or scripts. You're Googling “who even am I?” every night. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. In this episode, I’m sharing 8 things I wish I knew during past seasons of change in my life. The in-between is uncomfortable, but it's also full of possibility. If you’re in a messy middle right now, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE  03:35 How to follow your intuition  06:38 How to know the right choice 10:50 The effect of your ego 14:10 The impact of who you keep close  19:27 The importance of confrontation 23:21 The impact of tiny choices  26:40 How to shift into the next chapter  28:59 Hard versus wrong  SOURCES Smoke filled room study  Balloon study  bell hooks, all about love  Audre Lorde essay: The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action Churning of the ocean story from the Mahabharata 

How you spend your weeks is how you spend your life. In this episode, I walk through five powerful philosophical, psychological and spiritual concepts—including Nietzsche’s eternal return, Aristotle’s golden mean, the planning fallacy, and Parkinson’s Law—that will help you create a weekly routine you love. I also let you in on my own weekly routine, including a Sunday night ritual to rewire your brain and my top tips for planning weeks that change your life.  EPISODE OUTLINE 04:21 Nietzsche’s eternal return 12:27 Aristotle’s golden mean  19:04 The jar principle & Parkinson’s law 23:16 “I don’t have time” vs. “it’s not a priority” 25:28 The planning fallacy (Kahneman)  31:59 Dharma 37:22 My weekly routine MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats!  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

The bad news is you’re always going to care what people think. The good news is  it doesn’t have to control your life. In this episode, I walk through 9 ways to rethink your relationship with external validation. If you want to be done letting other people’s opinions steer your every move, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 05:28 1. Caring what people think is natural 07:14 2. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control what you do  16:07 3. You should care what some people think  18:16 4. Not caring what people think ≠ not caring about people 19:45 5. Chasing approval always backfires eventually 26:21 6. You don’t know what people think 30:29 7. Other people are not thinking about you as much as it feels like they are 35:32 8. You care more about other people’s opinions when you don’t have your own 37:28 9. It’s okay to want to be with people who make you feel good 39:27 Lightning round recap 42:29 Challenge EPISODE LINKS • The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz  • Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl  • The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga • The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir • The Art of Living by Epictetus  • Spotlight Effect Study  • Social Rejection Triggers Physical Pain Brain Centers  • Surgeon General's Report on the Health Impact of Loneliness  MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats!  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Is the self something we find—or something we create? We’re constantly told to “be ourselves,” but the world teaches us fast that we also need to be likable, marketable, and hot. No wonder we’re all confused. In this episode, we dive into how different philosophers—from Socrates to Simone de Beauvoir to Carl Jung—understood the search for the true self and how their insights can help us stop performing and start living more honestly. If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing your personality instead of living it, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE  00:00 Intro 05:49 Sigmund Freud 09:08 Attachment theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth) 10:55 Carl Jung’s theory on masks and shadows 12:15 The chill girl mask (Gone Girl) 13:34 Shapeshifter (MAKE BELIEVE)  14:38 The masks vs. the Self 15:04 Rousseau’s natural vs. social man 17:15 Using logic to hide from passion  17:55 For the ones who left (MAKE BELIEVE) 19:37 Freud, Jung & Rousseau reflection questions  21:48 Sartre: owning your agency as authenticity 23:08 Sartre’s concept of bad faith  24:12 Simone de Beauvoir on social class  26:41 The upper limit theory (Gay Hendricks) 27:25 But also, the playing field isn’t level 27:48 Sartre & de Beauvoir reflection questions 29:27 Heidegger: inauthenticity due to death denial  31:33 Authenticity vs. ethics and compassion 33:23 Authenticity vs. self-protection  34:01 Kant’s categorical imperative 34:48 Socrates: dying on the hill of authenticity 35:26 Socrates and Kant reflection questions 36:46 Nietzsche on creation of the true self  37:17 Does everyone have a calling? 38:19 Jealousy as a clue to your passions 38:33 The “love it for you, want it for me” folder 39:53 Nothing grows if you don’t water it 40:18 Nietzsche reflection questions   41:50 Lightning round recap  EPISODE LINKS • Carl Jung, The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious (1959) and Modern Man in Search of a Soul (1933) • Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943) • Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949) • Authenticity episode of In Our Time: Philosophy MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   

In a flop era that feels like it will never end? I know that feeling. If you’re in a rut—whether it’s burnout, a creative freeze, or a “what now” spiral after a big life change—I made this episode for you. I share about my own recent rut, what helped me get through it, and a practical 3-step roadmap grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and philosophy. This one’s part pep talk, part game plan, part love letter to anyone feeling stuck.   EPISODE OUTLINE  00:00 Intro  02:00 My “what now?” rut 06:46 Roadmap out of your rut  08:06 1. Get your story straight 08:29 You haven’t ruined your life  09:48 My bar exam story 15:48 You are not alone 16:26 Lifequakes 17:55 You are not lazy  18:54 Are you burnt out? 20:44 The classic existential crash out  22:14 Are you in functional freeze? 23:42 Perfectionism-procrastination-paralysis cycle 26:31 2. Make a plan  26:47 Friction audit (Adam Alter) 30:01 Smallest possible actions  32:47 Lower the bar or you won’t reach for it 33:43 The photography class experiment  38:13 3. Have grace for yourself  38:21 How dare you say you’re not trying? 39:20 What you have to give right now is enough 39:53 Lightning round recap    MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   

What actually makes us feel drawn to someone—and what makes us cling to situationships long after we can see the glaring red flags of emotional unavailability? In today's episode, I’m joined by my first-ever guest (!!) and one of my favorite podcasters of all time, Jemma Sbeg—host of the wildly popular Psychology of Your 20s podcast and the author of Person in Progress. If you’ve ever screamed-cried in your car after someone you weren’t even officially dating ghosted you, this one’s for you. A few things we dive into: A research-backed formula for attraction (and how to use it without playing games)The role of the “spark” in attractionThe psychology behind common dating pitfalls in your 20sThe stigma of being singleThe commitment-readiness scale (and why it can land you in situationship after situationship) Jemma also shares insights from PERSON IN PROGRESS—a roadmap for surviving the chaotic, confusing, deeply transitional decade that is your twenties—and offers advice to her younger self that made me tear up a little. Whether you’re trying to understand your patterns, make sense of someone else's, or just feel a little less alone in the dating trenches, this one will stick with you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:51 The formula for attraction 04:21 1. Proximity 07:10 2. Similarity 11:43 3. Familiarity 14:03 The 3 month rule 16:55 The curse of comfort 19:31 The sunk cost fallacy 21:06 The fear of starting over 22:37 4. Reciprocity 23:13 The harm of playing games 26:36 5. A spark 27:19 The psychology of common relationship pitfalls 27:31 1. Repetition compulsion 31:04 2. The stigma of being single 36:45 3. Situationships 38:23 The commitment-readiness scale 40:21 Permission slip to grieve your situationship 3 42:09 Lightning round recap 43:26 Last question: what would you tell past you? PERSON IN PROGRESS If you liked this episode, you will love PERSON IN PROGRESS. Out now and available everywhere you buy books. Get your copy today! PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠    PS - This is the study I mentioned that found that single women are one of the happiest demographics on Earth. And an article about it here!