Advertise on podcast: Enneagram with JB: A Podcast About Enneagram Personalities

What happens when your desire to love and connect with others slowly turns into a need to be indispensable? In this episode of Enneagram with JB, I sit down with therapist and Enneagram Two Emily Zeller for an honest conversation about Enneagram subtypes—and specifically what it feels like to experience the world as a Sexual, or one-to-one, Two. Emily shares how discovering her subtype helped her understand the intensity she had always felt in relationships, her tendency to overgive, and the unconscious belief underneath it all: If I can make myself indispensable, maybe I won't be left. We talk about why the Sexual subtype isn't simply about sex, but about chemistry, intensity, attraction, connection, and the desire to be deeply known and chosen. Emily also gives us an incredibly powerful description of the struggle underneath the Sexual Two pattern: sacrificing being known for being needed. Throughout our conversation, we explore what happens when Twos overgive without recognizing their own needs, why resentment and withdrawal can become warning signs, and how the passion of pride can show up not only as making yourself important—but also as shrinking yourself because you're afraid of being “too much.” We also talk about the body. What happens physically when you've spent so much time focused on everyone else that you've stopped noticing yourself? Emily shares how therapy, movement, meditation, intentional alone time, and reconnecting with the body have helped her become more aware of what she actually needs. And ultimately, this conversation comes back to something I love about the Enneagram: awareness gives us choice. The goal isn't to get rid of our personality or shame ourselves for the strategies that once helped us feel safe and connected. It's to recognize when those old patterns are running the show so we have the freedom to choose something different. In this episode, we talk about: The three Enneagram instincts: Self-Preservation, Social, and Sexual/one-to-one Why subtype can dramatically change how an Enneagram type presents What it's actually like to be a Sexual Two The difference between wanting to be liked and needing to be chosen Attraction and “seduction” beyond sexuality Overgiving, hidden expectations, and resentment The Sexual Two's desire to become indispensable Why Sexual-dominant women are sometimes mistyped as Eights Pride in Type Two—and why it can look like both inflation and shrinking The difference between being needed and being truly known How Type Two patterns show up in the body Learning to recognize your needs before reaching exhaustion Movement, stillness, faith, and practices that bring us back to ourselves How awareness creates greater freedom and choice One of my favorite reminders from this conversation is that our patterns aren't random. They developed for a reason. At one point, they helped us navigate relationships, get our needs met, or experience connection. But what worked then may not be what we need now. Growth begins when we can slow down long enough to notice what's happening underneath the behavior—and realize we have a choice. Connect with Emily Emily Zeller is a therapist and Enneagram consultant who works with couples, women in the postpartum season, and individuals wanting to better understand themselves and their relationships through the Enneagram. You can find Emily on Instagram and Facebook at @IEmilyZeller and learn more about her Enneagram consulting work at EmilyZeller.com. Emily provides therapy to clients located in Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Illinois and offers Enneagram consulting beyond those states. Connect with Jackie Follow Enneagram with JB for more conversations about the Enneagram, relationships, psychology, personal growth, and becoming more aware of the patterns that shape the way we live and love.

What if our Enneagram type tells us more than simply what we do? What if it helps us understand what our nervous system is trying to accomplish underneath our patterns? In this episode, I sit down with my friend Jeff Cook to talk about Daniel J. Siegel and the PDP Group's book Personality and Wholeness in Therapy and why Jeff believes it is such an important contribution to the Enneagram conversation. We explore the intersection of the Enneagram, psychology, neuroscience, and emotional regulation—and how this framework may give us new language for understanding some very old Enneagram wisdom. One of the questions underneath this conversation is: What is my system fundamentally trying to accomplish? Rather than judging our anger, sadness, fear, or personality patterns, we can become curious about them. What are they protecting? What are they responding to? And what might they be trying to tell us? We also talk about what happens when we begin to understand the Enneagram not simply as a description of who we are, but as a doorway into greater self-awareness and growth. If you love exploring the deeper "why" underneath the Enneagram, you're going to love this conversation. Connect with us: Jackie: Instagram | Website Jeff | Around the Circle podcast

Life transitions have a way of bringing parts of us to the surface.  In this episode, I’m joined by my friend Courtney Bareman for an honest conversation about the seasons we’re both navigating. Courtney just sent her youngest to kindergarten, while I’m entering a year of senior pictures, college decisions, an engagement, wedding planning, and the realization that my role as a mom is changing. Different seasons. A lot of the same emotions. We talk about what happens when change bumps up against our personalities—and why our reactions in stressful seasons aren't necessarily signs that we're failing. Sometimes they're information. We explore how our Enneagram stress movements can act like an indicator light on the dashboard, showing us that something needs our attention. We also dig into the three Enneagram subtypes—self-preservation, social, and one-to-one—and how they can help explain what we instinctively reach for when life feels uncertain. Wherever you find yourself in your story right now, remember: You don't have to rush through one chapter just because another one is beginning. Connect with us:

What happens when you arrive at a season of life you thought would look completely different? In this solo episode, I get personal about turning 49 and realizing that life hasn’t exactly slowed down the way I imagined it would. With kids growing up, aging parents, changing relationships, empty nesting on the horizon, and a new book in the works, life feels both incredibly full and incredibly good—and also exhausting. I explore the quiet expectations we carry about the future: When the kids get older, I’ll have more time. When I accomplish this, I’ll finally feel successful. When things settle down, I’ll be present. When I finally get there, I’ll be okay. But there is always another “then.” Through the lens of the Enneagram, I look at how each personality type has its own version of what it believes will finally bring safety, worth, peace, satisfaction, or freedom. I also share how my own Type Seven patterns can keep me living slightly ahead of my life—physically present today while mentally organizing tomorrow. This episode is an invitation to notice where your personality may be keeping you focused on the past or future instead of experiencing the life that is happening right now. Connect with Jackie: Instagram | Website

Most of us assume that if we understand ourselves, change will naturally follow. But that's rarely how growth works. You can know your Enneagram type, recognize your patterns, understand your childhood experiences, and still find yourself reacting the same way in your relationships. Why? Because self-awareness is only the beginning. In this conversation, I sit down with emotional intelligence coach and author Scott Allender to explore the intersection of the Enneagram, emotional intelligence, and emotional healing. Together we discuss why personality isn't the destination—it's the doorway. You'll discover why awareness alone doesn't create transformation, how our bodies and emotions shape the way we experience the world, and why curiosity is one of the most important tools for lasting growth. Reflection Questions What pattern do you notice yourself repeating most often?What might that pattern have originally been trying to protect?What story have you been believing about yourself?Where do you notice emotions showing up in your body?What would change if you responded to yourself with curiosity instead of judgment?If this conversation encouraged you, share it with someone who is ready to move beyond simply knowing themselves and begin experiencing real transformation. Be sure to subscribe to Enneagram with JB for weekly conversations that integrate the Enneagram, psychology, emotional health, and faith to help you understand yourself, strengthen your relationships, and continue the lifelong journey of becoming who you were created to be.

Most of us were never actually taught how to apologize. We learned by watching the adults around us, and for many of us, conflict was either avoided altogether or escalated without meaningful repair. So it's no wonder so many of us enter adulthood, marriage, parenting, and friendships without knowing how to repair after we've hurt someone. In this episode, Courtney and I have an honest conversation about conflict, emotional regulation, childhood patterns, and why healthy relationships aren't built on perfection; they're built on repair. You'll learn why apologies often fall flat, what gets in the way of genuine connection, and five practical steps that can help you rebuild trust after conflict. If this conversation encouraged you, share it with someone you love. You never know who needs permission to believe that relationships don't require perfection—they require people who are willing to repair.

Most of us were taught what to do with our thoughts. Few of us were taught what to do with our emotions. In this episode, Courtney Bareman and I explore why certain emotions feel uncomfortable, overwhelming, or even inaccessible. Together, we'll unpack how family systems, personality patterns, and protective strategies shape our relationship with emotions and why avoiding what we feel often creates more suffering than feeling it. You'll learn: Why many of us were never taught how to safely experience difficult emotionsHow personality influences the emotions we struggle to accessWhy unprocessed emotions often show up in our relationships, behaviors, and nervous systemsPractical ways to increase emotional awareness without becoming overwhelmedWhether you're new to the Enneagram or have been doing personal growth work for years, this conversation offers practical insights to help you move from automatic patterns toward greater awareness, freedom, and connection. Because healing doesn't begin when we stop feeling. It begins when we become willing to feel what is already there. Connect with Jackie: Instagram | Website Connect with Courtney: Instagram | Website Interested in coaching? Learn more about one-on-one coaching and Enneagram-informed personal growth work at ennegramwithjb.com. If this episode encouraged you, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend.

What happens when life doesn’t go according to plan, but somehow still becomes exactly what it needed to be? In this deeply personal episode, I sit down with my husband, Stephen Brewster, to talk about becoming — not through a straight line, but through risk, pivots, disappointment, growth, counseling, faith and learning to trust the next step before you can see the whole picture. Stephen shares his journey from the music industry, to church leadership, and eventually into artist management in his early 40s. We reflect on marriage, frequent moves, starting over, learning through counseling, understanding personality patterns through the Enneagram and the tension between safety and risk. This conversation is honest, grounding, and full of wisdom for anyone who feels like they’re behind, stuck or questioning whether it’s too late to step into something new. Follow along for more conversations around the Enneagram, nervous system awareness, growth, relationships, and becoming who you were created to be: On the web | On Instagram

What does it actually look like to become yourself? In this conversation, I sit down with Enneagram educator and author Abbey Howe to explore the real, often messy process of growth. From building a platform through storytelling and humor, to navigating identity shifts in motherhood, to learning how to move from awareness into real transformation, this episode goes deeper than surface-level Enneagram insight. Abbey shares openly about her journey as an Enneagram 3, including the tension between productivity and presence, the identity loss that can come with major life transitions, and the work of redefining worth beyond performance. We also talk about her new book, My Enneagram: A Visual Guide to Find Your Personality Type, Stress Less, and Live Your Dreams. If you’ve ever felt stuck in your patterns, overwhelmed by a life transition, or unsure how to actually apply what you know about yourself—this conversation is for you. Jackie: On the web | On Instagram Abbey: On the web | On Instagram | On TikTok

This is part two of a two-part conversation with licensed mental health counselor Rob Goetsch. This episode explores a different kind of stress; the kind that comes from your relationships, not just your to-do list. This is attachment stress, and it activates your nervous system quickly, making your Enneagram patterns feel louder, faster, and harder to shift.  When stress hits, your body responds almost instantly, and it can stay activated long after the moment has passed, especially if your mind keeps replaying it. Defense mechanisms kick in during in these moments, not as flaws, but as protective strategies aimed at helping you cope and guard what matters most. Awareness won’t immediately change these responses, but it does create space to understand them. And real change starts with regulation, supporting your body so your patterns can soften, instead of tightening, under pressure. Jackie: On the web | On Instagram Rob: On Instagram

This is part one of a two-part conversation with licensed mental health counselor Rob Goetsch. This episode explores a different kind of stress; the kind that comes from your relationships, not just your to-do list. This is attachment stress, and it activates your nervous system quickly, making your Enneagram patterns feel louder, faster, and harder to shift.  When stress hits, your body responds almost instantly, and it can stay activated long after the moment has passed, especially if your mind keeps replaying it. Defense mechanisms kick in during in these moments, not as flaws, but as protective strategies aimed at helping you cope and guard what matters most. Awareness won’t immediately change these responses, but it does create space to understand them. And real change starts with regulation, supporting your body so your patterns can soften, instead of tightening, under pressure. Jackie: On the web | On Instagram

Jackie: On the web | On Instagram // Courtney: On the web | On Instagram In this episode, I sit down with my friend Courtney to have an honest, unfiltered conversation about what it really looks like to let go of control and begin allowing yourself to be seen. Courtney is an Enneagram 8—strong, decisive, and deeply protective. But like so many 8s, that strength didn’t come out of nowhere. It was built over time as a way to stay safe, stay ahead, and avoid being hurt. What we explore in this conversation is what happens when that strength stops working the same way it used to. This isn’t a polished story of arrival. It’s a real-time look at becoming. This episode gently explores the shift from: Self-protection → ConnectionControl → TrustArmor → AccessNot by forcing change… but by increasing awareness. Even if you’re not an Enneagram 8, this conversation will likely hit somewhere personal. Because at the core, this isn’t just about type—it’s about the human experience of protecting yourself, staying guarded, and slowly learning it might be safe to let someone in You don’t have to force yourself to change. But you can begin to notice. And sometimes, that awareness is the very thing that starts to shift everything. You’re not behind. You’re becoming.

In this episode, I'm sharing a personal and honest look at what it means to let go of patterns that once served a purpose, but are now holding you back. Through the lens of the Enneagram and lifespan development, this conversation explores how our identities are shaped over time through protection, adaptation, and meaning-making. What once helped us feel safe, loved, or accepted can quietly become the very thing that limits our growth. I'm opening up about my own experience of reaching a breaking point at 40—realizing I had unintentionally placed myself on a shelf—and the emotional process of taking responsibility, grieving what was lost, and stepping into a more aligned life. This episode is not about fixing yourself. It’s about recognizing what no longer serves you… and beginning, gently, to let it go. In this episode, you’ll hear: How personality patterns are formed across the lifespanWhy letting go often feels disorienting, not freeingThe connection between protection, identity, and the EnneagramWhat it looks like to take responsibility for your own becomingA reflective invitation to help you identify where you may be holding yourself backThis episode also introduces a new series featuring real conversations with different Enneagram types as they share their own process of letting go and becoming. Jackie: On the web | On Instagram

In this deeply personal and powerful conversation, Jackie sits down with Ro Elliot to explore a journey of healing, identity, and transformation that didn’t fully begin until age 58. Ro is an Enneagram coach passionate about helping women—especially in midlife transitions—rediscover who they are beyond the roles they’ve carried.  Ro shares her story of growing up with deep insecurity, navigating disorganized attachment, walking through chronic illness, and discovering the Enneagram later in life. Together, Jackie and Ro unpack how attachment, faith, and inner work intersect—and why it is never too late to come home to yourself. This episode is for anyone who feels like they’ve lived most of their life for others… and are just now beginning to ask, “Who am I?” If you feel like you’ve spent years showing up for everyone else… this episode is your invitation to gently turn toward yourself. Nothing about you is too late. Nothing about your story is wasted. You are still becoming. Jackie: On the web | On Instagram Ro: On the web | On Instagram

Jackie: On the web | On Instagram Most of us think our struggles in relationships come down to communication, personality, or conflict styles. But what if the real issue is safety? In this episode, we’re talking about psychological safety—what it is, why it matters, and how your nervous system shapes the way you show up in your relationships. Because when safety is missing, you don’t just respond differently, you protect. And those protection patterns? That’s where the Enneagram comes in. This conversation will help you understand: Why you react the way you do under stressHow your Enneagram type tries to create safetyWhat actually creates connection (and what quietly breaks it)How to begin building psychological safety in your everyday relationshipsThis is not about fixing yourself. It’s about understanding what your system has learned—and giving it something new.