Advertise on podcast: Authentically ADHD with Carmen

RESEARCH NOTES / SHOW-NOTES SOURCES In this episode of Authentically ADHD with Carmen, we’re talking about what happens when people don’t just misunderstand you—they confidently decide what your behavior means, assign motives you never had, and then treat that interpretation like fact. For AuDHD adults, especially those diagnosed later in life, this can feel painfully familiar. A clarifying question becomes “attitude.” A pause becomes “ignoring.” Asking for help becomes proof you can’t handle adulthood. Intensity becomes aggression. Shutdown becomes manipulation. And suddenly, you’re not just trying to explain what happened—you’re trying to defend who you are. Carmen shares a deeply personal story from her second year of teaching, when a toxic medication combination led to a mental health crisis and psychiatric hospitalization. What followed was not just recovery, but the painful experience of being reduced to a distorted story by the people around her. Years later, through therapy, coaching, self-understanding, and late neurodivergent discovery, she began to understand why being confidently misread can hurt so much more than an ordinary misunderstanding. This episode explores the neuroscience behind ADHD executive functioning, autistic communication differences, masking, emotional regulation, the double empathy problem, late diagnosis, and the ways neurodivergent adults are often infantilized or treated as less capable simply because they need support. Most importantly, this is an episode about reclaiming your own narrative. You’ll learn how to separate observation from interpretation, communicate your needs more clearly, recognize when you’re over-explaining to someone committed to misunderstanding you, protect your autonomy while still accepting support, and stop letting other people’s assumptions become your identity. Because being misunderstood doesn’t mean you are unknowable. And needing clarification, support, processing time, or accommodation does not make you difficult, immature, or incapable. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is: “Please ask me what I mean before deciding who I am.” The double-empathy and cross-neurotype communication research: Research by Crompton and colleagues found effective information transfer between autistic people and has also shown that neurotype matching can influence interpersonal rapport. This supports a more relational understanding of at least some autistic/non-autistic communication difficulties rather than automatically locating every breakdown within the autistic person. First impressions and social perception: Research has also found that non-autistic observers can form less favorable first impressions of autistic adults from brief social information, illustrating how judgments about an autistic person may arise rapidly and before meaningful interaction has even developed. ADHD and emotion regulation: A systematic review of adults with ADHD found meaningful associations among ADHD, emotion dysregulation and executive functioning, while noting that the underlying research remains heterogeneous. Emotion dysregulation is therefore well supported as an important associated feature for many adults with ADHD, although it is not itself one of the core DSM ADHD diagnostic criteria. Autistic camouflaging/masking: Systematic reviews describe camouflaging as masking, compensation and assimilation strategies used to navigate social environments. Research repeatedly associates greater camouflaging with poorer mental health, exhaustion, identity difficulties and feeling overlooked or unsupported, while also acknowledging that masking may serve pragmatic or protective functions in some environments. Late diagnosis and identity: Qualitative research with late-diagnosed autistic adults describes reinterpreting past experiences through a new lens, shifts from self-criticism toward greater self-understanding or compassion for some people, and an ongoing process of reconstructing identity after diagnosis. Research including people diagnosed with autism, ADHD or both similarly describes adult diagnosis as affecting relationships, mental well-being and self-understanding. Autonomy and infantilization: Autistic adults have described wanting opportunities to make their own decisions, receive pragmatic executive-function support, unmask safely and exercise autonomy rather than having assistance become unnecessary control. Research examining cultural representation also documents persistent problems with the infantilization and underrepresentation of autistic adulthood. Important research caveat: “AuDHD” is widely used to describe co-occurring autism and ADHD, but much of the scientific literature still studies autism and ADHD separately. Individual experiences vary enormously, and the mechanisms discussed in this episode should be understood as possible contributors to misunderstanding—not a claim that every communication conflict involving an AuDHD person has the same neurological cause. Thank you for tuning in! This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

What happens when you genuinely mean to follow through—but your capacity, memory, emotions, and nervous system keep changing the terms and conditions? In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen explores the tangled relationship between AuDHD and self-trust. From inconsistent executive functioning and time blindness to autistic inertia, masking, emotional intensity, and difficulty recognizing internal body signals, everyday neurodivergent experiences can slowly teach us to question our decisions, needs, memories, and abilities. This episode names the experience, explains the neuroscience without reducing everything to one misbehaving brain region, removes the shame, and offers practical ways to begin trusting yourself again. You’ll learn how to separate real signals from shame-filled stories, plan according to actual capacity, create smaller promises you can keep, use external supports without viewing them as cheating, and repair mistakes without putting your entire personality on trial. Because self-trust does not mean knowing you will always get everything right. It means knowing that when life gets messy—and it absolutely will—you will listen, adjust, repair, and refuse to abandon yourself. Your capacity may change. Your needs may change. Your answer may change. That does not make you unreliable. It makes you a human nervous system with approximately forty-seven open tabs and no interest in pretending otherwise. Thank you for tuning in! This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Start writing today. Use the button below to create a Substack of your own This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Why switching tasks can feel physically impossible for the AuDHD brain—and how to make transitions less expensive One tiny transition can somehow derail an entire AuDHD day. In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen explores why stopping, starting, switching tasks and unexpectedly changing plans can feel disproportionately exhausting when ADHD and autism share a nervous system. We unpack the neuroscience behind task-switching costs, executive functioning, autistic inertia, time perception, working memory, uncertainty and sensory regulation—without turning your struggles into another character flaw. You’ll also learn practical ways to build gentler bridges between activities, including transition warnings, repeatable routines, physical starting cues, recovery time and minimum-viable transitions. Because you aren’t lazy, dramatic or failing at adulthood. Your brain may simply be changing tracks while the train is still moving—and somebody forgot to build a proper station. Research specifically examining everyday transitions in adults with co-occurring ADHD and autism remains limited. This episode draws from related research on adult ADHD task switching and time processing, autistic inertia, response initiation and cognitive flexibility. Luna-Rodriguez et al. found selective difficulty during complex attentional set-shifting conditions in adults with ADHD: Selective impairment of attentional set shifting in adults with ADHD Mette reviewed research on time perception in adults with ADHD and reported evidence of altered performance across several timing processes: Time Perception in Adult ADHD: Findings from a Decade Rapaport and colleagues’ qualitative research explored the pervasive and sometimes extreme nature of inertia and task-switching difficulties reported by autistic people: “I live in extremes”: A qualitative investigation of autistic inertia Greaves-Lord and colleagues discussed a co-created clinical approach to understanding and supporting initiation difficulties or “stuck states” in autistic adults: Clinical stance on response initiation in autistic adults This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever promised yourself, “I’ll do it when I have more energy”—only to discover that Future You is just as exhausted and now has an even longer to-do list? In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen explores the reality of inconsistent AuDHD capacity and why being able to do something one day does not guarantee access to the same abilities the next. We unpack how ADHD executive-function differences, reward processing, autistic inertia, sensory demands, transitions, interoception, stress, and burnout can all affect the gap between wanting to act and actually being able to begin. You’ll learn why inconsistent performance is not the same as inconsistent effort, why “easy” tasks can carry enormous hidden costs, and why waiting for a mythical burst of energy rarely solves the problem. Carmen also shares practical ways to work with your current capacity, including identifying the real barrier, creating reduced and survival versions of tasks, building transition ramps, using body doubling, protecting good-day energy, and replacing shame with useful investigation. Because your best day is not the standard you must meet every day—and you do not have to hate yourself into becoming more consistent. Sometimes your brain is not refusing to do the task. The neurological group project has simply fallen apart, Future You has filed a formal complaint, and executive functioning forgot there was a meeting. Thank you for tuning in! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

ADHD and autism can share features - executive-function struggles, intense focus, sensory differences, social friction, emotional dysregulation - without being interchangeable. This episode explores how the same outward behavior can have different internal causes, why AuDHD often feels like living with competing access needs, and how to respond with curiosity instead of shame. This episode is educational and is not medical advice or a diagnostic assessment. Screening tools can start a conversation, but diagnosis requires a qualified clinician who considers developmental history, symptoms across settings, impairment, overlapping conditions, and alternative explanations. Do you need routine but rebel against it? Crave stimulation but get overwhelmed by noise? Love people but need three to five business days to recover from brunch? You might not be inconsistent. ADHD and autism can overlap, coexist, and pull the same nervous system in 12 opposite directions. In this episode of Authentically ADHD with Carmen, we name the experience, explain the brain, remove the shame, and give you something practical to do next - because “try harder” was never a treatment plan. The Ultimate AuDHD Guide Click or download below This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever forgotten to text someone you deeply love, missed an appointment that genuinely mattered, or lost the important object you deliberately placed somewhere “safe”? It is often described online as an ADHD or AuDHD “object permanence” problem—but that is not quite what is happening. In this episode of Authentically ADHD with Carmen, Carmen breaks down the real neuroscience behind why AuDHD brains lose track of people, plans, tasks, and everyday objects. She explores context-dependent recall, prospective memory, attention, memory encoding, and working-memory interference—and explains why information can still exist in your brain without becoming accessible at the moment you need it. You will learn why walking into another room can erase your original mission, why future plans can disappear once the conversation ends, and why forgetting to contact someone is not automatically evidence that you stopped caring. Carmen also explores the important difference between having a neurological explanation and taking accountability when forgetfulness affects other people. With validating insights, practical AuDHD strategies, and the appropriate amount of dark humor, this episode offers realistic tools for externalizing memory, creating stronger retrieval cues, connecting tasks to existing routines, designing visible homes for important objects, and supporting relationships without relying entirely on spontaneous recall. Because memory is not a moral system. Your brain did not forget because nothing mattered—the present moment simply became louder than the thing you wanted to remember. Thank you for tuning in! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Why can an AuDHD brain write an entire podcast episode, reorganize a whole room, or research a random topic for three hours—but still feel physically unable to answer one email or move the laundry? In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen breaks down the neuroscience of dopamine, reward anticipation, effort, executive function, and motivation variability in ADHD and AuDHD. We explore why dopamine is not simply the brain’s “happy chemical,” why delayed rewards often fail to create enough momentum, and how urgency, novelty, interest, pressure, sensory needs, and emotional meaning can dramatically change our ability to begin. This episode also examines the uniquely chaotic experience of AuDHD motivation—when the ADHD brain wants stimulation and novelty while the autistic nervous system craves predictability, safety, and time to transition. Through relatable examples involving dishes, emails, appointments, hyperfocus, and the emotional betrayal of a “good executive function day,” Carmen explains why caring deeply does not always translate into immediate action. Most importantly, this episode challenges the shame-based belief that inconsistent motivation means laziness, immaturity, or a lack of discipline. Your unfinished tasks are not evidence against your character. Your brain may need clearer steps, faster rewards, lower sensory friction, external support, medication, rest, or a deadline that has finally grown teeth. You are not broken. Your internal project manager is simply a dopamine-dependent raccoon with no formal qualifications. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Back-to-school season is often presented as an exciting fresh start—but for neurodivergent children, AuDHD families, parents, and educators, the first bell can feel more like a full-body nervous-system event. In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen explores how the transition back to school can affect autistic and ADHD children through sensory overload, executive dysfunction, anxiety, disrupted sleep, social demands, changing routines, and emotional dysregulation. A child may be excited about school while also feeling overwhelmed by unfamiliar teachers, noisy cafeterias, uncomfortable clothing, abrupt transitions, new expectations, and the pressure to appear calm and compliant. Carmen explains why intelligence and access are not the same thing, why children may successfully complete a task one day but struggle with it the next, and why behavior that looks like defiance, refusal, or attention-seeking may actually be communication from an overloaded nervous system. Listeners will learn the RAMP framework for supporting neurodivergent students: * Reduce uncertainty * Adjust the demand * Make support visible * Plan for recovery The episode includes realistic back-to-school examples, practical classroom accommodations, sensory regulation strategies, visual supports, transition tools, after-school decompression ideas, and communication scripts for parents, teachers, paraprofessionals, and school administrators. It also addresses autistic masking, after-school restraint collapse, school refusal, sensory processing differences, working-memory overload, emotional regulation, teacher burnout, parent-school communication, and the importance of repairing with children when adults misunderstand their behavior. Because a successful school year is not one where a neurodivergent child causes the least disruption. It is one where the child feels safe, supported, understood, and able to learn without abandoning themselves. Children should not have to fall apart before adults believe that something is difficult. They should not have to hide their disability, suppress their sensory needs, or perform calmness to earn belonging. Sometimes the child does not need another consequence, sticker chart, or lecture about making good choices. Sometimes they need adults willing to get curious, reduce the barriers, and build the damn ramp. Thank you for tuning in! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Why can an AuDHD brain create an elaborate plan, color-code the entire week, and still have absolutely no idea what to do first? In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen explores the complicated relationship between AuDHD, executive dysfunction, planning, and prioritizing. For adults with both autism and ADHD, planning is rarely as simple as “make a list” or “choose what is most important.” ADHD may crave novelty, urgency, interest, and immediate rewards, while the autistic brain may need structure, predictability, clarity, and enough time to prepare. The result can feel like two nervous systems arguing over the same calendar while your laundry quietly becomes sentient. Using research and neuroscience, this episode explains how working memory challenges, time blindness, task initiation difficulties, cognitive flexibility, sensory overload, emotional regulation, and nervous-system capacity can make everyday planning feel overwhelming. Carmen also breaks down why AuDHD adults may understand exactly what needs to happen but still struggle to organize the steps, choose a priority, transition into action, or recover when the original plan changes. You’ll hear relatable real-life examples, including productive side quests that replace the actual priority, appointments that trigger all-day waiting mode, and perfectly organized schedules that collapse after one small interruption. Most importantly, this episode offers four realistic, neurodivergent-friendly planning strategies: choosing one anchor task, one maintenance task, and one bonus task; turning vague goals into visible next actions; planning around energy, sensory load, and transition costs; and using external supports such as timers, visual reminders, checklists, and body doubling. This episode is for late-diagnosed AuDHD adults, autistic adults with ADHD, neurodivergent people struggling with productivity, and anyone tired of being told that a planner will magically fix their brain. You are not lazy, careless, or failing adulthood. Your brain may simply need planning systems built around its actual wiring—not systems designed for a fictional person with unlimited energy, perfect time awareness, and matching storage containers. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Neurodivergent students can know the answer, understand the lesson, and still be unable to access learning in a classroom that feels loud, unpredictable, overwhelming, or emotionally unsafe In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen explores what autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD students may need before their brains can fully engage with instruction. We break down the neuroscience behind sensory overload, working-memory challenges, stress responses, executive dysfunction, and co-regulation—and why behaviors that look like avoidance, laziness, defiance, or inattention are often signs that a student’s nervous system is working overtime. You’ll learn practical ways to create more accessible learning environments through visual supports, predictable routines, movement, sensory accommodations, meaningful choices, smaller task-entry points, and connection before correction. Because support is not coddling. Regulation is not the same as compliance. And a student should not have to prove they can survive the classroom before they are allowed to learn in it. Thank you for tuning in! Follow me! This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Guide for Parents and Teachers The Ready To Learn Guide For ND Students First we reframe the behavior, then check access barriers, then build supports, scripts, and a one-week action plan. It includes: * A ready-to-learn access ladder * Behavior-reframing chart * Sensory and environmental access scan * Predictability and transition planner * Working-memory and task-entry supports * Movement, choice, and flexible participation tools * Co-regulation scripts * A response plan for overload, shutdowns, or escalation * Home-school communication tracker * One-page student learning access profile * Seven-day support experiment * Quick-reference page for adults * Research and resource notes The strategies are grounded in current classroom accommodation guidance, Universal Design for Learning, executive-function and stress-response science, co-regulation research, and studies examining sensory access in autistic students. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Why can you care deeply about a task, fully understand what needs to be done, and still feel physically unable to begin? In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen explores the AuDHD freeze response—the frustrating gap between intention and action shaped by task-initiation struggles, autistic inertia, cognitive disengagement, transition friction, overwhelm, and nervous-system protection. We break down why this is not laziness, defiance, or a lack of discipline, and why shame often makes the freeze even worse. You’ll learn how to identify what kind of “stuck” you are experiencing, reduce invisible steps, create gentler transition ramps, use body doubling and external cues, and choose a first step small enough to actually access. Because sometimes your brain is not refusing to cross the bridge. The bridge simply has no ramp, no lighting, no signs, and one deeply unqualified raccoon in a hard hat yelling, “Figure it out.” This episode is for every AuDHDer who has ever spent an hour thinking about standing up—and then blamed themselves for still sitting. Research and Show-Notes References * Buckle, K. L., Leadbitter, K., Poliakoff, E., & Gowen, E. First-Hand Accounts of Autistic Inertia. Frontiers in Psychology, 2021. * Rapaport, H. et al. “I live in extremes”: A qualitative investigation of autistic adults’ experiences of inertia. Autism, 2023/2024. * Lage, C., Smith, E. S., & Lawson, R. P. A meta-analysis of cognitive flexibility in autism spectrum disorder. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 2024. * Hoofs, V. et al. Task switching in autism: An EEG study on intentions and actions. Neuropsychologia, 2018. * Willcutt, E. G. et al. Validity of the executive function theory of ADHD: A meta-analytic review. Biological Psychiatry, 2005. * Diamond, A. Executive Functions. Annual Review of Psychology, 2013. * Becker, S. P. et al. Cognitive Disengagement Syndrome–Clinical Interview. 2024. * Yücens, B. et al. Examining cognitive disengagement syndrome in an adult ADHD evaluation sample. 2024. * Roelofs, K. Freeze for action: Neurobiological mechanisms in animal and human freezing. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B, 2017. * Arnsten, A. F. T. Stress signalling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 2009. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen explores why AuDHD brains can feel like they have 47 tabs open and none of them are loading. We break down the overlap between ADHD executive dysfunction and autistic overload, including sensory processing, decision fatigue, transitions, emotional regulation, and nervous system shutdown. This episode explains why overload is not laziness or drama — it is often a bandwidth issue. With research-backed neuroscience, real-life examples, dark humor, and practical tools, you’ll learn how to reduce input, shrink tasks, use scripts, create transition handrails, and support your brain when everything feels like too much and nothing is moving. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen breaks down why AuDHD recovery is so much deeper than simply lying down, sleeping, or taking a “lazy day.” For autistic ADHD brains, exhaustion is often not just physical — it can be sensory, cognitive, emotional, social, demand-based, transition-based, or masking-related. Still Exhausted After Rest: Why AuDHD Recovery Is Not Just Lying Down explores the frustrating experience of resting all weekend and still feeling like your brain is wet cement and your nervous system is running on 3%. Carmen explains how burnout, sensory overload, executive dysfunction, transitions, masking, guilt, and chronic stress can keep the body stuck in survival mode even when we look like we’re “doing nothing.” With research-informed insight, dark humor, and lived experience, this episode helps listeners name what kind of tired they actually are and choose recovery that matches the real load they’re carrying. Carmen offers practical tools like identifying your exhaustion type, creating a decompression bridge, building a recovery menu, reducing sensory input, lowering demands, and using scripts for boundaries, cancellations, guilt, and overstimulation. This episode is a compassionate reminder that AuDHD recovery is not laziness, weakness, or drama. It is an access need. You are not failing to recharge — you may simply need safer conditions, fewer demands, less input, and more honest support. Because collapse is not the same thing as rest. And lying down while your nervous system is still sprinting through a haunted corn maze? That’s not recovery, babe. That’s burnout in pajamas. Thank you for tuning in! Thanks for reading! This post is public so feel free to share it. This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. Tom Owens I did answer the question you left on my post! In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen turns a Substack Live AuDHD Ask Me Anything into a clear, compassionate, and deeply relatable conversation about what it actually means to be both autistic and ADHD. This episode breaks down the biggest questions people have about AuDHD, including how autism and ADHD can coexist, why the traits can feel so contradictory, why routines help but also feel impossible, and how executive dysfunction, sensory overload, masking, burnout, emotional intensity, transitions, and social exhaustion show up in real life. Carmen explains AuDHD in a way that is research-informed but actually human — because nobody needs another cold clinical checklist when they are trying to understand why their brain wants structure, novelty, silence, stimulation, connection, and isolation all in the same afternoon. Whether you are newly diagnosed, self-identifying, late-realizing, supporting someone you love, or just trying to understand why “simple tasks” are not simple for neurodivergent brains, this episode offers validation, language, and practical insight. It is part education, part nervous system hug, and part “oh my god, I thought this was just me.” You are not broken. You are not lazy. You are not too sensitive. Your brain has layers — and bestie, we are finally naming them. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen gets into the nervous-system chaos of being AuDHD around unpredictable people, last-minute plan changes, emotional demands, masking, and the soul-deep exhaustion that comes from confusing love with constant availability. “Dear AuDHDer, Your Nervous System Is Not a Group Project” breaks down why boundaries are not selfish, cold, dramatic, or rude — they are regulation. For AuDHD brains, unpredictability is not just inconvenient; it can overload executive function, sensory processing, emotional regulation, and the already-tired little gremlin in charge of transitions. This episode explores why plan changes can feel so destabilizing, why emotional availability is still labor, how masking makes boundaries harder, and why some people mistake your kindness for unlimited access to your time, energy, and peace. Spoiler alert: absolutely not, bestie. Carmen also shares practical, simple boundary scripts and strategies for handling unpredictable people, including how to pause before saying yes, ask for clear plans, protect your recovery time, create reply delays, and deal with guilt when you stop over-functioning for everyone else’s comfort. Because being loving does not mean being endlessly available. Being kind does not mean becoming someone else’s coping skill.And your nervous system? Not. A. Group. Project. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe