Advertise on podcast: Life Uninhibited - The Enneagram 6 Podcast

Sixes, have you ever brought a problem to someone, only to feel even more frustrated when they didn't respond the way you wanted? Maybe they tried to fix it. Maybe they offered another perspective. Maybe they didn't seem nearly as concerned as you were. And suddenly, you're even MORE upset. What's going on there? In this episode of Life Uninhibited, we're exploring the function of emotional expression and why Sixes can have such a strong need for other people to understand—and sometimes even match—what they're feeling. As part of the Enneagram's reactive (or expressive) triad, Sixes often process emotions outwardly. But what feels like discussing a problem may actually be an unconscious attempt to regulate an uncomfortable internal emotion. And when someone doesn't respond the way we expect? We might turn up the intensity. Repeat ourselves. Explain the problem again. Ask more questions. Or become frustrated that the other person doesn't seem to understand. In this episode, we explore: Why Sixes are part of the emotionally expressive triad The three emotional regulation patterns: expressing, containing, and reframing Why Sixes often process their emotions through other people How an uncomfortable feeling can quickly become a story about an external problem Why we sometimes intensify our emotions when someone doesn't respond as expected How seeking validation can create conflict in our relationships Why reassurance-seeking and confrontation can serve similar functions How our emotional expression can unintentionally leave others feeling pressured The difference between healthy emotional expression and needing someone else to regulate our feelings Why learning to experience emotions in our bodies creates more room for productive thinking and choice Emotional expression isn't a flaw. It's a valuable part of how Sixes move through the world. But when our ability to feel okay depends on someone else agreeing with us, understanding us, or matching our emotional intensity, we can find ourselves stuck in painful relationship patterns. The work isn't to stop expressing our emotions. It's learning to recognize, feel, and navigate those emotions ourselves—so we can bring more awareness, choice, and connection into our relationships. Helpful Links: Learn more about Uninhibited HERE Schedule your Uninhibited Consultation HERE You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

Sixes, do you ever feel like you just need a little more information before you can move forward? One more question answered. One more conversation. One more piece of research. One more explanation for why something happened. And then, finally, you'll feel ready. But what if the information isn't actually what you're looking for? In this episode of Life Uninhibited, we're exploring the function of needing to know and why this familiar Six pattern can keep us searching for answers long after we have enough information to move forward. For Sixes, knowing can create a brief sense of certainty. That wonderful feeling of: "Oh, that makes sense. Now I understand." But the problem is that our minds don't always recognize when we've reached enough. So we keep asking, checking, researching, and trying to understand. Not necessarily because we need more information, but because we don't trust ourselves to handle what we don't know. In this episode, we explore: Why Sixes have such a strong desire to know what's happening and why How information creates temporary feelings of security and certainty Why our internal "enough meter" doesn't always recognize when we have enough information How doubt keeps us asking more questions Why not knowing can feel like a threat The connection between needing to know and trusting ourselves to handle life How personal insight can become another Six pattern Why understanding your patterns doesn't automatically change them The difference between gaining insight and building the capacity to tolerate uncertainty How to become more comfortable with not having all the answers Kristin also shares a familiar example: receiving a text that says, "We need to talk." For a Six, those four words can create an immediate need to know what's coming. But what if you could receive that message and allow yourself to not know? Not because you've convinced yourself everything will be fine. But because you've developed the capacity to handle the uncertainty. The goal isn't to know everything before you can live your life. It's learning that you can meet life as it comes, even when you don't know what's next. Helpful Links: Learn more about Uninhibited HERE Schedule you Uninhibited Consultation HERE You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

Sixes, what if courage doesn't mean what you think it means? We tend to think of courage as something we DO. Speak up. Take the risk. Have the conversation. Do the scary thing. But for Sixes, doing something that looks brave isn't necessarily courage at all. Sometimes charging toward something is actually another way we're trying to escape the discomfort of uncertainty. So what does courage actually look like for a Six? In this episode of the Foundations Series, we're exploring courage as the virtue of Type Six—and as an internal experience rather than an outward behavior. Courage isn't finally feeling certain. It isn't getting rid of your fear. It isn't knowing exactly what to do. It's being able to look inward and recognize: I have more resources available to me than my fear is allowing me to see right now. Because our fixation loves to tell us: I don't know enough. I don't have enough. I need more information. I need another plan. I need more support. I can't handle this. Courage interrupts that loop. It helps us recognize when our patterns are patterning, shift our internal state, reconnect with ourselves, and ask a completely different question: What do I already have to bring to this situation? In this episode, we explore: Why courage is the virtue of Type Six The difference between courage and simply doing something "brave" Why bold or confrontational behavior isn't necessarily courage How Sixes can use action to escape uncertainty Why courage begins with questioning what your fear-filled brain is telling you How our fixation convinces us we don't have enough Why changing your state matters before trying to think your way through a problem Why courage does NOT mean fear disappears How to move forward with fear and uncertainty still present What it means to stay connected to yourself How to recognize the resources you've already built over a lifetime Why Sixes don't need to make themselves smaller—or pretend to have all the answers You don't have to wait until you feel certain to move forward. You don't have to eliminate fear before you can access courage. Courage is being able to say: I don't know what's going to happen. I don't have all the answers. I'm still afraid. And I trust that I have something valuable to bring to whatever comes next. Helpful Links: Learn more about Uninhibited HERE Schedule you Uninhibited Consultation HERE You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

Sixes, let's talk about authority and control. Because here's where things get interesting: We can spend a lot of time looking outside ourselves for someone or something that seems to know what to do... and then turn around and become VERY certain about what everyone else should be doing. 😬 In this episode of the Foundations Series, we're looking at the function of authority seeking and control—and why, for Sixes, these two things are more connected than they might initially seem. An authority isn't necessarily a boss, teacher, pastor, or someone officially "in charge." It can be a mentor. A doctor. A rule book. A set of guidelines. A spiritual framework. An expert you've been researching. A partner or friend whose opinion you always check. Essentially, authority can be anything outside of you that helps hold uncertainty for you. But then something interesting happens. We gather information, frameworks, advice, and guidance from outside ourselves...and sometimes bring it back into our lives as: "Okay. THIS is what needs to happen." Suddenly, we're the authority. And we may not even realize we're doing it. In this episode, we explore: Why Sixes seek authority in the first place What actually counts as an "authority" How external authority can help hold uncertainty for us The connection between authority seeking and control Why Sixes may not recognize themselves as controlling How our "shoulds" get directed toward ourselves AND other people Why rebellion and questioning authority are still connected to authority seeking How Sixes can scan trusted authorities for flaws, hypocrisy, or hidden agendas Why perceived future problems can feel like present-day threats How trying to prevent every future problem creates more stress Why control is ultimately an attempt to manage uncertainty Our patterns aren't flaws. They're trying to protect us from an experience we don't believe we can handle. And for Sixes, so much of this comes back to one incredibly difficult reality: We cannot control what happens next. The work isn't creating a world where nothing unexpected ever happens. It's slowly building trust that we can meet the world as it actually is. Helpful Links: Learn more about Uninhibited HERE Schedule you Uninhibited Consultation HERE You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

Sixes, we're going to talk about a word you probably don't love: Cowardice. Before you immediately reject it, let me explain. In this episode of the Foundations Series, we're looking at the fixation of Type Six—the mental loop our minds continually return to. And no, I'm not calling Sixes cowards. The fixation of cowardice is much more about an underlying belief: "I don't have what it takes to handle what happens next." That belief can show up in VERY different ways. It can keep us attached to a job, relationship, community, belief system, or source of support long after we sense it might be time to move on. But it can also make us leave. Ghost. Confront. Make another plan. Ask for reassurance. Research one more option. Or charge directly toward a problem because waiting to see what happens feels unbearable. Different behaviors. Same underlying attempt to close the gap of uncertainty. In this episode, we explore: What the Type Six fixation of "cowardice" actually means Why the fixation isn't saying that Sixes are cowards How the belief "I can't handle this" can keep us stuck Why the exact same pattern can make one Six stay and another Six leave Why behavior alone doesn't tell us someone's Enneagram type How planning and preparation can be rooted in a fear of not being able to handle what happens Why Sixes seek reassurance, resources, people, and support How to uncover what's underneath your automatic behaviors How counterphobic behavior can be another attempt to close the uncertainty gap Why confronting something quickly can sometimes be harder to resist than simply waiting How building internal sturdiness gives us more choices The goal isn't to eliminate every Six pattern. It's to build a growing sense that: When weird, uncertain, messy, hard things happen, I can handle them. I can figure out what I need. I can decide whether to stay or leave. I can navigate what comes next. I don't have to close every uncertainty gap immediately. And I have more resources than I think I do. Helpful Links: Learn more about Uninhibited HERE Schedule you Uninhibited Consultation HERE You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

Sixes, let's talk about fear. Not because Sixes are walking around scared all the time. In fact, plenty of Sixes don't identify with being fearful at all. Fear is a core human emotion. It's necessary. It's designed to help keep us alive. But for Enneagram Sixes, that very normal fear mechanism gets expanded into something bigger: an emotional lens through which we navigate the world. In this episode of the Foundations Series, we're looking beyond what fear looks like and asking a different question: What is the fear actually doing for us? For Sixes, fear keeps our attention searching for the things we believe we need to navigate the world safely: security, support, and guidance. And at the same time, we're scanning for anything that might threaten those things. That can look like questioning. Planning. Looking for guidelines or frameworks. Seeking other people's opinions. Checking one more time. Struggling when trusted sources disagree. Or even feeling incredibly certain because we've aligned ourselves with a person, belief system, institution, or authority that seems certain enough for us. In this episode, we explore: Why fear is the core emotion of Type Six The function fear serves in the Six personality structure Why "anxiety" doesn't fully describe Six fear The Six search for security, support, and guidance Why Sixes can want guidance while also resisting being told what to do How fear can show up as doubt, questioning, planning, anger, or cynicism Why Sixes often ask other people what they think—even when we already have a sense of what we want to do How doubt keeps us from "landing" Why some Sixes don't identify as fearful at all What counterphobic behavior can actually look like The concept of "borrowed certainty" and why it can feel so stabilizing—until it doesn't The goal isn't to make fear another thing that's wrong with you. Remember our frame from the beginning of this series: Your patterns serve a function. So instead of judging your fear, anxiety, doubt, or questioning, let's get curious about what it's trying to do for you. What is my fear helping me look for—and what is it trying to protect me from? Helpful Links: Learn more about Uninhibited HERE Schedule you Uninhibited Consultation HERE You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

Sixes, what if the things you've been trying so hard to "fix" about yourself aren't flaws at all? In this episode, I'm kicking off a new Foundations Series exploring what it means to be an Enneagram Six—and before we get into the specifics of Type Six, we need to talk about how we approach the Enneagram in the first place. Because the Enneagram isn't simply a list of behaviors. It's about patterns. Patterns that developed for a reason. Patterns designed to protect something deeper and more tender within us. And this distinction matters for Sixes because when we learn something new about ourselves, we have a tendency to immediately turn it into a problem. Oh, I do that. I shouldn't do that. Why am I still doing that? I know better. I need to fix this. But when we approach our Six patterns that way, we're actually looking at the pattern through the pattern. In this episode, we explore: Why the Enneagram is about patterns, not just behaviors The protective function behind our personality patterns Why Sixes tend to turn self-awareness into another problem to solve How our desire for certainty can show up in personal growth work Why knowing more about yourself doesn't automatically create transformation The difference between seeing a pattern as a flaw and getting curious about what it's protecting How approaching yourself differently can become a foundation for self-trust As we move through this Foundations Series, I want you to remember: Your patterns are trying to protect you. They are not revealing something wrong with you. So instead of asking: "Why am I like this?" Try: "I wonder what this pattern is protecting me from?" That's where we're starting. Helpful Links: Learn more about Uninhibited HERE Schedule you Uninhibited Consultation HERE You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

Schedule Your Uninhibited Consultation HERE What does this work actually look like in real life? Not when you've mastered your Sixness. Not when you've stopped feeling anxious or second-guessing yourself. But when you're still very much a Six—and you're learning how to relate to yourself differently. In this episode, I'm joined by my client Keely, an Enneagram Six who completed the first round of Uninhibited and is coming back for round two. We talk about some very familiar Six patterns: hypervigilance, overpreparing, self-doubt, needing reassurance, and the pressure to do things "right." But more importantly, Keely shares what has changed. She talks about preparing for this very podcast interview by... not preparing. 😬 She shares what it was like to stand up in front of a room with a microphone without scripting everything first. And we talk about learning to notice our Six patterns without immediately turning them into more evidence that something is wrong with us. In this episode, we explore: The difference between insight and awareness Why noticing your patterns in real time matters Holding what you notice with compassion instead of criticism How overpreparing can feel necessary even when it's draining you Learning to trust yourself to meet the moment Why planning and anxiety aren't inherently bad Self-doubt as a Six "cognitive style" What happens when "Why can't I just...?" becomes your internal dialogue The strengths of Sixes—including loyalty, conscientiousness, humor, and commitment Learning to like your Sixness instead of trying to fix it Why community can make this work feel safer, lighter, and even fun Maybe the goal isn't to become less of a Six. Maybe it's to have more freedom and choice within your Sixness. As Keely put it: "There's nothing wrong with me. There's nothing I need to fix." Helpful Links: Learn more about Uninhibited HERE Schedule you Uninhibited Consultation HERE You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

Schedule Your Uninhibited Consultation HERE   Sixes, you're already working really hard.  You're managing a lot. Thinking about a lot. Taking care of a lot. Trying to anticipate a lot. So what if the answer isn't working harder? What if it's learning how to redirect some of the energy you're already using? In this episode, I'm walking through what I consider to be some of the essential work for Enneagram Sixes—and, conveniently, the work we'll be doing together in the next round of Uninhibited. We talk about why Sixes often prefer information over practice, why what's happening in your body impacts the thoughts available to you, and how the questions you automatically ask yourself can keep you spinning instead of helping you move forward. We also get into one of the biggest shifts I want for Sixes: moving from an internal experience of scarcity—I need more information, more certainty, more support, more proof—toward a growing sense of sufficiency. I have enough to take the next step. I know enough to make this decision. I can handle my life as it comes. In this episode, we explore: Why Sixes don't necessarily need to work harder—we need to redirect our energy Information vs. practice and why insight alone doesn't create change How to shift your physiological state so you can access different thinking The automatic questions Sixes ask that keep us stuck How better questions create more productive thinking Developing an internal voice that feels supportive and trustworthy Moving from internal scarcity toward sufficiency Creating more space between trigger and response What it means to practice self-loyalty and stay on your own side Becoming more internally sturdy while navigating life as it actually is You probably have more capacity, support, resources, and internal sturdiness than you realize. The work isn't always creating more. Sometimes it's learning to see—and trust—what is already there. A question to take with you: What if I already have enough within me to take the next step? Helpful Links: Learn more about Uninhibited HERE Schedule you Uninhibited Consultation HERE You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

Schedule Your Uninhibited Consultation HERESixes, what happens in the space between what you know... and what you don't know?  Your brain fills it in. And usually, it doesn't fill it in with the most supportive story. In this episode, I introduce a concept I'm calling Mind the Gap—the practice of noticing what happens inside us when we're faced with uncertainty. Maybe you say something vulnerable and don't know how the other person will respond. Maybe you're starting something new and have no idea how it's going to go. Maybe you're waiting on an answer. There it is: the gap. And for Sixes, that gap can quickly fill with fear, worst-case scenarios, contingency plans, control, anger, cynicism, or attempts to convince ourselves we don't care about something we actually care very much about. In this episode, we explore: What the uncertainty gap looks like for Enneagram Sixes Why our brains automatically perceive uncertainty as potential threat How fear fills in what we don't know The thoughts, feelings, and actions that follow Why control, planning, anger, and cynicism can all be attempts to close the gap How regulating your emotional state can change the thoughts that follow What it means to let uncertainty exist without immediately filling it in How noticing your automatic pattern gives you more choice about what happens next We can't eliminate uncertainty. But we can learn how to stop letting our automatic response to uncertainty run our lives. A question to take with you: Where is there a gap of uncertainty in my life right now—and what is my Six brain filling it with? Helpful Links: Learn more about Uninhibited HERE Schedule you Uninhibited Consultation HERE You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

What happens inside you after you make a mistake? For Sixes, it can get complicated fast. There may be healthy guilt—the ugh, I wish I hadn't done that feeling that lets us know we've acted outside of our values. But then anxiety can jump in. What are they going to think? Are they mad? Did I ruin something? And if we're not careful, shame isn't far behind. What kind of person does that? Maybe I'm irresponsible. Maybe I'm unprofessional. Maybe there's something wrong with me. In this episode, I use a very real—and thankfully pretty low-stakes—mistake of my own to explore what guilt, anxiety, and shame actually feel like from the inside. We talk about: Why healthy guilt can actually be useful How anxiety fills uncertainty with worst-case stories The difference between "I made a mistake" and "I am the kind of person who makes these mistakes" Why Sixes can over-apologize, defend, blame, or seek reassurance when anxiety and shame take over How to own what's yours without taking on more than what's yours Why practicing with the small stuff can help you understand your internal patterns How curiosity creates space between your automatic reaction and what you choose to do next Your first reaction may be automatic. What you do with that reaction doesn't have to be. A question to take with you: Am I owning a mistake—or am I making the mistake mean something about who I am? Helpful Links: Learn more about Uninhibited HERE Sign up for my FREE Series on Confidence or Self Loyalty email series! You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

Guilt is one of those emotions Sixes talk about all the time.  But what if much of what we're calling guilt… isn't actually guilt? In this episode, I unpack the difference between healthy guilt—the kind that points us toward repair and integrity—and the anxiety, worry, and rumination that so many Sixes mistake for guilt. Because when we confuse anxiety with guilt, we end up carrying responsibility that was never ours, apologizing for taking up space, and trying to control relationships that were never ours to control. We explore: The difference between healthy guilt and anxious guilt Why guilt has an important purpose in healthy relationships The healing cycle of rupture and repair How Sixes confuse fear of disconnection with guilt Why saying "no" or disappointing someone isn't automatically something to feel guilty about How guilt can become another way to maintain the illusion of control The surprising relationship between guilt, anger, and self-trust This episode isn't about getting rid of guilt. It's about recognizing when guilt is actually pointing you toward integrity... and when anxiety is simply wearing guilt's clothes. A question to take with you: Am I feeling true guilt… or am I simply afraid someone will be upset with me? Helpful Links: Learn more about Uninhibited HERE Sign up for my FREE Series on Confidence or Self Loyalty email series! You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

If you're waiting to feel peaceful after you've solved all the problems...  You may be waiting forever. As Sixes, we often believe that calm, joy, and peace are rewards we earn after we've fixed everything that's wrong. But what if those emotions aren't waiting on the other side of certainty? What if they're available now? In this episode, we shift the conversation from difficult emotions to the emotions we long for more of. We explore why our brains naturally focus on threat, why that's not a flaw, and how we can intentionally build new pathways that allow us to notice beauty, support, calm, and joy—even when life is hard. This isn't about pretending everything is okay. It's about learning where to place your attention. In this episode, we explore: Why Sixes don't have to "earn" positive emotions How attention shapes your emotional experience The power of resourcing and practicing beauty Why changing your physical state changes your thinking How to interrupt anxious spirals before solving problems Why calm doesn't come from certainty How to build more moments of peace without changing your circumstances A question to take with you: Where is my attention right now—and is it creating the experience I want? Helpful Links: Sign up for my FREE Series on Confidence or Self Loyalty email series! You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

Last week, we explored why we experience difficult emotions at all. This week, we're continuing the conversation by looking at three emotions Sixes often spend a tremendous amount of energy trying to avoid: disappointment, fear, and anxiety.  What if disappointment isn't something to protect yourself from? What if fear isn't the enemy? And what if anxiety isn't actually solving the problem your brain thinks it's solving? In this episode, we explore how our emotional lives shape so many of the behaviors Sixes know well—lowering expectations, planning for every possibility, overthinking, pessimism, and trying to stay ahead of pain before it ever arrives. The goal isn't to stop having these emotions. The goal is to become safe enough inside yourself that you no longer have to organize your life around avoiding them. In this episode, we discuss: Why disappointment reveals what you genuinely care about How lowering expectations can quietly shrink your life The difference between fear and anxiety Why anxiety loops keep us from deeper emotions How learning to tolerate difficult feelings builds self-trust Why you don't have to outrun your emotions to live an uninhibited life A question to take with you: What feeling am I actually trying to avoid? Helpful Links: Sign up for my FREE Series on Confidence or Self Loyalty email series! You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching

If we create our own emotional experience...  Why would we ever create emotions that feel so awful? It's such a good question. And one I hear—both from myself and from my clients—all the time. In this episode, we continue our conversation about feelings and explore why difficult emotions aren't mistakes to fix or signs that something has gone wrong. They're part of being human. As Sixes, we often assume that if we feel fear, sadness, anger, or grief, there must be a problem to solve. We immediately begin looking for who caused it, what went wrong, or how to make it stop. But what if those emotions aren't the enemy? What if they're actually revealing what matters most? In this episode, we explore: Why difficult emotions aren't evidence that something is wrong The Six belief that negative emotions always require fixing What sadness, grief, and anger are actually trying to show us Why our brains confuse emotional discomfort with danger The difference between feeling an emotion and acting from it How curiosity creates more freedom than judgment Why learning to let emotions rise and fall builds self-trust This episode isn't about liking uncomfortable feelings. It's about changing your relationship with them. A question to take with you: What if this emotion isn't a problem to solve… but something to understand? Helpful Links: Sign up for my FREE Series on Confidence or Self Loyalty email series! You can find me on Instagram HERE You can contact me HERE if you have questions or want to chat more about Life Coaching