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What happens when the behaviours that are hurting you also feel like the things holding you together? In this episode of Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by embodiment coach, speaker and podcast host Anthea Bell for a compassionate conversation about the needs beneath eating disorder behaviours and what it means to build a life beyond them. Drawing on our lived experiences of anorexia recovery, we explore why restriction, compulsive exercise, work and people-pleasing can become ways of seeking safety, acceptance or control. Anthea shares her personal understanding of anorexia as “the perfect expression of an unmet need”, opening up a conversation about approaching these patterns with curiosity while recognising the harm they cause. We talk about the fear of letting go, the difference between short-term relief and genuinely compassionate action, and the support that helps us make recovery choices even when those choices feel frightening. Alongside nourishment and changes in behaviour, we explore learning to feel our emotions, receive love and discover who we are beyond performing, pleasing and proving. In this episode, we explore: Why an eating disorder can feel protective, even while it causes suffering. How shame, secrecy and the need to be “the good one” can make asking for help difficult. Why control can shift between food, exercise, work and other behaviours during recovery. The difference between feeling afraid and being in danger. Learning to experience emotions without immediately trying to suppress or escape them. How to recognise when “being kind to myself” is becoming a reason to restrict. Why honesty, trusted support and accountability matter in eating disorder recovery. The role of connection and community in learning to receive care. What freedom can look like when you begin living according to your own needs and values. One of the threads running through this conversation is that you are worthy of love and care at every stage of recovery. You can begin practising compassionate actions before you feel confident, ready or comfortable in your body, and you can let other people support you along the way. About Anthea Bell Anthea Bell is an embodiment coach, public speaker and host of Embodied with Anthea Bell. She supports people to deepen their connection with themselves, understand the patterns that keep them feeling stuck and build lives with greater authenticity, creativity and fulfilment. Her work brings together the body, emotions, beliefs and everyday actions, with clients including actors, creatives, entrepreneurs and coaches. Having experienced anorexia, compulsive eating, exercise compulsion and workaholism, Anthea brings a deeply personal understanding of seeking safety through control and achievement. In this conversation, she shares how recovery opened up the possibility of expressing her needs, receiving love and becoming more fully herself. Through her coaching, speaking and podcast, Anthea explores what it means to move beyond familiar coping patterns and develop a more compassionate, honest relationship with ourselves. Her podcast features conversations about mind–body connection, personal transformation and living authentically. Connect with Anthea: Website: ab-embodimentcoaching.org Instagram: @ab_embodiment Podcast — Spotify: Embodied with Anthea Bell Podcast — Apple Podcasts: Embodied with Anthea Bell Find support with Julia If this conversation feels familiar, you are very welcome in The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle. A space to share the things that feel difficult to explain, connect with people who recognise those experiences and receive encouragement as you practise recovery in everyday life. Explore the Circle: edrecoverycircle.com For information about 1:1 eating disorder recovery coaching, visit juliatrehane.com. If this episode helps you feel understood, please share it with someone who might need it and follow Fly to Freedom wherever you listen to podcasts.

Does Anyone Else Feel Like This? Eating Disorder Recovery Q&A Have you ever heard someone describe a feeling you thought only you had? That moment of recognition can mean so much, especially when eating disorder recovery feels lonely or difficult to explain. In this episode of Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by a group of women at different stages of recovery for another warm, honest Q&A. After such a lovely response to our previous group episode, we’ve come together again to answer real questions, share our experiences and make space for the things we’re still working through. We talk about eating when physical hunger feels absent, hearing about extreme hunger and wondering why your experience seems different. The women share how they’ve approached nourishment when hunger signals feel unclear, including their experiences of regular, structured eating and seeking permission to meet their needs. We explore compulsive exercise, fear of weight gain and what happens when trying to do “just a little” movement begins taking over again. Alongside this, we discuss the guilt around resting, the pressure to be productive and how general health messages can feel confusing when you’re recovering from a restrictive eating disorder. We also make space for recovery in midlife: feeling embarrassed to talk about an eating disorder, being dismissed because of age or appearance, and finding reassurance in hearing from other women who understand. Then we turn towards some deeply personal questions. Who are you beyond exercise, restriction and always getting things done? What if you make the changes and life still feels difficult? How do you move towards something different when familiar eating disorder behaviours seem to offer safety? There’s tenderness, laughter and plenty of shared recognition as we explore self-compassion, rediscovering enjoyment, navigating fear and allowing connection to include boundaries. In this episode, we explore: Physical hunger, mental hunger and different experiences of extreme hunger.Eating when hunger feels quiet and using regular, structured nourishment.Seeking permission to eat, rest and meet your needs.Compulsive exercise, body changes and fear of weight gain.Rest guilt and linking self-worth to productivity.Weight-focused health messages, BMI and difficult healthcare encounters.Anorexia recovery over 40 and the impact of eating disorder stereotypes.Identity, joy and life beyond restrictive routines.Fear, familiar coping behaviours and supporting yourself through difficult life events.Social connection, personal boundaries and feeling less alone.Whatever stage you’re at, I hope you hear something that helps you feel understood and opens up a little more possibility for yourself. Find support and connection Join The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle for a welcoming community where you can ask questions, share your experiences and connect with people who understand. For information about working with me through 1:1 eating disorder recovery coaching, visit juliatrehane.com. You can also watch this conversation on my YouTube channel. Follow Fly to Freedom wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with someone who might find comfort in hearing it.

The Fear Beneath the Fear: Why You Don’t Need to Feel Ready for Eating Disorder Recovery Fear can make eating disorder recovery feel impossible. There may be fear of weight gain, eating more, feeling full, resting, stopping compulsive exercise or allowing your body to change. But what if the biggest thing keeping you stuck is not the feared experience itself, but the belief that you will be unable to cope with how it makes you feel? In this episode of Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast, I explore the fear beneath the fear and why waiting to feel ready can delay anorexia recovery. For decades, I believed that controlling food, exercise and my body was keeping me safe. Restriction, movement, body checking and rules gave me temporary relief from anxiety. Yet every time I used an eating disorder behaviour to reduce fear, my brain learned that the behaviour had protected me from danger. It never had the opportunity to discover what might happen if I did not obey the fear. That is why eating disorder behaviours can remain so compelling, even when you understand that they are keeping you trapped. Eating less, compensating after food, exercising or seeking reassurance may make anxiety fall in the moment, but that relief teaches the brain to ask for the same behaviour again next time. Recovery begins to change when you create a gap between the fear and the response. That could mean eating the food without compensating, resting without making up for it later, allowing fullness to pass, or noticing a change in your body without checking or trying to undo it. The goal is not to become fearless before you recover. It is to build evidence that you can experience fear, guilt, uncertainty and discomfort without abandoning yourself. In this episode, I explore: Why fear of weight gain is often only the beginning of the storyWhat may sit beneath the fear of eating more or gaining weightWhy avoidance strengthens eating disorder behavioursThe difference between feeling ready and being willingWhy confidence usually follows recovery actionsHow restriction, body checking and compulsive exercise provide temporary reliefWhy difficult emotions do not mean a recovery action is wrongHow repetition builds self-trust and nervous system safetyWhy recovery progress is better measured by what you do than by how comfortable you feelHow to face a difficult body image day without turning against yourselfThe eating disorder will show you the immediate cost of moving forwards, but it rarely shows you the cost of staying where you are. Another year of avoiding restaurants, needing calorie information, exercising through exhaustion or waiting for your body to feel acceptable carries a cost too. Eating disorder recovery is rarely a choice between fear and no fear. Often, it is a choice between the fear that keeps you trapped and the fear that may eventually set you free. You can feel frightened and still nourish yourself. You can feel guilty and still rest. You can dislike a photograph and still go out for dinner. You can experience body image distress and continue caring for yourself. You do not have to know exactly how recovery will feel. Little by little, you can learn that whatever feelings arise, you will remain on your own side. That is how self-trust grows, and that is where freedom begins. For compassionate support with anorexia recovery, fear of weight gain, compulsive exercise, body image or letting go of eating disorder rules, visit: https://www.juliatrehane.com The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle offers practical recovery resources, courses, workshops, community support, monthly Meetups and a monthly coaching call with me. https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/join Eating disorder recovery supportJoin the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle

The Woman I Never Imagined I Could Become: Julia’s Recovery Q&A This episode of Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast is a little different. Instead of answering questions about the struggles you may be facing in recovery, I’m answering your questions about me: the woman I was, how I recovered after living with anorexia for forty years, and what my life looks and feels like now. I share why eating more, resting and restoring my weight were essential foundations of recovery, but were not enough to give me complete freedom. Although my body was healing, I still carried the beliefs that had fuelled the eating disorder for decades: that I was not good enough, that love had to be earned and that my worth depended upon staying small, being productive and keeping everybody else happy. Full recovery required me to look beneath the food, exercise and body obsession. It meant replacing judgement with curiosity, separating facts from the painful stories I had attached to them, and gradually building a relationship with myself based on compassion rather than punishment. In this episode, I explore: How I moved from forty years of anorexia to complete freedom Why weight restoration was essential but was not the end of my recovery How I knew I was fully recovered Why my experience led me to become an eating disorder recovery coach How and why I created the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle Why I stopped exercise completely and how I eventually returned to movement The difference between choosing to exercise and feeling compelled to exercise How I respond to diet culture and difficult body-image days What recovery has changed within my marriage, family and everyday life How recovery helped me remain present through grief, fear and Dave’s stroke Why authenticity, simplicity and self-confidence have been some of recovery’s greatest gifts How I became the woman I could never have imagined becoming Recovery has not made life perfect or removed sadness, fear, insecurity and loss. It has given me the ability to experience all of life without abandoning myself or returning to restriction, compulsive exercise and control. I can have a difficult day in my body and continue treating her with care. I can feel grief without needing to numb it, experience fear without imagining every possible disaster and make mistakes without believing they say something terrible about me. I can ask for help, express an opinion, create boundaries and allow myself to be fully present with the people I love. When I began anorexia recovery, I thought I was fighting for freedom from food rules, exercise and body obsession. I did not realise I was finding my way home to myself. If you are somewhere in the difficult, uncertain middle of eating disorder recovery, the life ahead may be much bigger than you can currently imagine. The person you are today cannot yet know everything the version of you who keeps going will discover. If you want to live a life of freedom from an eating disorder, I can help you. You can learn more about working with me and the recovery support available at juliatrehane.com.

What does eating disorder recovery actually feel like when you're the person trying to live it? Not the theory. Not the neat list of recovery steps. Not the version told from the other side once everything has fallen into place. This week on Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast, I wanted to do something completely different. I invited six women from within my recovery community to come together and answer questions about eating disorder recovery. Nobody was specially selected, nobody was given the questions beforehand and nobody was asked to tell a particular kind of recovery story. We actually started chatting before I'd officially begun recording, and the conversation was so open and valuable that I decided to leave that in too. These women are different ages, from different backgrounds and at very different stages of recovery. Some have lived with anorexia and eating disorders for decades. Some have tried NHS or private treatment. Some know an enormous amount about eating disorders and yet still struggle to translate that knowledge into action. We talk about feeling not sick enough to deserve support, and the way the eating disorder continually moves the goalposts. We talk about knowing exactly what you need to do and still finding it incredibly difficult to do it. As one woman puts it, recovery can be simple, but not easy. We talk about the shame of struggling as a teacher, therapist, professional, mother or middle-aged woman, and why eating disorders do not discriminate by age, intelligence, profession or life experience. We also talk honestly about recovery communities. What happens if you're having an awful day? Do you need to be positive before you speak? What if you worry about triggering someone or bringing everyone else down? And what happens when somebody challenges something you have believed for years? Then the conversation moves into self-compassion and something I particularly love: discovering who you actually are underneath the eating disorder. One woman discovers that perhaps she doesn't love being constantly busy and productive after all. She likes a slower life, pottering and building Lego. And then there is "holiday Sue". Sue describes a freer, happier version of herself who appeared on holiday – someone who ate what she wanted, worried less about what other people thought and simply enjoyed life. She's beginning to realise that holiday Sue may actually be the real Sue. Perhaps one of the most moving moments comes from a woman who once believed gaining weight would be worse than almost anything she could imagine. Today, she would rather live in a higher-weight body and keep the peace and freedom she has discovered than ever return to the life she had before. She once thought she might be the special unicorn – the person for whom full recovery simply wasn't possible. The unicorn doesn't exist. These aren't six women with everything figured out. There are doubts, fears, frustration, laughter and plenty of swearing. That's precisely why this conversation matters. Sometimes eating disorder recovery is questioning something you've believed for decades. Sometimes it is allowing somebody else to believe in you before you can quite believe in yourself. And sometimes it is discovering that the thoughts and feelings you believed made you different are being experienced by somebody else too. No scripts. No polished recovery stories. Just six women talking openly about what eating disorder recovery really feels like. Julia Trehane: https://juliatrehane.com The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle: https://edrecoverycircle.com

What happens when you desperately want eating disorder recovery, you know what you need to do, and yet fear keeps stopping you? In this Q&A episode of Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast, I answer questions from members of the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle about fear, restriction, body image, changing routines, treatment and that frustrating gap between wanting to recover and actually taking action. We begin with the constant noise around food, bodies, exercise and "health". Step targets, fitness advice, diets, weight-loss drugs and wellness trends can sound remarkably similar to eating disorder rules. I talk about why public health advice isn't personal healthcare, and why a better question can be: "Is this right for me?" We also explore helping children develop a healthier relationship with their bodies. One listener shares a painful school uniform shopping experience that left her daughter believing her body was the problem. We can't protect children from every message about body size, but we can teach them to question those messages rather than themselves. Another question looks at anxiety when routines change. When work stops, holidays begin or life becomes quieter, eating disorder thoughts can suddenly become louder. We explore why nourishment doesn't have to be earned through productivity and why learning to rest can be an important part of recovery. Then we get onto chocolate! After years of completely restricting it, one listener wonders whether cutting chocolate out again might help her stop restricting everything else. We look at deprivation, rebound eating and whether chocolate is really the problem, or whether it has become a symbol of the fear of losing control. Following my recent conversation with hypnotherapist Bonnie Killip, I also share my own experience of hypnotherapy. Could it help bridge the gap between intention and action? I believe it can be a useful tool, but ultimately our brains change through new experiences. We still have to take recovery actions and repeatedly show the nervous system that we're safe. We also talk about moving forwards when previous eating disorder treatment hasn't helped or has made things feel worse. An approach not meeting your needs doesn't mean recovery isn't possible. It may simply help you understand what kind of support you need next. Finally, we come to the question running underneath so much of this episode: Do you actually have to feel ready before you recover? I spent years waiting to feel ready. I thought one day I'd feel brave enough to eat more, rest, gain weight and let go of control. That day never came. My actions had to come first. I had to recover while I was frightened, and slowly my feelings caught up. Confidence didn't create the recovery actions. The recovery actions gradually created confidence. In this episode, we explore: Societal pressure around weight, food, exercise and health Helping children navigate body image pressures Anxiety when routine disappears Why food doesn't need to be earned Restriction, chocolate and rebound eating Hypnotherapy and anorexia recovery Moving forwards when treatment hasn't helped Fear of weight gain and restriction Readiness versus willingness in recovery How recovery actions help rewire the brain Every question in this episode came from members of the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle. The Circle is a supportive community where you can ask the questions you're struggling with, celebrate recovery wins with people who understand how significant they are, and find support when taking the next step feels hard. You'll also find recovery resources, courses, workshops, group coaching calls, challenges and the opportunity to submit questions for future Q&A episodes. If you'd like people beside you as you build a life bigger than the eating disorder, come and join us at edrecoverycircle.com. You don't have to feel ready. You only have to be willing to take the next step. Join the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle

Why Recovery Isn't Just About Willpower: A Compassionate Conversation on Identity, Feelings, Hypnotherapy and Change So many people tell me they know exactly what they need to do in recovery. They know they need to eat more consistently. They know they need to challenge the eating disorder. They know they need to rest more, stop compensating or let go of rigid rules. Yet they still feel stuck. If you've ever wondered why knowing what to do isn't enough, this conversation is for you. In this episode, I'm joined by Australian dietitian, clinical hypnotherapist, coach, author and speaker Bonnie Killip, who shares her own journey from spending around 15 years living with anorexia to finding complete recovery. Together, we explore why recovery is so much more than willpower. We talk about identity, perfectionism, people pleasing, emotions, self-worth and the gap that so often exists between understanding recovery and actually being able to live it. Bonnie also explains clinical hypnotherapy in a way I've never heard before. If you've ever imagined hypnosis as something involving mind control or stage shows, I think you'll find this conversation incredibly reassuring. Bonnie explains what really happens during a session, why you always remain in control, and how hypnotherapy can help people work with the patterns that keep them stuck. For me, one of the most powerful parts of this conversation is the reminder that an eating disorder is never simply about food. It's about what the eating disorder has come to represent, the role it plays in protecting us, and how we gradually build enough trust in ourselves to no longer need that protection. Above all, I hope this episode leaves you with hope. Recovery is possible, even if you've been stuck for many years. Why recovery isn't simply about having more willpower.The gap between knowledge and action in eating disorder recovery.How identity can become intertwined with an eating disorder.Why perfectionism and people pleasing often keep recovery stuck.The role emotions play in maintaining an eating disorder.Why changing behaviours alone often isn't enough.What clinical hypnotherapy really is.How hypnotherapy differs from stage hypnosis.Why you always remain in control during hypnosis.Building trust in yourself rather than relying on motivation.The difference between symptom management and genuine freedom.What complete recovery can actually look like.If Bonnie's approach resonated with you, I'd really encourage you to explore her work. She combines professional expertise with lived experience, and I found our conversation both fascinating and incredibly hopeful. You can find Bonnie here: Website: https://fuellingsuccess.com Email: [email protected] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fuelling.success Book: Ready, Now: Your Guide to Doing Recovery from Anorexia Different This Time If you're ready to take the next step in your own recovery, I'd love to welcome you into the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle. Inside the Circle you'll find recovery courses, practical tools, workshops, live coaching and a wonderfully supportive community of people who truly understand what you're going through. Find out more here: https://edrecoverycircle.com If you enjoyed this episode, I'd be so grateful if you could follow Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast and leave a rating or review. It really does help more people discover the podcast and reminds others that full recovery is possible. Sending you lots of love, Julia x In this episode we discuss:Connect with Bonnie KillipLooking for extra support?

What if the biggest thing keeping you stuck isn't fear of food... but fear of what life might look like without the eating disorder? Every month, members of the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle send in thoughtful, honest, and deeply personal questions about recovery. Although each question comes from one individual, they almost always reflect something much bigger. They touch on the fears, doubts, and emotions that so many people carry quietly, often believing they are the only one feeling that way. This month's questions all seem to centre around one powerful theme: trust. How do you keep going when hope feels out of reach? Can your body still heal after decades of living with an eating disorder? Why does the eating disorder always seem to find another reason to wait? And what if you recover... only to discover that life is still difficult? These are important conversations because recovery isn't simply about changing eating behaviours. It's about learning to trust yourself again, even when certainty feels impossible to find. Why hopelessness can feel like reality, and how to keep moving forwards when hope feels impossible to access.How eating disorders gradually lead to isolation, and why consistent nourishment helps us reconnect with other people and with life itself.The subtle ways the eating disorder creates endless reasons to delay recovery, and why waiting until you feel "ready" often keeps you stuck.Whether recovery is still possible after living with an eating disorder for decades, and why it is never simply "too late" to begin.Supporting a teenager who may be showing signs of disordered eating whilst continuing your own recovery journey.One of the deepest fears many people experience: What if I recover and life is still hard? We explore why certainty can become another form of safety, and how recovery gradually replaces certainty with something much stronger—self-trust.If you've ever found yourself thinking: I'll start properly when life feels calmer.Maybe I've been ill for too long.What if recovery isn't worth it?What if nothing changes?What if I still don't feel happy afterwards?...then this episode is for you. Recovery rarely asks us to feel certain before taking the next step. More often, it asks us to choose the next meal, the next snack, the next act of self-compassion, or the next moment of courage whilst uncertainty is still sitting beside us. Over time, those seemingly ordinary choices become the foundation of extraordinary change. Part way through this episode, I mention the Recovery Companion App. Whether you're struggling with eating disorder thoughts, facing a difficult meal, feeling overwhelmed by emotions, or simply need support in the moment, the app is designed to walk alongside you throughout your recovery. Find out more and download the app here: 👉 https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/app-landing If you'd like ongoing support alongside therapy, dietetic support, or your own independent recovery journey, I'd love to welcome you into the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle. Inside you'll find: Monthly live Q&A sessions like this oneLive coaching callsRecovery workshopsRecovery coursesThe Feelings NavigatorA supportive community of people who truly understand what you're going throughPractical tools to help you navigate everyday recovery challengesFind out more here: 👉 https://www.edrecoverycircle.com 🌐 Website https://www.juliatrehane.com 📸 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/juliatrehane If this episode helped you, I'd be so grateful if you could follow the podcast, leave a rating or review, and share it with somebody who might need to hear it. Every share helps more people discover that full recovery from an eating disorder is possible. And if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe so you never miss a future episode of Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast, or search Fly To Freedom in your favourite podcast platform.

In this episode of Fly to Freedom, I’m joined by Beverley Atkins, a Guild Certified Feldenkrais Practitioner and founder of Pauseture, a somatic movement platform helping people reconnect with their bodies through gentle, guided movement. This conversation feels especially important for anyone navigating anorexia recovery, eating disorder recovery, compulsive exercise, body mistrust, or nervous system dysregulation. Many people in eating disorder recovery spend years trying to think their way to healing. Trying to understand more.Trying to control more.Trying to get recovery “right”. And yet the body can still feel unsafe, uncomfortable, noisy, or impossible to trust. What if healing does not always begin with thinking harder? What if healing can begin by learning to notice the body differently? Beverley shares her own deeply personal story of growing up in a larger body, beginning dieting as a child, and spending decades trapped in yo-yo dieting and all-or-nothing patterns around food. In her 30s, that shifted into extreme exercise. She completed three marathons in 18 months, countless triathlons, and eventually Ironman Hawaii in 2009. Looking back, Beverley now understands how undiagnosed ADHD shaped much of her experience. The food noise.The hyperfocus.The perfectionism.The all-or-nothing patterns.The nervous system dysregulation. Everything made more sense through that lens. In 2014, while working at Facebook in a high-pressure environment, her body forced a stop when her back gave out completely. That crisis led her to Feldenkrais Awareness Through Movement — a gentle, audio-guided somatic practice she initially tried for pain relief. What she found was something much deeper. This work gradually transformed her relationship with: Her bodyFoodExerciseEmotional regulationSafetySelf-awarenessIn this conversation, we explore: How eating disorders disconnect us from the bodyWhy compulsive exercise often becomes a coping strategyThe link between ADHD and disordered eating patternsWhy meditation can feel unbearable for dysregulated nervous systemsHow somatic movement offers a gentler doorway into healingWhy curiosity is one of recovery’s most powerful toolsThe difference between body judgement and body awarenessHow the brain rewires through novelty, attention, and safe explorationOne of the most powerful parts of this conversation is Beverley’s perspective on body image. She explains that healing did not begin with loving her body. It began with something much simpler. Paying attention without judgement. Not fixing.Not forcing.Not criticising. Just noticing. And sometimes that neutral attention is where healing begins. This episode is especially for you if: You feel disconnected from your bodyRest feels uncomfortable or frighteningStillness makes you anxiousYou struggle with compulsive movement or exercise addictionRecovery feels stuck in overthinkingYou long to feel safer in your bodyRecovery does not always require more force. Sometimes it asks for less. Less fighting.Less judgement.Less performance. And more curiosity. Instagram: @pausetureFacebook: Pauseture on FacebookWebsite: Pauseture If this episode helped you, please share it with someone who may need it. For deeper support in recovery, come and explore The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle, my recovery membership offering expert guidance, practical tools, courses, workshops, and compassionate community support. You can also find me at Julia Trehane Coaching Thank you for listening. With love,Julia x Connect with Beverley Atkins

Groundhog Day Recovery: Why You Keep Ending Up Back Where You Started How many times have you told yourself that tomorrow will be different? Tomorrow you’ll eat properly.Tomorrow you’ll stop compensating.Tomorrow you’ll stop negotiating with the eating disorder.Tomorrow you’ll finally do recovery “right.” And yet somehow… you end up back in the same place. The same thoughts.The same rules.The same exhaustion. If that feels familiar, this episode of Fly to Freedom is for you. In this solo episode, I’m talking about one of the most frustrating patterns I see in eating disorder recovery — making progress, only to quietly undo it later. I call this Groundhog Day recovery. It’s that exhausting experience of trying so hard to recover while repeatedly finding yourself back in familiar behaviours — restricting, compensating, over-exercising, body checking, tightening rules, or promising yourself that tomorrow will be the day everything changes. In this episode, I explain why this happens and why it has far less to do with willpower than you may think. I’ll help you understand how your nervous system becomes attached to familiar patterns, even painful ones, because familiarity feels safe. I also explore why eating disorder behaviours are rarely just about food. More often, they serve a deeper purpose — creating safety, control, certainty, protection, or identity. Most importantly, I introduce one of the most powerful concepts in recovery: This is the moment after you do something brave — perhaps eating more, resting, challenging a rule, or allowing discomfort — when anxiety rises and the urge to “fix” everything becomes intense. That is the moment where the loop either continues… or begins to break. Recovery doesn’t require perfection. It asks for something much simpler — and much harder. To stay with discomfort for just a little longer than you normally would. That is where change begins. Why eating disorder recovery can feel like living the same day on repeatHow the brain and nervous system become attached to familiar sufferingWhy compensatory behaviours can feel temporarily relievingThe hidden purpose behind repetitive recovery patternsWhy the eating disorder loop often protects you from deeper fearsHow to identify your personal reset momentWhy courage is only needed for the next step, not the entire journeyHow small interruptions create lasting changeIf you keep asking yourself: Why do I keep ending up back here?Why do I keep undoing my progress?Why can’t I stay committed to recovery?I want you to know something important. You are seeing a pattern. And patterns can change. Inside The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle, I teach a deeper workshop called Groundhog Day, where we map out your personal recovery loop, uncover what is driving it, and begin interrupting the cycle with real support. Inside The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle, you’ll find: 24/7 community supportThe Feelings NavigatorRecovery courses including the Fear of Weight Gain CourseMonthly live Q&As and coaching supportPractical tools to help prevent relapse and move beyond quasi-recoveryJoin The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle here:The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle Explore the Feelings Navigator here:Feelings Navigator If this episode resonated, please follow the podcast and leave a review. One different choice in one difficult moment can begin changing everything.

Recovery can feel deeply uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and at times utterly terrifying. But what if that discomfort is not proof that you are doing recovery wrong… but evidence that your brain and nervous system are learning something new? In this Q&A episode of Fly to Freedom, I answer real questions from members inside The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle about some of the hardest and most honest parts of eating disorder recovery. Together, we explore what happens when recovery feels wrong, why fear of weight gain goes far beyond appearance, how trauma can shape restriction and people-pleasing patterns, and what it really takes to keep choosing recovery when everything inside you wants to run back to what feels familiar. In this episode of Fly to Freedom, I talk about: ✨ How to keep choosing recovery when the unfamiliar feels terrifying✨ Fear of weight gain, body changes, and the sensory experience of living in a changing body✨ Autism, sensory processing, clothing struggles, and feeling physically uncomfortable in recovery✨ Trauma, emotional abuse, people-pleasing, and why boundaries can feel so difficult✨ Binge eating, extreme hunger, refeeding, and understanding the difference between biology and pathology✨ Compensating behaviours, exercise, food rules, and how recovery rewires the brain✨ Why community and nervous system safety matter so deeply in eating disorder recovery One of the questions explores something I do not think we talk about enough in anorexia recovery and eating disorder recovery: the felt experience of weight gain. Not mirrors. Not scales. The physical sensation of inhabiting a body that feels different — clothes touching differently, movement feeling unfamiliar, heightened body awareness, and the intense sensory experience that can come with body changes, especially for autistic people. I also answer a powerful question about childhood trauma, emotional responsibility, caregiving, and restriction — and why recovery sometimes involves grieving the love, safety, or acceptance that was never fully received. We also explore one of the most misunderstood parts of eating disorder recovery: binge eating, extreme hunger, and what happens when a previously undernourished body finally begins asking for what it genuinely needs. I unpack the difference between biological refeeding responses and binge eating disorder, and why context matters so much when understanding hunger in recovery. And I share parts of my own recovery journey too, including how I challenged compensating behaviours, stopped compulsive exercise, responded to intense hunger, and allowed my body to repair after years of deprivation. If you are struggling with fear of weight gain, compensating, uncertainty, body discomfort, trauma, binge eating fears, or simply trying to stay committed when recovery feels terrifying, I hope this episode helps you feel seen, understood, and less alone. I am Julia Trehane, specialist anorexia recovery coach, and after fully recovering from decades of anorexia, orthorexia, and exercise addiction, I now help others navigate the emotions beneath an eating disorder to create lasting freedom. If you would like to find out more about me and my work, please visit https://www.juliatrehane.com/ If you would like more support, deeper conversations like these, live coaching, workshops, courses, and a compassionate community of people who truly understand what recovery is like, you are very welcome inside The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle. Join The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle here:https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/join If you would like more instant support, for free, I recommend my new app - The Eating Disorder Recovery Companion. Click for more info on that.

In this episode of Fly to Freedom, I’m joined by Charlie for a really honest and important conversation about healing our relationship with exercise, stepping away from diet culture, and learning how to reconnect with ourselves in midlife and eating disorder recovery. Charlie is a body positive fitness coach and menopause specialist, and from the moment I met her at my gym, I knew there was something very different about her approach to movement and wellbeing. One sentence she said to me completely stopped me in my tracks: “You don’t need to push yourself to your limits anymore. You are allowed to take the easier option.” It sounds simple, but honestly, I nearly cried hearing it. After years of compulsive exercise and believing movement had to involve punishment, exhaustion, or “earning” food, it completely changed how I viewed exercise and what a healthy relationship with movement could actually look like. Together, Charlie and I talk about: Reclaiming exercise after an eating disorderCompulsive movement and exercise addictionWhy movement should feel empowering, not punishingHealing body image and self-worthThe pressure women face to constantly performDiet culture and “good girl” conditioningMidlife identity shifts and rediscovering yourselfPerimenopause, hormones and emotional wellbeingWhy self-care and nourishment matter so muchLearning to listen to your body instead of fighting itBoundaries around comments about weight and appearanceFinding joy, playfulness and freedom againWe also talk openly about the reality of midlife as women — the exhaustion, the pressure to hold everything together, and the liberating moment where you realise you are allowed to stop performing and finally become yourself. This conversation felt deeply personal to me because so much of my eating disorder recovery involved rebuilding my relationship with movement and learning that exercise does not have to come from self-hatred. It can come from joy.It can come from empowerment.It can come from care. And honestly, that changes everything. About Charlie Charlie is a Menopause Coaching Specialist with 12 years in the fitness and wellbeing industry. Qualified in Personal Training, Life Coaching and NLP, she brings a wealth of knowledge on midlife women and a strong understanding of not just the physical but also the emotional and mental challenges of peri/menopause. You can find Charlie and learn more here: Menopause Better App –––––––––––––––––––– The ED Recovery Companion App I’m also incredibly excited to share the ED Recovery Companion app with you. We created this app to support you in the moments recovery feels hardest — not just when you’re listening to a podcast or in a therapy session, but in real life, while you’re actually living recovery. Inside the app you’ll find: Meal supportJournaling toolsRecovery guidanceCoping supportAn AI version of me you can talk to throughout your day using the same approach I use in my coachingIt’s designed to help you feel supported, understood and gently guided back towards recovery when things feel difficult. The app is completely free to download and I would absolutely love to welcome you inside. Download the app here: ED Recovery Companion App –––––––––––––––––––– If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to welcome you inside The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle, where you’ll find support, understanding, recovery tools, courses, workshops and a community of people who truly understand what eating disorder recovery is like. You can learn more here: The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle You are never alone in this.

Eating Disorder Recovery Q&A: Body Image, Exercise Addiction, Night Hunger, Shame, and Control In this episode of Fly to Freedom, I’m answering real, unfiltered questions from people navigating eating disorder recovery. These aren’t polished situations or neatly packaged problems. They are the honest, often overwhelming experiences that come up when you are in the middle of recovery—when thoughts feel loud, your body feels unfamiliar, and control still feels necessary. In this episode, I talk through what it actually looks like to keep moving forward when things feel chaotic, and why recovery doesn’t require you to feel ready, calm, or certain before you take action. If you’ve ever felt stuck between wanting recovery and feeling pulled back by fear, this episode will meet you exactly where you are. How to respond when thoughts like “I don’t deserve” and “there’s something wrong with me” feel overwhelmingWhy eating disorder thoughts can intensify during recovery—and what to do when they doHow I approached compulsive exercise and why stepping away from it mattersWhat’s really happening when body image feels unbearable, even looking at your own faceWhy restriction can start showing up in other areas of life beyond foodUnderstanding night hunger in anorexia recovery and why it often continuesHow to navigate shame around taking time off work for an eating disorderWhy the need for control increases when you feel uncertain—and how to begin responding differentlyHow being undernourished affects your ability to process therapy and hold onto insightsHow to approach food choices when everything feels confusing and overwhelmingRecovery is not about waiting for the thoughts to quieten or the fear to disappear. It’s about learning to take the next step while the thoughts are still there.It’s about choosing nourishment, rest, and support even when your mind is telling you not to. That is how change happens. If you’re listening to this and recognising your own thoughts, your own patterns, your own struggles—you are not alone in this. So much of what feels deeply personal in an eating disorder is actually shared. And when those thoughts are spoken out loud, something begins to shift. If you’re finding that the hardest moments are the ones in between—when thoughts feel loud, decisions feel overwhelming, or you’re not sure what to do next—there is now a way to support yourself in those exact moments. Support When You Need It Most – The Recovery Companion App Recovery doesn’t happen in neat, controlled environments. It happens in real life. It happens when you wake up and your thoughts begin to form.It happens before a meal, when everything in you wants to avoid it.It happens after eating, when your head gets loud and the pull to go backwards kicks in.It happens in those moments where you feel unsure or stuck. And that’s where the Recovery Companion comes in. This is a free app designed to support you in the moments that matter most, not just when you’re listening, but when you’re actually living your recovery. Inside the app, you’ll find: A Morning Journal to start your day with intentionSupport Now, giving you in-the-moment guidanceMeal Support to walk alongside you before, during, and after eatingAn Evening Reflection to help you process your dayRunning quietly in the background is something powerful: A clear view of where your actions are pointing. You’ll see the balance between Recovery Actions and Eating Disorder Actions, based on what you actually do, not how loud your thoughts feel. Because recovery isn’t about waiting for the thoughts to disappear. It’s about gently shifting your actions, again and again. The Recovery Companion is currently free to download, and it’s there to support you through the everyday work of recovery. 👉 Explore the app here:https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/app-landing

In this episode of Fly To Freedom, I’m joined by Laura—one of my former clients and a member of The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle. She’s also a doctor working in emergency medicine, and her story highlights something I see time and time again: Eating disorders do not discriminate. You can be intelligent, successful, capable, and still feel completely trapped in the patterns of an eating disorder. From the outside, Laura’s life looked like it was working. She had a career, she was showing up, she was getting on with things. But inside, it was a completely different story—constant mental noise, exhaustion, and the relentless feeling of not being good enough. If you’ve ever thought, “I’m still managing my life, so maybe it’s not that bad,” this episode will speak to you. We talk openly about what was really going on beneath the surface, why focusing on food alone isn’t enough for full eating disorder recovery, and what actually needs to shift for real freedom to happen. Laura shares her experience of going through traditional treatment, weight restoration, and still feeling lost—and how everything changed when she began doing the deeper inner work. This conversation is honest, grounded, and full of hope. In this episode, I talk about: Why eating disorders can affect anyone, regardless of how life looks on the outsideThe common myths about anorexia and eating disorder recoveryWhy eating is not the full solution to recoveryHow perfectionism, people pleasing, and self-worth are often at the rootWhat happens when treatment focuses on weight but misses the deeper workWhy body changes feel so difficult—and how acceptance grows over timeThe role of self-compassion and inner work in lasting recoveryWhat actually helped Laura move forward when she felt stuckWhy full recovery from an eating disorder is possibleAs a specialist anorexia recovery coach within the eating disorder recovery space, this episode reflects something I feel very strongly about: Recovery is not just about changing behaviours—it’s about changing your relationship with yourself. Join The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle:If you’re ready to stop doing this on your own and want support from people who truly understand eating disorder recovery, you are very welcome inside The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle:https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/join Inside, you’ll find real support, coaching, and a community who understand both the behaviours and the deeper emotional work that recovery asks of you. If this episode of Fly To Freedom resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear that full recovery is possible.

What This Episode Covers In this episode of Fly to Freedom, I’m answering real questions from members inside the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle. These are the questions people are living with right now in eating disorder recovery — the ones that don’t always get said out loud, but are felt deeply by so many. We talk about guilt after eating, fear of weight gain, extreme hunger, habits that feel impossible to break, and the question so many people carry quietly: Is full recovery actually possible? If you’ve ever felt stuck between wanting recovery and fearing what it means…If your thoughts feel repetitive, exhausting, or confusing…If part of you longs for freedom but another part still clings to control… This episode is for you. One of the most powerful things about these Q&A episodes is the reminder that you are not alone in what you’re experiencing. The thoughts. The doubts.The fear.The moments of progress followed by wobbles. These are not signs that recovery isn’t working. They are part of the process of healing from an eating disorder. And when one person asks a question, there are so many others quietly thinking: “That’s exactly how I feel.” In this episode, I walk through some of the most common and challenging experiences in eating disorder recovery, including: Why guilt and discomfort can hit after a “good” weekend of eating and how to keep moving forwardThe fear that letting go of control will lead to uncontrollable weight gainHow emotional stress and family dynamics can trigger eating disorder behavioursWhy previously “safe” foods can suddenly become frighteningHow to navigate extreme hunger without feeling overwhelmedBreaking the habit of weighing yourself every dayMoving beyond long-term quasi-recovery into full recoveryManaging constipation in recovery without slipping into old patternsWhether full recovery from an eating disorder is truly possibleYou don’t need to feel calm, confident, or certain to keep moving forward.Recovery is built in the moments where you choose to act in alignment with healing, even when it feels uncomfortable. Thoughts can feel true simply because they’ve been repeated for years.Recovery begins when you gently question those patterns, rather than automatically believing them. Whether it’s extreme hunger, weight changes, or digestive issues — your body is responding, repairing, and trying to find balance. The belief that control is protecting you is incredibly common.In reality, it often keeps the body and mind stuck in a state of threat. Not managing. Not coping. Not constantly watching yourself. Full freedom. You don’t have to have everything figured out. You don’t have to feel 100% ready. You don’t have to silence every thought before you move forward. You just need to keep taking the next step. If you’re listening to this and thinking,“I wish I had somewhere to ask my own questions…” That’s exactly why I created the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle. Inside, you’ll find: Live Q&A sessions like thisGroup coaching and supportThe Feelings Navigator (to help you understand and move through emotions like guilt, fear, and overwhelm)Courses and workshops on every stage of recoveryA community of people who truly understand what recovery feels likeThis is a space where you don’t have to do this alone. You can explore everything here:https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/join Recovery can feel messy, confusing, and uncertain at times. And it can also lead to something far greater than you might currently believe is possible. Keep going.Keep choosing yourself.Keep taking the next step. Freedom is possible.