Advertise on podcast: Codependency Alchemy: The Podcast

There’s a moment many of us know well: your partner says no, and you really wanted them to say yes. In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I walk through a real-life moment from my relationship with Justin where his “no” triggered old patterns of control, guilt, and self-abandonment. I share more about what I wish I had done differently. This isn’t about forcing agreement or suppressing your needs. It’s about learning how to respect your partner’s autonomy without making their “no” mean something about you… Oh, and without abandoning yourself in the process. What you’ll learn in this episode: * Why your partner’s no can feel so personal * How covert control and guilt show up in relationships * The difference between boundaries and power struggles * Why taking responsibility for your partner creates resentment * How to stay on the same side of the problem instead of “me vs. you” This episode is for you if… * You get triggered when your partner says no * You tend to take responsibility for other people’s choices * You struggle with resentment or over-functioning * You’re healing codependency or the mother wound Your invitation… As you listen and reflect on similar moments in your own relationship, you might contemplate: What am I making my partner’s no mean about me? What am I making their choice mean about our relationship? I invite you to share your reflections in the comments. Join the Community If this episode resonates, you’re invited to continue these conversations inside the Codependency Alchemy membership— a space where we practice witnessing the parts of us we neglect, or reject, building safety in our bodies through nervous system and somatic work, and generational healing together. Click here to join or learn more Subscribe over on Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Should you get back together with your ex, or is this just familiarity pulling you back in? Before you say yes, there are a few questions worth slowing down and asking. This episode is for anyone who’s considering getting back together with an ex and wants to do it differently this time. As someone who did get back together with her ex and rebuilt a relationship rooted in repair, accountability, and understanding that a safe nervous system is a non-negotiable, I share the three core questions that helped me discern whether reconnecting was actually aligned, or just old patterns resurfacing. This isn’t about convincing yourself to try again. It’s about slowing down, listening to your body, and making space for clarity instead of urgency. What you’ll learn… * The first question to ask before considering getting back together with an ex * How to tell if your ex has actually changed or is just saying the right things * Why old issues will come back (and how to plan for that honestly) * What it means to rebuild trust through repair instead of avoidance * How to stop over-functioning and let the other person meet you This episode is for you if… * You’re thinking about getting back together with an ex * You’re afraid of repeating the same patterns * You want clarity without rushing a decision * You tend to over-function or take responsibility for both people * You want a relationship rooted in repair, not chemistry alone My invitation to you… Take a moment to reflect on what this relationship is here to teach and show you. Write in the comments: “This relationship is here to teach me…” and notice what comes through. If this episode resonates, you’re invited to continue this work inside the Codependency Alchemy membership, where we practice self-trust, repair, and building healthy relationships together. Click here to learn more. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

What if nothing is wrong with you, you’re just being asked to hold two truths at the same time? In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I explore polarity: the embodied experience of holding joy and grief, love and loss, fulfillment and longing—without collapsing, numbing, or forcing resolution. Through a deeply personal story involving my great-grandmother, my fertility journey, and stepping onto a stage to share my life’s work, I share what polarity actually feels like in the body, and why learning to witness it instead of fixing it is profoundly healing. What you’ll learn in this episode… * What “holding polarity” really means (beyond the concept) * How polarity shows up in relationships, grief, and identity * The difference between thinking your feelings and witnessing them * How witnessing yourself helps heal the mother wound * Why acceptance isn’t giving up… it’s embodied truth This episode is for you if… * You feel emotionally overwhelmed by mixed feelings * You’re holding joy and grief at the same time * You struggle with overthinking instead of feeling * You’re healing codependency, attachment wounds, or the mother wound * You want to feel more grounded and self-trusting in uncertainty Your invitation… As you listen, consider: What polarity am I being asked to hold right now? Name the two opposing experiences without judging them. I invite you to share your reflections in the comments. Join the Community If this episode resonates, you’re invited to join the Codependency Alchemy membership— a space where we practice witnessing the parts of us we neglect, or reject, building safety in our bodies through nervous system and somatic work, and generational healing together. Click here to join or learn more This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Check out full book list post on Substack here: My go-to healing book list for winter Thank you so much, everyone, for letting me walk alongside you this season. I have a quick favor to ask as we close out this season: If the podcast has supported you in any way it would mean the world to me if you would take just a moment to leave an honest rating or review on the podcast, wherever you listen. To make it easy, I’ll leave the link for you to leave a rating or a review below! When you rate and review the podcast it helps more people find the podcast who are looking to join and have these kinds of conversations around healing codependency and the mother wound. Your voice makes a huge impact, and I am so grateful to receive your support. Thank you. I hope you all have a restful and nourishing winter, and hopefully I’ll see you in the Codependency Alchemy membership! JOIN THE MEMBERSHIP This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Do you ever notice how one small trigger can send you into a full-blown spiral? Maybe your partner takes too long to text back, or a conflict makes you think the relationship is doomed and suddenly you’re catastrophizing, overthinking, or blaming yourself. In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I walk you through my 3-step “Stop the Spiral” framework (Root, Regulate, Redirect) to help you come back to your body when your nervous system gets hijacked. We’ll explore common thought spirals like fear of abandonment, self-blame, and overthinking, and I’ll share how to re-center with compassion instead of control. This episode is for you if: * You find yourself stuck in anxious or intrusive thought loops. * You panic when there’s space or silence in your relationship. * You replay conversations, wondering if you said the “wrong thing.” * You want to feel calm and grounded instead of consumed by fear. I know now that spiraling is actually just my body asking for safety. When you pause to root into what’s actually happening, regulate your nervous system, and redirect your energy back to yourself, you stop trying to fix the fear and start learning from it. 🌟 Special Podcast Listener Offer: Join the Codependency Alchemy Membership today and get 40% off!→ Click here to claim your discount and join now! 💬 Get Community Support: Join our vibrant, supportive chat community and get real-time guidance on your healing journey. → Join the chat ✨ Free Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide: Ready to deepen your healing with a step-by-step guide?→ Download my FREE guide 🎥 Watch 9+ Powerful Masterclasses: Access practical tools, guided exercises, and transformative teachings to help you heal codependency and build healthier relationships. → Exclusive Masterclass Library ✍🏾 From My Journal: Intimate insights and reflections directly from my personal healing journey.→ Read my latest journal entries 💎 Explore “The Gems”: Browse curated free resources filled with practical wisdom and actionable insights designed to support your growth and healing. → Get your free resources here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Do you ever feel like it’s your job to make your partner (or kids, or parents) feel better when they’re upset? In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, we explore the codependent pattern of taking responsibility for someone else’s emotions and how it leaves you feeling resentful, anxious, and disconnected from yourself. I share how to shift from fixing their discomfort to creating safety within yourself, and we practice a real-time shadow work and somatic inner child exercise to help you break the cycle. This episode is for you if: * You immediately spring into action when your partner seems grumpy. * You believe making them feel better will give you peace or safety. * You feel resentful after trying to “fix” their mood. * You’re ready to learn tools that help you meet your discomfort instead of abandoning yourself. The real invitation is to ask yourself: is your partner asking you to fix their mood? The belief that “if I make them better, I’ll feel safe” is an old survival strategy, and we can appreciate how it supported you at one point in time but it doesn’t actually work in your adult relationships. In fact, it often leaves you more anxious, frustrated, or resentful. The real alchemy happens when you take all the energy you’d spend on fixing them and pour it into caring for yourself. 🌟 Special Podcast Listener Offer: Join the Codependency Alchemy Membership today and get 40% off!→ Click here to claim your discount and join now! 💬 Get Community Support: Join our vibrant, supportive chat community and get real-time guidance on your healing journey. → Join the chat ✨ Free Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide: Ready to deepen your healing with a step-by-step guide?→ Download my FREE guide 🎥 Watch 9+ Powerful Masterclasses: Access practical tools, guided exercises, and transformative teachings to help you heal codependency and build healthier relationships. → Exclusive Masterclass Library ✍🏾 From My Journal: Intimate insights and reflections directly from my personal healing journey.→ Read my latest journal entries 💎 Explore "The Gems": Browse curated free resources filled with practical wisdom and actionable insights designed to support your growth and healing. → Get your free resources here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Do you ever notice how even when you know something isn’t working — the job, the relationship, the habit — you still put off making the change? In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I share what I’ve been navigating around stepping away from being the “fixer,” why we cling to what feels familiar even when it drains us, and how to use shadow work and inner child healing to move through the fear of the unknown. This episode is for you if: * You’re afraid that making a change means you’ll lose people or end up alone. * You keep waiting for the “right time” to make a move, but it never comes. * You feel stuck in old patterns of caretaking or people-pleasing. * You’re ready to learn tools that help you feel safe enough to choose differently. Whether we like it or not, not making a change is also a choice— and it often gives us the very opposite of what we think it will. We tell ourselves staying the same will bring safety or stability, but it usually leaves us with guilt, anxiety, and exhaustion. The medicine here is compassion. When you hold that part of you with love and say, “Of course you’re afraid,” you create the safety you need to move forward. 🌟 Special Podcast Listener Offer: Join the Codependency Alchemy Membership today and get 40% off!→ Click here to claim your discount and join now! 💬 Get Community Support: Join our vibrant, supportive chat community and get real-time guidance on your healing journey. → Join the chat ✨ Free Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide: Ready to deepen your healing with a step-by-step guide?→ Download my FREE guide 🎥 Watch 9+ Powerful Masterclasses: Access practical tools, guided exercises, and transformative teachings to help you heal codependency and build healthier relationships. → Exclusive Masterclass Library ✍🏾 From My Journal: Intimate insights and reflections directly from my personal healing journey.→ Read my latest journal entries 💎 Explore "The Gems": Browse curated free resources filled with practical wisdom and actionable insights designed to support your growth and healing. → Get your free resources here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

A year ago today, Justin and I got kicked off a flight, and what could have been a total meltdown moment turned into one of the biggest relationship lessons of my life. Over pints in the Amsterdam airport, I realized I’d been carrying the same fear in new clothing and it was quietly robbing me of experiencing the love I already had in my relationship. In this episode, I share the full story and the mind-shattering epiphany that cracked me open: why trying to control your partner’s future resentment (or cheating, or rejection) only keeps you stuck, and how softening, trusting, and letting yourself be supported can actually transform your relationship. This episode is for you if: * You find yourself bracing for impact instead of enjoying the present. * Money, resentment, or “what if” fears creep into your love life. * You tend to control, fix, or over-function to feel safe. * You’re ready to experience what happens when you stop gripping and let yourself be held. This isn’t just a travel story, it’s how you can stop letting fear control your relationship and finally feel the safety and joy you’ve been craving. 🌟 Special Podcast Listener Offer: Join the Codependency Alchemy Membership today and get 40% off!→ Click here to claim your discount and join now! 💬 Get Community Support: Join our vibrant, supportive chat community and get real-time guidance on your healing journey. → Join the chat ✨ Free Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide: Ready to deepen your healing with a step-by-step guide?→ Download my FREE guide 🎥 Watch 9+ Powerful Masterclasses: Access practical tools, guided exercises, and transformative teachings to help you heal codependency and build healthier relationships. → Exclusive Masterclass Library ✍🏾 From My Journal: Intimate insights and reflections directly from my personal healing journey.→ Read my latest journal entries 💎 Explore "The Gems": Browse curated free resources filled with practical wisdom and actionable insights designed to support your growth and healing. → Get your free resources here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Do you ever wonder why you still feel triggered, even in a healthy relationship? In this live episode of Codependency Alchemy, I share what I’ve been navigating with my partner around boundaries, conflict, and the uncomfortable truth that our partners can’t always meet us the way we want. We explore what to do when one person needs space and the other wants resolution now, why codependency pulls us toward fawning, and how to use inner child healing to find safety in yourself instead of demanding it from someone else. This episode is for you if: * You feel activated even in a good relationship and don’t know why. * You and your partner want opposite things in conflict (space vs. talk now). * You tend to shut down, over-explain, or fawn to avoid tension. * You’re ready to learn practices that bring compassion and clarity to your triggers. I wish someone would have told me that triggers aren’t proof your relationship is broken, but that they’re invitations. Every time you’re activated, your nervous system is pointing to an old story: I’m not safe, I’m not loved, I’m on my own. What if instead of demanding your partner to fix it, we asked ourselves: what part of me is being reactivated, and how can I meet that need myself? The moment you start giving yourself the safety, love, or validation you’re seeking, your triggers shift from enemies to guides. 🌟 Special Podcast Listener Offer: Join the Codependency Alchemy Membership today and get 40% off!→ Click here to claim your discount and join now! 💬 Get Community Support: Join our vibrant, supportive chat community and get real-time guidance on your healing journey. → Join the chat ✨ Free Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide: Ready to deepen your healing with a step-by-step guide?→ Download my FREE guide 🎥 Watch 9+ Powerful Masterclasses: Access practical tools, guided exercises, and transformative teachings to help you heal codependency and build healthier relationships. → Exclusive Masterclass Library ✍🏾 From My Journal: Intimate insights and reflections directly from my personal healing journey.→ Read my latest journal entries 💎 Explore "The Gems": Browse curated free resources filled with practical wisdom and actionable insights designed to support your growth and healing. → Get your free resources here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Are you in the middle of heartbreak, doubting yourself, or terrified of being “too much” for others? In this intimate session episode of Codependency Alchemy, I guide a member through shadow work and inner child healing as she moves through fresh breakup grief, religious trauma, and the fear of disappointing others. Together, we uncover how old wounds show up in relationships, how to set boundaries with compassion, and how to finally choose yourself without shame. This episode is for you if: * You feel guilty for disappointing others or setting boundaries. * You’re in the messy middle of heartbreak or a major transition. * You often self-abandon to keep the peace or stay connected. * You’re ready to connect with your inner child and hear her wisdom. 🌟 Special Podcast Listener Offer: Join the Codependency Alchemy Membership today and get 40% off!→ Click here to claim your discount and join now! 💬 Get Community Support: Join our vibrant, supportive chat community and get real-time guidance on your healing journey. → Join the chat ✨ Free Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide: Ready to deepen your healing with a step-by-step guide?→ Download my FREE guide 🎥 Watch 9+ Powerful Masterclasses: Access practical tools, guided exercises, and transformative teachings to help you heal codependency and build healthier relationships. → Exclusive Masterclass Library ✍🏾 From My Journal: Intimate insights and reflections directly from my personal healing journey.→ Read my latest journal entries 💎 Explore "The Gems": Browse curated free resources filled with practical wisdom and actionable insights designed to support your growth and healing. → Get your free resources here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Are you tired of sharing your feelings only to be met with blame-shifting, minimization, or deflection? In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I break down what’s really happening when your partner won’t hear you and how to stop silencing yourself just to keep the peace. We’ll explore why invalidation feels so triggering, the role of self-abandonment, and the four key steps to shift the dynamic: self-validation, boundary-setting, preparing for pushback, and discerning if your partner is willing to grow with you. This episode is for you if: * You leave conversations feeling unseen or “too much.” * Your partner often shifts blame, keeps score, or minimizes your feelings. * You find yourself over-explaining, caretaking, or shutting down to avoid conflict. * You’re ready to stop self-abandoning and start honoring your boundaries. When someone resists your boundary, it doesn’t mean you’re asking for too much— it means the dynamic is shifting. Their pushback is information, not evidence that you’re wrong. Think of it like closing a drive-thru window they’ve relied on for years: of course they’ll get upset at first. But holding firm invites them into growth, while abandoning yourself only keeps the cycle alive. 🌟 Special Podcast Listener Offer: Join the Codependency Alchemy Membership today and get 40% off!→ Click here to claim your discount and join now! 💬 Get Community Support: Join our vibrant, supportive chat community and get real-time guidance on your healing journey. → Join the chat ✨ Free Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide: Ready to deepen your healing with a step-by-step guide?→ Download my FREE guide 🎥 Watch 9+ Powerful Masterclasses: Access practical tools, guided exercises, and transformative teachings to help you heal codependency and build healthier relationships. → Exclusive Masterclass Library ✍🏾 From My Journal: Intimate insights and reflections directly from my personal healing journey.→ Read my latest journal entries 💎 Explore "The Gems": Browse curated free resources filled with practical wisdom and actionable insights designed to support your growth and healing. → Get your free resources here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Please listen to this episode with care, and caution. It may be triggering for people who experienced sexual abuse and trauma. I trust and honor your autonomy. This is the final episode in my four-part Camino series— and it’s the one that scared me the most to record, not because of the conversation with my dad, but because a lot of people don’t understand our relationship. In this conversation with my dad, we talk about what it looked like to repair after rupture, and why silence was no longer an option for us. As a family, we’ve been doing the work to stop cycles of trauma, especially around sexual abuse. And that meant we had to name what happened. We had to face the pain, the responsibility, and the fear… together. This episode is about what real accountability looks like— and how it can open the door to connection instead of cutting it off. We talk about the healing that became possible once my dad stopped avoiding and started taking ownership, and how that gave me, and all of us, something to rebuild from. If you come from a family that avoids hard conversations, or if you’ve ever wondered whether healing is possible after deep hurt— this episode is proof that it’s not easy, but it is possible. 🌟 Special Podcast Listener Offer: Join the Codependency Alchemy Membership today and get 40% off!→ Click here to claim your discount and join now! 💬 Get Community Support: Join our vibrant, supportive chat community and get real-time guidance on your healing journey. → Join the chat ✨ Free Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide: Ready to deepen your healing with a step-by-step guide?→ Download my FREE guide 🎥 Watch 9+ Powerful Masterclasses: Access practical tools, guided exercises, and transformative teachings to help you heal codependency and build healthier relationships. → Exclusive Masterclass Library ✍🏾 From My Journal: Intimate insights and reflections directly from my personal healing journey.→ Read my latest journal entries 💎 Explore "The Gems": Browse curated free resources filled with practical wisdom and actionable insights designed to support your growth and healing. → Get your free resources here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

This is part three of my four-part Camino series — and I’m not going to lie: this was the hardest conversation I’ve ever had in my life. In this episode, I sit down with my mom to talk about the moment on the Camino when I finally told her the truth— the truth about how her choices impacted me, how much I’d been holding in, and how often I’d protected her feelings instead of honoring my own. It was uncomfortable, vulnerable, and deeply emotional… but it was also the beginning of something new between us. We talk about the roles we both played: her as the peacekeeper, trying to hold our family together at all costs— and me as the one who jumped into caretaking and making myself small to keep things “calm.” And what happened when we finally stopped managing each other’s emotions and started speaking honestly. If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying the emotional weight of your family, or that your healing depends on staying silent— I hope this episode cracks something open in you the way it did for me. 🌟 Special Podcast Listener Offer: Join the Codependency Alchemy Membership today and get 40% off!→ Click here to claim your discount and join now! 💬 Get Community Support: Join our vibrant, supportive chat community and get real-time guidance on your healing journey. → Join the chat ✨ Free Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide: Ready to deepen your healing with a step-by-step guide?→ Download my FREE guide 🎥 Watch 9+ Powerful Masterclasses: Access practical tools, guided exercises, and transformative teachings to help you heal codependency and build healthier relationships. → Exclusive Masterclass Library ✍🏾 From My Journal: Intimate insights and reflections directly from my personal healing journey.→ Read my latest journal entries 💎 Explore "The Gems": Browse curated free resources filled with practical wisdom and actionable insights designed to support your growth and healing. → Get your free resources here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

This is part two of my four-part Camino series— where I’m sitting down with the people I love most to talk about the moments that changed everything. In this episode, I’m joined by my brother to talk about a pattern we didn’t even realize we were stuck in for years: me always trying to help, support, and take care of him… and how this codependent dynamic was negatively impacting our relationship. I share what it was like to realize that my need to feel needed was actually getting in the way of him building confidence and self-trust— and he shares what it felt like to grow up on the receiving end of that dynamic. This conversation is honest and tender. It’s about the unspoken roles we take on in families and what happens when we decide to lay them down. We talk about how we’re rebuilding trust, choosing new ways of relating, and learning how to see each other as the full humans we are now— not just who we were growing up. If you’ve ever felt like you had to hold it all together for a sibling— or are trying to unlearn patterns that kept you “connected” but not close… this one’s for you. 🌟 Special Podcast Listener Offer: Join the Codependency Alchemy Membership today and get 40% off!→ Click here to claim your discount and join now! 💬 Get Community Support: Join our vibrant, supportive chat community and get real-time guidance on your healing journey. → Join the chat ✨ Free Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide: Ready to deepen your healing with a step-by-step guide?→ Download my FREE guide 🎥 Watch 9+ Powerful Masterclasses: Access practical tools, guided exercises, and transformative teachings to help you heal codependency and build healthier relationships. → Exclusive Masterclass Library ✍🏾 From My Journal: Intimate insights and reflections directly from my personal healing journey.→ Read my latest journal entries 💎 Explore "The Gems": Browse curated free resources filled with practical wisdom and actionable insights designed to support your growth and healing. → Get your free resources here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Nine years ago, I walked the Camino de Santiago— thinking I was just going on an adventure with my little brother. But what I found on that path was something I didn’t expect: the truth about the role I was playing in my family’s pain. This is the first episode in a special 4-part series where I’m sharing the moments that changed my life and my relationships forever. In this one, I talk about three turning points on the Camino: one with my brother, one with my mom, and one with my dad. Moments where I realized that all my fixing, caretaking, and trying to keep the peace wasn’t helping... it was actually holding us back from the deeper healing we all needed. I share what happened, what it brought up in me, and how choosing honesty over harmony shifted the dynamic of our entire family. If you’ve ever felt responsible for everyone else’s emotions or found yourself avoiding the truth to keep others comfortable, I hope this episode lands in your heart. This is a story about forgiveness, accountability, and learning to tell the truth — not to hurt, but to heal. 🌟 Special Podcast Listener Offer: Join the Codependency Alchemy Membership today and get 40% off!→ Click here to claim your discount and join now! 💬 Get Community Support: Join our vibrant, supportive chat community and get real-time guidance on your healing journey. → Join the chat ✨ Free Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide: Ready to deepen your healing with a step-by-step guide?→ Download my FREE guide 🎥 Watch 9+ Powerful Masterclasses: Access practical tools, guided exercises, and transformative teachings to help you heal codependency and build healthier relationships. → Exclusive Masterclass Library ✍🏾 From My Journal: Intimate insights and reflections directly from my personal healing journey.→ Read my latest journal entries 💎 Explore "The Gems": Browse curated free resources filled with practical wisdom and actionable insights designed to support your growth and healing. → Get your free resources here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe