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]Why can it feel easier to understand everyone else than to let yourself be known? Eli Harwood joins psychoanalyst Dr. Galit Atlas to explore how childhood experiences can shape the ways we seek closeness, protect ourselves, and care for other people. Drawing on Galit's book Come Closer, they focus on three of its six childhood patterns: the invisible child, the chosen child, and the ashamed child. Eli reflects on her own experiences as they discuss emotional caretaking, the pressure to keep a parent happy, and the pain of a parent who did not show up. The conversation closes with a compassionate invitation: listen to the child you were without dismissing their experience, and seek support as you practice new ways of connecting. In this conversationGalit describes how becoming hard to see can protect a child while making vulnerability difficult later.The chosen child learns to prioritize a parent's emotional needs; that responsibility can continue into adult relationships.Eli and Galit explore the difference between sharing your story with your child and asking your child to soothe you.They emphasize noticing your impact and making repairs when a conversation becomes too much.Shame can grow from many experiences, including rejection and neglect; it does not point to one specific childhood event.Galit invites listeners to approach their younger selves with curiosity, compassion, and support. Guest and resourcesDr. Galit Atlas is a psychoanalyst and author. Learn more at her official website. Come Closer: Childhood Wounds, Adult Love, and the Secrets of Emotional IntimacyGalit on Instagram: @galit_atlas Galit also discusses D. W. Winnicott's observation about hiding and being found. The interview does not establish the original publication source. ConnectLearn more about the Secure Parenting Program. Attachment NerdEli on InstagramEli on TikTok Music by Gold Child.

What do you do when you want to parent through connection and your partner keeps reaching for control? Eli talks with Kyle and Sara Wester about the years when they were on different pages, the moment Kyle began to rethink discipline, and the daily conversations that helped them build a shared approach. They explore the fear underneath controlling parenting, how to support a partner without taking over, and what mutual respect looks like with teenagers. Their stories make room for imperfect moments, honest reflection, and coming back to repair. Key TakeawaysKeep modeling the connection you want to build, even when your partner is not yet ready to hear a different perspective.Kyle shares how learning about fear and the brain helped him reconsider discipline and the parenting patterns he inherited.Notice when you are asking your children to soothe your stress, and make room to regulate yourself before responding.Brief, regular conversations can help partners understand the beliefs and expectations underneath their parenting choices.Supporting your partner can mean asking whether they want help and trusting them to handle a hard moment.Mutual respect grows through modeling, taking responsibility, and repairing when you get it wrong. About the GuestsKyle and Sara Wester are the hosts of The Art of Raising Humans. In this conversation, they share their experience as parents and counselors, including how they moved from conflicting approaches toward a shared vision for their family. Visit Art of Raising Humans Resources MentionedParenting Together Workbook — Kyle and Sara’s free resource for exploring a shared approach to parenting; email signup required.Art of Raising Humans resources Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

In this solo episode, Eli dives into one of the most nuanced — and most needed — conversations in the world of relational health: the difference between genuinely being victimized and holding a victim mentality. With warmth and clarity, Eli walks you through the key markers of each, why abusive people often claim victim status, and why asking this question of yourself is actually a sign of health, not weakness. Key TakeawaysBeing victimized and having a victim mentality are not the same thing — and confusing the two can keep you stuck in harmful dynamics.Claiming harm is not the same as being a victim — recognizing you've been hurt is an act of courage and wisdom.A victim mentality uses perceived harm to justify harming others — whereas genuine victimization leads you toward healing, safety, and self-protection.Abusive people commonly hold victim mentality — they often believe they are entitled to control and will frame any loss of control as being victimized.There is a critical difference between hurt and harm, discomfort and trauma — learning to distinguish them is one of the most important relational skills you can develop.If you're asking this question, you're probably not the problem — the very fact that you pause to reflect is a strong signal that you've experienced real harm, not that you're the one causing it.Victim mentality is rooted in developmental trauma — it gets passed down through families and is a signal that healing and support are needed, not shame. Resources Mentioned📖 Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft — A foundational book on the mindset of abusive and controlling people. Referenced in this episode for Bancroft's research on how abusive individuals hold a distorted, entitlement-based view of the world. Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Dr. Shefali Tsabary, Columbia-trained clinical psychologist and multiple NYT bestselling author, joins Eli to discuss her groundbreaking new companion books: Raising Conscious Sons and Raising Conscious Daughters. Together they unpack the unique, gender-specific wounds our children carry — and what conscious parents can do to protect and restore their children's authentic selves. Key TakeawaysBoys can only become empathic and vulnerable when they are first allowed to accept their own imperfections — teaching "limitlessness" is actually a disservice.The father wound is often invisible: a father can be physically present but emotionally sealed off, and boys feel that absence in their bodies.Mothers who over-function out of anxiety unintentionally send their sons the message that they are not trusted or capable — step back and allow wide spaces for exploration.The 7 Pillars for Conscious Sons: Regulation, Competence, Vulnerability, Sovereignty, Sexuality and Power, Belonging, and Conscious Masculinity.The 7 Pillars for Conscious Daughters: Voice, Embodiment, Enoughness, Anti-Fragility, Boundaries, Self-Authorship, and Sisterhood.Appropriate developmental exposure is itself a form of protection — gradually increasing challenges builds resilience.Toxic femininity — self-abandonment, poor boundaries, passivity — is just as real as toxic masculinity, and daughters need to be taught the difference between authentic femininity and its distorted form.Parentified daughters — praised for being "mature" — are actually losing their sense of self long before their nervous systems are ready.Connection is the most powerful form of protection we can give our children (Eli Harwood). About the GuestDr. Shefali Tsabary is a Columbia-trained clinical psychologist, founder of the Conscious Parenting movement, and multiple New York Times bestselling author whose work has been called "revolutionary" by Oprah Winfrey. Her new companion books, Raising Conscious Sons and Raising Conscious Daughters, release September 15, 2026. 🌐 Website: https://www.drshefali.com/about/📚 Parenting Summit (September 8–10, 2026; check current access): https://raisingconscious.drshefali.com/summit/🎤 Book Tour Info: https://raisingconscious.drshefali.com/tour/ Resources MentionedDr. Shefali's New Books📖 Raising Conscious Sons — Official book page📖 Raising Conscious Daughters — Official book page📖 Dr. Shefali's full book catalog: https://www.drshefali.com/books/ Eli's Book📖 Raising Securely Attached Kids by Eli Harwood — Amazon | Publisher (Penguin Random House) Research & Studies Referenced🔬 Alleged Meta/Facebook deleted-selfie ad targeting discussed in the interview — Allegations from former Facebook policy director Sarah Wynn-Williams, reported by Futurism and covered by Yahoo Tech🔬 Brené Brown's research on vulnerability — Daring Greatly on Amazon | Brené Brown's TED Talk: "The Power of Vulnerability" Organizations Mentioned🤝 Big Brothers Big Sisters of America — https://www.bbbs.org🏋️ Boys & Girls Club of America — https://www.bgca.org🏊 YMCA (The Y) — https://www.ymca.org Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

What if feeling unworthy isn't a flaw — it's a memory? In this deeply moving episode, Eli sits down with NYT bestselling psychologist Dr. Marisa G. Franco to unpack the science of self-worth: where it comes from, why it gets stuck, and how you can actually change it. From memory reconsolidation and inner child healing to attunement, identity, and the power of community, this conversation is a must-listen for anyone breaking generational cycles. Key Takeaways • Worthiness = treating your internal world as if it matters. It's not about feeling superior — it's about validating your feelings and using them as information. • There are two types of high self-esteem. One comes at others' expense (grandiosity). The other — "Type C" — is compassionate, connected, and the kind worth building. • Memories are the database of self-esteem. They don't just record the past — they predict the future. That's why compliments feel threatening and success feels suspicious when we feel unworthy. • You can change the past — at the neural level. Memory reconsolidation research shows that revisiting painful memories and picturing a different outcome literally changes how those memories live in your brain, including in the hippocampus. • Stigma shows up as self-surveillance. People from marginalized groups often begin to see themselves through the negative lens of others — and the antidote is curating community and media that reflect more positive, affirming identities. • Attunement is the master skill. Listening deeply to yourself, your children, and your relationships — and allowing multiple realities to coexist — is the foundation of both worthiness and connection. • You don't have to feel worthy to be worthy. Worth is inherent. Self-worth is the felt sense of it — and that can be developed, no matter where you're starting from. About the Guest Dr. Marisa G. Franco is a psychologist, professor at the University of Maryland, TED speaker, and NYT bestselling author. Her new book Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment explores the cutting-edge science of memory, stigma, and identity to help readers build lasting self-worth from the inside out. She is also the author of the instant NYT bestseller Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends. • 🌐 Website: drmarisagfranco.com: https://drmarisagfranco.com • 📸 Instagram: @drmarisagfranco: https://www.instagram.com/drmarisagfranco/ • 📬 Substack: Attached by Dr. Marisa G. Franco: https://drmarisagfranco.substack.com/ Resources Mentioned • 📘 Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment by Dr. Marisa G. Franco ◦ Publisher (Penguin Random House): https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/784327/worth-by-marisa-g-franco-phd/ ◦ Amazon (Audiobook): https://www.amazon.com/Worth-Science-Self-Esteem-Secure-Attachment/dp/B0GGNPKM6S • 📘 Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends by Dr. Marisa G. Franco ◦ Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Platonic-Science-Attachment-Make-Keep-Friends/dp/0593331893 • 📘 Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison (referenced in discussion of stigma and self-perception) ◦ Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Man-Novel-Ralph-Ellison/dp/0375507914 • 📘 Entangled Life: How Fungi Make Our Worlds, Change Our Minds & Shape Our Futures by Merlin Sheldrake (referenced in discussion of humans as ecologies, not individuals) ◦ Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Entangled-Life-Fungi-Worlds-Futures/dp/0525510311 • 🔬 Memory Reconsolidation Research (the neuroscience of updating emotional memories) ◦ Springer: How Memory Reconsolidation Advances Psychotherapy: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10615-020-00754-z ◦ NIH: Reconsolidation Therapies for PTSD (Systematic Review): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8417130/ Connect Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: • Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/ • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/ • TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Eli sits down with Eve Rodsky — Harvard-trained lawyer, NYT bestselling author, and founder of the Fair Play movement — to dig into the invisible crisis hiding in most partnerships: the unequal mental load. From the blueberries text that changed everything to a card system now translated into 27 languages, Eve shares why fairness in the home isn't just a relationship issue — it's a systemic one. This is a must-listen for anyone who has ever thought, "Why am I the only one who notices what needs to be done?" Key TakeawaysThe mental load gap is not personal — it's structural. Women shoulder two-thirds or more of unpaid domestic labor, and even the best-intentioned partners do 5–15 hours less per week once kids arrive.Over-functioning is a symptom of broken accountability and trust, not a personality flaw.The CPE model (Conception → Planning → Execution) explains why "going to the store" is only one-third of the work — and why standards aren't "too high" when you own the full task.Toxic time messages ("I should just do it myself," "I don't have bandwidth to teach him") keep women stuck in the cycle.The Fair Play system works for neurodivergent families too — because it's a system, not a reliance on internal motivation.The magic of parenting lives in the mundane moments. Sharing the load invites your partner into those moments — it's a gift, not a punishment.Fairness requires fighting — against cultural norms, school systems, extended family patterns, and the pay gap. Becoming a "cultural warrior" together is the goal. About the GuestEve Rodsky is a Harvard-trained lawyer, organizational management expert, and NYT bestselling author of Fair Play. After sobbing on the side of the road over a text from her husband about blueberries, she spent 15 years researching the gendered division of labor across 27+ countries. Her work has evolved into a full movement, a nonprofit policy institute, and a card deck used by couples worldwide. 🌐 Website: https://www.everodsky.com📘 Fair Play Life: https://www.fairplaylife.com📸 Instagram (Eve): https://www.instagram.com/everodsky/📸 Instagram (Fair Play): https://www.instagram.com/fairplaylife/🏛️ Fair Play Policy Institute: https://fairplaypolicy.org Resources Mentioned📖 Fair Play (book) by Eve Rodsky — Amazon🃏 The Fair Play Deck (card deck) by Eve Rodsky — Amazon | Penguin Random House🆓 Free Fair Play Resources (nonprofit downloads) — https://www.fairplaylife.com🏛️ Fair Play Policy Institute (systemic advocacy work) — https://fairplaypolicy.org🎓 Darby Saxbe, PhD — USC Professor of Psychology, Fair Play research collaborator — USC Profile📊 USC/Fair Play Policy Institute Study (2024): The Fair Play Method: Can We Solve for the Unequal Division of Domestic Labor? — Read the research👩‍⚕️ Tovah Klein, PhD — Director, Barnard College Center for Toddler Development (quoted: "all bonding comes in the spaces in between") — Barnard Profile🎬 Fair Play Documentary (dir. Jennifer Siebel Newsom, Hello Sunshine) — https://www.fairplaylife.com/documentary Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Eli sits down with board-certified psychiatrist and ADHD specialist Dr. Sasha Hamdani to unpack one of the most misunderstood emotional experiences: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). Together they explore the neuroscience behind why some of us feel rejection so intensely — and why that sensitivity might actually be a gift. Dr. Hamdani also shares personal stories and practical tools from her upcoming book, Too Sensitive: Rejection, Resilience, and the Science of Feeling Deeply. Key TakeawaysRSD is not a personality flaw — it's a neurological response rooted in how your brain is wired, involving amygdala hyperactivity, dopamine dysregulation, and weaker prefrontal override.Sensitivity has roots in multiple places: genetics, attachment history, identity-based rejection (racism, homophobia, misogyny), and hormonal fluctuations all play a role.Emotional sensitivity ≠ weakness. When paired with the right tools, it becomes emotional intelligence — a true superpower in relationships and caregiving.Your body tells you what you're feeling before your brain catches up. Learning where RSD lands in your body (chest, stomach, head) is the critical first step.Movement is a powerful acute tool for interrupting RSD spirals — it pushes oxygenated glucose to the frontal lobe to help override the emotional response.Attachment styles shape how we cope with RSD: some people cling, some flee — both are adaptations, not character defects.Making more noise about RSD matters — it's not yet a formal DSM diagnosis, but clinical advocates like Dr. Hamdani are working to change that. About the GuestDr. Sasha Hamdani, MD is a board-certified psychiatrist and ADHD clinical expert specializing in RSD and emotional regulation. She reaches over 2 million followers across social media with evidence-backed mental health content, and has been recognized by Harvard as a public health leader. She is the creator of the FocusGenie ADHD management app and the author of Self-Care for People with ADHD (2023). Her groundbreaking new book, Too Sensitive: Rejection, Resilience, and the Science of Feeling Deeply, publishes August 25, 2026. 🌐 Website: drhamdanimd.com📸 Instagram: @thepsychdoctormd🎵 TikTok: @thepsychdoctormd▶️ YouTube: @thepsychdoctormd Resources Mentioned📖 Too Sensitive: Rejection, Resilience, and the Science of Feeling Deeply by Dr. Sasha Hamdani MD — Pre-order on Amazon (Pub. August 25, 2026)📱 FocusGenie App — Dr. Hamdani's ADHD management app (the first created by a board-certified psychiatrist)🧠 What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? — Cleveland Clinic — Overview of RSD, its link to ADHD, and what's happening in the brain📄 RSD & ADHD Emotional Dysregulation — ADDitude Magazine — Deep dive into RSD as a symptom of ADHD🏥 Dr. Hamdani's Practice — Book an appointment or learn more ConnectLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

In this episode, Eli sits down with Dr. Naaila Chagani (Hudani), a child development specialist with a PhD from Tufts University, to explore the concept of "heart safety" — teaching children that their inner emotional world belongs to them and cannot be rearranged by someone else. Drawing from both personal lived experience as a bonus mom and rigorous research, Dr. Naaila shares a compassionate, nuanced framework for helping kids recognize emotionally manipulative behaviors, trust their own instincts, and stay safe — without having to sever love from protection. Key TakeawaysHeart safety is as important as body safety. Just as we teach kids "your body belongs to you," we need to teach them their inner world — feelings, perceptions, sense of self — belongs to them too.Manipulation exists on a spectrum. From a tired parent saying "you're fine" to genuinely harmful conditional love — many behaviors, unintentionally or not, ask a child to ignore what they feel.Fear and discernment are opposites. A frightened child freezes or fawns. A discerning child notices something feels off and trusts that noticing. That trust is the goal.Children turn confusion inward as self-blame. When something feels off but no one names it, kids often conclude they did something wrong — a wound that follows them into adulthood.The DARVO pattern (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender) is used by highly manipulative people, and it's important for kids to know they may not always be safe to speak up directly.Don't label the other parent — name the behavior's impact. Help children notice what doesn't feel good without putting the burden of intent analysis on them.The loyalty bind is real. Children in high-conflict co-parenting situations often gravitate toward the more manipulative parent to stay safe — making unconditional love from the safe parent even more essential.Start young. You can begin conversations about emotions, what feels good and what doesn't, as early as 18 months to 2 years old.Kids are allowed to say whatever keeps them safe in the moment. They can debrief and process with a safe adult after. About the GuestDr. Naaila Chagani (Hudani) is an applied developmental scientist with a Ph.D. in Child Study and Human Development from Tufts University. She specializes in the role adults play in positive youth development and helps parents navigate high-conflict and toxic co-parenting situations. She is also a bonus mom, and her personal experience navigating a manipulative co-parenting dynamic is the foundation of her work. 🌐 Website: parenting-mindfully.com📘 Book: Seeds of Self-Trust — 25 read-aloud stories for ages 4–8 (also deeply resonant for adults)📺 YouTube: Parenting Mindfully with Dr. Naaila Hudani📸 Instagram: @drnaaila_parentingmindfully Resources Mentioned📗 Seeds of Self-Trust by Dr. Naaila Chagani (Hudani) — seedsofselftrust.com — 25 read-aloud stories for children ages 4–8 on recognizing emotionally manipulative dynamics🏫 Making Caring Common — Dr. Rick Weissbourd's project at the Harvard Graduate School of Education on raising empathetic, ethical children — mcc.gse.harvard.edu👤 Dr. Richard Weissbourd — Senior Lecturer & Faculty Director, Making Caring Common, Harvard GSE — Faculty Profile📕 Street Smarts: Trust Your Instincts, Outsmart Danger, and Stay Safe in a World That Isn't by Dannah Eve — includes the "Lie to Survive" framework — Amazon🔐 Secure Parenting Program by Eli — attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program📖 The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz — Referenced in conversation ("Don't take it personally") — Amazon Connect with Eli🌐 Website: attachmentnerd.com📸 Instagram: @attachmentnerd🎵 TikTok: @attachmentnerd Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) unpacks one of the most misunderstood intersections in modern parenting: raising a neurodivergent child while trying to break generational cycles. With personal stories from parenting her own AuDHD daughter, Eli walks through the full sensory landscape — including the three "hidden" senses — and explains how to adapt secure attachment practices to meet your neurodiverse child where they actually are. Key TakeawaysNeurodivergent kids experience the world through a different sensory prism — not just the classic 5 senses, but also neuroception, interoception, and proprioception. Understanding which senses your child is over- or under-sensitive to changes everything about how you approach their meltdowns.Empathy that works for neurotypical kids can amplify distress in neurodivergent kids. When a neurodivergent child is already flooded across multiple sensory systems, offering big gooey empathy can escalate — not soothe — their dysregulation.Accommodation is not permissive parenting. Adjusting your child's environment to match their nervous system's needs is scaffolding, not weakness. The goal is gradual growth at the stage they can handle it.Believe them. If your child says the lights are too bright, the smell is too strong, or the touch is too much — believe them. Their nervous system is telling the truth, even if it doesn't match your experience.Community is a survival tool. Parenting a neurodivergent child requires more regulation, more support, and more stamina than neurotypical parenting — and you cannot generate that alone.Secure attachment with a neurodivergent child looks different. A child running to their cozy corner instead of into your arms is not rejecting you — it's their nervous system seeking the regulation it needs. Your job is to follow slowly and ask what they need. Resources Mentioned🔗 Big Little Feelings (Kristin Gallant) — "Believe them" — https://biglittlefeelings.com🔗 AuDHD: Understanding Autism + ADHD Co-Occurrence — Child Mind Institute explainer: https://childmind.org/article/what-is-audhd/🔗 Interoception & Sensory Processing Challenges — Understood.org: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/interoception-and-sensory-processing-challenges🔗 The 8 Senses Explained for Neurodivergent Kids — Neurodivergent Insights: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/8-senses/🔗 Weighted Stuffed Animals for Autism & Sensory Regulation — Autism Parenting Magazine: https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/autism-and-stuffed-animals/🔗 Secure Parenting Program (includes monthly Neurodivergent Support Group): https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode SummaryEli sits down with international parenting coach and author Mary Van Geffen to talk about raising "spicy ones" — those intense, strong-willed, wonderfully complex children who need more than most parenting books can offer. Together they unpack what it means to be the parent of a spicy child, how our own childhood wounds get triggered by these kids, and what it actually looks like in the messy, real moments to stay regulated and connected. Key TakeawaysA "spicy one" is a child who is more loyal to their own soul than to your adult agenda — and that's actually a gift, not a defect.Our spicy, strong-willed children are heat-seeking hovercrafts for whatever is unhealed inside of us.You cannot regulate a threat — if your nervous system reads your child as danger, you must build your own capacity first.During a violent meltdown: be the calmest person in the room, use your body not your words, and create a physically safe environment.Playfulness — not threats, not logic — is often the fastest route back from the edge of dysregulation.Your child's emotional intensity is not premeditated aggression; it is an "emotional seizure" they are also helpless to.Stop making your spicy child "digestible" to others. Your job is to make them feel unconditionally and wholly loved.Accepting how your child connects (not how you wish they would) is one of the most loving things you can do.We need to live in hope, not fear, with our spicy ones — the script we write for them shapes their future.The qualities we find hardest to manage in our children are often the very things we were shamed for in ourselves. About the GuestMary Van Geffen is an international parenting coach for Moms of Spicy Ones® and a Spicy One herself. She is a certified Simplicity Parenting Counselor® and Professional Co-Active Coach® who has transformed the lives of over 8,000 families through her group coaching and on-demand digital courses. Her new book, Parenting a Spicy One, is a compassionate guide for raising deep-feeling, wonderfully strong-willed kids. 🌐 Website: https://www.maryvangeffen.com📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maryvangeffen📖 Book Page: https://www.maryvangeffen.com/parentingaspicyonebook Resources MentionedBooks📗 Parenting a Spicy One by Mary Van Geffen — Amazon | Author's Site📘 Parenting by Connection (booklet series) by Patty Wipfler / Hand in Hand Parenting — Amazon📙 Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges by Patty Wipfler — Amazon📕 Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke (mentioned in passing) — Amazon📗 Vera Wong's Unsolicited Advice for Murderers by Jesse Q. Sutanto (mentioned in passing) — Amazon Research🧠 Maternal Brain Changes & the Amygdala (referenced in discussion of sensory changes in motherhood) — The Maternal Brain and Its Plasticity in Humans – PMC Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

How to Deal with Parenting Through Play | Dr. Kim Van DusenEpisode SummaryWhat if the secret to fewer tantrums, less mealtime drama, and a deeper connection with your kids wasn't stricter rules — but more play? In this episode, Eli sits down with Dr. Kim Van Dusen, PsyD, licensed marriage and family therapist and registered play therapist known as The Parentologist, to talk about how to weave playfulness into the everyday moments of parenting — even if you don't think you have a playful bone in your body. From gamifying chores to helping traumatized children feel safe, Dr. Kim shows us that play is the universal language of childhood, and learning to speak it changes everything. Key TakeawaysYou don't have to sit on the floor for 30 minutes to be a playful parent. Dr. Kim calls them "playful pockets of time" — small, creative moments woven throughout the day (swapping a fork for tongs, cutting a sandwich into a fun shape) that shift the entire energy of parenting.Gamifying works. From racing to make the bed to "freeze clean" during chores, turning tasks into games eliminates power struggles and gets the job done — without the drama.Play is the language of children, especially those who have experienced trauma. When kids can't (or won't) speak about their pain, drawing, playing, and creating tells the story instead — and your job is to listen to the play.Safety and trust come before play with kids from hard places. If a child doesn't feel safe, they won't connect — and connection must come before cooperation.Picky eating is a sensory experience. Research shows it can take up to 8–24 exposures before a child accepts a new food. Changing the texture, presentation, or even the serving vessel (hello, dump truck plate!) is exposure therapy in disguise.Outcomes vs. Consequences: Dr. Kim prefers the word "outcomes" because it removes the punitive connotation. Natural outcomes, do-overs, and choice-giving are more effective — and less stressful — than punishment.Structure is nurture's best friend. Playfulness and limits work together. Kids need both deep connection AND predictable boundaries to feel truly secure. About the GuestDr. Kim Van Dusen, PsyD, LMFT, RPT — known as The Parentologist — is a licensed marriage and family therapist, registered play therapist, university professor, and mom of two based in Southern California. With nearly 25 years of experience, she helps parents transform their relationships with their children by learning to speak the universal language of play. She is the author of Parenting Through Play and hosts The Parentologist Podcast. 🌐 Website: theparentologist.com📸 Instagram: @theparentologist🎙️ Podcast: The Parentologist Podcast📕 Book: Parenting Through Play on Amazon Resources Mentioned📕 Parenting Through Play by Dr. Kim Van Dusen (Amazon) — Dr. Kim's new book covering playful pockets of time, gamification, do-overs, outcomes, sensory food strategies, and more. Available in paperback and audiobook (narrated by Dr. Kim herself).🔬 Food Exposure Research — ASHA Leader: How Many Exposures for Selective Eaters? — Research showing it takes 8–15+ exposures before a child accepts a new food.🔬 Repeated Exposure to Food & Food Acceptability — NIH/NCBI Systematic Review — The peer-reviewed evidence base behind the food exposure approach Dr. Kim references.🔬 Child-Centered Play Therapy for Trauma — PMC Systematic Review — Research on play therapy effectiveness for children who have experienced traumatic events.🏡 Secure Parenting Program — Attachment Nerd Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode SummaryEli Harwood sits down with Dr. Marc Brackett — founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and bestselling author — to tackle one of modern parenting's biggest challenges: how do we raise emotionally intelligent kids when most of us never received an emotion education ourselves? Marc shares the science behind his RULER framework, why "there is no such thing as a bad emotion," and the practical strategies every parent needs to start using today. Key TakeawaysAccumulate emotion knowledge first. None of us got an "emotion education" growing up — reading research-backed books and resources is step one.There is no such thing as a bad emotion. Giving your child permission to feel — including anxiety, anger, and sadness — is a radical and necessary first step.Your go-to regulation strategies may not work for your child. Think of your role as setting a buffet of options, not telling your child what to eat.Emotional granularity matters. The difference between "frustrated" and "disappointed" isn't semantic — naming the exact emotion helps regulate it.90% of negative self-talk was caught from other people. Gaslighting from caregivers in childhood becomes our inner critic as adults.Your emotion regulation budget includes sleep, nutrition, and movement. Nine times out of ten, when a parent can't meet their own goals, poor sleep is the barrier.Co-regulation requires non-judgment. What our kids are begging for, above all else, is a parent who won't judge them in the middle of big feelings.Emotional intelligence is a lifelong practice — not something you master. Every day is a new opportunity. About the GuestDr. Marc Brackett is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University. He is the author of the USA Today bestselling book Dealing with Feeling and the internationally bestselling Permission to Feel (translated into 27 languages). Marc is the lead developer of RULER, an evidence-based social-emotional learning framework adopted by over 5,000 schools worldwide. He also co-created the free How We Feel app with Pinterest co-founder Ben Silbermann. 🌐 Website: marcbrackett.com Resources MentionedBooks📘 Dealing with Feeling by Marc Brackett — Marc's newest book on practical emotion regulation strategies📗 Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett — Marc's landmark bestseller on emotional intelligence📙 Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck — Referenced in the conversation re: growth mindset and parenting Tools & Apps📱 How We Feel App — Marc's free, science-based emotion-tracking and regulation app (iOS & Android)🎴 The Point of Connection Game — Marc's conversation card deck for building emotional connection with family and friends Frameworks & Research🏫 RULER Approach — Marc's evidence-based SEL framework, adopted in 5,000+ schools worldwide🔬 Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence — Marc's research home base❤️ Harvard Study of Adult Development — The 85-year study on happiness referenced by Eli (close relationships = #1 predictor of wellbeing) Connect with Marc BrackettWebsite: marcbrackett.com Learn more about secure parenting:https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode SummaryIn this deeply personal and research-backed conversation, host Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. Laura Markham — clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com — to tackle one of the most exhausting realities of family life: sibling conflict. Together they explore what the research actually says about why siblings fight, what parents can do about it (and what they shouldn't), and how to raise kids who will genuinely like each other as adults. Eli even shares a real, unfiltered story from her own family — complete with onesies, a parking lot scene, and a sticker — and asks Dr. Laura to coach her through it live. Key TakeawaysThe #1 predictor of sibling kindness is your relationship with each child. Research consistently shows the closer you are to each child individually, the less they fight with each other.Discipline style shapes sibling behavior. When parents use power and force to solve problems, kids mirror that with each other. When parents model calm problem-solving, kids learn to do the same.Inviolate one-on-one time matters more than grand gestures. A predictable, protected window of time with each child — even 20 minutes — gives kids the security to handle their siblings with more grace.Pushing and shoving under age 6 is developmentally normal — it doesn't mean your parenting is failing. The prefrontal cortex won't be fully developed until the mid-20s, and meaningful impulse control takes years to build.Positive interactions are the long game. Research shows that what adults remember about their sibling relationships is not the conflict — it's the fun they had together. Protect and prioritize play.Kids need scripts, not just correction. When you give children the actual words to say ("I was still using that — can I have it back?"), they learn to use them, often faster than you'd expect.Parent leadership reduces sibling rivalry. When parents step in to create systems and structures (like a calendar for mom nights), kids don't have to fight for position.Talking about neurodivergence with siblings requires validation, not minimizing. Acknowledge what's hard for each child without making either child responsible for managing the other's feelings. About the GuestDr. Laura Markham is a clinical psychologist trained at Columbia University, bestselling author, and one of the most trusted voices in parenting today. She is the founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com — a free resource with over 1,000 pages of parenting guidance — and the author of three books translated into more than 27 languages. 🌐 Website: peacefulparenthappykids.com📸 Instagram: @peacefulparenthappykids📬 Free Newsletter: Sign up here Resources Mentioned📗 Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings by Dr. Laura Markham Amazon | Publisher Page📘 Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham Amazon | Publisher Page📙 Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish Amazon🏫 Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at TCU (Trust-Based Relational Intervention / TBRI) child.tcu.edu Dr. Karen Purvis coined the phrase "Families that play together, stay together" and developed TBRI, a research-based model for supporting children impacted by trauma. ConnectLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode SummaryEli sits down with Libby Ward — writer, speaker, and author of Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself — for a deeply honest conversation about what it costs mothers when they sacrifice themselves completely. Together they explore the myth of selfless motherhood, the reality of generational trauma, and why radical honesty — with yourself first — is where real change begins. Key TakeawaysYou were never meant to do this alone. Human beings evolved in community, not nuclear family isolation. The loneliness of modern motherhood isn't a personal failing — it's a structural problem.Selflessness isn't the antidote to a selfish upbringing. Martyrdom doesn't protect your kids — it burdens them. Your children don't need a shell of you; they need you.Shame keeps us stuck. When we don't hear other mothers' real experiences, we assume we're the only ones struggling — and that shame makes it impossible to look honestly at what's actually happening.Generational trauma gets passed down until someone is ready to feel it. That someone might be you — and that is a gift, not a curse.Radical honesty starts with yourself, not the internet. Getting honest about your actual life — your nervous system, your capacity, your support system — is what gives you the freedom to make choices that actually fit your reality.Going no contact isn't the only option, and it isn't permanent. Separation can be a necessary step to find yourself before you can figure out what a relationship actually looks like.People-pleasing is an addiction. And like any addiction, recovery starts with honesty and the belief that you are worthy of reciprocal relationships.Your kids need you to be a whole person, not a perfect one. Modeling what it looks like to prioritize yourself teaches your children how they deserve to be treated in their own relationships. About the GuestLibby Ward is a writer, speaker, and advocate redefining the motherhood narrative. Known for her honesty, humor, and relatable voice, Libby reaches millions of women each week through her social media platforms. She has been featured on the BBC, Good Morning America, and is a member of Reese Witherspoon's inaugural Hello Sunshine Collective. Her debut memoir, Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself, is out now. 🌐 Website: libbyward.com📸 Instagram: @libbyward🎵 TikTok: @libbywardofficial Resources Mentioned📖 Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself by Libby WardAmazon (Hardcover)Amazon (Audiobook — read by Libby herself!)Publisher Page (Penguin Random House)Libby's own book page💬 "Pain travels through families until someone is ready to feel it" — a widely-shared quote on intergenerational trauma, attributed to therapist Stephi Wagner and popularized in the cycle-breaking community.🔄 Alcoholics Anonymous / Radical Honesty — The principle of radical honesty as the starting point for recovery, referenced from AA tradition. Learn more at aa.org. Ready to Go Deeper?If this conversation resonated with you and you're ready to break your own cycles and show up more securely for your kids, check out Eli's Secure Parenting Program — a therapist-led, pay-what-you-can program grounded in 70+ years of attachment research. 👉 Join the Secure Parenting Program Connect with Eli: Website: attachmentnerd.comInstagram: @attachmentnerdTikTok: @attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: goldchildmusic.com

Episode SummaryTherapist, author, and host of The Dude Therapist podcast Eli Weinstein, LCSW joins the show to talk about one of the hardest (and least talked about) relationship challenges: staying connected to your partner while you're deep in the trenches of parenthood. Eli brings his signature no-BS warmth and humor to share real, actionable tools — including the "First On Scene" rule, the Huddle tactic, and how to tackle the invisible mental load — all drawn from his new book From I Do to We Do. Key TakeawaysTake a pause before you take it out on your partner. When you're dysregulated in a parenting moment, step away for 2–5 minutes before engaging. Your kids will still be screaming — but your brain will be in a better place.The "First On Scene" rule. Whoever arrives first to handle a situation becomes the lead. Their way goes — as long as it's not dangerous. This eliminates power struggles and toe-stepping between partners.Make the mental load visible. Write down everything on your mental plate, sit with your partner, and ask (not demand): "Is there anything on this list you can take?" Let go enough to actually hand it over.Anticipation is the secret sauce. The partner NOT holding the mental load should proactively look ahead and ask, "What can I take off your plate this week?" — before being asked.Microdose your relationship with sweetness. Small daily rituals — a special phrase at bedtime, a little physical affection, a note — are the glue that holds couples together during chaos.It's us vs. the chaos, not us vs. each other. Use Eli's "Huddle" technique: check in on each other's energy, divide the game plan, and face the problem as a united front — not as opponents.Play to your strengths. Divide household labor based on what actually works for each person's brain, preferences, and neuroses — not rigid gender roles. About the GuestEli Weinstein, LCSW is a licensed clinical therapist, international speaker, and host of The Dude Therapist podcast. His debut book, From I Do to We Do: Navigating Marriage in the Parenting Years (Wiley/Jossey-Bass, 2026), is the guide he wishes he had when he became a dad — covering everything from the mental load to conflict resolution to keeping intimacy alive. He's appeared on The Kelly Clarkson Show and been featured in Psychology Today and across 300+ podcasts. 🌐 Website: https://www.eliweinsteinlcsw.com/📖 Book: From I Do to We Do on Amazon🎙️ Podcast: The Dude Therapist on Apple Podcasts📸 Instagram: @eliweinstein_lcsw | @thedudetherapist Resources Mentioned📖 From I Do to We Do by Eli Weinstein — His new book on navigating marriage through the parenting years📖 Fair Play by Eve Rodsky — The landmark book on the invisible mental load and how to redistribute it fairly📖 Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin — The "couple bubble" concept referenced in the episode🎬 Phil Stutz's "Active Love" tool — The concept Eli references for pushing love toward your partner in a difficult moment (also see the Netflix documentary Stutz)📖 The Tools by Phil Stutz & Barry Michels — The book behind the Active Love concept Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/