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What would you like to be true about the hard thing you’re facing? You can’t always change what’s happening. You can change how you think and feel about it, and that changes how you get through it. In this episode I walk through the questions I use with clients to help them see difficult circumstances differently. From what a specialist told me about Star Wars while my dad was in intensive care, to what Richie McCaw would do, to what you’d say to your child if they were in your shoes. Feelings aren’t bad. You’re allowed to feel how you feel. If you’re stuck, one of these questions might be the one that shifts things. Every question from this episode is in the show notes in the Podcast Club on the Mind You app. Join for US$5 a month at https://mind-you.circle.so/checkout/mind-you-base

Hate your job but can’t work out what to do next? This one’s for you. This episode came from a listener request, plus a handful of DMs this week about the very same dilemma. When work stops lighting you up, “I don’t know what I want” can feel like the whole problem. In my experience, it’s often covering something else. I unpack the four kinds of stuck I see most in my therapy room: clarity, pathway, permission and price. For each one, I share what keeps people there and the practical steps that get them moving. I also talk about: the levers you can pull in your current job before you walk awayhow burnout can make a good job feel unbearablethe competence trap, and why being good at your job is no reason to stay foreverthe “I should just be grateful” guiltthe grief, identity shifts and relationship changes that come with a career pivotTake what fits and leave the rest. Then ask yourself what your next step is. Mentioned in this episode: Unbearable Feelings episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2vh7ZngihnqTVgO9UiawsD Preferred Futures episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/172bvOIVVm7uBScXt3jUsE CliftonStrengths: https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths Join the Podcast Club on the Mind You app to share what stood out for you and what you’re committing to next. Start here: charlottecummings.nz Instagram @charlottecummings_mindyou

What does a sleep expert do before bed? I sat down with Dr Sumit, ENT and sleep surgeon and co-founder of Auckland Sleep, to talk about why so many of us are exhausted and still can’t sleep. Sumit shares his own morning and evening routine, why sleep is a 24-hour cycle, and why you need time to just be before bed after a whole day of doing. We talk about what happens when sleep problems land in a relationship, the link between ADHD and sleep apnoea, melatonin for children, and why menopause can leave you lying awake just as the kids finally sleep through. Sumit also explains why so much sleep research has been based on men, and what that means for women. If you’ve decided bad sleep is just how it is for you, listen to this first. You can find Dr Sumit and his team at aucklandsleep.co.nz And, if you'd like to try Beauty Sleep, head to jeuneora.co.nz Plus, if you want to keep your own wellbeing on your to-do-list, let me help you - come and find the Mind You app at charlottecummings.nz

When one person changes, the relationship can feel like it’s suddenly playing by new rules. If you’re growing in a different direction from your partner, Charlotte Cummings offers practical ways to reconnect without asking either of you to become someone you’re not. A shift in career, faith, sobriety, personal growth, boundaries, or even your understanding of yourself can move the goalposts for both partners. Charlotte explores why these changes can unsettle a relationship - and how couples can make room for who they’re becoming. You’ll discover how to stay connected to each other’s inner worlds, ask questions that invite curiosity instead of conflict, and negotiate change without trying to persuade your partner. Charlotte also explores the grief that can come with leaving an old version of your relationship behind, and how to notice what still unites you. Plus, find out why doing something genuinely exciting together may help more than another pleasant dinner date, how difficult feelings can shape your reactions, and how to support a partner’s change without giving up your own beliefs or preferences. Change doesn’t automatically mean you’re growing apart. For couples in a season of uncertainty, this conversation offers a hopeful, grounded way to find new ways of being together while keeping safety and wellbeing at the centre.

What would change if you stopped dressing for other people? Deb Caldwell has built STORM on trusting her gut for 20 years, and I think her approach works just as well for your life as it does for your wardrobe. Deb is the founder and creative director of STORM, and she knows what it means to stay in your lane and trust that your people will find you. We talk about why trying to please everyone means losing what makes you different, why she doesn't believe balance exists, and what she hears women say in fitting rooms every single day. Spoiler: nobody is looking at your arms. We also get practical with your wardrobe. Deb shares her five minute declutter trick (it cleared out 22 blouses), why you should ignore the size on the label, and her number one rule: don't save anything for best. You'll see me wearing STORM on the Mind You podcast, and I love the confidence I get from these sharp, edgy, fun clothes. I hope you enjoy this conversation with Deb. Find STORM at stormonline.comExplore the Mind You app at charlottecummings.nz

Broadcaster Toni Street on public speaking nerves, confident communication, burnout and starting counselling for the first time in her life. Toni is one of New Zealand's most loved broadcasters. She's been on our screens and radios for 20 years and has hosted New Zealander of the Year for 12. And for a long time, she still broke into a cold sweat every time she had to speak. We talk about how to speak with confidence when every part of you wants to say no. Why people are judging you anyway, so you may as well put your hand up. Why waiting to feel 100% ready keeps capable people stuck while others get the opportunities. How to manufacture your own energy on camera. And why you don't need to be funny, or feel your best, to be worth listening to. Toni also opens up about her mental health. Hosting through an autoimmune condition and high doses of steroids. Losing three siblings. And this year, noticing her joy had gone flat, and seeing a counsellor who told her she was close to burnout. Everything on her plate was good. It was just too much. We get into micro moments of rest, calming an overloaded nervous system, and simple tricks for public speaking anxiety, including why wriggling your toes tells your body you're not being chased by a tiger. If you're a high-functioning woman who keeps saying no because you don't feel ready yet, this one's for you. Find Toni and her Confident Communication course at tonistreet.com or on Instagram @tonimstreet. Want to take this further? My new Mind You app has tools, courses and resources to help you put these ideas into practice. Find it at charlottecummings.nz.

Where do you get your sense of worth from? Most of us default to two answers: what we achieve, or what other people think of us. Neither holds up long term. In this episode I talk about non-contingent self-worth, the kind that doesn't move when your circumstances do. I see this come up constantly with clients, in burnout, in people-pleasing, even in addiction and infidelity. It always traces back to the same question: where does my value actually come from? Part of the answer is simple. You have value just for being human. Full stop. It has nothing to do with your achievements or what other people think of you, whatever your circumstances, whatever mistakes you've made, whatever season of life you're in. I get practical too. How to notice fawning. Why perfectionism is a shield, not a strength. How to let people see you unfinished. How to rest without earning it first. Nothing you do can make you more valuable. Nothing you do can make you less. That's the whole point. If this episode helped, I'd love you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with someone who needs to hear it. Come find me at charlottecummings.nz for the Mind You app, courses and resources.

I don't think ADHD belongs to one person in a relationship. I think the relationship has ADHD. This week I'm unpacking what happens when ADHD (diagnosed early, diagnosed late, or still unnamed) shows up in a partnership, and why it affects both people, not just the one who has it. I talk about the emotional weight that comes with a late diagnosis, why rejection sensitive dysphoria is so common, and how understanding your unbearable feeling changes everything. I also share the practical stuff. Why I statements can backfire, how body doubling works, using AI to depersonalise decisions, fighting time blindness with routine, and giving yourself permission to outsource without shame. If ADHD is part of your relationship, I hope this gives you language, a bit of relief, and somewhere to start. Want more? Come find the Mind You app at charlottecummings.nz And here are the episodes I mentioned: Unbearable Feelings and Relationships https://open.spotify.com/episode/2H5kknVJxfiAwa1WjDXDPo?si=41eb4ed029d74536 and Unbearable Feelings https://open.spotify.com/episode/2vh7ZngihnqTVgO9UiawsD?si=5HvaQz6DRwSKvHuWQJV9Yg

I suddenly kept seeing my friends posting photos of their drawers and pantries, tagging The Home Edit and Mel Robbins. So I sat down and listened to the episode that started this decluttering frenzy. I came away furious, and worried for every overloaded woman hearing it - especially, the neurodivergent ones. My guest is Carrie from Curate Home NZ, a professional declutterer and home organiser who specialises in working with neurodivergent households. We both like Mel Robbins. We both like The Home Edit. What we don't like is telling an already overloaded woman that decluttering is simple, and she should just be able to get on and do it. We talk about: - Why the "it's simple, just do it" message misses what actually makes decluttering hard, whether or not you're neurodivergent - What decluttering looks like for a neurodivergent brain specifically, and why executive function makes it a much bigger task than it looks - The broken window effect, and why putting one thing away can feel completely pointless in an overwhelmed house - The shame spiral behind curated home content - Why the gendered mental load means "messy" gets judged completely differently depending on whose name is on the room - Practical, unglamorous advice for getting started without buying a single storage box. If this episode helps you, I would love you to follow Mind You, leave a review, or share it with someone who needs to hear it. Head to charlottecummings.nz for my other tools and resources, and to sign up for my new app, Mind You, the home for all my resources, post-podcast chat, and everything you need to actually care well for yourself. You can also find the lovely Carrie at curatehome.co.nz

What if the hardest thing that's ever happened to you didn't have to be another trauma? In this episode I'm joined by one of my own clients, Naomi, who shares her deeply personal story of discovering she carries the BRCA1 gene mutation - testing she undertook in her 40s, in light of her Mum sadly passing away with cancer at age 47. We talk about her decision to undergo preventative surgery, learning to disappoint people without guilt, navigating years of secondary infertility, and finding an unexpected sense of empowerment through one of the hardest seasons of her life. Naomi opens up about faith, family, building a support team, and the small shifts in perspective that changed how she moved through fear, including the moment that reframed everything for her: what if this isn't just another traumatic experience, but a life changing and positive one? If you've ever faced a health crisis, a hard diagnosis, or a season that felt like it was taking more than it was giving, this conversation will stay with you. For tools, courses and resources, and to check out my brand new app to support your wellbeing - head to charlottecummings.nz.

There's a concept I use with many of my clients, and I've never actually spoken about it on this podcast until now. It's called preferred futures, a concept from narrative therapy. It's about getting clear on two things: where your life is actually headed if nothing changes, and where it could go if you make the changes you've been thinking about. In this episode I walk through exactly how I use this with clients, including: getting honest about where you're headed if nothing changes how this clarity can help you how to build a clear picture of the future you actually wantthe stories you're telling yourself that might be holding you back from itwhat you need to truly believe, not just repeat, for that future to feel possibleThis one applies wherever you're at right now: relationships, work, health, or just the general shape of your life. If today's conversation gave you something to think about my brand new Mind You app takes these ideas further with tools, courses and support you can come back to whenever you need. You can find out more at charlottecummings.nz If you found this helpful, please do follow the podcast, leave a review, or send it to someone who needs to hear it.

Do you ever know exactly what you want to say at work - but find yourself second-guessing it, softening it, or waiting for the “right” moment to speak? Communicating confidently at work isn't just about having a strong voice or being the loudest person in the room. It's about knowing your value, understanding what gets in the way of speaking up, and learning to contribute without constantly questioning yourself. In this episode of Mind You, I explore the patterns that can make workplace communication harder than it needs to be - particularly for women. She looks at the social expectations that shape how women are perceived, the “unbearable feelings” that can sit underneath our reluctance to speak up, and the subtle ways we can minimise our own ideas before we've even given them a chance. You'll learn how to: recognise the patterns that hold you back in meetings and conversationsstop using language that unintentionally minimises what you have to sayreframe communication as making a contribution, rather than winning an argumentget clearer about what you want from your careerthink about how you want to be perceived - and how you want people to feel around youback yourself and communicate from the value you bringBecause confident communication isn't about becoming someone louder or more forceful. It's about being willing to take up your space and trust that what you have to say matters.

For many of us, we have to tolerate more attention than we'd naturally like, and it's scary as heck. Our jobs require it. Our goals require it. And the freedom we actually want is sitting on the other side of learning to cope with being seen. Stanley Henry from Attn Seeker joins me to unpack the psychology of visibility, personal branding, and why attention might be one of the last assets you can still build from nothing. He also shares what it takes to do relationships well when you're a high-functioning person juggling a business, a brand, and a full life - proof that success and a strong relationship aren't mutually exclusive, they just take real intention. In this episode, Stanley shares: Why no one cares about you nearly as much as you think, and why that's freeing rather than harshWhy your harshest critics are always your friends and family first, not strangers onlineWhy chasing "authenticity" online is the wrong goal, and what actually builds trust and connection insteadHow he and his wife use AI to manage their calendar, finances, and household so the mental load doesn't fall on one personHow to build a relationship that can keep up with an ambitious lifeThe sliding door moment that changed the direction of his whole lifeWhy he believes you can't half-commit your way to a big outcome - you have to give it a full go Whether you're building a personal brand, growing a business, navigating relationship dynamics, or just curious how AI can genuinely support communication at home, this conversation with Stanley Henry gives you a practical, honest look at what it takes to be seen. You can find Stanley (if he and his team haven't already found you!) at attnseeker.com and @stanleychenry or @theattnseeker

I sat down with Petra Bagust - honestly, she is the best ad for midlife. Through this chat, Petra gives us all the wonderful reasons why midlife is the good bit. We talk about her ADHD diagnosis, which came after her son's, and the months she spent grieving every theory she'd built to explain herself before that. We get into what actually shifts once you understand your own brain, the difference between legitimising yourself and needing someone else's permission, and the "manic and panic" cycle that used to run her days. Then there's menopause, without any of the doom and gloom. Petra's having more fun getting dressed in her mid-50s than ever before, and she tells me why. We talk about the ten years it took her to build what she calls a portfolio career after leaving breakfast TV, and the Esther Perel line that changed how she sees her 26-year marriage: most of us have three or four marriages in us, we just choose to have them with the same person. If you've ever wondered whether you need a formal diagnosis to change how you treat yourself, or you just want someone further down the path telling you you've got great things coming, this one's for you. In this episode: Petra's ADHD diagnosis and why she doubted it at firstThe "manic and panic" cycle and how she interrupts it nowMenopause, self-compassion and the male gaze disappearingReinventing herself after TV, and building a portfolio careerWhy marriages change shape and what to do about it

Janelle Brunton-Rennie became a widow within a year of her husband Kurt first finding a lump. She had a newborn baby at home, and no warning that losing her spouse to cancer was about to unravel her whole life. New Zealanders who've followed Janelle's story over the years will know pieces of this. In this episode, she courageously takes us back to all of it, and beyond. The hospital corridor where a doctor asked if her husband had a will. The anger that nobody tells you is part of grief, and the gym sessions that became her only outlet for it. The small rituals, sunrise, espresso, stillness, that carried her through years one and two of grief when nothing else could. We also talk about what came after. Rebuilding trust in yourself when you've had zero control over the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Making peace with a worst case scenario before you know the outcome. And what it actually takes to let love back in without losing who you became through grief and loss. This one is gut wrenching in places, and takes some genuinely unexpected turns into faith and spirituality. In this episode: Janelle's story of becoming a widow and losing her spouse to cancerThe anger stage of grief nobody prepares you forThe daily rituals that rebuilt her sense of self after lossRebuilding self trust after losing control of everythingFaith, surrender and what "making peace" actually meansLetting love in again after grief