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Rating
4.8from
This podcast has
138 episodes
Language
EnglishPublisher
Novara MediaExplicit
Yes
Date created
2024/02/19
Latest episode
2026/11/03
Average duration
62 min.
Release period
9 days
Description
Ash Sarkar and Moya Lothian-McLean sort the personal from the political, tackle listener dilemmas and air their opinions on the frustrations of modern life.
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Check latest episodes from If I Speak podcast
135: I’ve lost my confidence! How can I make friends and keep them?
2026/11/03
Moya has been feeling anxious about her social life and wonders if there’s a better way to deepen her connections and friendships. Plus: advice for an international special one who feels directionless and disappointed.
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
134: Try, fail and fail again? How embarrassing!
2026/10/27
Ash has a big theory about our growing fear of cringe. How does the internalisation of secondhand embarrassment change our behaviour? Is it possible that to be cringe is to be free? Plus: advice for a listener who’s become scared of sex.
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
133: What if we explained ourselves a little less?
2026/10/20
A weird interaction on the dancefloor gets Ash thinking about ambiguity. How do we balance the need for clear consent with the perks of mystery and uncertainty? Has growing up online increased our need for clarity? Plus: a friend who’s been separated from her besties.
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
132: Is there such a thing as healthy competition?
2026/10/13
After quitting Instagram, Moya wonders if the concept of ‘healthy competition’ is a myth, and Ash explains how to hate with artistry. Plus: Taylor Swift chat (for the first 8 minutes, be warned!) and advice for a couple in a longterm sex drought.
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
131: Is there an upside to AI-generated porn?
2026/10/06
Ash and Moya talk about porn, sex work, desire, ‘duty sex’ and more in a conversation sparked by a mystery question. Is AI-generated porn driving viewers to more extreme content? Has OnlyFans made it harder to be a woman on the internet? Plus: advice for a bisexual woman who’s got history with her new housemate.
CN: This episode contains mentions of child sexual abuse at 18m and 23m.
Watch Ash’s interview with Patricia Nilsson, author of Guilty Pleasure: https://novara.media/patricia
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
130: The inconvenient truth about convenience culture
2026/09/29
Moya and Ash get their nerd on with a conversation about the rise of convenience and the loss of enchantment. How can we access feelings of wonder in a world of quick fixes? Is friction the spice of life? (With reference to LOTR, Jaws and Tony Stark.) Plus: when a so-called friend can’t do the bare minimum.
The book Moya mentions is Gabe Bullard’s Against Convenience.
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
129: How did the pandemic change you?
2026/09/22
What if we still haven’t processed what the pandemic did to us? Was Covid a permanent turning point for our social lives and mental health? Ash and Moya identify an ongoing yearning for connection amid the scare stories and the manic bounceback. Plus: is it your fault you’re still single?
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
128: Does a widening income gap spell trouble between friends?
2026/09/15
Moya and Ash think about how money changes our priorities. Should rich friends should pay for their poor friends? And how do income gaps affect our romantic relationships? Plus: what to do when your partner reveals an addiction.
Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ash-sarkar-the-future-of-relationships
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
127: Help! I think my friend is in love with me?!
2026/09/08
Moya is worried about status – and so are increasing numbers of men in therapy, according to a recent report. So what does status look like in this economy? How are men adapting to not being guaranteed breadwinners? Can you be both downwardly mobile and satisfied with your life?
Plus: what to do when you suspect your friend is in love with you.
Read the article on men in therapy: https://www.theguardian.com/society/ng-interactive/2026/aug/19/men-therapy-achievement-grief
Read John Burn-Murdoch on women breadwinners: https://www.ft.com/content/4b7b8d3f-5625-4dba-ad90-66192c101956?syn-25a6b1a6=1
Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ash-sarkar-the-future-of-relationships
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
126: What if you don’t have to feel anxious 24/7?
2026/08/18
Ash has had life-changing experience for only £38. Has she found the key to escaping her fight-or-flight response? And what’s the best way to process anxiety? Plus: how to respond when your partner’s porn habit makes you feel weird.
Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September.
Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August.
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
125: Is the era of conspicuous consumption nearly over?
2026/08/11
Have we finally had enough of hyper-consumerism? Moya and Ash confront the political crises that are changing our attitudes to spending, and what that’s got to do with the World Cup and cerulean sweaters. Plus: what to do when you’ve lost all motivation.
Read the Vulture article about lifestyle influencers mentioned in the show.
Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September.
Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August.
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
124: Are you afraid of being ordinary?
2026/08/04
Trapped in the attention economy, Moya wonders if our reading habits are affecting our sense of self, and Ash offers a feminist analysis of ‘main character’ versus ‘NPC’. Plus: what to do when your politics drift away from your friends’.
Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September.
Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August.
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
123: How can I get better at dealing with rejection?
2026/07/28
Ash dreams up a whole new category – Disasterclass – in order to talk about inevitable pain of rejection. Whether it’s jobs, romance, friends or success, how much damage can rejection ultimately cause? Plus: early reviews of the Andy Burnham era.
Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September.
Get tickets for Symeon Brown in conversation at the Bernie Grant Arts Centre in North London on 5 August.
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
122: Can you change who you’re attracted to? w/ Annie Lord
2026/07/21
Former Vogue agony aunt Annie Lord joins Ash and Moya to talk about what happens if you let go of your ‘type’ and allow your romantic ideals to change. Her debut novel, The Project, is out now. (NB: Annie recommends Sharon Olds’ poetry collection Stag’s Leap.) Plus: advice for a man who’s feeling romantically jaded.
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
121: Is it time to stop height-shaming men?
2026/07/14
Ash and Moya answer a not-so-mystery question about male self-image and whether short kings really do lose out in the dating market. How does modern masculinity look and dress? Plus: advice for a listener fantasising about a romantic spark with a former colleague.
Send us your dilemmas: [email protected]
Music by Matt Huxley.
Podcast reviews
Read If I Speak podcast reviews
puqo2020 2025/10/24
Love this podcast!
This is one of my favorite podcasts!
Is there a reason it’s not on YouTube?
Abbydonley1234567 2025/03/17
Great podcast!
I enjoy them so much!
JuanitoJames 2025/02/20
Look forward to every episode
Excellent thought-provoking discourse and thoroughly enjoy the openness of Ash and Moya and their invitation to participate on the journey of self-exp...
Brayyyden 2025/01/12
The hosts are unhinged
No Moya, when a man says he likes you, it doesn't mean he's trying to control you.
487659284738 2024/07/28
😍
so much more informative than the bird-brained guardian!
cking1268 2024/07/12
Love this podcast
Great dynamic, great listen. Makes me feel like I’m just chatting and having a coffee with friends. Hope i can meet these two someday!
ify m 2024/04/22
If I Speak
Ash and Moya are awesome on this podcast. I have been a fan of both of them from Novara Media. It’s great to hear them talking about every day situati...
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