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In this replay episode host Monique Koven speaks with self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff about applying self-compassion to complex and developmental trauma. Neff explains how tender care and fierce boundary-setting work together, shares practical grounding and self-compassion exercises, and discusses why painful reactions during practice can be normal. Resources mentioned Self-Compassion — Kristin Neff’s book https://link.amazon/B0dnu4r2a Fierce Self-Compassion — Kristin Neff’s book https://link.amazon/B04aiCdBaMindful Self-Compassion — the program Kristin Neff co-developed with Chris Germer https://link.amazon/B04ilXsbtCenter for Mindful Self-Compassionselfcompassion.orgwww.thehealingtraumapodcast.com Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this rerelease conversation, returning guest therapist & author Deb Dana answers your questions. Deb delves into the Polyvagal Theory, explaining its significance in understanding the autonomic nervous system and its impact on our daily experiences. She discusses the hierarchy of the nervous system, the importance of co-regulation, and the process of befriending one's nervous system. The conversation also addresses the challenges of building capacity in a reactive system, practicing regulating tools, and navigating anxiety. She also emphasizes the need for safe connections and the role of attachment and boundaries in our relationships, providing insights into how to reshape our nervous systems for better emotional health. takeaways Polyvagal Theory helps us understand our autonomic nervous system.The autonomic nervous system has a hierarchy of responses.Ventral state is where we experience wellbeing.Co-regulation is essential for survival and thriving.Befriending your nervous system is a process of gathering information.Building capacity in a reactive system takes time and patience.Practicing regulating tools is crucial for emotional health.Listening to your nervous system is key to understanding your needs.Safe connections are vital for healing and growth.Attachment styles influence our relationships and boundaries. Deb Dana's Books & Resources: Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory https://amzn.to/3GSm8Lj Polyvagal Practices: Anchoring the Self in Safety https://amzn.to/4515qBj The Nervous System Workbook: Practical Exercises to Ease Anxiety, Find Safety, and Come Home to Yourself Using Polyvagal Theory https://amzn.to/4mdNzOw Polyvagal Card Deck: 58 Practices for Calm and Change https://amzn.to/3TZkw5m Polyvagal Exercises for Therapists and Clients: 50 Client-Centered Practices https://amzn.to/4lYl4oc https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay episode, Monique speaks with therapist and author Jenna Riemersma about Internal Family Systems, or IFS, and a compassionate way to work with the wounded parts of ourselves. Jenna explains why healing often starts by moving toward what we usually want to avoid, and how that shift can reduce shame, increase self-understanding, and create real internal change.They also discuss the difference between burdened parts and core self, how protective “wall” parts operate, and why healthy boundaries come from self rather than reactivity. Jenna shares a simple three-step practice called move toward: notice, know, and need. Jenna explains how IFS views people as fundamentally good, with a core self that remains intact even after traumaThe conversation centers on the idea that parts of us are not bad, but burdened by traumatic experiences and stuck in protective rolesMonique and Jenna discuss how shame, rage, numbness, addiction, and dissociation can all be understood as parts trying to helpJenna uses the sun and clouds metaphor to explain why core self can feel inaccessible when protective parts take overA practical framework is introduced: move toward, which includes three steps - notice, know, and needJenna gives a personal example involving canceled plans and how an abandoned, rejected part was triggered by present-day stressThe episode explores why even one step of compassionate noticing can be deeply transformativeMonique asks about wall parts, and Jenna explains how protective shutdown can feel like boundaries but usually functions as isolationHealthy boundaries are framed as something that can only come from core self, not from angry, fearful, or manipulative partsJenna explains why “what’s in the way is the way” and how every part can become a doorway to healing Jenna's books: Altogether You: Experiencing personal and spiritual transformation with Internal Family Systems therapy https://amzn.to/4y7KLsv Move Toward: A Simplified IFS Therapy Tool to Welcome All Parts of You https://amzn.to/45yy9OQ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this mini episode, host Monique Koven explores the profound impact of attachment trauma, especially from caregivers who are frightening or unreliable. She discusses how these early experiences shape our nervous system, influence our relationships, and how understanding these patterns can foster self-compassion and healing. Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

All New Episode With Dr. Lindsay Gibson You Can Be The Mother You Needed : In this brand new episode, Dr. Lindsay Gibson shares her groundbreaking approach to parenting, emphasizing the importance of understanding emotional maturity in children and how to foster it. Monique and Lindsay explore the dynamics of emotional immaturity, how past traumas affect parenting styles, and practical mindsets that nurture resilient, emotionally aware kids. About our guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of a number of books, including Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and her new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child. What you'll discover in this conversation: The core differences between emotionally mature and immature parents childhood trauma and early attachment influence parenting The concept of emotional needs: contact, soothing, proximity The significance of seeing children as real inside with their own inner worlds The importance of protective parenting and setting a safe emotional foundation The seven mindsets that underpin emotionally intelligent parenting Strategies to help children develop internal representations of their world How to respond to children's behavior as a form of communication The role of empathy and sensitivity in emotional development Practical ways to show children they are understood, safe, and valued Order Lindsay Gibson's new book "How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child ; https://amzn.to/3SBLySE Watch The Full Episode https://youtu.be/c0iuE9szrJA?si=F8uuxa5B6lw-RdRL Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay conversation, my guest renowned trauma expert Dr. Janina Fisher discusses her model TIST (Trauma Informed Stabilization Treatment) and the concept of the living legacy of trauma, emphasizing how trauma's effects persist in the body and mind beyond past events. She explores dissociation, fragmentation, and practical approaches to healing trauma by addressing these living legacies.Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation Janina's Books Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation https://amzn.to/4uyDtMy Transforming The Living Legacy of Trauma: A Workbook for Survivors and Therapists https://amzn.to/4dbcHCC Embracing Our Fragmented Selves: A Workbook for Trauma Survivors and Therapists https://amzn.to/4cWI4Ci https://janinafisher.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay interview, trauma expert Kathy Steele explores the complex world of dissociation, trauma, and mental health. She discusses different types of dissociation, the development of self, and practical strategies for healing and integration. Books: Treating Trauma-Related Dissociation: A Practical, Integrative Approach (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) https://amzn.to/4f0KPUA Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) https://amzn.to/49JG7XC Trauma-Related Dissociation Two-Book Set https://amzn.to/4tSvCsq Kathy's website: https://www.kathy-steele.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay episode, Dr. Lindsay Gibson is back just in time for Mother's Day. About our Guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the author of the Emotional Immaturity series of books, including her bestseller Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. In this conversation, Monique and Lindsay discuss the complexities of navigating Mother's Day emotions, particularly for those with emotionally immature parents. They explore the conflicting feelings of grief and obligation, the importance of self-validation, and practical tips for managing relationships during this challenging time. The discussion emphasizes the need for self-care and reconnecting with one's true self to foster personal growth and healing. Takeaways Mother's Day can evoke mixed emotions, including grief and obligation.It's important to honour your own feelings during this holiday.Emotional immaturity in parents can complicate relationships.Self-validation is crucial for emotional well-being.Finding a balance between honouring a parent and honouring oneself is key.It's okay to choose how to engage with emotionally immature parents.Reconnecting with oneself is essential for personal growth.Practicing self-care can help manage emotional turmoil.Taking a pause to reflect on feelings can lead to better self-understanding.Find Lindsay's books here:Adult children of Emotionally Immature Parents https://amzn.to/4kpLu1l Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy  https://amzn.to/42YKdHg Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self, and Live with Confidence https://amzn.to/3RTG6XX Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People: Avoid Emotional Traps, Stand Up for Your Self, and Transform Your Relationships as an Adult Child of Emotionally Immature Parents https://amzn.to/44qhHRo Connect with Monique on IG https://www.instagram.com/thehealingtraumapodcast/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay conversation, host Monique Koven is chatting with trauma therapist and author Michelle Mays. They discuss the concept of betrayal trauma, its connection to attachment theory, and how childhood trauma influences adult relationships. Michelle explains the importance of understanding betrayal trauma as a relational issue and outlines the three trauma traps that betrayed partners often face: fear of loss, shame, and powerlessness. She also introduces her six phases of healing, emphasizing that healing is a complex, non-linear process that requires individuals to confront their fears and engage in deep emotional work. Michelle's Books & Resources: The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst https://amzn.to/3Z6P8Ve The Aftermath of Betrayal https://amzn.to/4qOveKR When It All Breaks Bad: 10 Things To Do (And Not Do) After Betrayal https://amzn.to/3ZDwBQi Michelle's Website: https://michellemays.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay conversation, therapist and author Elizabeth Earnshaw discusses the challenges faced by trauma survivors in relationships, particularly the need for understanding and effective communication with partners. She emphasizes the importance of empathy, active listening, and creating a safe space for sharing experiences. She also provides strategies for expressing needs to partners and navigating situations where partners may struggle to understand or respond appropriately. The conversation highlights the significance of persistence in communication and the potential for healing through supportive relationships. takeaways Many trauma survivors feel isolated and misunderstood by their partners.It's essential for partners to listen and hold space for trauma survivors.Survivors need to clarify what understanding looks like for them.Empathy and compassion are crucial in supporting a loved one with trauma.Effective communication requires choosing the right time and approach.Expressing positive needs can reduce defensiveness in conversations.Partners should be responsive and curious about their loved one's experiences.It's important to gauge a partner's ability to listen and support.Persistence in communication can help partners improve their understanding.Safe relationships allow for ongoing discussions about needs and feelings. Liz's book: Til Stress Do Us Part: How to Heal the #1 Issue in Our Relationships https://amzn.to/4bvmjY3 Website:https://elizabethearnshaw.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This replay episode features Dr. Bethany Brand—author, trainer, and forensic expert in trauma and dissociative disorders. In this conversation, she answers key questions about dissociation, including the different types, levels of severity, its connection to trauma, and available treatment options. You’ll gain a clearer understanding of how dissociation impacts mental health and learn practical steps for managing it effectively. Resources & Books The Finding Solid Ground Program Workbook: Overcoming Obstacles in Trauma Recovery Workbook https://amzn.to/4dRavSG The Stranger In The Mirror: The Hidden Epidemic ―A Groundbreaking Psychology Guide to Dissociation, Trauma, and Reclaiming Your True Self https://amzn.to/3PpuZIp Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists https://amzn.to/4dK0LJV Dissociation Made Simple: A Stigma-Free Guide to Embracing Your Dissociative Mind and Navigating Daily Life https://amzn.to/4rVjXb4 https://www.bethanybrand.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay conversation, psychotherapist Kelly McDaniel discusses her book 'Mother Hunger,' which explores the deep emotional needs for maternal love and the impact of unmet needs on women's lives. She explains the concept of mother hunger, the essential needs from a mother, and how these needs shape our relationships and emotional well-being. The discussion also delves into the effects of frightening mothers, the connection between food and love, and the importance of finding a compassionate witness for healing. Kelly's Book: Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance  https://amzn.to/40OFI1d Website: https://kellymcdanieltherapy.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay conversation, licensed marriage and family therapist Melissa Callahan discusses the profound impact of early attachment experiences on adult relationships. She explains attachment theory, the different attachment styles, and how early trauma can shape our perceptions of safety and trust in relationships. The discussion emphasizes the importance of creating emotional safety, understanding one's own patterns, and the journey of healing and resilience in fostering healthier relationships. Attachment theory explains how early bonds affect adult relationships. Attachment styles can be seen as threat mitigation systems. Trust issues in adulthood often stem from childhood experiences. Anxious and avoidant attachment styles often attract each other. Understanding your attachment style can improve relationship dynamics. Early trauma influences our ability to trust others. Creating safety in relationships requires vulnerability and communication. Repairing relationships after conflict is essential for security. Healing from attachment wounds takes time and effort. Resilience is often found through supportive relationships. Books mentioned: Attached https://amzn.to/4r6Pfvn https://www.instagram.com/callahantherapy/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay conversation, psychotherapist Cath Counihan and Monique delve into the complexities of parenting when one has experienced childhood trauma. They discuss the challenges of emotional regulation, the impact of trauma adaptations, and the importance of self-compassion in navigating parenthood. The conversation emphasizes the need for understanding one's own trauma history to better support children and highlights the messiness of parenting as a shared human experience. Books Mentioned: Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle https://amzn.to/4qGtrq1 Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation by Janina Fisher https://amzn.to/4rRJkey Transforming The Living Legacy of Trauma: A Workbook for Survivors and Therapists by Janina Fisher https://amzn.to/3ZWmIxD Cath's website & podcast : https://www.cathcounihan.com /https://www.cathcounihan.com/grow-yourself-up Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this replay conversation, host Monique Koven interviews Rebekkah LaDyne, a somatic therapist and author about her book 'The Mind Body Stress Reset.' They discuss the importance of somatic practices in managing extreme stress and trauma, emphasizing the body-mind connection. Rebecca shares her personal journey and the development of self-administered somatic tools that can help individuals navigate their stress responses and build resilience. The conversation highlights the need for accessible mental health resources and the significance of understanding trauma's impact on stress responses. takeaways Somatic therapy focuses on the body-mind connection.Extreme stress responses require different coping strategies.Cognitive reframing is less effective for high-stress events.Self-administered somatic tools can be highly effective.Resilience pathways help individuals recover from stress.Trauma can reset our baseline stress levels.Building resilience pathways is essential for recovery.Accessible mental health resources are crucial for everyone.Mindfulness practices should be adapted to individual needs.Understanding trauma helps in managing stress responses. Book: The Mind-Body Stress Reset: Somatic Practices to Reduce Overwhelm and Increase Well-Being https://amzn.to/4c4Ph2R https://www.rebekkahladyne.com/ Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey. https://www.thehealingtraumapodcast.com/resources/ SUPPORT this podcast for the cost of a coffee. Your support is appreciated! When you buy me a coffee, your support goes towards keeping the podcast running. HERE: https://buymeacoffee.com/thehealingtraumapodcast Subscribe and watch on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy4f23JvtdFuQGadOqy3PA Disclaimer: This episode and website may contains affiliate links. When you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy