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Have you ever said something with good intentions, only to have your partner hear it completely differently than you meant it? Maybe you were trying to help, but they felt criticized. You were trying to explain yourself, but they experienced you as defensive. Or you were protecting yourself, but they felt shut out. So what do you do? Too often, people get stuck arguing about what they meant instead of becoming curious about the impact they had. In this episode of Practicing Love, I talk with Allison Brenner, executive coach and founder of InnerVue, about the often surprising gap between our intentions and how other people actually experience us. Allison has spent three decades working in leadership and human development, and she brings that perspective into relationships in a powerful way: self-awareness isn't only about knowing ourselves. It's also about becoming aware of how we affect other people. We talk about why good intentions can sometimes become a shield against curiosity, how "you took it wrong" can turn a misunderstanding into a blame game, and how our automatic defensive reactions can have an impact we never intended. Rather than taking someone's experience of us as a verdict about who we are, we can become curious about our patterns: What happens in our tone when we're stressed? What do we do when we feel criticized? And does the way we show up actually create the impact we want? We also talk about reflecting on "what would it be like to be in a relationship with me?" and building trust and safety so that when something goes wrong, both people have more capacity to repair. Having good intentions matters. But if we want deeper connection, we also have to care about the impact we're having. In this episode, we explore: Why couples can misunderstand each other even when both people have good intentions How good intentions can sometimes stop us from being curious about our impact How to receive feedback without experiencing it as a verdict about who you are The question: What is it like to be in a relationship with me? Why a great relationship includes self-awareness and awareness of how others experience us How to check your intention before a difficult conversation What to do when the impact you're having isn't the impact you intended Connect with Allison Learn more about Allison and her work with InnerVue Use Discount code: PRACTICINGLOVE20 to get 20% off Connect with Shana Visit Shana's website if you are struggling with love, sex, dating, or relationships in midlife   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: WGWRQANBJDWAVVM6

How to have the sex you actually want: More Pleasure and Connection Beyond Scripts, Shame and Expectations Having great sex is not about knowing the "right" things to do. It's about discovering what actually feels good and meaningful to you. The best question to ask yourself is: Are you having the sex you actually want? In this episode of Practicing Love, I talk with Deborah Kat, relationship and sex expert, Tantra teacher, host of The Better Sex Podcast, and former professional Dominatrix. We get into what actually makes sex great, and why so many of us aren't satisfied with the script we were given about what sex is "supposed to look like." Deborah talks about the importance of aliveness over performance, and why great sex isn't about reaching a particular outcome. It can change, evolve, surprise you, and be completely different from one time to the next. We talk about: What actually makes sex great How to ask for what you want without making your partner feel pressured or criticized Why a particular fantasy doesn't necessarily need to become reality and how to discover the motivation beneath a fantasy The different ways people are wired for sex and pleasure How Tantra and kink could support your sex life  Why sex in long-term relationships naturally goes through cycles How to find more pleasure and freedom  What to do when your partner wants something you're unsure about How to bring up sexual desires without all the charge, disappointment, or baggage Many of my clients actually know what they want to say, but they're afraid to say it. One of my favorite themes in this conversation is that revealing more of yourself creates more intimacy, even though it feels risky. You don't have to say the "right thing." It's more about the vulnerable thing.  The more honestly we discover what we want, communicate it, stay curious, and create safety for each other, the more room there is for pleasure, connection and surprise. Better sex isn't about becoming better at performing sex. It's about being truly yourself while you're having it, so you can receive and enjoy it more.  Find Deborah Kat: Deborah Kat's website The Better Sex Podcast Deborah Kat on Instagram Deborah Kat on Substack Find Shana James: Quiz: What keeps you from having the best love and sex of your life? https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-sex/ Rekindle Desire: 20 reasons your wife may not want t have sex   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: OHMHFXBSHHFV307Z

What happens when men expand their sexuality to be about more than performance, orgasm, or "getting the job done"? In this episode of Man Alive, I talk with Rick Broniec, author of Power Tools for Men and a longtime leader in the ManKind Project, about sexual healing for men — and what becomes possible when men begin to experience sexuality as a pathway to deeper connection with themselves and their partners. Rick has spent decades working with men and, at 74, says he is more sexually fulfilled and having more fun and intimate sex than ever before. We talk about what it means to have the kind of sex life where you receive pleasure and love, are honest about desires and needs, and have heart connection, rather than just the physical body. Rick and I explore: Why so many men learn to think about sex as something they do rather than something they share How the "Man Box" can disconnect men from their bodies, emotions, and sexuality The impact of abuse and secrets in families Why men need to learn that they can receive love, care, touch, and pleasure How sexual wounds create shame — and why healing requires compassion and honesty Why sexuality and spirituality may be more connected than we realize Why sensual touch and affection is essential for men, even when they don't realize they're missing it How honest, loving conversations can transform sexual intimacy, and what to do when your partner isn't willing or able to have them And why even relationship and sexuality experts sometimes need help in their own relationships This is a conversation about healing, vulnerability, pleasure, honesty, and becoming more fully alive in your sexuality. There is so much healing available for men these days. Rick suggests you take a step toward it.  Find more of Rick at: www.PowerToolsForMen.org www.WisdomWindfall.com   Find more of Shana at:   Quiz: What keeps you from having the best love and sex of your life? The Guide to Honest and More Enjoyable Dating   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: 3XO0LDATK42BXEXU

How would your relationships be different if you could experience the world from the other side of the gender divide, and understand how a man or woman (whichever you are not) feels and experiences life? Would it bring more compassion for the things that irritate you? Today's guest has something very few people can offer: a real life perspective on living as both a woman and a man. Since Jason Hill transitioned he has experienced radical shifts in how people perceive him, how he's treated professionally, how much emotional vulnerability feels accessible, how his sex drive changed, and even how much physical affection is available to him. In this fascinating conversation, we explore what those experiences reveal about men, women, love, sex, emotional intelligence, and the invisible expectations we place on each other. We talk about: How Jason has been treated as more intelligent and receiving more professional opportunities as a man The pressures men can carry with the expectations to provide, earn, protect, and prove their worth Why having male privilege doesn't mean life is always easy What women usually don't  see about men's vulnerability to violence, rejection, and emotional isolation Why so many men are touch-starved, and how sex can become one of the only socially acceptable forms of affection The surprising ways we're socialized differently as men and women Why emotional intelligence can be learned How to make the goal of conversations understanding what is actually happening for another person, rather than winning the argument What greater empathy across genders could make possible in our relationships Jason's story invites us to hold multiple truths at the same time: men benefit from systems of privilege and still experience profound pain, loneliness, objectification, and pressure. Women suffer from discrimination and often have assumptions about men that can make it harder for men to feel loved and understood.  The more we're willing to get curious about those contradictions, the more possibility we have for love. Because emotional intelligence isn't about becoming better at arguing your side. It's about becoming better at seeing the person in front of you.     Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: ELRUV6G8JHUP8JAW

Dating feels brutal for so many relationship-ready singles, especially over 40. In this episode, Shana James talks with Adam Cohen Aslatei, CEO of Three Day Rule, about how AI is reshaping modern matchmaking and how AI makes it easier for people to date and find real, emotionally available love. They explore dating burnout, why the apps are failing people, the power of intentional dating, and how AI can even support deeper human connection. A must-listen for those who want to stop unconsciously swiping and start consciously dating and creating meaningful relationships. Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life!     Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: IHVPCN3F5C1BO2Q0

What happens when the woman you love stops wanting sex? For many men, a fading sex drive feels like rejection, loneliness, or even a sign that the relationship is dying. You may wonder:  Am I still attractive? Does she still want me? Did I do something wrong? After more than 20 years of coaching men and couples, I've found the answer is usually more nuanced. Women often don't stop wanting sex. They stop wanting the sex they've been having. As women move through midlife, many become less willing to settle for intimacy that feels rushed, disconnected, predictable, or focused primarily on their partner's experience. Hormones and health can certainly play a role, but there's another piece that often gets overlooked: desire is relational. In this episode, I explore a different way of understanding desire—one where it isn't something one partner has and the other needs to get back. Desire is something two people create together. I share six ways I've helped couples co-create more connection, pleasure, and passion, including becoming a student of your partner, slowing down, moving beyond one-dimensional sex, creating experiments instead of expectations, and learning not to take differences in desire personally. If your sex life has faded, I hope this episode gives you something you may not have had in a while: hope that the best intimacy of your relationship can still be ahead of you.     Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: X6DOTPWFPO5ZGZDX

Have you ever looked at someone you love and wondered, What happened to us? Most people assume relationships drift apart because the spark fades, communication breaks down, or life simply gets in the way. But what if the real reason is much simpler and more hopeful? In this conversation, bestselling author and executive coach Jamie Smart shares a perspective that has transformed the lives of thousands of people he has coached.  One of my favorite moments is when Jamie talks about how he'd spent years organizing his relationships around avoiding heartbreak instead of creating true love, and what is possible since making that shift.  In this episode, we explore:  The underlying causes of relationships drifting and spark fading  How your "view" changes how your partner appears to you  The downward spiral of disconnection from trying to be "right"  How insight transforms relationships faster than trying harder  The key to make the shift from self-protection to creating true love Whether you're dating, married, healing from heartbreak, or simply wanting deeper connection, this conversation offers a fresh way of understanding what keeps love alive, and what helps us truly see each other again. And if you want a deep dive into understanding who you truly are, and what's possible in love and life once you know this, this is an episode for you.     Enjoyed this conversation? Here are a few more resources:   Jamie's Resources:  Learn more: JamieSmart.com  Listen to Jamie's podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/get-clarity-with-jamie-smart/id1173476690     Explore Jamie's books, including Clarity and Results: Think Less, Achieve More: https://www.jamiesmart.com/jamie-books/   Shana's Resources:  Discover what's keeping you from having the love and connection you want. Take the quiz: https://bestlove.scoreapp.com/  Join the Honest Dating Manual waitlist https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-dating-manual/    Need support? Schedule a free Love Consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: IHVPCN3F5C1BO2Q0

Everyone talks about "baggage" in dating. But what does that actually mean? If you're dating in midlife, chances are you—and everyone you meet—have lived through heartbreak, divorce, health challenges, parenting, financial ups and downs, grief, or complicated family dynamics. The goal isn't to find someone without baggage. It's to discover whether your lives, values, and emotional realities are compatible enough to build something beautiful together. In this episode of Practicing Love, I sit down with relationship and intimacy coach Karen Bigman to explore what baggage really is, how to recognize the difference between deal breakers and manageable challenges, and why self-awareness is far more important than finding a "perfect" partner. Together we explore:  Why everyone in midlife brings some form of baggage into dating  How to tell the difference between compatible and incompatible baggage  Why knowing yourself matters more than following dating rules  When to communicate your needs, boundaries, and relationship history  How divorce, children, finances, family dynamics, and health challenges affect dating   Perhaps the biggest takeaway is this: Your past doesn't have to determine your future. What matters is how consciously you understand yourself, communicate your needs, and choose relationships that honor who you are today. Because dating isn't about finding someone with no baggage. It's about finding someone whose life, values, and humanity fit well with yours. About Karen Bigman Karen Bigman is a relationship and intimacy coach, sex educator, and host of the Taboo to Truth: Life & Sex After 50 podcast. She specializes in helping men navigate dating, intimacy, midlife sexuality, and relationships with greater confidence, honesty, and self-awareness. Through coaching, courses, and education, Karen helps people create more connected, authentic relationships in the second half of life. Learn More About Karen  Website: https://taboototruth.com  Podcast: Taboo to Truth: Life & Sex After 50  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TabooToTruth Resources from Shana   Take the quiz to find out what gets in the way of finding love:  Find Love Quiz  Join the Honest Dating Guide waitlist: https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-dating-manual/  Schedule a consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: FTDWN40V3UIZ5PJL

Why do so many ambitious, successful couples end up feeling more like roommates than romantic partners? It's rarely because they stopped loving each other. Most people assume intimacy begins in the bedroom. Andrew and Kiana Joyner believe it begins at the kitchen table... in the everyday moments where partners feel heard, understood, appreciated, and emotionally safe. When those moments disappear, physical intimacy often follows. In this episode of Practicing Love, I sit down with therapist-and-coach team Andrew and Kiana Joyner to explore what actually keeps love alive when careers, parenting, ambition, and everyday responsibilities compete for attention. Whether you're entrepreneurs, professionals, parents, or simply two busy people trying to build a meaningful life together, this conversation offers practical tools you can start to use today. In this episode, we explore:  Why emotional intimacy is the foundation of physical intimacy  Why high-achieving couples often put their relationship on the back burner without realizing it  Why feeling understood matters more than agreeing, and the common misunderstanding about love languages  How unresolved hurts quietly create exhaustion and distance in relationships  Practical ways to become more intentional with your time, communication, and shared vision  The difference between mature and immature communication, and a simple practice that creates repair  The actions that actually create lasting connection (since insight alone doesn't change relationships)   Lasting love isn't built by accident. It's built through small, intentional moments of understanding, appreciation, and repair. About Andrew & Kianga Joyner Andrew Joyner and Kianga Joyner are a therapist-and-coach team who specialize in helping individuals and couples create emotional clarity, deeper connection, and lasting transformation. Together, they help ambitious couples and successful professionals build stronger communication, greater accountability, and relationships that thrive emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Guest Resources  Website: https://www.souljourneyproject.com/  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/souljourneyproject Resources from Shana  Take the quiz to find out what keeps you from having the best love and sex of your life: https://bestlove.scoreapp.com/ Schedule a consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: HDF76SDCD7O26RO5

Many people enter dating determined to avoid conflict. They smile through uncomfortable conversations, overlook comments that don't sit right, or convince themselves they're being "easygoing." Especially for those dating after 40 or dating after divorce, staying agreeable can feel like the safest way to protect themselves from rejection or disappointment. But according to relationship and dating coach Shana James, this habit often prevents people from discovering whether someone is truly capable of building a healthy relationship. In this solo episode of Practicing Love, I, Shana James, share the third move in my series on transforming modern dating. While the first two episodes focused on creating an honest atmosphere at the start of a date and staying connected to your own experience throughout the conversation, this episode explores what to do when something doesn't feel quite right. Most people respond to uncomfortable moments in one of two ways. They either smooth things over and pretend nothing happened or they emotionally check out of the conversation without saying a word. Although both reactions are understandable, neither helps you learn whether the person sitting across from you can handle honesty, curiosity, and emotional intimacy. Instead, Shana encourages listeners to do something surprisingly simple: acknowledge what you're experiencing. Rather than accusing your date or making assumptions about their intentions, she recommends expressing your own internal experience. A sentence as simple as, "Can I say something honest?" followed by sharing what you noticed in yourself can completely transform the conversation. This isn't about creating conflict or turning a first date into therapy. It's about inviting authenticity. When you honestly express a small moment of discomfort, your date's response becomes valuable information. They may become curious, defensive, dismissive, or open. Every response reveals something about their emotional maturity and their ability to navigate real relationships. Drawing from years of coaching experience, I share story of a divorced client who repeatedly invested months into relationships before discovering important incompatibilities. By practising this simple shift, he learned to recognize emotional availability within the first hour of meeting someone instead of months later. The goal isn't to test people or create uncomfortable conversations for their own sake. It's to stop performing and start discovering. Together, the three shifts in this series create a new approach to dating—one rooted in honesty instead of approval, curiosity instead of performance, and genuine connection instead of self-protection. Rather than hoping love happens by chance, you begin creating the conditions where authentic intimacy can grow. CHAPTERS Why Small Moments of Friction Matter in Dating The Cost of Staying Silent to Keep the Peace Emotional Maturity vs. Emotional Avoidance The Third Shift: Speak Your Truth with Honesty How to Say "Can I Say Something Honest?" What Someone's Response Reveals About Them A Real-Life Example of Honest Dating in Action The Three Shifts That Create Authentic Connection Building Lasting Love Through Openness and Presence Final Thoughts: Practicing Love After 40 Connect with Shana:  Website: https://shanajamescoaching.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shanajames/

What happens when the person you love feels more like a roommate than a romantic partner? A dead bedroom isn't just about sex. For many people, it feels like rejection, loneliness, and the slow loss of emotional connection. It can leave partners wondering: "What's wrong with me?" "Why doesn't my partner want me?" "Can we ever get back what we had?" In this episode of Practicing Love, I sit down with speaker, author, and founder of Help for Men, Ralph Brewer, whose book The Dead Bedroom Fix has resonated with thousands of men and couples. Ralph shares his own journey through divorce, starting over as a father of three, and what he learned about intimacy, attachment, confidence, and healing. Together we explore:  Why dead bedrooms rarely happen because of sex alone  The connection between attachment styles and intimacy struggles  Why many men feel forgotten, unwanted, or emotionally alone  The shame that keeps people stuck  What confidence really means  Why asking for help is one of the strongest things we can do  Why becoming secure is a practice, not an overnight transformation  How addressing the "broken little boy" inside can change your relationships forever This conversation is for anyone who feels lonely in their relationship, longs for more intimacy, or wants to understand why connection fades and how to rebuild it. Because a dead bedroom isn't always the end of a relationship. Sometimes it's an invitation to finally have the conversations and do the healing that bring love back to life. Guest Resources Ralph Brewer's book: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=The+Dead+Bedroom+Fix+Ralph+Brewer Help for Men: https://helpformen.com/ The Brotherhood: https://thebrotherhoodcommunity.com/ Resources from Shana Find out what gets in the way of you having the best sex of your life: https://bestlove.scoreapp.com/?ref=podcast Learn more about Honest Sex: https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-sex/ Schedule an Effortless Love and Sex Consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: CNP489SMTIUXHOMC

If you've ever left a date replaying every moment in your head, analyzing every text message, or wondering whether you said the wrong thing, you're not alone. For many people, especially those dating after 40 or dating after divorce, first dates aren't actually about getting to know someone. They're about trying to figure out whether you're being liked. In this solo episode of Practicing Love, dating and relationship coach Shana James reveals the second mindset shift in her series on transforming modern dating. While the first shift focused on changing the dynamic of a date by naming a shared intention at the beginning, this episode explores the internal habit that quietly sabotages connection long after the conversation begins. The problem isn't always obvious. Once a date gets underway, many people naturally fall back into monitoring themselves. They start wondering: "Am I coming across well?" "Do they like me?" "Am I attractive enough?" "Did I say the wrong thing?" According to Shana, this constant self-monitoring creates a split in attention. Part of you is present in the conversation, while another part is standing outside the experience, evaluating your performance. The result? You become less available for authentic connection. Instead of being fully present, you're busy reading facial expressions, decoding reactions, and trying to predict whether the other person approves of you. Even emotionally intelligent and self-aware people fall into this trap because it can disguise itself as attentiveness or empathy. Shana explains that the question most people unconsciously ask on dates is: "Do they like me?" But she offers a much more powerful alternative: "Do I like how I'm showing up in this conversation?" That single shift changes everything. Rather than making yourself the object of someone else's evaluation, you become the subject of your own experience. Instead of navigating dating through self-doubt, you begin navigating through self-worth. This perspective allows you to notice whether you're being authentic, whether you're genuinely enjoying yourself, and whether the connection aligns with your values. It also helps you stop performing and start participating. Drawing from her coaching experience and examples from clients, Shana demonstrates how this question can transform shallow, frustrating dates into meaningful conversations. When people stop focusing on being chosen and start focusing on whether they're enjoying the connection, they gain the confidence to steer conversations in more authentic directions. The outcome isn't necessarily a perfect date. It's something more valuable: a real experience rooted in honesty, curiosity, and self-trust. CHAPTERS Welcome Back to the Dating Shift Series Why Dating Feels Better… Then Gets Hard Again The Hidden Question Running Most Dates The Cost of Constant Self-Monitoring When Emotional Intelligence Becomes Performance Why Great Dates Stay Shallow The Dating Question That Changes Everything Moving From Self-Doubt to Self-Worth What You Notice When You Stop Seeking Approval Client Story: Breaking the Post-Date Anxiety Cycle How to Turn a Boring Date Into a Meaningful One Why Dating Feels Easier When You Stay Connected to Yourself The Two Questions That Create Completely Different Dates Your New Dating Compass Preview of the Next Dating Shift

What does it take to create a relationship that survives life's challenges and? My guest, Geoff Laughton, has been married for 44 years. He and his wife have been through experiences that would have ended many relationships, but their marriage has continued to deepen and evolve. In this conversation Geoff shares why conflict isn't something to avoid, but one of the greatest opportunities for growth, intimacy, and deeper connection. Geoff is a relationship coach, men's coach, founder of The Undaunted Man, and author of Conflict-Proof Relationship, in addition to other books.  We explore: • Why love alone is not enough to make a relationship work • The surprising role conflict plays in healthy relationships • How to take responsibility for your emotions before communicating • What true forgiveness requires after betrayal or broken trust • Why your partner isn't understood until they feel understood • The danger of assuming your partner thinks like you • What is more important than trying to get back to the way things used to be One of my favorite insights from this conversation is that healthy relationships aren't conflict-free. They stay healthy by  learning to navigate conflict consciously and use it as an opportunity to grow. If you've ever struggled with communication, recurring arguments, betrayal, or feeling misunderstood, this episode offers a powerful roadmap toward deeper connection and lasting love. Resources: Find Geoff:  https://yourrelationshiparchitect.com/  https://yourrelationshiparchitect.com/published-books/  https://theundauntedman.com/   Find Shana: https://shanajamescoaching.com/ https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult       Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: CHROXRSGACRHE8NP

Most men were never taught how to navigate a woman's desires. In fact, many were taught to fear them. In this candid and sometimes provocative conversation, intimacy expert Susan Bratton and I explore what becomes possible when women stop hiding what they want and men stop seeing desire as something they have to control, manage, or perform around. Susan has spent decades helping people create what she calls "heart-connected, conscious, passionate lovemaking." Together we explore why great sex isn't about performance, techniques, or getting it right. It's about presence, self-expression, emotional safety, and the courage to tell the truth. We talk about: • The difference between conscious lovemaking and performative sex • Why many women struggle to express what they truly want • How a woman's desires can become a roadmap rather than something to fear • What happens when partners stop trying to control each other and start co-creating • How heart connection creates deeper intimacy and better sex • Why asking for what you want is one of the greatest gifts you can give a partner • The surprising ways long-term relationships stay alive, erotic, and connected Susan shares stories from her own life, relationships, and decades of teaching that challenge conventional ideas about sex, intimacy, and partnership. While some parts of this conversation are refreshingly direct and adult in nature, the deeper invitation is one we all need: to stop performing, start telling the truth, and create relationships where we can be fully known and fully loved. If you've ever wondered how to create deeper connection, more satisfying intimacy, or a relationship where desire can be spoken openly, this conversation is for you. Get Susan's twice weekly tips for great sex at: https://betterlover.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/BetterLover Take Shana's quiz to see what's keeping you from the best love and sex of your life: https://bestlove.scoreapp.com/     Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: WGWRQANBJDWAVVM