Advertise on podcast: Brain First Parenting with Eileen Devine

SUMMARY - In part 1 of this 2-part podcast series, Eileen is joined by her dear friend and colleague, Robyn Gobbel, MSW. Robyn is an internationally recognized children’s mental health expert, author, and educator who has spent more than 20 years supporting children with vulnerable nervous systems and the families who care for them. She is the author of the bestselling Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies That Really Work and The Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors. She is also the host of "The Baffling Behavior Show" podcast and founder of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute. TAKEAWAYS: How understanding what’s happening underneath behavior can shift the way we respond to kids with big, baffling behaviors.Robyn’s memorable owl, watchdog, and possum framework for understanding different nervous system states—and how those states influence a child’s behavior and capacity in the moment.Why a child’s behavior can look intentional or oppositional when their nervous system is actually responding to stress, threat, or overwhelm.Why the owl brain—the part of the brain that allows for reasoning, flexibility, problem-solving, and connection—can become less accessible when the nervous system detects a threat.How recognizing whether a child is in an owl, watchdog, or possum state can help parents better understand what their child needs rather than focusing solely on stopping the behavior.Why felt safety and regulation are so important for helping kids access the skills and capacities we know they have.How a brain- and nervous-system-based understanding of behavior can help parents move from “How do I get them to stop doing this?” to “What is happening for my child right now, and what support do they need?” RESOURCES: Robyn Gobbel website Robyn's Books- Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work and The Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - Parenting a child with complex needs can put tremendous pressure on even the strongest partnerships, especially when two parents understand their child’s behavior differently. In this episode, Eileen explores how family-of-origin experiences, deeply held beliefs, fear, grief, and our own nervous systems can contribute to parenting disagreements and how bringing curiosity and a Brain First lens to our partners can help us find greater understanding and connection. TAKAWAYS: Parenting partners don’t enter parenthood as blank slates; each person brings their own beliefs about discipline, respect, responsibility, and what “good parenting” should look like.Two parents can love and be deeply committed to the same child while being at very different places in understanding and embracing a Brain First approach.We can’t force our partner to think, feel, or behave differently. Instead, we can become curious about what may be underneath their reactions, just as we do with our children.Fear and grief can look very different from one person to another. Recognizing what may be underneath a partner’s behavior can help bridge the disconnection that often occurs during stressful seasons.Getting on the same page doesn’t mean becoming identical parents; it means developing enough of a shared understanding of your child to work together rather than from fundamentally opposing perspectives.Concrete plans for sharing responsibilities, taking turns rebuilding resilience, discussing resentment and support needs, and protecting kid-free time can help strengthen the parenting partnership. RESOURCES: Brain First Parenting - Episode 22: The Unique Grief Affecting Parents of Neurodivergent Kids The Resilience Room Membership Community The Brain First Parenting Program ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY- Expectations are an unavoidable part of parenting, but when we’re raising a child with brain-based differences, expectations rooted in neurotypical norms can create a painful gap between what we think our child should be able to do and what they actually have the capacity to do. In this episode, I draw from Brené Brown’s Rising Strong and her exploration of disappointment, expectations, and resentment. Through a Brain First lens, we’ll consider where our expectations come from, how they influence the way we interpret our child’s behavior, and how adjusting expectations can help protect our relationship with our child without giving up on our hopes for them. TAKEAWAYS: Disappointment often begins with the gap between what we expected to happen and what actually happened.Many of our expectations for children are unconsciously shaped by neurotypical developmental norms and ideas about what kids “should” be able to do at a certain age.When we believe our child should be capable of something, their inability to meet that expectation can easily be misinterpreted as refusal, defiance, lack of effort, or another behavioral problem.A Brain First approach asks us to consider whether an expectation is based on our individual child’s actual skills, nervous system, and capacity rather than their chronological age.Adjusting an expectation doesn’t necessarily mean giving up the goal; sometimes the timeline, level of support, or path toward that goal simply needs to change.Parents can acknowledge their own disappointment and grief while still deeply accepting and supporting the child in front of them. RESOURCES: Brené Brown, Rising StrongThe Resilience Room Membership CommunityEpisode 22: The Unique Grief Affecting Parents of Neurodivergent KidsEpisode 19: Rethinking What It Means to Be Resilient ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - Some kids can appear incredibly capable in many areas of their lives while still experiencing significant lagging cognitive skills that are largely invisible to those around them. In this episode, we explore why these kids are especially vulnerable to being misunderstood through a behavioral lens and why recognizing their asynchronous development is essential to understanding the support and accommodations they truly need. TAKEAWAYS: Why kids whose brain-based differences are less visible can be especially vulnerable to being misunderstood and punished for their disability rather than accommodated.How a child’s strengths and capabilities in one area can lead us to overestimate their abilities in other areas.Why asynchronous development is such an important part of understanding kids with brain-based differences.How lagging executive functioning skills can look like defiance, lack of motivation, or a refusal to try—even when accommodations are already in place.Why a child who has age-expected speech and language can sound like they understand a situation while still struggling significantly to understand context, nuance, and what’s happening around them.How lagging relational cognitive skills can lead kids to be labeled as selfish, “too much,” or self-sabotaging in their relationships.Why understanding your child’s neurobiological profile can help you advocate with greater confidence for the support and accommodations they need. RESOURCES: Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 15 — A deeper discussion of kids who can “talk the talk” but struggle to “walk the walk,” including the gap between how capable they sound and what they actually understand. Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 40 — An episode focused on relational cognitive skills and how lagging skills in this area affect a child’s ability to navigate relationships and social interactions. ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - In this episode, Dr. Emily King joins me to discuss her new book, The Neurodivergent Learner, with a special focus on school anxiety—for both neurodivergent children and their parents. We explore the behaviors that can signal anxiety, including the ones that are hard to miss and those that are much easier to overlook, and why behavior is often a sign that a child needs more support. We also talk about the very real anxiety parents experience when school is a source of ongoing stress, and how shifting expectations to reflect a child's unique developmental trajectory can help both children and parents. TAKEAWAYS: Looking at a child through the lens of neurodiversity means beginning with the understanding that the child is not the problem.School anxiety can show up in behaviors that are “hard to miss” as well as behaviors that are “easy to miss.”Children who appear to be doing well at school aren't necessarily doing well. People-pleasing, perfectionism, and holding it together can all be ways a child manages significant anxiety.School-related anxiety can begin long before a child enters the classroom and can be connected to leaving home, transitions, the sensory environment, expectations, and the many demands of the school day.Instead of viewing difficult behavior as the problem to solve, we can see it as information—a sign that the child may need more support.Parents can experience significant anxiety alongside their child: waiting for the call from school, wondering how the day is going, or even waiting for the other shoe to drop when things seem to be going well.Parents need support that matches the intensity of their child's needs. Supporting the child without attending to the parent's experience leaves out an important part of the picture.Chronological age isn't always a useful guide for expectations. Understanding a child's unique developmental trajectory helps parents and educators check assumptions and adjust expectations accordingly. RESOUCES: The Neurodivergent Learner — Dr. Emily King Written for both parents and educators, Dr. King's book helps adults better understand neurodivergent learners and gives parents tools for communicating more effectively with their child's teachers. Chapter 8 focuses specifically on school anxiety and the experiences of both children and their parents. ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - When your child appears unmotivated, it's easy to assume they don't care or simply aren't trying. But motivation is a brain-based process that depends on a number of cognitive skills and nervous system capacities that may still be developing. In this episode, I explain why motivation is often misunderstood in children with brain-based differences and how viewing it through a Brain First lens can transform the way you support your child. TAKEAWAYS: Why motivation is a brain-based process, not simply a matter of willpower or attitude.How challenges with regulation and stress recovery can make motivation difficult to access.Why cognitive processing, mental stamina, and executive functioning all play a critical role in motivation.How task initiation, especially for non-preferred activities, is often misunderstood as laziness or defiance.Why children may genuinely want something but still struggle to take the steps needed to achieve it.How a fragile nervous system and a narrow window of tolerance contribute to shutdown, avoidance, and withdrawal.Why rewards, consequences, threats, and shame often fail to increase motivation in children with brain-based differences.How understanding the cognitive skills behind motivation can reduce frustration, strengthen connection, and guide more effective support. RESOURCES: Related Episodes: This episode connects with many earlier episodes that explore individual cognitive skills in greater depth. If this topic resonates with you, Episodes 5 and 28 are excellent places to continue learning. ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - Why does your child seem unable to understand your perspective, even when it feels obvious? In this episode, Eileen explores the brain-based cognitive skill of perspective taking, why it can be especially challenging for children with neurobehavioral differences, and how understanding this lagging skill can shift parents from viewing their child as selfish or inconsiderate to recognizing a brain that is working differently. You'll also learn practical ways to support and strengthen perspective-taking skills while maintaining connection and compassion. TAKEAWAYS: Perspective taking is a cognitive skill, not a character trait.Children with brain-based differences may have difficulty shifting from their own perspective to someone else's, especially when stressed or dysregulated.Perspective taking relies on multiple brain systems, including those involved in Theory of Mind, executive functioning, and inhibitory control.Struggling to understand another person's perspective does not mean a child simply doesn't care.Stress and nervous system dysregulation make perspective taking even more difficult because the brain naturally narrows its focus to immediate needs.There are steps parents can take to support the development of perspective taking.Viewing perspective-taking through a Brain First lens helps replace judgment with understanding, creating opportunities to teach and build the skill over time. RESOURCES: Episode 3: Cognitive Flexibility Episode 5: On and Off Days Episode 32: Working Memory Episode 40: Relational Cognitive Skills ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - In today's episode, Eileen sits down with Mary McDirmid, a Special Needs Financial Planner and founding member of All Needs Planning, which specializes in simplifying the special needs planning process. Mary understands the emotional, financial, legal, and support aspects of caring for a loved one with disabilities, because she is the parent of a child with a rare disease. Her work is centered on bringing this understanding to other families who would benefit from this information as they plan for their child's future. TAKEAWAYS: Beginning the process of planning for your child's financial future as early as possible is ideal, but the key factor is having the capacity to take on some of the tasks and work it will require.Aligning the financial plans with school and educational transition plans is also ideal.Determining guardianship, supported decision making and power of attorney needs is an individual process, based on each family's situation and their child's needs.Different states have different requirements regarding social security eligibility; knowing your state's requirements is essential.It's important for parents to take inventory of all the support needs of their child before they apply for benefits so they can be clear about what level of support their child will need in adulthood.ABLE Accounts allow you to keep funds that come to your child while also staying under the $2000 limit required to keep governmental benefits.Supplemental Special Needs Trust is where a parent can save and invest additional funds for their child beyond the ABLE account. RESOURCES: Mary McDirmid and All Needs Planning ABLE Account Information ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - Many parents of neurodivergent tweens and teens describe a shift that feels difficult to explain: things were already challenging, but suddenly the stakes feel higher, the behaviors feel bigger, and the future feels much more uncertain. In this episode, I introduce what I call the Tween/Teen Expectation Gap—the widening gap between age-based expectations and a child's developmental trajectory—and explore why this period can feel so disorienting, grief-filled, and overwhelming for parents. TAKEAWAYS: The tween and teen years often bring a significant increase in societal, academic, social, and emotional expectations.Neurodivergent children continue to develop and mature, but often on a different timeline and trajectory than their peers.The Tween/Teen Expectation Gap emerges when age-based expectations begin to outpace a child's ability to consistently meet them.Differences that may have been easier to accommodate in childhood often become more visible and consequential during adolescence.Parents frequently experience increased fear, grief, dread, shame, and uncertainty during this stage.Intensifying behaviors are often a reflection of increased stress, overwhelm, and nervous system dysregulation.Viewing this period through a Brain First lens helps parents understand what is happening beneath the behavior and respond more effectively. RESOURCES: Brain First Parenting™ Framework Parent Coaching with Eileen Devine ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - Why do the same power struggles keep happening over and over again between parents and children? In this episode, Eileen explores the “coercive cycle,” a pattern first identified by researcher Gerald Patterson and his colleagues after decades of observing parent-child interactions. Through a Brain First lens, she explains why these escalating moments are often rooted not in defiance, but in lagging skills, nervous system dysregulation, and patterns both parents and children can unintentionally get stuck inside. TAKEAWAYS: What the parent-child “coercive cycle” is and how it developsWhy escalation often reinforces the cycle for both parents and childrenHow traditional behavioral interpretations can keep families stuckThe role nervous system dysregulation and lagging skills play in conflictWhy “won’t” is often actually “can’t”How parent triggers, beliefs, exhaustion, and burnout can intensify interactionsQuestions to ask yourself before engaging with your childWhy using fewer words and disengaging early can help interrupt escalationHow a Brain First lens shifts the goal from control to regulation and connection RESOURCES: The Resilience Room Membership Community ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen shares 8 essential mind shifts that help parents move from a behavioral lens to a Brain First lens when parenting children with brain-based differences and challenging behaviors. These shifts can help you better understand your child’s nervous system, reduce conflict, strengthen connection, and parent with more clarity, flexibility, and confidence. TAKEAWAYS: Why “My child would do better if they could” is one of the most transformative parenting shiftsHow challenging behaviors are often signs of distress, overwhelm, and lagging skillsWhy behavior-focused parenting approaches often miss the root causesHow adjusting expectations around development can reduce frustration for both you and your childThe importance of meeting cognitive rigidity with flexibility and empathyWhy the goal of parenting is not compliance, but connection, regulation, and skill-buildingHow to trust your own understanding of your child, even when others don’t understand your approachWhy caring for yourself is an essential part of supporting your child’s well-being RESOURCES: Free downloadable infographic: 8 Essential Mind Shifts for More Connected Parenting Episode 19: Rethinking What It Means to Be Resilient ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen reflects on a common theme that comes up again and again in sessions with parents: the belief that “I’m failing” or “I should be better at this by now.” When you’re parenting a child with intense, relentless behaviors, it’s easy for self-blame to take hold, but these thoughts often point to something deeper. This episode explores what may be underneath this narrative and how to shift toward more compassionate, supportive self-reflection. TAKEAWAYS: Feeling like you’re “failing” is a common experience for parents of children with brain-based differences and intense behaviorsThese thoughts are often signals of deeper emotion, not objective truthIrritability and reactivity can be protective layers masking fear, grief, and resentmentFear may show up as worries about your child’s future or long-term functioningGrief can stem from the gap between what you expected parenting to be and your lived realityResentment may be connected to the intensity of the demands and lack of adequate supportSelf-reflection is important, but it needs to be paired with self-compassion, not harsh criticismYour willingness to question yourself reflects how deeply you care, not that you are failing RESOURCES: Brain First Parenting Podcast Episode 22: The Unique Grief Affecting Parents of Neurodivergent Kids Brain First Parenting Podcast Episode 29: When You Feel Stretched Thin: Expanding Your Window of Tolerance Blog post: Three Things Your Irritability Might Be Masking ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - In this episode, we explore relational cognitive skills, the brain-based abilities that shape how children navigate relationships, manage emotions, and respond to others. When these skills are still developing, behaviors can feel deeply personal and even hurtful. This episode offers a powerful reframe: your child’s behavior is not a reflection of their character, but a signal of lagging skills that can be supported and strengthened over time. TAKEAWAYS: Many of the most challenging behaviors are rooted in lagging relational cognitive skills, not defiance or disrespectSkills like flexibility, frustration tolerance, perspective-taking, and emotional regulation are brain-based and develop over timeWhen these skills are underdeveloped, behaviors can feel personal, hurtful, and scary for parentsSocial awareness and interpersonal skills impact a child’s ability to read cues, understand others, and build relationshipsCognitive rigidity can make it extremely difficult for kids to shift plans, handle “no,” or consider other perspectivesEmotional outbursts often reflect difficulty regulating, expressing, and responding to emotions, not intentional misbehaviorUnder stress, a child’s thinking brain can go offline, making these skills temporarily inaccessibleShifting from a “won’t” mindset to a “can’t yet” lens can transform how you respond to your childSkills can be supported and strengthened over time with the right understanding and approach RESOURCES: Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 3: Help Your Rigid Thinking Child Become More Flexible Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 8: Help Your Child Break the Perseveration Loop ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - Today's episode is Part 2 of a 2-part conversation with Guy Stephens, founder and executive director of the Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR), a national nonprofit dedicated to ending the use of punitive, exclusionary, and dangerous discipline in schools. Takeaways: AASR's work is guided by 5 principles: trauma-informed, neuroscience-aligned, neurodiversity-affirming, collaborative, and relationship-drivenImplementing these principles into the culture of an organization and the work of the individual professional is not a "one-and-done" event. It requires on-going commitment and work. When behavior is assessed using these five principles, it is then possible to see beyond the surface behavior, through a brain and nervous system informed lens.When the root cause of behavior is accurately identified, there are other, more compassionate and effective approaches that emerge in how to support the individual who is struggling behaviorally. RESOURCES: Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR)YouTube: Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

SUMMARY - Today's episode is Part 1 of a 2-part conversation with Guy Stephens, founder and executive director of the Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR), a national nonprofit dedicated to ending the use of punitive, exclusionary, and dangerous discipline in schools. Driven by his own son’s traumatic experiences, Guy advocates for trauma-informed, neuroscience-aligned, and neurodiversity-affirming approaches in child-serving systems. Listen in on the conversation with Eileen and Guy, as they discuss a topic that is important for parents and professionals alike. TAKEAWAYS: This work is personal for Guy and he shares how he came to his advocacy work to prevent seclusion and restraint in schools and other environments as the parent of a neurodivergent child who had multiple experiences of being secluded and restrained.Guy shares details about the mission of Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR), which is to inform changes in policy and practice to reduce and eliminate the use of punitive discipline and outdated behavioral management approaches and end the school-to-prison pipeline.Guy explains the AASR's 3 areas of focus: legislation and law policy; education; and support. RESOURCES: Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR)YouTube: Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest