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The Part of You That Keeps Everything Together — And Never Lets Anyone In A note before you listen: This episode may bring up activating material. Please practice self-care as you engage. If you’re ready for deeper support, trauma coaching with Jesse is available — find him at https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com/ Before we go anywhere in this episode, Jesse wants you to pause and notice something. Do any of these sound familiar? You go to therapy and give your therapist a thorough, organized account of your trauma — calmly, clinically, without any emotional charge. Nothing ever seems to shift or move. You function extremely well at work but feel completely disconnected everywhere else. You’re always in your head — analyzing, planning, managing — but rarely in your body or your feelings. Certain parts of you never seem to show up in therapy, like they’re being held back. There’s a wall between you and your emotions that won’t budge no matter what you do. You’re highly productive, highly capable — and deeply, deeply exhausted by it all. If that resonated, this episode is for you. What you’ll discover in this episode: The Manager of Managers Jesse introduces the concept of gatekeeper parts — one of the most overlooked and least understood parts in trauma recovery. These aren’t ordinary manager parts. They are the head manager over an entire cluster of parts, the internal regulator of your whole system. Emotionless, analytical, ageless, highly organized — and so good at blending into everyday life that most people never even notice they’re there. Why They Exist Gatekeeper parts develop through chronic early trauma — when the system needed someone to keep everything running when nothing was safe. The key insight Jesse keeps coming back to: the gatekeeper didn’t develop to heal. It developed to survive. It learned that staying emotionless, analytical, and in complete control meant nothing falls apart. And for a long time, that was exactly right. What They Actually Do Jesse breaks down the gatekeeper’s full job description — controlling which parts come forward, regulating the flow of information, suppressing emotional experiences in real time, and keeping the system functioning on the outside while an entire inner world hums quietly underneath. This is why therapy can feel stuck. The therapist is getting the clean, organized narrative — and the gatekeeper is deciding exactly what they have access to. It’s Not Self-Sabotage — It’s Protection Jesse addresses one of the most painful experiences in trauma recovery — the feeling of “why do I keep cycling back to the same place? Why can’t I break through this?” The answer isn’t self-sabotage. The gatekeeper simply doesn’t yet trust that what’s underneath is safe to expose. And what it’s protecting are the exiles — parts frozen in time, holding experiences that feel like complete annihilation. That is a lot to keep under management. How to Begin Working With Your Gatekeeper Don’t push past it — fighting it only makes it grip tighterGo slow. Very slowLead with curiosity, respect, and genuine validation — “I totally respect your job and everything you’ve put into managing all of this”Ask key questions: Who are you protecting? What are you afraid would happen if you let go? What do you need to feel safe enough to step back a little?Use parts negotiation — offer timed breaks, short windows of access, middle ground between all-or-nothing controlRemember: most gatekeepers are completely exhausted. Acknowledge that. It goes a long way.The Closing Practice Over the next few weeks Jesse invites you to monitor, pause, and check in with yourself. When you notice you’ve gone flat — analytical, emotionless, in full management mode — just pause and ask: “Who is here right now? And what are you keeping me safe from?” That’s it. Just get to know this part. ⏱️ Episode Chapters: 00:00 Welcome and Safety Note 00:55 Gatekeeper Parts Signs 03:07 What Gatekeepers Are 05:08 Why They Develop 07:37 Gatekeeper Job Description 09:47 Protection Not Sabotage 11:57 Working With Gatekeepers 13:57 Negotiation and Trust 17:01 Normalize and Observe 19:16 Closing and Takeaways 🎙️ Host: Jesse Deal — Trauma Coach & IFS-informed guide 🌐 Website & Coaching: https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com/ If this episode helped you see something you hadn’t seen before, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or share it with someone who needed to hear it. This work matters. Keywords: gatekeeper parts, IFS parts work, Internal Family Systems, manager parts, dissociation, CPTSD, complex trauma, DID, OSDD, parts system, emotional numbness, therapy feeling stuck, self-sabotage, protective parts, exiles, trauma recovery, nervous system, emotional flatness, inner child healing, trauma coaching, breaking generational trauma, dissociative parts, structural dissociation Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

You Have Permission to Play: Reclaiming Joy as Part of Trauma Healing | Episode 50 A note before you listen: This episode may bring up activating material. Please practice self-care as you engage. If you’re ready for deeper support, trauma coaching with Jesse is available — find him at [website link]. When did you stop playing? Not just as a child — but recently. When did you last do something with zero productivity attached to it? No outcome, no agenda, no purpose other than just... being? For most people healing from trauma, the answer is: it’s been a while. And that’s not an accident. In this milestone 50th episode, Jesse Deal gets personal about one of the most overlooked and undervalued parts of trauma recovery — play. Not as a reward you earn after doing all the hard work. Not as something you graduate to eventually. But as an essential, neurological, relational, developmental part of healing that belongs right now, woven into every stage of the journey. This one is warm, honest, and surprisingly moving. Jesse shares about building models, swinging on a playground as a 40-something adult, keeping cake mix in his pantry for emotional emergencies, and what it actually feels like to give wounded younger parts the redo they never got. What you’ll discover in this episode: The Fourth Stage of Trauma Healing The traditional three stages — safety and stabilization, processing and mourning, integration and reconnection — are well known. But therapist and educator Linda Thai argues there needs to be a fourth stage: play. Jesse wholeheartedly agrees, and explains why play isn’t frivolous — it’s neurological, relational, and developmental. It’s how we first made sense of the world before trauma taught us it wasn’t safe. How Trauma Steals Play For children growing up in unsafe or unpredictable environments, play gets stolen early. Parts get left behind — frozen in time, never completing the developmental process of feeling safe enough to explore, create, and just be. Jesse explores what it means to loop back around as an adult and give those parts what they missed. The Barriers That Make Play Hard Jesse names them honestly from his own experience: Hypervigilance — it’s hard to play when you’re scanning the environment for danger The inner critic — the shaming voice that says you’re wasting time, being an idiot, spending money you shouldn’t Dissociation — being there but not really being there, getting pulled out of the experience just as you start to enjoy it Productivity pressure — the constant sense that you could be doing something more useful Working With Your Inner Critic Around Play Jesse pauses mid-episode to do live parts work with his own inner critic — asking it who it’s actually talking to, what it’s really afraid of, and whether allowing a younger part to play is really so terrible. It’s a beautiful, real-time demonstration of IFS in action. The Model Building Redo Jesse shares how a pull toward building and painting models — something he vaguely remembers doing with his father as a child — turned into a profound healing experience. A younger part getting the redo it always wanted, mentored by an older Jesse who finally showed up for it. The Swing Set Jesse walks past a playground swing set on his daily walks through a wooded park. Some days he stops and swings. He admits it’s still hard — the hypervigilant parts, the shaming parts, the inner critic wondering who’s watching a 40-something man on a swing. And every single time, he feels lighter, more expansive, more open to joy. Permission — The Word That Changes Everything Jesse explores the word permission as one of the most powerful things you can offer your parts. How many times did you have permission growing up? Permission to play. Permission to be messy. Permission to try and fail. Permission to spend a little time and money on something just because it brought you joy. Jesse invites you to say it to yourself and notice what it stirs up. Play Is Not Linear — And Not a Retirement Plan Healing doesn’t end at some magical island of integration where you finally get to relax and enjoy life. Jesse pushes back on the fantasy of trauma healing as a retirement plan — and makes the case for incorporating play throughout the journey, starting now, in small ways, to see how it shifts your days. One Small Act This Week Jesse closes with a simple, concrete invitation: try one small act of play this week. Zero productivity. Zero agenda. Zero outcome. Just notice how you feel that day, the next day, the rest of the week. Let it be messy. Let it be imperfect. Let it be enough. ⏱️ Episode Chapters: 00:00 Welcome and Safety Note 00:56 Episode 50 Milestone 01:56 Why Play Matters 02:19 Trauma Healing Stages 03:59 Play Stolen by Trauma 05:11 Barriers to Play 05:57 Inner Critic and Shame 07:20 Dissociation During Play 08:55 Rediscovering Playful Pulls 09:53 Model Building Redo 13:13 Make Play Nonlinear 14:54 Swing Set Practice 17:03 Slow Down and Disconnect 18:23 Avoiding Burnout 20:04 Permission to Play 22:47 Permission to Fail 24:30 Joy in an Unpredictable World 28:13 Try One Small Play 28:59 Cake Mix for Emergencies 30:18 Thanks and Closing 🎙️ Host: Jesse Deal — Trauma Coach & IFS-informed guide 🌐 Website & Coaching: https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com/ 📩 Contact Jesse: [email protected] Congratulations to Jesse and every listener who has been part of this journey to episode 50. If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or share it with someone who needed permission to play today. Keywords: play and trauma healing, inner child healing, IFS parts work, Internal Family Systems, inner critic, permission to play, Linda Thai trauma stages, trauma recovery, CPTSD, dissociation, hypervigilance, reparenting, childhood developmental trauma, nervous system healing, self-leadership, self-compassion, trauma coaching, breaking generational trauma, joy and trauma, emotional healing Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Healing the Masculine Wound: Breaking the Shame Cycle Through Vulnerability & Connection A note before you listen: This episode may bring up activating material. Please practice self-care as you engage. If you're ready for deeper support, trauma coaching with Jesse is available — https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com What if the thing you were taught made you weak — vulnerability, asking for help, being truly known — is actually the only thing that heals you? In this powerful conversation, Jesse Deal sits down with Tyler Patrick, licensed marriage and family therapist and co-host of the Therapy Brothers podcast, to explore one of the most unspoken wounds in men's lives: shame. Not the everyday embarrassment kind. The deep, identity-level kind. The kind that gets wired in during a single childhood moment and then quietly runs your life for decades — through overachievement, anger, withdrawal, pornography, people-pleasing, and every other way men learn to hide. Both Jesse and Tyler bring their own stories to this conversation. And that vulnerability itself becomes the medicine. What you'll discover in this episode: The Masculine Wound & How Shame Gets Wired In Jesse opens with a raw childhood memory of humiliation with his father — a moment that shaped a freeze response, then anger, then years of shame spiral. Tyler reflects on his own childhood root memory that formed a core belief of failure — and how that belief quietly drove everything that followed. The Cycle of Shame Tyler breaks down exactly how shame operates — starting with core beliefs like "I am a failure" or "I am unworthy,"moving through fear of rejection, and expressing itself through what he calls shame screens: people-pleasing, anger, withdrawal, and mood-altering behaviors. Understanding this cycle is the first step to breaking it. The Trauma Tree Framework Tyler introduces a powerful model for understanding how trauma works — fruits, branches, trunk, and roots. The behaviors you see on the surface (the fruits) are never the real problem. Healing requires going all the way down to the root beliefs formed in childhood. Rewriting the Story with EMDR Tyler shares how EMDR helped him revisit and reprocess his childhood root memory — and how that work began to loosen the grip of the failure belief that had shaped decades of his life. The Risk of Being Known Both Jesse and Tyler explore what it actually means to let yourself be seen — fully, honestly, without the armor. Why it's terrifying for men. Why it's also the only path forward. And what happens when you finally risk it. Crisis as a Doorway Tyler shares vulnerably about how his own life crisis — driven by overachievement and pornography addiction — became the moment that forced him into vulnerability and opened the door to emotionally corrective experiences through spirituality, confession, and genuine connection. Shame Is Healed in Relationship The antidote to shame isn't insight, willpower, or self-improvement. Jesse and Tyler both land on the same truth: shame is healed by being witnessed with compassion — especially by other men. Brotherhood isn't a luxury. It's medicine. Men's Wilderness Intensives & Brotherhood Tyler shares the powerful work happening through wilderness-based men's intensives — embodied, movement-based experiences that build trust and create the kind of corrective emotional experiences that talking alone can't always reach. Resources mentioned: 🌐 Therapy Brothers Podcast:  https://www.therapybrothers.org/🌐 Rising Sun: https://risingson.org⏱️ Episode Chapters: 00:00 Welcome and Safety Note 00:59 Meet Tyler Patrick 02:06 A Shame Story Begins 05:53 Cycle of Shame Explained 09:07 Shame Screens and Protectors 11:51 Trauma Tree Framework 13:23 Tyler's Childhood Root Memory 16:43 Rewriting the Story with EMDR 20:24 Risking Being Known 22:15 Crisis and Corrective Love 27:47 Vulnerability Builds Connection 29:44 Healing Through Witnessing 31:31 Vulnerability Beats Shame 33:44 Corrective Experiences 34:38 Three Connections Antidote 35:53 Protectors And Gray Areas 39:16 Men's Shame And Weakness 40:02 Wilderness Initiation Work 45:07 Movement Builds Trust 49:53 Brotherhood And Mastermind 53:36 How To Connect And Next Steps 🎙️ Host: Jesse Deal — Trauma Coach & IFS-informed guide 🎙️ Guest: Tyler Patrick — Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Co-host of Therapy Brothers 🌐 Website & Coaching: https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or share it with a man in your life who needed to hear it. It helps more people find this work. Keywords: masculine wound, men's shame, men's mental health, vulnerability, shame cycle, trauma recovery, CPTSD, IFS parts work, shame screens, trauma tree, EMDR, pornography addiction, overachievement, men's healing, brotherhood, wilderness therapy, corrective emotional experience, Therapy Brothers, Tyler Patrick, men's groups, men's intensives, breaking generational trauma, trauma coaching Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Shame as a Story: Healing the Freeze Response & Finding Your Way Back to Connection A note before you listen: This episode may bring up activating material. Please practice self-care as you engage. If you're ready for deeper support, trauma coaching with Jesse is available — https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com You didn't choose shame. Shame chose you — in a moment when you were small, trapped, and had nowhere to go. In this deeply personal episode, Jesse Deal shares a memory from childhood that has stayed with him for decades. Riding in a truck with his father at 10 or 11 years old, a single word — "suck" — triggered his father's explosive rage. Trapped in the cab with nowhere to escape, Jesse's nervous system did the only thing it could: it froze. And in that freeze, a story was written deep inside him. You are a terrible person. You are unlovable. You are a failure. That's how shame works. It doesn't just hurt — it narrates. And once that story takes hold, it colors everything. What you'll discover in this episode: The Freeze Response & How Shame Gets Wired In When a child is trapped in a moment of humiliation with no escape, the nervous system freezes. Jesse walks through exactly what happened in that truck — and why repeated experiences like it don't just create pain, they create an entire internal architecture of shame. Dissociation & The Walls Between Parts Chronic humiliation leads to dissociation — the mind's way of surviving the unbearable. Jesse describes the internal walls that form between parts of the self, and offers a reframe that changes everything: those walls aren't just barriers. With light, grace, and curiosity, they become doorways. Shame as a Story — The Kurt Thompson Framework Drawing on The Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson, Jesse unpacks shame not as a feeling but as a narrative — a story your brain tells about who you are. Once shame becomes the lens, everything gets filtered through it. A partner's silence becomes proof you're unlovable. A moment of conflict becomes confirmation you're too much. Jesse shows how to recognize when the shame story is running the show. The Shame Cycle & How It Keeps You Stuck Shame drives hiding. Hiding drives isolation. Isolation drives more shame. Jesse maps this cycle clearly — and more importantly, shows exactly where and how to interrupt it. Breaking Shame Through Connection The antidote to shame isn't self-improvement or positive thinking. It's being known. Jesse explores how safe relationships and honest disclosure — letting yourself be truly seen — are the only things that actually break the shame cycle and foster genuine integration. Shame in Your Adult Relationships That shame story you absorbed as a child doesn't stay in the past. Jesse shows how it shows up in relationship conflict, withdrawal, reactivity, and the ways we protect ourselves from being seen — and offers a compassionate lens for understanding when a partner or family member may be doing the same. Unblending Shame From Your Core Self You are not your shame. Jesse walks through the IFS process of unblending — creating separation between the shame story and who you actually are at your core — so you can begin to witness it with curiosity instead of being consumed by it. Going Slowly in Parts Work Healing deep-rooted shame takes time and trust. Jesse emphasizes the importance of moving slowly with protector parts, building safety gradually, and approaching the work with the patience and grace that the wounded younger parts inside you always deserved. ⏱️ Episode Chapters: 00:00 Welcome and Safety Note 00:53 Childhood Trigger in Truck 02:42 Freeze Response and Shame 04:24 Dissociation and Inner Walls 06:27 Shame as a Story 07:56 The Shame Cycle Loop 11:49 Grace and Reframing the Past 14:27 Breaking Shame Through Connection 16:39 How Shame Shapes Adult Relationships 22:55 Unblending Shame From Self 24:54 Going Slow With Parts Work 27:01 Compassion and Closing Thoughts If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or share it with someone who needed to hear it today. It helps more people find this work. Keywords: shame, toxic shame, freeze response, childhood trauma, CPTSD, IFS parts work, Internal Family Systems, dissociation, shame cycle, Curt Thompson Soul of Shame, unblending, self-leadership, inner child healing, trauma recovery, nervous system, emotional neglect, reparenting, trauma coaching, breaking generational trauma, connection and belonging Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

When Healing Gets Hard: Self-Energy, Relationship Conflict & Letting Go of the Redo A note before you listen: This episode may bring up activating material. Please practice self-care as you engage. Trauma coaching with Jesse is available if you're ready for deeper support.  Have you ever done the work — the therapy, the journaling, the inner healing — only to find that your relationships feel harder, not easier? You're not doing it wrong. That tension is part of the process. In this raw and honest episode, Jesse Deal gets personal — sharing the story of a detailed letter he wrote to his parents about his childhood wounds, and the moment his therapist advised him not to send it. Not because his truth wasn't valid. But because the people on the receiving end simply didn't have the capacity to hear it without denial, avoidance, or gaslighting. That moment cracked open one of the most important — and most painful — lessons in trauma recovery: you cannot get your redo from someone who couldn't show up for you then, and still can't now. What you'll discover in this episode: Why Healing Can Feel Like It's Making Things Worse As you develop self-energy, agency, and the courage to speak your truth, the people around you may respond with defensiveness or withdrawal. Jesse explains why this happens — and why it doesn't mean you're wrong. The "Redo" Your Parts Are Longing For Deep inside, wounded parts of us seek justice, acknowledgment, and the loving response we never got. Jesse explores this through an IFS lens — why parts chase the redo, and what it costs us when we keep seeking it from people who lack the capacity to give it. The Unsent Letter Jesse shares vulnerably about writing a letter to his parents laying out his childhood wounds in full — and being guided by his therapist to keep it unsent. This story cuts to the heart of what it means to honor your own truth without needing external validation to make it real. Surrendering Control Without Losing Yourself Letting go of the outcome doesn't mean giving up. Jesse walks through what it actually looks like to stop trying to fix, change, or reach people who aren't ready — and how to find groundedness and presence when you do. Finding the Real Redo — From the Inside Out The redo your parts are seeking is available to you — just not from the source you're looking for. Jesse guides listeners toward inner work, self-led unburdening, and the profound shift that comes when you stop waiting for someone else to validate what you already know is true. Holding On When It's Hard Jesse closes with an invitation to hold onto moments of clarity, practice patience and grace with yourself, and trust that you are exactly where you need to be — even when it doesn't feel that way. ⏱️ Episode Chapters: 00:00 Welcome and Safety Note 00:50 Why Healing Feels Harder 01:28 The Unsent Letter 03:09 Denial and Retraumatization 04:30 Parts Want a Redo 06:30 When You Change, Relationships Change 08:51 Stop Trying to Fix Others 11:20 Power in Presence 12:06 Surrender the Outcome 12:58 Worth and Validating Perception 15:01 Creating a Real Redo 16:29 Healing Comes From Within 18:26 Hold Onto Self Energy 21:36 Grace and Closing Thanks If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or share it with someone who needed to hear it today. Keywords: trauma recovery, IFS parts work, Internal Family Systems, self-energy, self-leadership, childhood emotional neglect, CPTSD, relationship conflict, family estrangement, reparenting, inner child healing, letting go, emotional healing, trauma coaching, nervous system regulation Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

When No One Asked How You Felt: Childhood Emotional Neglect & Adult Relationships A note before you listen: This episode may bring up activating material. Please practice self-care as you engage. If you're looking for deeper, personalized support, trauma coaching with Jesse is available. If you grew up in a home where your feelings were ignored, dismissed, or simply never acknowledged — you didn't walk away unscathed. That invisible wound has a name: childhood emotional neglect (CEN). And chances are, it's quietly running your relationships right now. In this episode, Jesse explores the often-overlooked connection between family estrangement, emotional neglect, and the painful patterns that show up in your closest adult relationships — and offers a compassionate, practical path forward. What we cover in this episode: Understanding Estrangement Estrangement isn't always a dramatic cutoff. Sometimes it looks like staying in contact with a parent or caregiver while feeling completely unseen and emotionally alone. Jesse breaks down both forms and why the subtler version can be just as wounding. Childhood Emotional Neglect & Its Long Shadow When children don't receive emotional mirroring — when no one reflects back that their feelings matter — they develop protective adaptations just to survive. Shutting down. Rage. Catastrophizing. Flight. These aren't character flaws. They're survival strategies that made sense then, and are now showing up in your adult relationships. How CEN Replays in Love Your nervous system learned its relational patterns early. Jesse explores how fear of abandonment, not feeling seen, conflict avoidance, and emotional shutdown can get triggered by a partner — even when the partner isn't your parent. Understanding this connection is the first step to breaking the cycle. Recognizing Protective Parts Drawing on Internal Family Systems (IFS), Jesse invites you to notice the "parts" that activate during relational stress — and to extend the same compassion to your partner's protective parts. Everyone in a relationship is carrying wounds. Seeing that changes everything. Self-Leadership & Reparenting Practices Jesse walks through practical, titrated steps you can take right now: Journaling or voice memos before difficult conversations to identify what's activatedUnblending from triggered parts so you can respond rather than reactListening to each part's story with curiosity instead of judgmentBringing calm self-energy into hard conversations — being the parent you never hadWhen Space Is the Most Loving Choice If a relationship consistently re-traumatizes you and your needs remain chronically unmet, taking space isn't giving up — it's an act of self-leadership. Jesse addresses this with honesty and care. Closing Encouragement Healing doesn't happen in one conversation or one breakthrough moment. It happens slowly, compassionately, moment by moment. Jesse closes with a reminder that you are worthy of that patience — especially from yourself. ⏱️ Episode Chapters: 00:00 Welcome and Safety Note 00:53 Estrangement Defined 01:56 Childhood Emotional Neglect 05:20 How It Shows Up in Love 07:39 Protective Parts and Triggers 11:24 Self Leadership and Reparenting 13:08 Journaling Before Hard Talks 16:27 Bringing Calm to Conflict 18:32 Boundaries and Next Steps 21:25 Closing Compassion Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

IFS Insight: Who Is Your Inner Critic Really Talking To? Before listening: This episode may touch on activating material. Please practice self-care as you engage. If you're looking for deeper support, visit Jesse's website or explore one-on-one trauma coaching. Have you ever noticed a harsh inner voice tearing you down — but wondered who it's actually talking to? In this solo episode, Jesse Deal unpacks one of the most overlooked insights in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy: your inner critic isn't just criticizing you — it's usually in conversation with another part entirely. Using his own experience, Jesse walks through a real-life example involving three parts working simultaneously: A distractor part that avoids tasks and responsibilitiesAn inner critic that shames and pressuresA deeper layer of sadness and grief underneath it allOnce you see how these parts interact, everything changes. What you'll learn in this episode: Why multiple IFS parts are almost always active at the same timeHow to notice, sense, and validate your inner critic as a protector (not an enemy)The powerful question to ask yourself: "Who are you talking to?"How to mediate between protector parts to create space for healingA practical way to negotiate short windows of creative action — and check back in with your parts afterwardHow to cultivate self-energy, self-leadership, and patience in your healing journeyWhether you're new to parts work or deep in your trauma recovery, this episode offers a gentle, grounded framework for working with your inner world rather than against it. Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Making Decisions After Trauma: From Hypervigilance to Discernment Why do the same painful patterns keep repeating, even after you've done "the work"? In this episode of Trauma Unbound, host Jesse Deal shares his own story of getting stuck in indecision and repeating patterns — and what actually changed it: slowing down, sorting out what he could and couldn't control, and choosing healthier environments and relationships. Using an internal "parts" framework, Jesse breaks down the difference between fear-driven hypervigilance and people-pleasing versus calm, grounded discernment — and how chaotic or gaslighting environments can throw off your inner compass. He walks through practical shifts like learning to speak for your parts instead of from them, staying present instead of anxious about the future, and using pendulation (moving between calm and activation) to build your capacity before hard conversations. If you've ever felt like your gut instinct went quiet, or like you can't tell the difference between intuition and fear anymore, this episode offers a way back. 00:00 Welcome and Safety Note 00:55 Why Decisions Feel Hard 02:03 Control What You Can 03:20 No Bad Parts 05:18 Hypervigilance vs Discernment 07:43 Choosing Authentic Self 08:55 Hope Without Attachment 10:10 Unblending Before Game Time 11:25 Pendulation Practice 14:59 Decision Clues From Fear 16:38 Wilderness Not Isolation 18:16 Reps and Remembering Calm 21:40 Closing Thanks Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Conflict often triggers something deeper than the disagreement itself—fear, shame, rumination, or an old wound around abandonment. In this episode of Trauma Unbound, host Jesse Deal explores why conflict feels so unsafe for so many of us, and what it actually takes to repair a relationship instead of avoiding the discomfort.  Jesse shares how structured space—like agreeing to reconnect within 8 to 24 hours during a disagreement—can reduce rumination and help both people stay regulated. He then walks through a short parts work exercise rooted in early-life mirroring: externalizing inner parts like anger or the inner critic using chairs, stuffed animals, or note cards, then approaching that part with calm, curiosity, and no judgment to understand what it's protecting.  Using a real example, Jesse shows how anger often isn't the root issue—it's a protector, guarding against a deeper fear of abandonment. He offers a simple, repeatable practice for building this skill in daily life, and talks about why doing this work with support—through community or coaching—tends to go further than doing it alone.  This episode touches on childhood and relational trauma. If you find yourself activated while listening, it's okay to pause and take care of yourself first.  Topics covered:  - Why conflict triggers fear and abandonment wounds - Using structured space and agreements to reduce rumination  - A parts work exercise using mirroring and externalization  - How to dialogue with an activated part like anger - Building a regular practice for nervous system regulation  - Why support—not isolation—helps this work stick  Trauma coaching and contact info available in the show notes. If this episode resonates, I'd love to hear from you. Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Wounded Angels: Inner Child Work, Codependency, and Healing with David Deane Haskell Host Jesse Deal welcomes listeners to the Trauma Unbound Podcast and introduces guest David Deane Haskell, joining from Japan, author of Wounded Angels, who shares his trauma and recovery journey through inner child/parts work despite not being an IFS practitioner. David describes long-term self-hatred, addiction recovery via 12-step, therapy and hospitalizations, and learning to sit quietly with overwhelming feelings, emphasizing self-care and boundaries. He recounts a core childhood trauma: his mother died when he was four and he was told at nine she died by suicide, leading to intense shame; decades later a toxic, codependent relationship and betrayal re-triggered this wound and catalyzed deeper healing and compassion for his “shame-shocked” nine-year-old self. David also discusses his late-2024 divorce, a recent healing moment with his ex-wife and daughter, nomad travel, and a concussion/vertigo episode that led him to stay in Japan, which he links to inner child trust and resistance. He previews a second book, Inner Child Unleashed, and reflects on vulnerability, grief, publishing disappointments, spirituality, and the value of lived experience and connection. 00:00 Podcast Welcome 00:58 Meet David Haskell 01:50 Inner Child Origins 03:59 The Planner Part 05:28 Sitting With Self 06:58 Mindfulness Breakthrough 11:40 Feeling Pain Safely 16:56 Self Care Balance 19:45 Codependency Roots 22:20 Shame Shocked Boy 28:22 Healing Through Reframing 30:40 Trust And Betrayal 33:21 Boundaries Without Blame 34:28 Grace Over Perfection 34:53 Reframing Boundaries 36:39 Fawn Response Patterns 38:18 Divorce And Nomad Life 41:35 Concussion Wake Up Call 45:19 Second Book Update 49:14 Writing As Healing 54:54 Publishing Rejection Grief 59:56 Integrity And Synchronicity 01:00:46 Drumming Comeback Story 01:02:57 Closing Gratitude David's Website:  https://daviddeanehaskell.com Wounded Angels Book:  https://daviddeanehaskell.com/books David's Inner Child Journal Substack:  https://innerchildjournal.substack.com Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Feeling Young Again: Working With Parts, Shame, and Safety Host Jesse Deal welcomes listeners to the Trauma Unbound podcast, shares a trigger warning, and describes his trauma-recovery journey and trauma coaching. He explores feeling suddenly “stuck back in time” when younger parts surface, using an example of freezing in a grocery store toy aisle while staring at stuffed animals: a playful eight-year-old part appears, while a protector part shames him to avoid humiliation and danger. Jesse connects this to pendulation and explains why public spaces can feel unsafe for inner work, then shows how he revisits the moment at home to identify sensations, validate the younger part, and negotiate with the protector to try new tactics. He discusses building capacity, meeting parts with compassion, communicating these experiences with trusted people, and how healing happens through connection and practice. 00:00 Welcome and Safety Note 00:50 Feeling Like a Child Again 01:43 Toy Aisle Trigger Story 04:03 Pendulation and Two Places 06:25 Creating Safety at Home 08:17 Meeting the Cowboy Part 09:45 Talking to the Protector 12:08 Keys to Deeper Healing 15:23 Sharing Parts With Others 19:37 Curiosity and Compassion Practice 21:20 You Are Not Alone 22:33 Closing and Support the Show Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Working With Hypervigilance Through Parts Work and Presence Host Jesse Deal welcomes listeners to the Trauma Unbound Podcast, invites self-care if the content feels activating, and shares resources including one-on-one trauma coaching and a Thursday evening intro parts work small group. He describes growing up in a chaotic, emotionally unsafe home that fostered a strong hypervigilant part attuned to shifts in caregivers’ moods, which later interferes with spontaneity and presence. He explains using titration and pendulation to move between activation and safety by practicing daily walks with photography: pausing to take a photo helps him feel grounded and alive, then he notices body sensations and returns to that felt sense when anxiety and scanning reappear. He encourages finding any activity that evokes aliveness, tracking emotions and body cues, and gently practicing without forcing the nervous system. 00:00 Welcome and Safety Note 00:34 Coaching and Parts Group 02:00 Growing Up Hypervigilant 05:08 Photography as Practice 07:56 Pendulation for Safety 10:18 Authentic Connection 11:42 From Survival to Presence 13:51 Try Your Own Joy Anchor 16:02 Gentle Integration Tips 16:43 Closing Thanks Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Working with the “Digger” Parts: Slowing Down Trauma Healing with IFS and Nervous System Regulation Host Jesse Deal welcomes listeners to the Trauma Unbound Podcast, offers trauma coaching, and invites interest in a Thursday evening parts work intro group. He discusses a common healing pattern: parts that urgently “dig” for memories and answers in hopes of fixing overwhelming sensations and emotions. Jesse frames these “digger” parts as often firefighter parts rather than managers, emphasizing that they need nervous system regulation, respect, and validation more than logic or insight. He describes orienting practices to ground the body, then building a relationship with the part by welcoming it, acknowledging fear, and gently asking it to “turn down the volume” in small increments. Only after trust develops does deeper inquiry into the part’s history become possible. He normalizes the slow pace of trauma work, highlights behind-the-scenes effort not seen in quick session examples, and encourages patience, containment, and gradual release of burden. 00:00 Welcome and Safety Note 00:34 Coaching and Groups 01:58 Meet the Digger Parts 04:35 Firefighters vs Managers 07:06 Regulate Before Digging 08:40 Validate and Turn Down 11:37 Build Trust Then Explore 14:08 Ask for Space in IFS 16:23 Patience Over Quick Fixes 17:38 Lighten the Young Part 19:40 Containment and Small Shifts 20:29 Closing Thanks Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Now on YouTube to watch!  https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound You’re Not Too Much: Parts Work, Orientation, and Retrieving Parts Stuck in the Past Host Jesse Deal introduces the Trauma Unbound Podcast, shares that the show may be activating, and invites listeners breaking generational trauma to connect via the website, one-on-one trauma coaching, and an introductory Thursday-evening parts work group. Jesse discusses how being labeled “too much” often reflects others’ limited capacity to understand complex developmental trauma and dissociative parts systems, which can appear emotional, inconsistent, and confusing as different parts shift between connection and protection. The episode focuses on part retrieval through orientation to time and space, creating safe internal places, and patiently building trust without forcing. Jesse recommends journaling specific details about parts and doing parts mapping to track internal communication and change. A practical tool is using a physical map and printed photos of current life to repeatedly remind stuck younger parts of present-day reality and safety. 00:00 Welcome and Safety Note 00:34 Coaching and Parts Group 01:59 When You Feel Too Much 03:15 Inside a Trauma System 05:13 Trauma Protection Patterns 07:17 From Isolation to Curiosity 09:24 Part Retrieval Basics 12:05 Patience and New Pathways 12:57 Journaling and Parts Mapping 14:49 Using Maps for Orientation 17:40 Photos and Sensory Grounding 22:36 You Are Not Too Much 23:28 Closing and Encouragement Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Announcing a 12-Week Closed-Container Parts Work & Somatic Healing Group (with Theresa Napierala) Host Jesse Deal welcomes listeners to the Trauma Unbound Podcast, offers trauma coaching, and announces an intro parts work group on Thursday evenings, inviting questions via email or consults. Jesse is joined by somatic wellness practitioner Theresa Napierala to discuss a new 12-week closed-container group starting May 6 at 5:30 Pacific/7:30 Central. The group will include breathwork bookends for grounding and nervous system regulation, somatic awareness, journaling, parts mapping, work with polarized parts, direct access demonstrations and participant practice, and reflective witnessing to build safety, trust, and reduce shame. They describe exercises like sculpting/mirroring parts to create distance and compassion, emphasize titration, speaking for parts (not from parts), and updating parts that feel stuck in childhood. They stress going slowly, not bypassing protectors, and meeting participants where they are; contact details and links are in the show notes. 00:00 Welcome and Trigger Warning 00:34 Coaching and Parts Group Invite 02:02 Meet Theresa and Group Vision 02:58 Dates and Modalities Overview 06:09 Why Closed Container Matters 06:37 Breathwork Bookends and Grounding 07:33 Journaling and Parts Mapping Basics 08:08 Direct Access and Peer Witnessing 09:32 Emotional Release Breathwork Visuals 10:57 Integration and Self Leadership Skills 13:58 Group Demos and Reflection Rounds 16:41 Sculpting Exercise Externalizing Parts 23:55 Titration and Speaking For Parts 27:54 Updating Parts and Relationship Repair 35:52 What to Expect and Safety Boundaries 39:50 Contact Info Pricing and Wrap Up Teresa's Website https://www.energiesinmotion.com Teresa'a Email:  [email protected] Email me:  [email protected] Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com IG:  @traumaunbound YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound