Advertise on podcast: Relational Longevity, A Podcast For Couples

Jayson and Ellen discuss why people avoid rocking the boat, the cost of not being transparent with your partner, and how to advocate for yourself while staying connected. They explore what it means to validate your partner’s feelings and how to get better at being with each other’s emotions. Timestamps: 2:00 - how to stay connected and equitable as a couple5:00 - why people don't want to rock the boat9:00 - the cost of not being transparent with your partner14:00 - how to advocate for yourself19:00 - what does it mean to validate someone's feelingsLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

How do you respond to what’s happening in the world without getting overwhelmed by it? Jayson and Ellen discuss the importance of acknowledging what’s going on globally while focusing on what you can actually change. They explore the empowerment that comes from modelling ethical behaviour at home and taking responsibility for the culture you create in your own family. Timestamps: 1:00 - Aspects of culture that need to change2:00 - What can you do to change culture?6:30 - Focusing on the changes you can make at home9:00 - Are you modeling the world you want?Links: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

Is never fighting a sign of a healthy relationship? Jayson and Ellen explore what counts as a fight and why avoiding conflict isn't always a good thing. They discuss what happens when couples don't repair after disagreements and why learning to co regulate is an important part of working through conflict together. Timestamps: 2:00 - What's the definition of "fight"?5:00 - The problem with "never fighting"7:30 - The consequences of never repairing12:00 - Learning to co-regulateLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

When you are in a fight with your partner, who should start the repair? Jayson and Ellen explore why couples get stuck arguing over who hurt who first and how letting issues build up can make conflicts spiral out of control. They discuss ways to initiate repair, what to do when one partner is always the first to reach out, and how managing your defensiveness can help you move through conflict together. Timestamps: 2:00 - Who hurt who first?5:30 - Letting issues build up makes conflicts spiral out of control11:00 - Who starts repair?17:00 - Ways to initiate repair20:30 - What if one partner initiates repair more?26:30 - Manage your defensivenessLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

Does a man need to be a rock for his partner? Jayson and Ellen explore the idea of men as a rock and where that model falls short. They talk about whether there is any wisdom to being a rock, why some women promote this idea, and what it looks like for couples to support each other instead of relying on one person to always be strong. Timestamps: 1:25 - Man as a rock?3:53 - The limitations of the being-a-rock model8:55 - Is there any wisdom to being a rock for your partner?15:40 - Why do some women promote the rock model?19:36 - Working together to support each other Links: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

How do you actually deepen your relationship? Jayson and Ellen unpack the advice men and women often give each other for creating more connection and where those approaches miss the mark. They explore why techniques only get you so far, what it means to be fully present with your partner, and why talking about your inner life creates deeper intimacy. They also discuss the anxiety that comes with opening up in a high stakes relationship. If you want more closeness without relying on tricks or scripts, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 3:09 - the advice men give for deepening their relationship4:40 - the issue with technique approaches9:09 - be present with your partner12:52 - anxiety about deepening connection in a high stakes relationship20:50 - talk about your inner lives21:40 - women’s approaches for deepening relationships Links: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

How do you stay connected in a long term relationship? Jayson and Ellen share one simple question that can change the direction of your conversations and help you reconnect. They explore why couples drift apart over time, how to make your partner feel like they matter, and why a healthy relationship has to work for both people. If you want more connection and less distance, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 1:52 - feeling disconnected in a long term relationship5:11 - reasons why couples get disconnected8:43 - making your partner feel like they matter12:05 - making sure the relationship is good for both partners15:37 - ask your partner if they feel cared for Links: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

What happens when couples get in a room together and start telling the truth? Jayson and Ellen reflect on their recent couples retreat and what stood out most after spending time with a group of couples. They talk about why couples rarely share their relationship struggles, how hearing other couples' stories helps normalize your own, and why there is so much value in learning from people who have been through similar experiences. If you've ever felt alone in your relationship challenges, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 2:14 -the dynamic of being with a group of couples4:24 - why couples don't often talk about relational issues7:03 - normalizing sharing struggles10:33 - the value of couples talking in a group13:26 - talking to couples who have been through similar situations Links: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

What do you do when you're the only one who wants to improve the relationship? Jayson and Ellen explore what happens when one partner starts doing the work and the other does not. They talk about owning your role in relationship neglect, how to invite your partner into growth without forcing them, and when individual work needs to become couples work. They also discuss navigating major life transitions, practical collaboration strategies, and whether AI can actually help solve relationship problems. If you feel like you're carrying the relationship alone, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 2:30 - Example7:00 - Owning your role in relationship neglect12:15 - Invite your partner into what you're learning20:18 - Individual work vs couple's work26:30 - Transitional life phases for women31:30 - Collaboration strategies43:30 - Using AI to solve relationship problems Links: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

Can you improve your relationship by working on yourself alone? Jayson and Ellen explore the difference between individual work and couples work, and why lasting change requires both people to participate. They discuss why couples need a shared vision for where they are going, the limits of solo growth, and why maintaining your relationship before it is in crisis is one of the smartest investments you can make. If you want a relationship that keeps getting better over time, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 2:00 - why couples need to do the work together10:00 - can you improve your relationship on your own?15:00 - where are you going as a couple?21:00 - start maintaining your relationship before it's too lateLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

Why do so many high performing couples struggle behind closed doors? Jayson and Ellen explore the challenges of traditional partnership roles, how resentment builds when couples stop feeling like a team, and the mistakes many men make without realizing it. They discuss the importance of creating understanding, why marriage takes consistent effort, and how making your partner feel understood and cared for changes everything. If you want a relationship that thrives instead of just survives, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 1:29 - struggles in traditional partnerships4:04 - children need a primary caregiver6:08 - how resentment builds in relationships10:18 - mistakes men make inside this relationship structure16:02 - creating understanding in a relationship24:00 - marriage is hard work28:00 - make your partner feel understood and cared forLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

What have Jayson and Ellen learned after 17 years of parenting? They share why parenting is downstream of partnership, what it means to be a team as parents, and how to validate your child’s feelings while still setting boundaries. They also explore why all feelings are welcome but not all behaviors are, how offering too many choices can overwhelm kids, and why letting children lead play matters. They close by talking about parental leadership and what it means to surrender to the parenting experience. If you are raising kids and want a more grounded approach, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 1:40 - parenting is downstream of partnership4:22 - being a team as parents8:21 - validating feelings while setting boundaries with kids13:30 - all feelings are welcome, all behaviours are not18:59 - don't give your child choice paralysis31:15 - letting kids lead play34:50 - empowering parents to step into leadership44:38 - surrendering to the parenting experienceLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

Why is it so hard to apply what you already know in your relationship? Jayson and Ellen explore why gathering more information isn’t always the answer and how intimate partnerships bring underlying attachment issues to the surface. They explain why relationship tools only work when you understand how and when to use them, how knowing the deeper "why" behind your relationship matters, and how leaning into challenges can transform your partnership. If you feel stuck despite knowing what to do, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 1:00 - Why isn't more information moving the needle in your relationship?5:30 - Why is it so hard to apply your knowledge in intimate partnerships?8:00 - Partnership brings up underlying attachment issues15:00 - How you use relationship tools matters20:00 - Understand the "why" in your relationship24:00 - The reward for leaning into challenge in your relationshipLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

What is a relational code and why does every couple need one? Jayson and Ellen explain how shared agreements create a stronger partnership and why equality is essential for real collaboration. They explore the importance of growing together, staying relationship oriented under stress, and supporting each other's autonomy while working as a team. They also share how having clear relationship agreements can help you navigate challenges with more trust and less conflict. If you want to build a relationship that lasts, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 1:19 - What is a relational code?5:21 - Why having a relational code is important8:45 - Equality is required for good collaboration13:51 - Valuing growth as a couple17:52 - Staying relationship oriented under stress20:42 - Supporting your partner's autonomy while in collaboration26:57 - How your relationship agreements can help youLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

How much of communication is actually non verbal? Jayson and Ellen break down why what you say matters less than how you say it and how your partner is receiving it. They explore the importance of tracking your partner while you speak, how to find the real issue underneath the fight, and what it means to actually listen. They also explain why good listening is reciprocal and why going straight to solutions usually makes things worse. If you want better conversations and less conflict, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 3:05 - how much of communication is non-verbal?5:30 - check your parter's response while you're speaking12:03 - finding the real issues under the fights15:46 - how to listen21:57 - good listening is reciprocal25:25 - don't go right to solutionsLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!