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For many neurodivergent people, sex becomes draining or disconnected over time, even when there’s desire and care underneath it all. Sex can start to feel like something you’re being evaluated on — rather than something you get to enjoy. In this episode, I talk with licensed counsellor Bowen Marshall about how ADHD, Autism, masking, and performance expectations affect our sex lives — and why so many people end up feeling like they need to "get sex right", instead of actually feeling pleasure. We specifically talk about: Attachment patterns and sexWhy sex can start to feel like performance rather than pleasureHow masking and self-monitoring undermine sexual connection and pleasureThe role dopamine plays in desire, arousal, and motivationWhy many people don’t know what they enjoy — and why that’s not a failureHow expectations around sex create pressure and anxietyWhat it can look like to shift focus from “doing it right” to what actually feels good Chapters: 1:48 - Introducing Bowen Marshall 4:02 - Bowen's Journey into Specializing in Neurodivergence 9:54 - Understanding Masking & Attachment Theory 17:57 - How Masking Shows Up in Relationships 22:42 - The Hot Stove Analogy: Understanding ADHD Challenges 28:55 - Sexual Challenges with ADHD & Autism 33:34 - Performance vs. Connection: When Sex Becomes a Test 38:08 - Dopamine, Motivation & the ADHD Brain 42:41 - Sex, Dopamine & Competing Sources of Pleasure 47:57 - P*rn vs. Partnered Sex: The McDonald's vs. Michelin Analogy 52:43 - Using Kink Language for Better Communication 57:11 - Final Advice: Finding What Feels Good 59:37 - Where to Follow Bowen Marshall 1:00:03 - A Sex Therapist's Reflections: Expectations & Presence 1:05:45 - Closing & Resources Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

“We used to have such great sex" is one of the most common things I hear from clients as a sex therapist and coach. Along with this confession usually comes grief, shame, and worry that something important to them is lost forever. In this episode, I explore the science of sexual nostalgia: why remembering past sexual connection can sometimes help rekindle desire — and why, in other cases, it can actually make things worse. I also include a free exercise toward the end to help you revisit past positive sex memories and increase desire. We talk about: Why remembering “how it used to be” can either ignite desire or shut it downWhen nostalgia becomes a resource — and when it turns into griefHow sexual turn-ons can become turn-offs, and what to do if that happens for youA guided, free exercise to ignite desire by diving into sexual nostalgia Chapters: 01:41 What is Sexual Nostalgia? 04:09 Study Overview: Sexual Nostalgia & Satisfaction 04:43 Attachment Styles & Nostalgia 05:33 When Nostalgia Helps vs. Hurts 08:41 Clinical Insights: Attachment & Desire 12:05 Using Nostalgia as a Tool, Not a Time Machine 12:39 How Turn-Ons Change Over Time & What To Do About It 17:41 Nostalgia vs. Fantasy 19:53 Guided Exercise: Access Desire Through Memory 21:21 Interpreting Your Response to the Exercise 24:27 Closing Thoughts & How to Get Support The study discussed in this episode is Rose Colored Glasses: An Exploration of the Relationship between Sexual Nostalgia and Sexual Satisfaction by Thompson et al., published in The Journal of Sex Research. Download the free exercise Access Desire Through Memory. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

If you want sex to feel good again and not have to think about whether you're hard or softening, or whether you're going to have an orgasm soon — this episode gives you clear, usable tools to start moving in that direction. In part two of this series on sexual performance anxiety, I talk with health psychologist and clinical sexologist Dr Evie Kirana about how to deal with sexual performance anxiety. We break down the real mind–body connection (no woo here - just pure physiology!), why you can’t force your erection or orgasm to cooperate, and how to shift from performance pressure to meaningful connection. You’ll learn: Why fighting or hiding your anxiety makes it strongerHow to tolerate anxiety in the moment without shutting downThe four practical steps to deal with sexual performance anxiety in a new clinical modelHow connection-focused goals (instead of "I-have-to-get-this-righ goals") help your body during sexHow partners can support without becoming the “fixer” or the “nurse" Timestamps: 01:24 Introducing Dr. Evie Kirana 03:50 Gender Differences in Seeking Treatment for Sexual Dysfunction 05:30 Understanding Sexual Performance Anxiety (SPA) 07:57 Shame and Its Role 10:05 Cognitive Reappraisal: Changing Unhelpful Thoughts 13:06 Why We Can’t Control Sexual Function (Much Like Other Bodily Functions) 15:53 Shifting from Performance Goals to Connection Goals 18:44 The 4 Phases of Managing Sexual Performance Anxiety (& How To Do It) 25:05 Partner Dynamics and Navigating Progress Together 28:08 Why Society Doesn’t Talk About Sexual Performance Anxiety 31:45 Key Takeaways from Dr. Evie Kirana's Research 34:14 When to Seek Professional Help for Anxiety 36:45 Resources: MindMyErection.com 38:30 My Sex-Therapist Reflections & Final Thoughts 48:17 Outro & Support Resources You can find Dr. Kirana’s free video resources for men & people with penises (and their partners) at MindMyErection.com. The study discussed in this episode is A theoretical model for sexual performance anxiety (SPA) and a clinical approach for its remediation (SPA-R) by Rowland & Kirana, published in Sexual Medicine Review. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

If you’ve ever felt your body shut down the moment sex begins (your arousal just disappears, or you become consumed with worries about your performance), this episode will help you understand why. In part one of this series, I talk with researcher Dr David Rowland about what sexual performance anxiety actually is, how it develops, and what’s happening in your brain and body when anxiety takes over. We unpack why pills can help penises but not people, why avoidance keeps the cycle alive, and how cultural expectations fuel shame. You’ll learn: The three ingredients of performance anxiety: expectation, evaluation, and consequenceWhy anxiety and sexual arousal can’t coexist in the bodyWhat happens when you avoid sex to “protect yourself” — and why it backfiresWhy thinking you're going to fail, increases the likelihood you willHow and why the brain can sometimes create a preferred response toward anxiety Timestamps: 00:23 – Introducing Dr. David Rowland 01:24 – Dr. Rowland’s Background 03:29 – The Need for Sex Education 05.25 – How Medication for Erectile Dysfunction Changed Our View On Performance Anxiety 06:14 – Pills vs. People: The Limits of Medication 06:34 – Why Sexual Anxiety Still Exists Despite Pills 06:57 – 3 Aspects of Sexual Performance Anxiety 09:14 – The Function of Anxiety 11:21 – The Brain and Anxiety Response 13:19 – How Anxiety Affects Sexual Response 15:00 – Anxiety, Masturbation, and Sexual Function 16:40 – How The Brain Can Develop A Preferred Response To Anxiety 20:01 – Avoidance as a Coping Mechanism 22:18 – Over-Preparation and Mindfulness 25:30 – The Role of Anxiety in Sexual Problems 31:00 – Cultural Ideals and Male Sexual Performance 33:33 – What to Do About Performance Anxiety 47:54 – My Sex-Therapist Take On The Impact of “Soft” Sexual Problems 48:18 – Pleasure, Productivity, and Underfunding 50:00 – The Brutal Cultural Ideals Surrounding "Performance" 51:33 – What to Do About It 52:19 – Closing Thoughts & Resources The study discussed in this episode is A theoretical model for sexual performance anxiety (SPA) and a clinical approach for its remediation (SPA-R) by Rowland & Kirana, published in Sexual Medicine Review. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

A quick fix for low libido in women - sounds like a dream, right? Even for me as a sex therapist! In this episode, I talk with researcher Dr. Glen Spielmans about bremelanotide — a medication approved in the US for low sexual desire in women. On paper, it’s designed to target brain receptors linked to desire. But when you look closely at the trials, the story gets a lot more complicated. We get into: How the “statistically significant” results in the trials were actually very small, and why that matters for real-life change What happened when outcome measures were switched after the study was finished — and how that made the drug look more effective than it really was Why so many participants dropped out, and what those high dropout rates tell us about tolerability and side effects like nausea How measuring something as complex as desire with just two survey questions misses the bigger picture entirely And why solutions for low desire rarely come from quick fixes alone, especially when the underlying issues run deeper The study discussed in this episode is Small Effects, Questionable Outcomes: Bremelanotide for Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder by Spielmans & Ellefson, published in The Journal of Sex Research. Timestamps: 00:29 Meet Dr. Glenn Spielmans – The Truth-Seeker 01:47 The “Desire Drug”: What Is It Really Supposed to Do? 05:26 How Does This Drug Actually Work? (And Does It?) 08:12 Can You Trust the Science? A Peek Behind the Curtain 12:00 Does It Really Help? The Real-World Results 15:53 Why Did the FDA Approve This? 20:00 Measuring Desire: Why It’s So Much Harder Than You Think 24:21 Is Anyone Actually Using This Drug? 28:01 Controversy, Criticism, and Calling Out the Industry 41:33 A Sex Therapist Take: My Thoughts On What This All Means for You, Free Resources & Where to Get Help Download the free Desire Test here. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

If the idea of planning sex makes you panic, this episode is for you. And if you’re curious whether planning could help your sex life and relationship thrive - it’s for you too. We often hear that spontaneous sex is the “real” kind of sex — and that if you have to plan it, something must be wrong in your relationship. But is that actually true? In this episode, I unpack a new study on spontaneous vs planned sex and talk about how it plays out in real relationships. I’ll share why planning can be a game changer for some couples, and why for others — especially if sex already feels pressured or stressful — it’s the last thing I’d recommend. You’ll also hear what I do suggest instead if just the thought of sex makes your body tense up. We dig into: Why holding on to the spontaneity ideal can backfire in long-term relationshipsHow planning can increase satisfaction when sex is good but just not happening very oftenWhy planning backfires when sex already feels like a chore, and what to focus on first insteadHow to rethink “planning” so it’s less about scheduling and more about creating space, anticipation, and safety The study discussed in this episode is Is Spontaneous Sex Ideal? Beliefs and Perceptions of Spontaneous and Planned Sex and Sexual Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships by Kovačević et al., published in The Journal of Sex Research. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

Up to 40% of men experience low desire. But it's rarely talked about—in society or relationships. In this episode, I talk with researcher Grace Wang about what really happens when a male partner is dealing with low sexual desire—and how the way we manage (or suppress) difficult emotions can make or break sexual communication in a relationship. We unpack her study on emotion regulation and low sexual desire in men, including why “just regulating your emotions” is a lot harder than it sounds on social media, how societal norms make it even trickier for men to talk about low desire, and why hiding how you feel almost always backfires. You’ll learn: Why suppressing emotions (“putting a mask on”) undermines sexual communication and connectionHow reappraising your emotions (instead of just “thinking positively”) actually helps—when you can do itWhy emotion regulation is a skill that takes real practice (and most of us were never taught how)How our families and cultures shape the way we deal with sexual and emotional challenges as a coupleWhy suppressing “to protect your partner” is usually a recipe for disconnection, not safety The study discussed in this episode is Regulate and Communicate: Associations between Emotion Regulation and Sexual Communication among Men with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder and their Partners by Wang et al. and published in The Journal of Sex Research. If you’d like to learn more about Grace Wang’s work, visit the Cash Lab at natalieorosen.com Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

This episode is a bit of a departure from the regular stuff! A personal update and a few important reminders about sex, desire, and overall well-being. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

How can you tell if a new partner shares your turn-ons — without making it awkward? In this episode, I answer a listener question about casual sex, power dynamics, and the kind of miscommunication that can happen when you don’t talk about your turn-ons out loud. We unpack a qualitative study on how people in BDSM communities use tech (like texting) to express desires, set boundaries, and build trust — especially when things are new or casual. You’ll learn: Why even light power play requires clear communicationHow texting about sex can build connection, not kill itHow to talk about your turn-ons — including different submission styles — without overexplaining The study covered in this episode is: Sometimes It’s Easier to Type Things Than to Say Them: Technology in BDSM Sexual Partner Communication by Hamm et al., published in Sexuality & Culture. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

Sharing what turns you on with a partner can be scary. But it can also be hot, and emotionally rewarding. This episode dives into one of the most common but rarely spoken fears in long-term relationships: what will happen if I share what I fantasize about? We unpack a fascinating new study on why people do (and don’t) share their sexual fantasies with partners — and the surprising gap between what people fear will happen, and what actually does. We'll cover: Why fear of judgment often outweighs the actual riskThe five most common reasons people keep fantasies privateHow to explore whether sharing is right for you, using my free, step-by-step exercise The study covered in this episode is: A Content Analysis of Reasons for Disclosing Sexual Fantasies and Partner Responses by Kimberley et al., published in The Journal of Sex Research. 📝 Grab your free fantasy reflection exercise here Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

Do you ever feel like your sex drive is just… gone — and you don’t know why? In this interview episode, I talk with researcher Dr. Simone Buzwell about how relationship inequity negatively affects female sexual desire — and why fairness outside the bedroom might matter more than you think inside it. We unpack her study on desire, domestic labour, and gender roles — including why same-sex female couples often report higher desire, and what happens when heterosexual couples fall into default patterns neither partner consciously chose. You’ll learn: Why emotional and cognitive labour can erode desire — and how to recognize the invisible loadThe difference between solitary and dyadic desire (and why equity only impacts one of them)How male and female desire differ — and why it's not just biology The study covered in this episode is: Fairer Sex: The Role of Relationship Equity in Female Sexual Desire, written by Buzwell et al. and published in The Journal of Sex Research. 📝 Grab your free relationship equity checklist here, created by Malmö Stad, Sweden. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

Is it normal for desire to fade in long-term relationships? Or can passion actually last? This episode breaks down a powerful study of over 38,000 people in long-term relationships to uncover what really keeps sex satisfying over time. Spoiler: it’s not just about frequency or trying something new — it’s about how couples connect. We explore the 7 key habits that set passionate couples apart — and the biggest mistake many people make. You’ll learn: Why emotional intimacy is just as important as physical pleasureHow sexual satisfaction changes over time — and why it doesn’t have to declineWhat couples who still feel passion years in are doing differently The study covered in this episode is What Keeps Passion Alive? Sexual Satisfaction Is Associated With Sexual Communication, Mood Setting, Sexual Variety, Oral Sex, Orgasm, and Sex Frequency in a National U.S. Study, by Frederick et al., published in The Journal of Sex Research: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2015.1137854 🎧 Listen in — and if it sparks something, share it with someone you care about. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

Do you ever hesitate to initiate sex because you're afraid of being rejected — or feel guilty for turning your partner down? In this episode, I answer a listener question about how to navigate mismatched libidos and the pain of repeated rejection in a relationship. We unpack the science of sexual rejection, and how it can shape desire, emotional safety, and long-term connection — often in ways couples don’t talk about. You’ll learn: → The most common emotional reactions to sexual rejection — and why some responses shut down intimacy while others build it → What the data shows about how rejection impacts desire over time → A free list of conversation starters to help you open up this conversation with more clarity and less pressure The study covered in the episode is: Comparing Responses to Sexual Rejection and Sexual and Relationship Well-Being in Couples Coping with Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder and Community Couples, written by Schwenck et al. and can be found here: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2023.2282617#abstract 📝 Grab your free exercise connected to this episode here: https://leighnoren.com/podcast-resources 🎧 Listen in — and if you find yourself nodding along, pass it on to someone who needs to hear this too. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

A lot of us feel the pressure to perform well in bed — whether that means lasting long or wanting sex "enough". In this episode, I talk to researcher Noémie Viens about how perfectionism can mess with your sex life. We explore why being hard on yourself (or feeling pressure from others) can lead to performance anxiety, shame, and disconnection — and how letting go of “perfect sex” can actually make it better. You’ll learn: → The three types of perfectionism — and which one is most linked to sexual distress → Why some perfectionists report higher desire, and what’s really going on there → How performance pressure shows up differently for men and women → What to do if you or your partner tend to be self-critical or chase validation in bed → How to shift from pressure and performance to connection and pleasure The study covered in the episode is: Multidimensional Perfectionism and Sexual Difficulties Among Adult Couples: A Dyadic Cross-Sectional and Longitudinal Study written by Viens et al. 📝 Grab your free exercise to start dropping perfectionism in the bedroom, here: https://leighnoren.com/podcast-resources Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

If you’ve ever thought, “If we were really right for each other, our sex life would just work”… this episode is for you. In Episode 1 of In Bed with Science: a Sex Podcast, I break down a fascinating study on growth vs. destiny beliefs in relationships — and how the way we think about sex shapes everything from satisfaction to resilience. You’ll learn: → Why expecting sex to be effortless can damage connection → How believing sex takes effort is linked to greater support, responsiveness, and satisfaction — especially when things aren’t going smoothly → How to unpack your own beliefs using the free reflection exercise I’ve included The study covered in the episode is: Responsiveness in the Face of Sexual Challenges: The Role of Sexual Growth and Destiny Beliefs by Uppot et al, published in The Journal of Sex Research. 📝 Grab your free exercise connected to this episode here Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link