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Why do some kids keep trying when something is difficult while others quickly give up? In this episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson sits down with Yale University researcher Dr. Julia Leonard to explore the science of motivation, persistence, and learning — and the important role parents and other adults can play in helping kids decide which challenges are worth pursuing. In this episode, they cover: • How children develop beliefs about what they’re capable of • Why stepping in too quickly can unintentionally discourage independence • How modeling your own hard work can help kids learn to keep trying • Why giving kids opportunities to struggle and improve can build confidence Key takeaways • Kids learn about effort through relationships. When children face a difficult task, they look to parents, teachers, and other adults for clues about whether the challenge is worth pursuing and whether they’re capable of succeeding. • Resist the urge to immediately take over. When a task is developmentally appropriate, giving kids room to try, struggle, and problem-solve can help them build independence and confidence. • Let kids see your hard work. Adults often make everyday tasks look effortless, while doing their own difficult work out of sight. Showing kids that adults struggle, practice, make mistakes, and eventually improve helps make effort visible. • Praise the process, not just the person. With younger children, highlighting effort, strategies, persistence, and progress can be more motivating than simply telling them they’re smart, talented, or “the best.” • Keep praise authentic. Over-the-top praise can backfire, and as kids get older, they become increasingly sensitive to praise that doesn’t match their own assessment of how they performed. • Create opportunities for kids to improve. Whether at home or in school, feedback, second chances, and opportunities to revise work send kids the message that learning is a process — not a single judgment of their ability. Further reading How to Help Kids Learn to Fail Helping Kids With Flexible Thinking Does It Matter How I Praise My Child?

When a child refuses to go to school, it can be easy to assume they’re unmotivated, being defiant, or simply trying to skip class. But school avoidance is often driven by anxiety — and understanding what’s behind it is an important first step toward helping kids get back to school. In this Q&A episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson is joined by Alana Cooperman, LCSW, a senior social worker in the Anxiety Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute, to answer parents’ questions about school anxiety, avoidance, and refusal. Cooperman explains how school avoidance can look different across ages, from crying and clinging to parents in younger children to stomachaches, sleep problems, irritability, frequent trips to the nurse, or repeated requests to come home in older kids and teens. She and Dr. Dave also discuss how ADHD, learning difficulties, autism, peer problems, academic pressure, and embarrassing experiences at school can contribute to avoidance. In this episode, they cover: • Common reasons kids may avoid school • How bullying, peer conflict, tests, teachers, bathrooms, and lunchrooms can become triggers • How ADHD, executive functioning challenges, learning disorders, and autism can contribute • How to validate anxiety without validating avoidance • Why staying home shouldn’t become more rewarding than going to school • How gradual exposure can help kids build tolerance for anxiety • When professional help may be needed • Why progress isn’t always linear — and why effort matters Further reading When Kids Refuse to Go to School How Anxiety Affects Kids in School Anxious Stomachaches and Headaches Have a question you’d like Dr. Dave and a Child Mind Institute expert to answer in a future episode? Send it through the Child Mind Institute’s social channels or email [email protected].

Journalist, author, and podcast host Molly Jong-Fast got sober at 19 — and nearly three decades later, she continues to speak candidly about her experience with alcoholism and recovery. In this episode of Thriving Kids, she joins Dr. Dave Anderson for a conversation about recognizing addiction in adolescence, overcoming stigma, and why young people struggling with substance use need to know that recovery is possible. In this episode, they cover: • Why addiction can look different from typical adolescent experimentation • Why family history can be an important part of conversations about substance use • How parents can talk openly with kids about addiction without relying on shame • What parents should know about marijuana and the developing adolescent brain • Why lasting recovery involves more than simply removing access to a substance • How schools and colleges can better support young people who choose sobriety Key takeaways • Addiction can begin early. Jong-Fast describes recognizing during adolescence that she had difficulty controlling her substance use and that her experience looked different from that of many of her peers. • Pay attention to patterns, not just individual incidents. Repeated inability to stop, dramatic changes in behavior, escalating use, or repeatedly trying and failing to cut back may signal that a young person needs additional support. • Talk honestly about family history. When addiction runs in a family, age-appropriate conversations can help kids understand that they may have increased vulnerability without framing their future as inevitable. • Shame isn’t treatment. Families can establish clear boundaries around substance use while continuing to communicate love, connection, and a willingness to help. • Legal doesn’t mean harmless. Alcohol and marijuana may be legal for adults, but that doesn’t eliminate the potential risks associated with adolescent use. • Young people need spaces that support sobriety. Substance-free housing, recovery communities, treatment programs, and supportive peers can help young people build lives that don’t revolve around alcohol or drugs. • Recovery can open up possibilities rather than close them down. Jong-Fast describes sobriety as what allowed her to build a life in which alcohol and drugs did not dictate her decisions. Further reading Complete Guide to Substance Use and Mental Health How to Talk to Your Teen About Substance Use

Attention problems can be frustrating for kids and parents. In this Q&A episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson answers nine parent questions about attention and focus, including when difficulties may point to ADHD. Dr. Dave explains why ADHD can make boring or repetitive tasks especially difficult and shares practical strategies for strengthening study, organization, and attention skills. In this episode, Dr. Dave covers: • How to distinguish attention problems from lack of motivation • Strategies for kids with attention difficulties • How phones, gaming, and social media may affect attention • Why ADHD can look different in girls and boys • Helping kids start homework & stay focused • When to seek a professional ADHD evaluation Key takeaways • ADHD is not simply a lack of effort. Kids may struggle most with tasks that feel boring. • Attention problems don’t always mean ADHD. Anxiety, depression, trauma, learning disorders and other factors can also affect focus. • ADHD strategies can help even without a diagnosis. Routines, reinforcement and organization systems can make tasks easier. • Planners, calendars, distraction-free workspaces, technology impacts and more. Further reading How to Get an ADHD Diagnosis How to Tell if Your Daughter Has ADHD How Girls With ADHD Are Different How to Help Yourself Get Organized Side Effects of ADHD Medication Not All Attention Problems Are ADHD Books mentioned in the episode All About ADHD: The Complete Practical Guide for Classroom Teachers — Linda J. Pfiffner Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents — Russell A. Barkley Managing ADHD in School — Russell A. Barkley The Everyday Parenting Toolkit — Dr. Alan E. Kazdin Organizational Skills Training for Children with ADHD: An Empirically Supported Treatment — Richard Gallagher, Howard B. Abikoff, and Elana G. Spira Additional Resources ADDitude CHADD

Experimenting with alcohol, marijuana, tobacco, and other substances isn’t uncommon during adolescence — but that doesn’t mean that parents don’t, or shouldn’t, have concerns about it. On this episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson is joined by two experts from Partnerships to End Addiction, clinical psychologist Dr. Aaron Hogue and licensed clinical social worker Molly Bobek, for a practical conversation about preventing teen substance use, recognizing the warning signs of substance use problem, and helping young people make safer decisions. They explain why the relationship parents build with their kids may be one of their most powerful prevention tools. And they discuss how to talk about drugs and alcohol without exaggerating the risks or losing credibility, what parents should know about the connection between substance use and mental health, and how to respond when a teenager comes home after drinking or doing drugs. They also offer guidance on when to seek treatment, what effective treatment should look like, and why it’s important for families to be involved in the recovery process. In this episode, they cover: • How to distinguish typical experimentation from more concerning patterns of substance use • Why mental health challenges can make teens more vulnerable to misusing substances • How parents can balance family values, consequences, safety, and open communication Key takeaways • Relationships are a powerful prevention tool. Staying calm, curious, and connected — Dr. Hogue’s “three C’s” — can offer teens somewhere to turn when they encounter substances or difficult situations. • Don’t feel like you have to exaggerate the risks of substances to be heard. Scare tactics can backfire, undermining parents’ credibility. Accurate, age-appropriate information can help teens understand real risks while preserving trust. • Think in terms of many small conversations, as opposed to one “big talk” about drinking and drugs. You can create an ongoing dialogue about peer pressure, family values, mental health, and safety. • Prioritize safety when something happens. If your teen has used a substance, beginning with curiosity about what happened and whether they’re safe preserves an open line of communication that can help them make better decisions in the future. • If a teen does need treatment, it should be framed as a form of support, not a punishment. Parents can approach counseling as something the family can work on together rather than evidence that the teen has failed or needs to be “fixed.” • Effective treatment should address the whole child. For adolescents, that often means addressing co-occurring mental health challenges and meaningfully involving parents and families in care. Further reading How to Talk to Your Teen About Substance Use  – Child Mind InstituteComplete Guide to Substance Use + Mental Health – Child Mind Institute

In this Q&A episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson answers eight parent questions about some of the most common — and challenging — behaviors families face. From aggression and ADHD to lying, motivation, OCD, and big emotions, Dr. Dave explains what may drive these behaviors and offers practical, evidence-based strategies parents can use to respond. In this episode, Dr. Dave covers: • Why is my three-year-old so angry and aggressive? • How can I help a child with ADHD without medication? • My child is out of control. Where can I send him? • How do I motivate a “lazy” child? • How do I explain OCD to a child? • Why does my child lie about everything? • Why won’t my child listen unless I yell? • Why is my child so sensitive? Key takeaways • Anger and aggression in young children can stem from temperament, development, family stress, and other factors. Behavioral parent training can help parents combine warmth with clear expectations and consistent consequences. • Medication is not the only evidence-based ADHD treatment. Parent training, classroom support, organizational skills, and help with peer relationships can all be effective but require consistent adult involvement. • Even when behavior feels out of control, behavioral and family interventions can help. Families may also consider school-based services, therapeutic programs, residential treatment, or hospitalization when safety is a concern. • What looks like “laziness” may reflect depression, ADHD, learning challenges, or other difficulties. Parents can build motivation through meaningful rewards and opportunities for success. • OCD involves intrusive thoughts and/or repetitive behaviors a person feels driven to perform. Treatment, including exposure and response prevention (ERP), can help kids tolerate anxiety without compulsions. • Lying is common in childhood. Parents can emphasize honesty, reinforce truth-telling — especially when it’s difficult — and use calm, proportionate consequences when needed. • If kids only listen after a parent yells, the family may be in a coercive cycle. Calm directions and predictable consequences can break the pattern and show that yelling isn’t what makes a direction matter. • Some children experience emotions more intensely. Parents can help them identify feelings, build coping skills, and learn to move forward after difficult moments.   Further Reading Angry Kids: Dealing With Explosive Behavior Behavioral Treatments for Kids With ADHD Behavioral Parent Training School Success Kit for Kids With ADHD Complete Guide to ADHD Why Kids Lie and What Parents Can Do About It How to Give Kids Effective Instructions Healthy Minds, Thriving Kids

Becoming a father doesn’t just change your life, research suggests it can actually change your brain. In this episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson sits down with psychologist and researcher Dr. Darby Saxbe, author of Dad Brain: The New Science of Fatherhood and How It Shapes Men’s Lives, to explore the emerging science of what happens to men’s brains, hormones, relationships, and sense of identity when they become fathers. Dr. Saxbe explains why some of the brain changes associated with fatherhood may help dads become more attuned to their children, how testosterone levels can shift as men move into caregiving roles, and why becoming a parent can bring both psychological vulnerability and long-term neurological benefits. They also discuss paternal mental health, loneliness, and social connection among men, the pressures created by online messages about masculinity, and how being an engaged father can offer men a powerful source of connection and purpose. In this episode, they cover: • How men’s brains can change during the transition to fatherhood • Why some brain changes may help fathers become more responsive to their babies • What researchers are learning about paternal postpartum depression and anxiety • Why the popular idea that “higher testosterone is always better” misses what the research actually shows • How relationships and social connection contribute to men’s long-term health • How fatherhood can encourage healthier behaviors in men Key takeaways • Fathers’ brains change, too. Research suggests that becoming a father is associated with changes in brain structure and function, including areas involved in understanding and responding to other people’s thoughts and emotions. • Those changes can bring both opportunity and vulnerability. In Dr. Saxbe’s research, some of the brain changes associated with stronger bonding and greater caregiving involvement were also associated with more symptoms of anxiety, depression, psychological distress, and sleep problems. • Fathers’ mental health deserves attention. Becoming a parent is a major physical, emotional, and social transition for all parents, yet fathers are often overlooked in conversations about postpartum well-being. • Testosterone isn’t simply a “more is better” hormone. Testosterone can naturally change as men transition into caregiving roles, and Dr. Saxbe argues that flexibility — rather than maximizing testosterone — is a more useful way to understand these changes. • Fatherhood can encourage healthier habits. Research suggests fathers may be more likely to engage in protective health behaviors and less likely to engage in some risky behaviors once they become responsible for a child. • Great parents are made, not born. One of Dr. Saxbe’s central messages is that good parenting isn’t innate. Investment, motivation, practice, and experience help parents develop the skills they need. Further reading 10 Tips to Help Dads and Daughters Stay Close – Child Mind Institute https://childmind.org/article/parenting-through-depression/Parenting Through Depression – Child Mind Institute Dad Brain: The New Science of Fatherhood and How It Shapes Men’s Lives by Dr. Darby Saxbe

In this Q&A episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson answers listener questions inspired by last week’s conversation with Caroline Maguire about friendship, neurodivergence, masking, and building authentic relationships. Dr. Dave discusses how parents can help kids make friends without making them feel like they have to change who they are, how to understand the difference between practicing social skills and masking, and how to support kids who over-apologize, over-explain, or spiral after awkward social moments. He also offer advice on navigating social anxiety, loneliness, and friendship expectations — and talks about how adults can model healthier friendship habits for kids. This episode offers practical, compassionate guidance for helping children build meaningful connections, tolerate the ups and downs of friendship, and find relationships where they feel accepted for who they really are.   In this episode, Dr. Dave covers: How to help kids make friends without pressuring them to change who they areWhy one awkward moment does not mean a friendship is ruinedWhat to do when kids say they “don’t need friends”How to help kids who move too quickly from meeting someone to “best friend”How adults can model boundaries, repair, and healthier friendship habits  Further Reading How to Help Kids Who Are LonelyHelping Young Children Who Are Socially AnxiousHow to Help Kids Who Are Too Hard on ThemselvesCaroline MaguireWhy Will No One Will Play With Me

From gentle parenting to strict rules about screen time, today’s parents are constantly bombarded with advice about the “right” way to raise their kids. But how much of that advice is actually supported by research? In this special Summer Hot Takes episode, Dr. Dave Anderson sits down with developmental psychologist, bestselling author, and Raising Good Humans podcast host Dr. Aliza Pressman to explore some of parenting’s most talked-about topics. Together, they discuss why it’s important for any approach to be rooted in science, how authoritative parenting (not to be confused with the harder-to-define gentle parenting) balances warmth with boundaries, and how families can develop healthier relationships with technology. They also talk about the importance of letting kids experience disappointment, navigate failure, and learn from difficult emotions without treating every feeling like an emergency. Throughout the conversation, Dr. Dave and Dr. Pressman remind parents that thoughtful, flexible parenting is the goal, not perfection. In this episode, they cover: What people often mean when they talk about “gentle parenting” and common misunderstandings about the termWhat authoritative parenting is and why it remains one of the most evidence-supported parenting approachesPractical ways to create healthier screen habits for children and teensWhy boredom, waiting, and feeling lonely sometimes can help kids build resilience and independenceHow to help kids tolerate disappointment, failure, and rejection Key takeaways Healthy screen habits focus on balance, connection, and intentional use.Kids benefit from experiencing age-appropriate disappointment and failure.Parents don’t need to solve every emotion immediately to support emotional health.Parenting trends come and go, but warmth combined with clear boundaries remains the most effective approach.    Further reading from the Child Mind Institute ·      Helping Kids With Flexible Thinking ·      Three Common Parenting Traps ·      How to Set Limits on Screen Time More from Dr. Aliza Pressman ·      Raising Good Humans With Dr. Aliza (podcast) ·      The 5 Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans

Back-to-school season can bring a lot of excitement, but it can also bring anxiety — stressful mornings, friendship worries, homework battles, and questions about how to help kids adjust after summer break. In this Q&A episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson tackles some of the biggest concerns families face as a new school year begins. From how to tell the difference between normal first-day jitters and more serious anxiety to how to reset kids’ sleep routines after summer, Dr. Dave offers compassionate guidance and practical strategies you can put into practice right away. In this episode, Dr. Dave covers:  How to recognize the difference between typical back-to-school nerves and anxiety that may require extra supportPractical ways to reset sleep schedules, screen time, and morning routines after the summer breakHow to help children build friendships and navigate worries about fitting inWhy stomachaches and headaches can sometimes be signs of anxiety — and when to seek a medical evaluationStrategies for supporting students with ADHD, learning disorders, and executive functioning challengesHow to partner effectively with teachers at the beginning of the school year  Key Takeaways Small, gradual routine changes make the back-to-school transition easier for children.Anxiety about going to school is common, but persistent school avoidance can benefit from early support.Strong parent-teacher partnerships help children succeed academically and emotionally.Sleep, consistent routines, and healthy technology habits create a stronger foundation for learning.Family schedules should prioritize wellness, not just productivity.   Further Reading Back-to-School Hub The Child Mind Institute’s comprehensive collection of expert advice for preparing children and families for the new school year. Help for School Refusal Managing Back-to-School Anxiety

In this episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson is joined by Caroline Maguire, an ADHD and executive function coach and author of Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults. They discuss friendship, social anxiety, and how neurodivergent kids and teens can build more authentic relationships without feeling pressured to hide or “mask” who they are. In this episode, they cover: • What masking is and how it can affect kids’ mental health • Why getting support for social skills doesn’t mean people need to abandon their authentic selves • How black-and-white thinking can make social situations feel more painful • How parents, clinicians, and coaches can help kids build confidence in relationships Key takeaways • Masking — hiding how you really feel — can help people get through social situations, but over time it may lead to anxiety, depression, people-pleasing, and disconnection from the self. • Neuro-affirming social support should help kids and adults connect with others while still honoring their own needs, values, and personalities. • Social mistakes are part of being human, and over-apologizing or repeatedly revisiting them can make anxiety worse. • Black-and-white thinking can turn a mostly positive interaction into something that feels like a failure. • Building authentic friendships often starts with understanding your own patterns, communicating your needs, and finding people who appreciate you as you are. Further reading Kids Who Need a Little Help to Make Friends Helping Girls With ADHD Make Friends What Is Neurodiversity?

In this Q&A episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson answers listener questions inspired by last week’s conversation with Dr. Lisa Damour about how to “future-proof” kids in an uncertain world. Dr. Dave breaks down the simple but powerful habits that help protect children’s mental health over time, including consistent sleep, family connection, face-to-face time with peers, satisfying hobbies, and emotional flexibility. He also discusses how parents can tell whether changes in a child’s mood, focus, or behavior might be related to sleep, how to handle bedtime resistance, and why family meals matter even when no one is having a deep conversation. This episode offers practical guidance for helping kids build resilience, confidence, and a perseverance.   In this episode, Dr. Dave covers:The basic habits that support kids’ long-term mental healthHow sleep affects mood, focus, behavior, and stressWhat to do when kids push back hard against bedtimeWhy “pointless” hobbies can still build pride, confidence, and identityHow to help kids practice flexible thinking when faced with a challenge  Further Reading Healthy Sleep Habits for KidsHow to Help Kids Learn to FailRaising Resilient Kids Who Are Prepared for the Future

In this episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson welcomes back Dr. Lisa Damour for a conversation about how parents can help kids prepare for an uncertain future. Drawing on decades of clinical experience, Dr. Damour explains why the most protective tools are often the simplest: sleep, safety, family connection, coping skills, and opportunities for kids to develop interests that truly belong to them. In this episode, they cover: • Why sleep is one of the most important foundations for kids’ mental health • How safety, structure, and clear limits help kids feel secure • Why family meals can matter even when the conversation is not perfect • How hobbies help kids build confidence, identity, and coping skills • Why parents should make room for interests that are not tied to achievement • What families can do now to help kids face an unpredictable future Key takeaways • Sleep is one of the strongest protections for kids’ mental health, learning, attention, mood, and emotional regulation. • Parents do not need to control every part of a child’s future, but they can build routines and expectations that help kids feel grounded. • Safety is a reasonable area for parents to be firm about, including issues like seatbelts, helmets, substance use, and other non-negotiables. • Family meals are not valuable because they are always magical; they matter because they create warmth, structure, and regular connection. • Hobbies give kids a sense of ownership, pride, mastery, and healthy coping that may not come from school or achievement alone. Further reading Why Are Teenagers So Sleep-Deprived? Media Guidelines for Kids of All Ages Helping Kids Who Struggle With Executive Functions 10 Tips for Parenting Anxious Kids What to Do and Not Do When Children Are Anxious Pre-Order Lisa Damour's newest book: The Emotional Lives of Parents: Caring for Ourselves to Better Care for Our Children

In this Q&A episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson answers listener questions inspired by last week’s conversation with NBC News anchor and correspondent Kate Snow about mental health, journalism, and how suicide loss has shaped her reporting. Dr. Dave discusses how parents can talk with kids about suicide and mental health honestly and in age-appropriate ways, what changes in a child’s mood or behavior may indicate that they need support, and why asking directly about suicidal thoughts does not make those thoughts worse. He also explains how families can determine what level of care a child may need, what to look for in a treatment or residential program, and how to build emotional skills and family connection before a crisis occurs. This episode offers compassionate, practical guidance for recognizing when a child may be struggling, keeping communication open, and helping families find the right support.   In this episode, Dr. Dave covers: How to talk with kids about suicide or a suicide loss honestly and appropriatelyWhat changes in mood, behavior, and personality parents should take seriouslyWhy parents should ask direct questions about sadness and suicidal thoughtsHow to understand the differences among therapy, psychiatry, school support, higher-level care, and emergency helpWhat to look for in a treatment, residential, or intensive-care programHow families and schools can build resilience and connection before a crisis  Further Reading Signs a Child Might Be Suicidal Reducing Suicide Risk With Safety Plans Supporting Children After the Suicide of a Classmate Complete Guide to Emergency Hospitalization

In this episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson is joined by NBC News anchor and Senior National Correspondent Kate Snow for a conversation about journalism, mental health, and the power of telling stories that can reduce stigma. Kate discusses how personal loss shaped her reporting on mental health, as well as suicide prevention, substance use, access to care, and the systems that families often have to navigate during moments of crisis. In this episode, they cover: • Why journalists can play an important role in reducing stigma • What Kate has learned from reporting on teen mental health, substance use, and access to care • Why transitions or experiencing a loss of purpose can be mental health risk factors • How young people are broadening conversations about mental health Key takeaways • Sharing personal stories about mental health can help people feel less alone and make it easier for them to seek support. • Suicide loss can be traumatic for an entire family, and talking about it thoughtfully may help reduce shame and stigma. • Young people may be more open to conversations about mental health than previous generations, but they still need trusted adults and systems that can respond when they ask for help. Further reading (and viewing) NBC’s Kate Snow Shares Impact of Her Father-in-Law’s Suicide on Her Family, Today Show The Link Between Smartphones and Kids' Mental Health, NBC Nightly News Opioid Crisis: Historic Cape Cod Town Experiencing Staggering Toll, NBC Nightly News Allegations of Abuse at Home for At-Risk Kids, NBC News Further reading from the Child Mind Institute What to Do if You’re Worried About Suicide