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Content note: this episode discusses substance use, homelessness and a violent eviction. In 2008, Saul Silva was diagnosed with HIV in Leeds, and told to keep it quiet. This episode follows the decade he spent running from that diagnosis, through homelessness and addiction in London, to becoming an advocate who helped build a widely used tool for disabled people applying for benefits. SummarySaul Silva was diagnosed with HIV in 2008, in Leeds, and told his restaurant manager that same evening. She laughed in his face and accused him of lying to get the weekend off. What followed was years of running: changing cities, changing phone numbers, and avoiding care rather than face a diagnosis he couldn't process. A move to London in 2009 brought him into contact with St Thomas' Hospital, but also a spiral of self-medicating, a relationship built on partying, and eventually homelessness, including a night in a police cell after a violent eviction. The turning point was Positive East, the East London HIV charity Saul was too ashamed to walk into for months, and a clinical director who helped him rebuild his life from the ground up. Saul now works on system-level change, including a widely used tool that helps disabled people navigate Personal Independence Payment applications, and speaks openly about the funding cuts now threatening the same charities that saved him. The conversation closes with a tribute to the generation of AIDS survivors he calls "the scaffolding." Key Moments[00:02:00] Diagnosed with HIV in Leeds in 2008[00:05:02] Telling his restaurant manager, and being laughed at[00:07:24] Years of moving cities, changing numbers, and avoiding care[00:11:29] Homelessness, self-medicating, and a violent eviction[00:16:19] Walking past Positive East's door for months before going inside[00:21:36] Facing his diagnosis for the first time, a year on, with Dr John White[00:27:12] Helping build a tool that guides disabled people through PIP applications[00:32:07] On the funding cuts threatening Positive East and Positively UK[00:33:38] Shame that started long before the diagnosis[00:36:03] A tribute to the AIDS generation he calls "the scaffolding" About Saul SilvaSaul Silva is an HIV advocate based in London, diagnosed in Leeds in 2008. After years avoiding care, homelessness and addiction, he rebuilt his life with support from Positive East. He now works on systemic change, including a widely used online tool that helps disabled people navigate Personal Independence Payment applications, and speaks publicly about HIV stigma, peer support and the funding pressures facing HIV charities today. Resources & Further ReadingTerrence Higgins Trust – information, testing and THT Direct support for anyone living with or affected by HIV in the UK.National AIDS Trust – campaigning on HIV stigma, discrimination and the law.Positive East – the East London HIV charity that supported Saul's recovery.Positively UK – peer support and advocacy for people living with HIV; its Gay Men's Project, mentioned in this episode, closed in 2025 due to funding but relaunched as Positively Connected in February 2026.Turn2us – independent UK charity helping people navigate benefits, including Personal Independence Payment. If you've been affected by anything discussed in this episode, support is available through the Terrence Higgins Trust or Positive East. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Content note: this episode includes a detailed account of drug-facilitated sexual assault, rape, and suicidal thoughts. In October 2006, Stephen Hart's drink was spiked and he was raped. Months later he learned his attacker was HIV positive, and so was he. This episode traces how a boy raised under Section 28 in 1980s Glasgow became one of the UK's most visible HIV advocates. SummaryStephen Hart grew up in 1980s Glasgow under Section 28, watching famous gay men die of AIDS on television with no one in the classroom explaining why. In October 2006, his drink was spiked in a Covent Garden bar and he was raped. Months later, a doctor told him his attacker was HIV positive, and so was he. What followed were two years of withdrawal, isolation and suicidal thoughts, listening to Whitney Houston and waiting to die, largely because the only image of HIV he'd ever been given was of dying men in the 1980s. What pulled him back was hearing other advocates tell their stories, and the memory of his friend Alan Sloane, who had shown him that a life with HIV could still be full of fun. In 2009, a trip to New York led Stephen to write 'Shadowed Dreamer', a one-man show about his life that ran for nine months off-Broadway. Today he's a Positive Voices speaker for the Terrence Higgins Trust and London Ambassador for Stamp Out Spiking. Key Moments[00:01:03] Growing up gay in 1980s Glasgow under Section 28[00:08:56] A night out in Covent Garden, and a drink that didn't taste right[00:13:15] Waking up 12 hours later, and realising something bad had happened[00:19:50] A doctor's diagnosis: the man who raped him was HIV positive[00:23:57] Two years spent waiting to die, and withdrawing from everyone he loved[00:29:09] Alan Sloane: the friend who taught him to live, not just survive[00:32:10] A 2009 trip to New York, and standing in Times Square[00:35:36] Writing 'Shadowed Dreamer', and taking it off-Broadway[00:43:12] What Stephen would say to anyone still "waiting to die"[00:48:11] A moment of remembrance for Alan Sloane and Pedro Zamora About Stephen HartStephen Hart is an actor, writer and HIV advocate from Glasgow, now based in London. Raped in 2006 by a man later found to be HIV positive, he wrote and performed the one-man show, 'Shadowed Dreamer', which ran for nine off-Broadway. He is a Positive Voices speaker for the Terrence Higgins Trust, London Ambassador for Stamp Out Spiking, and hosts the YouTube channel Hart Talks. Resources & Further ReadingTerrence Higgins Trust – information, testing and THT Direct support for anyone living with or affected by HIV in the UK.National AIDS Trust – campaigning on HIV stigma, discrimination and the law.Stamp Out Spiking – the UK charity, and Stephen's own cause, working to end drink spiking.1in6.uk – UK support for men affected by unwanted or abusive sexual experiences.Hart Talks – Stephen's YouTube channel, featuring conversations with HIV advocates and activists. If you've been affected by anything discussed in this episode, support is available through the Terrence Higgins Trust or 1in6.uk. SEOSEO Title: SEO Description: This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

In the mid-1980s, at 24, Luke Adams was told he had two years to live. Forty years on, he's a psychologist, ACT UP veteran and recent political refugee from the United States, now living in London. SummaryLuke Adams was 24 and living in Santa Cruz, California, when a test came back positive for what doctors then called HTLV-III. His nurse, Ed, gave him two years to live, then brilliantly made Luke furious enough to act. Luke channelled that fury into decades of AIDS activism: building safer-sex education programmes with student volunteers, joining ACT UP alongside Larry Kramer, and watching Anthony Fauci go from adversary to convert. He survived the brutal monotherapy era of AZT, a near-fatal AIDS diagnosis in 1996, and the addiction that followed years of grief, before getting sober with help from a friend at the Haight Ashbury Free Clinics. Now 63, and more troubled by arthritis than HIV, Luke has recently left the United States for London, describing himself as a political refugee after his activism, his marriage to a Latino man and his support for trans rights drew scrutiny from the Trump administration. The conversation closes with his verdict on today's PEPFAR, USAID and UK foreign-aid cuts, and a moment of remembrance. Key Moments[00:02:04] Becoming a political refugee: why Luke left the United States for London[00:08:03] Nurse Ed's blunt delivery of a positive HIV result, and the fury that followed[00:11:27] What ACT UP actually was, and why Larry Kramer built it[00:14:26] A reunion with Larry Kramer at the NIH — and a young doctor named Anthony Fauci[00:21:08] Fighting Lyndon LaRouche's ballot initiative to intern people with HIV[00:31:20] Compound S to AZT: inside the toxic monotherapy years[00:38:19] A T-cell count of 30, and a summer he wasn't expected to survive[00:46:01] Crystal meth, grief and finding sobriety through the Haight Ashbury Free Clinics[00:53:33] A moment of remembrance for his friend Doug Rasic About Luke AdamsLuke Adams is a psychologist and HIV activist who tested positive in Santa Cruz, California, in the mid-1980s. He helped build early safer-sex education programmes, worked alongside Larry Kramer in ACT UP, and co-wrote community materials on HIV prevention. Now 63 and sober for decades, he recently relocated from the United States to London, describing himself as a political refugee. He continues to practise psychology and campaign against HIV stigma. Resources & Further ReadingTerrence Higgins Trust – UK support and information for anyone living with or affected by HIV.National AIDS Trust – campaigning on HIV stigma, discrimination and the law.Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence – the drag activist order Luke references, still fundraising and educating worldwide.Diseased Pariah News – background on the zine co-founded by Luke's housemate, Beowulf Thorne.ACT UP Historical Archive – records and capsule history of the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power. If you've been affected by anything discussed in this episode, support is available through the Terrence Higgins Trust. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Content note: this episode discusses domestic abuse and suicidal thoughts. In 2016, Emma McAnally was diagnosed with HIV in a Scottish sexual health clinic while in an abusive relationship. This episode follows how that diagnosis led her to challenge outdated NHS maternity guidance and become an HIV educator in Scotland today. SummaryEmma McAnally was diagnosed with HIV in 2016, in a Scottish sexual health clinic, while in an abusive relationship. Isolated and convinced she was the only person in Scotland living with the virus, she reached her lowest point before falling pregnant gave her a reason to leave. Motherhood brought fresh battles: she was denied a water birth because of her status, discouraged from breastfeeding, and, by 2023, discovered that Scotland's maternity guidelines for women living with HIV hadn't been updated since the early 1990s. Her research helped change them. Emma later met her partner, Paul, through a wild swimming group, and found in their mixed-status relationship the acceptance she'd feared she'd never get. Now a mental health nurse turned Senior Learning and Engagement Officer at Waverley Care, she delivers HIV-awareness training to health and social care staff, the same profession that once told her, wrongly, that HIV could be caught by sharing a toothbrush. The conversation closes with a moment of remembrance for the teenage HIV educator Krista Blake. Key Moments[00:01:43] Diagnosed with HIV in 2016, inside an abusive relationship[00:05:05] Googling the symptoms in the clinic waiting room, and the moment the penny dropped[00:12:22] Reaching a lowest point, and finding purpose in pregnancy[00:13:18] Denied a water birth because of her HIV status[00:17:51] Fighting outdated guidance to win delayed cord clamping for women living with HIV[00:24:07] Meeting her partner, Paul, through a wild swimming group[00:30:50] Told, wrongly, by a nursing lecturer that HIV could be caught by sharing a toothbrush[00:37:02] A moment of remembrance for teenage HIV educator Krista Blake[00:44:14] A postcard to her newly diagnosed self: "HIV can be your superpower" About Emma McAnallyEmma McAnally is a mental health nurse and HIV advocate from Scotland, diagnosed with HIV in 2016. She successfully campaigned to update outdated NHS guidelines on childbirth for women living with HIV, and now works as Senior Learning and Engagement Officer at Waverley Care, delivering HIV-awareness training to health and social care staff. She is a mother of two and lives with her partner, Paul. Resources & Further ReadingTerrence Higgins Trust – UK support and information for anyone living with or affected by HIV.National AIDS Trust – campaigning on HIV stigma, discrimination and the law.Waverley Care – Scotland's HIV and hepatitis C charity, and home of the HIV Informed training Emma now delivers.Prevention Access Campaign – the research behind Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U).In Memory of Krista Blake – background on the teenage HIV educator Emma remembers in this episode. If you've been affected by anything discussed in this episode, support is available through the Terrence Higgins Trust. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

For over a decade, Veda Lady was the most recognisable drag queen in Dublin. They talk to Dan Hall about a childhood spent dodging the word "AIDS", the partner who begged them not to tell, and the 2019 disclosure that led to Ireland's first podcast made by and for people living with HIV. SummaryVeda Lady has spent three decades as Dublin's reigning drag mother, but for a long stretch of that career they were keeping the biggest secret of their life. Growing up gay in 1970s and 80s Catholic Ireland, they were accused of having AIDS at twelve, years before they understood what it really meant. It was a fear that resurfaced when they received their own HIV diagnosis in the early 2000s. Veda describes the deal they made to stay silent, and then the 2019 disclosure timed to a new marriage and a song, "I Came Out One Night". Veda also traces the drag lineage behind their activism, from San Francisco's Trannyshack to Dublin's Alternative Miss Ireland, and explains how a lockdown drag show streamed from their kitchen grew into Poz Vibe, the podcast and social enterprise they now run with Doctor Robbie Lawlor for people living with HIV across Ireland. Timestamped Takeaways[12:06] Introducing Veda — three decades a fixture of queer Dublin, and the first podcast made for and by people living with HIV[16:48] A grey childhood in Catholic Ireland — bullied, and accused of having AIDS at twelve[21:26] Dropping out of Trinity College — for the door of a Dublin cabaret club[26:52] San Francisco, 1996 — a first night in drag at the club now known as T*Shack (its original name has since been retired), run by the late Heklina[33:21] Alternative Miss Ireland — drag family, chosen sisters, and a tribute to Thom McGinty, "The Diceman"[42:44] The double life — an HIV diagnosis, a frightened partner, and a promise to tell no one[45:34] Atripla, insomnia and anxiety — years spent blaming her mental health for the medication[51:16] Coming out in 2019 — "I Came Out One Night," the Irish charts, and the kitchen drag shows that became Poz Vibe Guest BioVeda Lady is a Dublin drag artist, broadcaster and HIV activist who has performed across Ireland for over three decades. Diagnosed with HIV in the early 2000s, they kept their status private until 2019, when they came out publicly and co-founded Poz Vibe Podcast and Poz Vibe Tribe with Doctor Robbie Lawlor — now one of Ireland's largest peer-led HIV communities, over 100 episodes deep. ResourcesIf you have been affected by the themes in this episode, support is available at Terrence Higgins Trust and HIV Ireland. LinksPoz Vibe PodcastHIV IrelandTerrence Higgins TrustNational AIDS TrustPrevention Access Campaign — U=UI Came Out One Night (SONG) This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

In 2015, Adrian Hyyriläinen-Trett became the first openly HIV-positive parliamentary candidate in UK history, standing for the Liberal Democrats in Vauxhall. This episode follows their 2004 diagnosis at Camden's Mortimer Market Centre through twelve years on AZT, a complex PTSD diagnosis, and a new life as president of the LGBT Powerlifting Union. SummaryAdrian Hyyriläinen-Trett was diagnosed with HIV on the 3rd of June 2004, at Camden's Mortimer Market Centre. Twenty-five and living in Beckton at the time, they made the journey home alone on the DLR, before waiting six months to tell their parents, on Boxing Day, that they were both gay and HIV positive. Eleven years on, standing as the Liberal Democrat candidate for Vauxhall, Adrian chose to go public about their status ahead of the 2015 general election, becoming the first openly HIV-positive parliamentary candidate in UK history. This conversation follows that journey through twelve years on AZT to a new single-tablet regimen, a 2016 mental health crisis that led to a diagnosis of complex PTSD, and an unlikely second act: powerlifting. Adrian is now president of the LGBT Powerlifting Union and competed at this summer's Gay Games in Valencia. The episode closes with reflections on the growing divide between the LGB and wider LGBTQ+ community, and a moment of remembrance for Dean Street's David Stewart, the friend who first got Adrian through the door of a therapist's office. Key Moments[00:02:24] Why the single-tablet switch: protecting kidneys and liver while staying undetectable[00:04:15] 3 June 2004: an HIV test at Mortimer Market Centre, Camden[00:05:12] "Absolutely nothing": the empty state of HIV education in 2004[00:08:13] A solo journey home on the DLR, processing a new HIV diagnosis alone[00:18:41] Coming out as gay and HIV positive to parents on Boxing Day 2004[00:22:20] Twelve years on AZT, drug resistance, and the road to today's regimen[00:28:17] The decision to become the UK's first openly HIV-positive parliamentary candidate[00:32:52] LGB versus LGBTQ+: the case against leaving trans and non-binary people behind[00:39:16] From a 2016 mental health crisis to president of the LGBT Powerlifting Union[00:44:46] A complex PTSD diagnosis, and a moment of remembrance for David Stewart About Adrian Hyyriläinen-TrettAdrian Hyyriläinen-Trett is a Liberal Democrat politician and HIV advocate who, in 2015, became the first openly HIV-positive parliamentary candidate in UK history, standing for Vauxhall. Diagnosed with HIV in 2004, they have advised the House of Lords, worked with over 400 organisations worldwide, and wrote the party's 2010 same-sex marriage motion. They are president of the LGBT Powerlifting Union, competed at this summer's Gay Games in Valencia, and are married. Resources & Further ReadingTerrence Higgins Trust – information, testing and THT Direct support for anyone living with or affected by HIV in the UK.National AIDS Trust – campaigning on HIV stigma, discrimination and the law.LGBT Powerlifting Union – the trans-inclusive powerlifting organisation Adrian now leads.Mind – support and information for anyone affected by the mental health themes discussed in this episode, including complex PTSD. If you've been affected by anything discussed in this episode, support is available through the Terrence Higgins Trust. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

An actor and activist who was diagnosed with HIV at 16, kept the secret for 15 years, turned it into a one-man show that earned 53 five-star reviews, and was cast in It's a Sin while still performing at the Edinburgh Fringe. SummaryNathaniel Hall grew up in Gatley, a suburb of Stockport. He was a straight-A student, head boy, and quietly realising he was gay in a school where Section 28 was still in force and the only mention of homosexuality in his entire education was a video of a man dying from AIDS in a PSHE lesson taught by his maths teacher. He wanted to wear a cream tuxedo to the prom. The hire shop didn't have one ready, so he sat on a bench in a park playing Snake on his phone. A man with bleach tips in his hair came and sat next to him. That summer fling - possibly grooming, a question he still works through in therapy - ended when Nathaniel's parents found out. On holiday in Menorca, in a 45-degree heatwave, he fell violently ill. It wasn't the water. It was seroconversion. Two weeks before his 17th birthday, he was taken down a long corridor at Stepping Hill Hospital to a room with two chairs and a box of tissues. The nurse told him his result before she'd even sat down. For 15 years, Nathaniel told almost nobody. He went to theatre school, graduated, worked as an actor, fell into a toxic relationship fuelled by drugs and alcohol, and watched himself lose all sense of who he was. The turning point came at a party when he looked in the mirror and couldn't recognise the person staring back - a slow-motion car crash he could see happening but couldn't stop. He started showing up for himself. He told a filmmaker he'd been working with, who said: let's make it. The result was First Time, a one-man show that premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2019 to 53 five-star reviews, two awards, and standing ovations every night. Russell T Davies saw it and cast him in It's a Sin. He got the phone call about the part while holding a five-star review from The Stage. But performing his own trauma had a shadow side - what he calls a shame hangover, the feeling after a show of having opened his soul a bit too much. His second show, Toxic, sat in the messiness of life rather than offering a neat ending. Audiences found it harder. Life isn't linear. His third show, A Whole, is about finding joy in anal sex after sexual trauma, and will premiere in Manchester in 2027. Key Moments[01:18] The kid from Stockport - head boy, straight As, Section 28, and the only queer representation at school: a man dying from AIDS on a TV in maths[03:47] The wallpaper of death - growing up absorbing the association between gay visibility and AIDS as so normalised it didn't even register as abnormal[06:31] The bench, the prom, and the cream tuxedo - waiting for a hire suit that hadn't arrived, playing Snake, and a man with bleach tips who sat down next to him[10:42] The question of grooming - something that comes up often in therapy, and the tension between wanting something and being too young for it[11:17] Menorca, 45 degrees, seroconversion - falling violently ill on holiday, presenting to a GP with his mother, and being told it was a waterborne virus[13:09] Two weeks before 17 - the long corridor at Stepping Hill, the box of tissues, and a nurse who delivered the result before she'd sat down[16:34] Shame entering the body - how discovering sexual pleasure and acquiring a virus at the same moment tainted everything that followed[17:35] Fifteen years of need-to-know - a long relationship that ended, the return to dating, and the fear of criminalisation that hung over every disclosure[18:30] The toxic relationship - drugs, alcohol, physical violence, and enabling each other on a downward spiral[22:30] The party and the mirror - the slow-motion car crash, losing all sense of self, and the decision to start giving a shit about himself[25:20] First Time - telling a filmmaker, getting a commission, 53 five-star reviews at Edinburgh, and the phone call about It's a Sin on the same day as a Stage review[26:57] The shame hangover - performing your own trauma night after night, the feeling of having opened too much, and falling back into drinking[30:01] It's a Sin and the limits of visibility - why visibility is not the same as acceptance, and the German footballer attacked in his home after a public proposal[33:50] Not another f*****g AIDS play - why Nathaniel's second show sat in the mess of living with HIV, and why audiences prefer a tidy ending[37:11] The great-uncle - a man who never married, lived in a council house, loved cricket, and left a surprising amount of money. Nathaniel is writing a novel that re-imagines his life as a gay man who lived in secret DedicationNathaniel remembers his great-uncle, a quietly spoken man who never married, loved cricket, and liked a glass of wine. Nathaniel is writing a novel that imagines the life he might have lived - and through him, all the men before decriminalisation who carried their shame in silence. About Nathaniel HallNathaniel Hall is an actor, writer, and HIV activist from Stockport. He was diagnosed with HIV at 16 in 2003. His one-man show First Time received 53 five-star reviews at the Edinburgh Fringe and led to his casting in It's a Sin. His second show, Toxic, explored the messier realities of living with HIV. His third, A Whole, about finding joy in anal sex after trauma, premieres in Manchester in 2027. He is currently writing his first novel. ResourcesNathaniel Hall - official siteGeorge House Trust - Manchester HIV supportTerrence Higgins TrustLGBT Foundation - ManchesterNational AIDS Trust If you have been affected by the themes in this episode, support is available at tht.org.uk. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

A leading HIV consultant who went from writing prescriptions to needing them in the summer of 2002 - and became the first person living with HIV to lead the British HIV Association. SummaryTristan Barber was born in Cornwall in 1975, took his A-levels at 16, and arrived in London in September 1992 as a gay man from a rural county where nobody was out. Medical school felt like a small homophobic village. London in the 90s did not. He went to clubs every night, nearly failed his studies from enjoying himself almost too much, and eventually landed his first job in sexual health and HIV at a busy East London clinic in 2002 - the year everything changed. Towards the end of that rotation, Tristan got sick. A ten-day viral illness in the middle of summer. His GP prescribed antibiotics and didn't ask anything else. Tristan went for an HIV test himself, struggled to find a clinic where he didn't know anyone working, and bumped into an old colleague in the waiting room who asked why he was there. The test was positive. He enrolled in a seroconverter trial at Imperial College - four drugs for three months - and became rapidly undetectable. Then the trial required him to stop treatment, his viral load rebounded, and a small depression set in. That was his summer of 2002. What followed was a career that took in research at Imperial, clinical trials recycling old drugs for people who had run out of options, an elective in San Francisco where HIV drugs were advertised on bus stops, and fieldwork in rural Nepal supporting doctors who were delivering HIV care with a manual and a telephone line. In 2018, he set up a dedicated HIV and ageing service at the Royal Free Hospital - the first of its kind - built around the idea that your birthday age and your HIV age are not the same thing. He became the first person living with HIV to chair the British HIV Association, led the campaign to allow people with HIV to donate sperm and eggs, and helped change Civil Aviation Authority rules so commercial pilots with HIV could fly. He is clear-eyed about the mixed messaging in HIV medicine: one pill once a day does not mean it's sorted. Key Moments[01:26] The summer of 2002 - starting a first job in HIV medicine at a busy East London clinic, and the ten-day illness that made him suspect something was wrong[03:23] Finding somewhere to test - the difficulty of getting an anonymous HIV test when you work in the field, and bumping into a colleague in the waiting room[04:18] The seroconverter trial - quadruple therapy at Imperial College, rapid undetectability, treatment interruption, viral rebound, and the deflation that followed[05:41] Shame and sex - why we can't shame people for having sex or for acquiring STIs, and the fact that most sexual activity globally is condomless[08:07] Cornwall to London - A-levels at 16, arriving in 1992, and the 90s gay scene: Love Muscle, Popstarz, and smoking in every pub[12:12] From Brighton to San Francisco - Martin Fisher as a leading light, HIV drugs advertised at bus stops in 1998, and a city still in shock[14:42] Coming back to HIV - leaving the field for A&E, thinking it was too obvious a career choice for a gay man, then realising it was the perfect fit[15:20] Two waves of optimism - 1996 and triple therapy, then the mid-2000s when drugs became well-tolerated and effective against resistant virus[19:14] Being your own field of expertise - the privilege and the complication of clinical literacy after diagnosis, and the newspaper articles his father left on the kitchen table[30:35] HIV and the ageing brain - Tristan's MD research into cognitive impairment, and the finding that most people on contemporary treatment do not have a direct HIV-related cognitive problem[32:59] HIV and ageing - the Royal Free service, the interplay of birthday age and HIV age, nursing homes where staff have never knowingly met a gay older person, and the 2025 HIV Action Plan's promise to address stigma in care settings[38:11] Mixed messaging - one pill a day doesn't mean it's sorted, and why even HIV professionals can minimise the lived experience of a lifelong condition[41:06] Law catching up with science - changing rules on sperm donation, commercial pilots, and the armed forces, and why criminalising HIV transmission perpetuates stigma[44:15] Nepal - two months in far western clinics, supporting doctors delivering HIV care in rural isolation DedicationTristan remembers a young heterosexual patient who never fitted the model of HIV care, who couldn't take oral antiretroviral therapy because of the weight of her own self-stigma, and who once surprised his ward round team by jumping out of a cupboard in fancy dress. She lost her life to HIV. About Dr Tristan BarberDr Tristan Barber is a consultant in sexual health and HIV at the Royal Free Hospital, London, where he runs a dedicated HIV and ageing service. He is the first person living with HIV to chair the British HIV Association. His MD research focused on HIV-associated neurocognitive impairment. He led successful campaigns to allow people with HIV to donate sperm and eggs and to permit commercial pilots with HIV to fly. ResourcesBritish HIV Association (BHIVA)National AIDS TrustTerrence Higgins TrustThe 2025–2030 UK HIV Action Plan If you have been affected by the themes in this episode, support is available at tht.org.uk. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

A Black British-Caribbean woman diagnosed with HIV at 37 who told nobody for ten years - not her children, not her colleagues, not a single friend - and found her way back to her own body through yoga and Buddhism. SummaryLouise Vallace grew up as one of the only Black children in a white Essex school, putting a tea towel on her head to pretend she had long flowing hair like the other girls. Her parents came from St Lucia during the Windrush era and were met with signs in windows: No Dogs, No Irish, No Blacks. Louise moved through school, the Caribbean, East London, and eventually into a senior career in local government - company cars, corporate cards, a visit from Tony Blair for a project she'd designed. On the surface, she'd made it. In 2006, aged 37, divorced, with three children, she went for her first ever sexual health test. She'd been sterilised and didn't think she needed one. The nurse told her everything came back negative apart from one result. Louise went home, checked her will, and put a smile on her face when the children came back from school. The next day she rang her critical illness insurance. They didn't cover HIV. For the next ten years, Louise told nobody. She was the only Black woman around the boardroom table at work, the only Black woman she could find in HIV community spaces, and now she was carrying a secret that intersected with every form of otherness she'd already spent a lifetime navigating. She took on what she calls masculine energy - became one of the boys - so she wouldn't have to tap into the femininity that nobody would hold. She dissociated from her body entirely. When someone later asked her where she felt sadness in her body, she didn't know. The telling began with a journal. She wrote that she had something she needed to say to her children and couldn't find the words, and the tears fell onto the page. Her daughter flung her arms around her and said, why didn't you tell me? Her sons said, it's not that deep, Mum. She found yoga, Buddhism, and the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh, and slowly learned to come home to her own body - dodgy knees, jittery hip, and all. Key Moments[02:05] Essex, the tea towel, and being the only Black children - growing up visibly different, and parents who'd crossed an ocean only to find signs that said No Blacks[05:01] St Lucia to London - her mother arriving in a cotton dress to a city full of smoke and buildings, and the four years the family spent back in the Caribbean[07:33] Career and corporate cards - the senior role, the Blondie records, the respect campaign that brought Tony Blair to Newham, and the colleague who resented her for it[08:28] The first sexual health test at 37 - never having been tested, not thinking she needed to, and the moment the nurse said everything was negative apart from one[11:05] Death sentence - all she knew was that gay men got HIV and it had nothing to do with her. She checked her will that evening[12:50] The insurance call - ringing a critical illness policy she'd paid into for years, and being told they don't cover HIV[14:17] Ten years of silence - three children, a career, school governorship, and a secret she feared would destroy all of it if it surfaced[15:19] Dissociation - the complete detachment from her body, the masculine armour, and the question nobody could answer: where do you feel it?[17:39] Dating with a secret - the impossible opening line, and borrowing Jonathan Blake's observation: nobody leads with "I've got this killer virus coursing through my veins"[18:26] The journal and the children - tears falling onto the page, a daughter's arms, and two sons who said it's not that deep[20:28] Hyde Park and turning the script - telling a man on a first date she was living with HIV, then asking if he'd ever been tested. They married five years later[26:27] The absence of Caribbean women - not seeing herself in HIV spaces, and why shame in small island communities keeps Black British-Caribbean women invisible[31:23] Yoga, Buddhism, and coming home - learning to feel her body again through Thich Nhat Hanh, mindfulness, and the slow adventure of gratitude for a dodgy knee DedicationLouise remembers Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist monk whose podcasts she listened to on the way to work during her darkest days. She felt like he took her hand and helped her float to the surface. About Louise VallaceLouise Vallace is a Black British-Caribbean woman who was diagnosed with HIV in 2006 at the age of 37. She carried the diagnosis in silence for ten years. She is the host of the podcast Aunty Lou's House, a qualified yoga therapist, and an advocate for greater visibility of Caribbean women living with HIV in the UK. ResourcesAunty Lou's House - Louise's podcastTerrence Higgins TrustPositively UKNational AIDS TrustThe 2025–2030 UK HIV Action Plan If you have been affected by the themes in this episode, support is available at tht.org.uk. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

A Nigerian-born Anglican priest who spent years praying the gay away, married a woman under church pressure, came out in 1994, was diagnosed with HIV in 2003, and founded the first inclusive church in Nigeria - now operating across 22 countries. SummaryJide Macaulay grew up in Nigeria, the son of a powerful conservative theologian. His father was not available emotionally and would later support a Nigerian bill that could imprison his own son for 14 years simply for being gay. He called Jide a disgrace. But before any of that, Jide tried to fix himself. He fasted for 40 days, pleading with God to remove his same-sex feelings. When a woman said yes to a relationship, he believed the prayer had worked. It hadn't. The feelings never disappeared. After four years of pressure from church leaders and family, they married. Three years in, Jide sat his wife down and told her the truth. The marriage became acrimonious. He came out as gay in 1994. Eight years later, in January 2003, Jide tested positive for HIV. He got it through sex, and he says so directly. The first person he called to share the news cast him out and called him a slut. But before sunset that same day, he called someone else - a friend who drove straight to his house, packed him a bag, ran him a bath, and left the bedroom door open through the night to keep watch. For six years after his diagnosis, Jide travelled the journey with only his medical team and one other person. It took him 15 years to speak about it publicly. In 2006, Jide founded the House of Rainbow in the heart of Lagos - Nigeria's first inclusive Christian ministry for LGBTQ people. It now operates across 22 countries, supporting people seeking asylum, survivors of trafficking, and people living with HIV. He also served as chaplain at the Mildmay Hospital in London, walking the wards of the institution Princess Diana made famous by holding the hands of people with AIDS. Key Moments[02:49] A happy, holy homosexual - how Jide introduces himself, along with Mama Jide, a name connected to his maternal spirit[02:56] The McCauley legacy - growing up as the son of a conservative Nigerian theologian who was emotionally unavailable and would later support anti-gay legislation[04:06] The Bible as weapon - how scripture is selectively applied, and why Jide grounds his theology in Psalm 139: "We are fearfully and wonderfully made"[08:39] Praying the gay away - 40 days of fasting, a girlfriend mistaken for a cure, and a marriage built on church pressure rather than truth[10:53] Coming out in 1994 - telling his wife, the collapse of the marriage, and the acrimony that followed[14:58] Diagnosed in January 2003 - an HIV diagnosis eight years after coming out, the question of whether it was God's punishment, and the decision that it was not[16:31] Six years of solitude - travelling the journey with almost no one, and why Jide insists nobody should be rushed into sharing their status[19:42] Two phone calls on the same day - the friend who called him a slut, and the one who drove over, ran a bath, and left the door open all night[22:36] The Bible and stigma - why scripture specifically commands compassion for the sick, and the Princess Diana moment at Mildmay as a biblical image[25:46] House of Rainbow - founded in Lagos in 2006, now in 22 countries, supporting LGBTQ Christians, asylum seekers, trafficking survivors, and people living with HIV[31:40] Speaking directly to someone falling apart - Jide's message that HIV is not a punishment for queerness, and that the sacredness of sharing who you are is never an abomination DedicationJide remembers Reverend Upazila, the first priest in Africa to publicly declare her HIV status, whom he met at a conference in Stellenbosch in 2009. She died during the Covid pandemic in 2020. About Reverend Jide MacaulayReverend Jide Macaulay is a Nigerian-born Anglican priest and the founder of the House of Rainbow, Nigeria's first inclusive LGBTQ Christian ministry, now operating in 22 countries. He served as chaplain at the Mildmay Hospital in London and has been living with HIV since 2003. He describes himself as a happy, holy homosexual. ResourcesHouse of RainbowMildmay HospitalTerrence Higgins TrustPositive EastNational AIDS Trust If you have been affected by the themes in this episode, support is available at tht.org.uk. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

CLICK HERE TO SUPPORT ISMAIL'S WORK Ismail Harerimana was fourteen before anyone told him what was making him sick. He grew up in the hills of Kisoro in southwest Uganda, was diagnosed with HIV after a routine eye infection, and spent years hiding his antiretrovirals in a tin of sugar so nobody at school would know. He was saved and rebuilt by Saturday support groups run through the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation. What follows is a story of two school expulsions, a caning for missing class to collect medication, a newspaper confession that turned him into an advocate, a husband and a father. The episode closes on harder ground: the aftermath of the 2025 USAID and PEPFAR cuts, and the subsequent death of a child in Ismail's care. His testimony is in direct contradiction to statements made by Elon Musk and Marco Rubio. Key Moments[00:01:03] Growing up in Kisoro, on Uganda's border with Rwanda and the DRC[00:04:39] Years of unexplained illness, isolation and undiagnosed HIV in childhood[00:08:34] Diagnosed at fourteen after an eye infection testing drive — and not told the truth[00:11:14] Learning the truth about his HIV status at sixteen, through the Ariel Clubs peer support network[00:17:02] Hiding antiretrovirals in a tin of sugar, and being caned for missing school to collect medication[00:20:14] Expelled from two schools after his status was disclosed without his consent[00:26:06] Marriage, fatherhood, and managing HIV transmission risk with an HIV-negative wife[00:31:03] The 2025 USAID funding cuts and their effect on Uganda's HIV clinics[00:37:32] A moment of remembrance for a child in his care who died after the cuts Guest BioIsmail Harerimana is a Ugandan community health advocate and former Ariel Clubs ambassador for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation. Diagnosed with HIV at fourteen, he has spent over a decade supporting children and families affected by HIV across southwestern Uganda, working as a peer educator at Kabale Regional Referral Hospital until USAID and PEPFAR funding cuts halted the programme. Resources & Further ReadingTerrence Higgins Trust – UK support and information for people living with HIVNational AIDS Trust – HIV policy, stigma and rights in the UKaidsmap – independent HIV news and treatment informationElizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation – the organisation behind the Ariel Clubs peer support network mentioned in this episodePrevention Access Campaign (U=U) – on Undetectable equals Untransmittable If you have been affected by the themes in this episode, support is available at the links above. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

A man who survived a hijacked plane at 11, spent years numbing himself with drugs and chemsex, was diagnosed with HIV on a comedown in January 2020, and found clarity four years later on a single dose of LSD taken to treat a pain condition. SummaryHamish Noah was ten days old when he left England for the Philippines. By six, he'd lived in five countries. By nine, he was in Malawi, sobbing in a supermarket in Blantyre because he couldn't understand why children outside had no food while his family filled a trolley. By 11, he was visiting an HIV project in one of Africa's largest informal settlements, surrounded by children living with the virus - with no idea how much that scene would come to define his adult life. On 29 December 2000, aged 11, Hamish was on British Airways flight 2069 from London to Nairobi when a man with severe mental illness entered the cockpit and tried to crash the 747. The plane dived towards the ground and nearly flipped. The co-pilot pulled off what became known as a miracle manoeuvre. Four hundred people survived. Hamish was offered therapy. He didn't really understand what it was. What he did understand, somewhere below the surface, was that he had been about to die - and that changed the way he moved through the world. By 13, he was smoking weed daily and shoplifting to fund it. By his late twenties, he was deep into chemsex, losing one or two nights of sleep a week, and running on a mantra left over from the hijacking: it's not that bad. On New Year's Eve 2019, he had a bender. On 6 January 2020, he went to a clinic. On the 8th, the phone call came. He was standing in his bedroom. Time stopped. For four years, he told almost nobody. He experienced stigma from people close to him - rooted, he says, in cultural conditioning from the conservative African side of his family. He hadn't yet accepted himself as bisexual. He was withdrawing from drugs, starting HIV treatment on four pills a day, and going through it all in near-silence. Then, in early 2024, during a bout of cluster headaches - a condition so painful it's nicknamed the suicide headache - he took LSD for medicinal purposes. Alone in his living room, he had an epiphany of total clarity: of course he was going to share his story. He wrote 90% of his public disclosure post that day. He hasn't touched LSD since. Today Hamish works as a recovery coach and HIV advocate. The DJ decks are on pause. The music, he says, will rejoin the party at some point. Key Moments[01:03] Born in Cambridge, raised everywhere - the Philippines, Singapore, England, Malawi, and a childhood shaped by constant movement and a father in aviation[03:22] British Airways flight 2069 - a hijacking at 35,000 feet on 29 December 2000, a 747 that nearly flipped, a miracle manoeuvre, and an 11-year-old whose mantra became "it's not that bad"[07:36] Vinyl at 13, weed at 13, daily by 14 - the beginning of numbing, and why Hamish sees no point in regret[10:36] When numbing stops being fun - recognising early that the drugs weren't for enjoyment, and the argument that sometimes numbing is better than the alternative[13:28] Sex as a holiday from your life - chemsex, connection, and the complication of genuinely bonding with someone while high[16:18] New Year's Eve 2019 - a bender, a clinic visit on the 6th of January, and the phone call on the 8th that stopped time[19:15] The Terrence Higgins Trust helpline - a lifeline in the early weeks, and the peer supporter Hamish is still in touch with today[20:14] Four years of near-silence - stigma from people close to him, a bisexuality he hadn't yet accepted, and the weight of cultural conditioning from a conservative background[24:15] Acute trauma and complex trauma - the difference between a single event and the slow accumulation of being silenced, and why the body stores what the mind tries to forget[26:05] Racism, a cricket bat, and intergenerational trauma - watching his Black African mother be racially abused, and the understanding that trauma is passed down through generations[34:48] Cluster headaches, LSD, and the epiphany - a pain condition so severe it's nicknamed the suicide headache, psychedelics taken for medicinal purposes, and the moment of total clarity in a living room that led to public disclosure[40:30] The pushback and the net benefit - stigma from extended family, judgey messages, and the decision that silence helps nobody[45:31] Malawi, gratitude, and the supermarket in Blantyre - a nine-year-old in tears, a visit to an HIV project in a Kenyan slum at 11, and the sense of duty that connects everything DedicationHamish remembers Hydeia Broadbent, a young American woman born with HIV who appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show as a child and spoke about the virus with extraordinary eloquence. She died recently. Hamish does not know anyone personally who has died of AIDS-related illness, and is grateful for the era in which he was diagnosed. About Hamish NoahHamish Noah was born in Cambridge and grew up across Southeast Asia, Africa, and the UK. He was diagnosed with HIV in January 2020. He is a recovery coach, HIV advocate, and DJ. He is 37 years old. ResourcesTerrence Higgins Trust - including the helplineNational AIDS TrustChemsex supportPositively UKThe 2025–2030 UK HIV Action Plan If you have been affected by the themes in this episode, support is available at tht.org.uk. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

A Ugandan-born woman diagnosed with HIV in 1988 who went back to Africa to die, arrived in the UK with a CD4 count of one, and built a career spanning 20 countries in African health policy. SummaryWinnie Sseruma left Uganda on a scholarship to study sociology in Kansas in 1981. The students there asked her if she lived in a tree. By 1988, she was 27, back in the United States, and applying for an internship that required an HIV test. It came back positive. She told her partner, who blamed her, ghosted her, then called back weeks later to say his own test was negative. After that, Winnie stopped telling anyone. She sat through conversations where friends described how they'd treat an HIV-positive person - never eat in their house, never share a bathroom, never be friends - and said nothing. She was offered AZT, which she couldn't afford. The side effects turned her skin from shiny black to ashy. Between 1990 and 1993, her brother, her mother, and her father all died while she was trapped in the US. In 1994, she packed six months' worth of medication and flew to Uganda to die. When the pills ran out, she got TB, pneumonia, and diarrhoea. She nearly died, but a short trip to the UK saved her. At Newham General Hospital, her CD4 count was one. A Ugandan woman she'd met only briefly invited her to a place to socialise. It was a support group for people living with HIV. Winnie could see herself in the women there. She went from preparing to die to learning how treatment works - and it was, in her word, invigorating. She co-founded the African HIV Policy Network, chaired it from Parliament, co-wrote Our Stories Told by Us, and now monitors health programmes across 20 African countries for the Stephen Lewis Foundation. Key Moments[02:05] Kansas, 1981 - a scholarship, a culture shock, and students who thought Ugandans lived in trees[07:05] The positive result - an internship test in 1988, a death sentence at 27, and a life flashing before her eyes[08:58] Telling a partner - blame, rejection, being ghosted, and the lesson that disclosure was not safe[11:49] Conversations she sat through - friends describing how they'd never eat in the house of someone with HIV, while Winnie stayed silent beside them[12:37] AZT and its costs - paying for medication with no insurance, vomiting the pills back up, and a treatment that changed her skin colour[17:02] Four deaths in four years - a brother in 1991, a mother in 1990, a father in 1993, all from Uganda while Winnie couldn't leave the US[17:52] Going back to Uganda to die - six months of medication, then TB, pneumonia, and a CD4 count of one at Newham General Hospital[21:33] The Ugandan woman and the support group - an invitation framed as socialising, a room full of women telling their stories, and the moment Winnie stopped being alone[26:07] The African HIV Policy Network and Fed Up - supporting African women with HIV to engage with policy, and fighting a UK Department of Health that treated an entire continent as one community[39:54] Our Stories Told by Us - a book co-written with four friends to change the narrative about African communities and the UK HIV response[42:41] Remembering her brother - a gentle giant who died of HIV-related TB in 1991 at 27, the same age Winnie was when she was diagnosed DedicationWinnie remembers her brother, who died of HIV-related TB in 1991 at the age of 27 - the same age she was at diagnosis. She wants him to know he was loved. About Winnie SserumaWinnie Sseruma was born in Sheffield and raised in Uganda. She was diagnosed with HIV in 1988 in the United States. She co-founded the African HIV Policy Network, chaired it from Parliament, and co-wrote Our Stories Told by Us: Celebrating the African Contribution to the UK HIV Response. She works across 20 African countries monitoring health programmes for the Stephen Lewis Foundation. ResourcesBuy Our Stories Told By Us, the bookStephen Lewis FoundationNational AIDS TrustTerrence Higgins TrustPositively UKThe 2025–2030 UK HIV Action Plan If you have been affected by the themes in this episode, support is available at tht.org.uk. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Available now on Spotify and Apple Music.Apple Music / Spotify Profits from sales will go towards plugging the remaining £1k costs incurred in producing the #AIDS2026 specials, 'Rio Calling'. 'Rio Calling' crowd-funder: https://hiv-the-morning-after.captivate.fm/rethinkrebuildrise LYRICS:[Verse 1]They came to Rio, sun and rain, the world arrived to talk again, with rights and science, hand in hand, and here Brazil, she took a stand. [Pre-Chorus]The funding's running dry, and pharma's flying high, they warned us: cuts bring death we answer with one breath: [Chorus]So rethink, rebuild and rise, raise the science to the skies, no access, that's no justice so open up your eyes. [Verse 2]They spoke of jabs beyond the pill, long-acting shots to fit the bill, so bNAbs — is it hope or hype? The cure's still climbing up the pipe. [Pre-Chorus]The funding's running dry, and pharma's flying high, they warned us: cuts bring death we answer with one breath: [Chorus]So rethink, rebuild and rise, raise the science to the skies, no access, that's no justice so open up your eyes. [Toast / Bridge]Now — U equals U, so hear me shout: undetectable, don't stress out! PrEP inna motion, long-acting too, communities leading - that's nothing new! Criminalised, but still we rise, harm reduction, open your eyes! From testing to treatment we hold the line rethink, rebuild, one more time! [Verse 3]We're ageing now, we're living long, they wrote a session, wrote this song, "live long, live strong," the doctors said, now mind your liver, heart and head. [Chorus]So rethink, rebuild and rise, raise the science to the skies, no access, that's no justice so open up your eyes. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Featuring: Dr Tristan Barber (BHIVA), Kene Esom (HIV policy & human rights), Dr Laura Waters (HIV/sexual health medicine), Simon Collins (HIV treatment advocacy), Eliane Becks Nininahazwe (HIV activism & arts), Pank Sethi (HIV advocacy & photography), Sita Shahi (HIV advocacy — women), Brenda Crabtree-Ramírez (HIV research & medicine), Maxx Boykin (HIV policy & organising), Olimbi Hoxhaj (HIV advocacy), Knowledge Mupembe (harm reduction & HIV), Antonio Flores (HIV/TB medicine — MSF), Davide Scalenghe (global health communications), Christabel Millar (HIV community advocacy), Damien Fagan (pharmaceuticals — Gilead), Michael (gay & bisexual network — Tanzania), Andrea Carolina (HIV & pharmacy access — Colombia), Derrick Mapp (HIV), Derrick Powell (HIV retention navigation), Joan Steven (HIV community facilitation), Sarah (HIV advocacy — women), Jonathan Blake, Eli Fitzgerald, Garry Brough, Peter Willis. CROWDFUNDER LINK The series closes on the cost that rarely finds its way into official reports. Dan Hall and dan glass end their week in Rio asking what's been lost as HIV's physical spaces have gone digital or disappeared, with Dr Tristan Barber of BHIVA closing the series with a clinical perspective on what peer support still can't be replaced by. Archive testimony comes from Jonathan Blake, diagnosed in October 1982 among the first in Britain, on standing in the darkest corner of the room; Eli Fitzgerald, a trans man born with HIV who works in peer support for young people, on chosen family and being loved because of his status, not in spite of it; Garry Brough, diagnosed in 1991 and now a builder of peer support programmes across the sector, on twenty years of sitting opposite the newly diagnosed; and Peter Willis, a retired GP and at eighty-three the oldest voice in the archive, on stigma and isolation among older people living with HIV. Links BHIVAHIV i-BaseAIDS 2026, the 26th International AIDS ConferencePositively UK, peer-led support, advocacy and informationTerrence Higgins Trust Extra Special Thanks Anonymous, Careen Hertzog, Peter Staley, Philippe Cahill, Simon Collins, Soleta Rogan, Tom McKitterick Thanks Adam Price, Alix Fox, Apostolos James Vogiatzis, Bryn Gay, Emma20Cole, Garry Brough, Moray Laing, Ross Fletcher, Sarah Schulman, Siobhán Allison This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp