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ONE YEAR, Y'ALL!!🎉 365 days ago, I sat down in front of a microphone, said "what's up guys" for the very first time, and had absolutely no idea if anyone would ever listen. And here we are — one year, 32 episodes, and 7,000 downloads later — and I am still completely floored that this podcast exists, and that you are here💜 To celebrate, I brought back one of TAC's all-time favorite guests — our very first lived experience guest and my favorite Dismissive Avoidant turned Fearful Avoidant (iykyk), Brent Stokes — to co-host the most fun episode we've ever done!🥂 We're playing "The Attachment Style Most Likely To..." — going through some of the most searched, most debated, and most relatable attachment behaviors, backing each one up with science, and sharing our own lived experiences along the way. Two healing FAs walk into a podcast studio... you're going to want to hear how this one goes😂 Find out which attachment style is most likely to... 🚩 Ghost you after a great first date 📱 Send the 3am "you up?" text 🔍 Stalk their ex's Instagram at midnight ❄️ Need 3 days of silence after a conflict 🏃 Move on suspiciously fast after a breakup 💣 Blow up a perfectly good relationship for no apparent reason 😤 Bring up something from 4 years ago during an argument 🎭 Become a completely different person for each new partner 🔥 Cheat — (this one's a debate, y'all) 💔 Stay in a relationship way longer than they should 💪 Actually do the healing work 🏆 Become Secure AF Each one is backed by attachment science — and we are not holding back on the personal confessions😅 Thank you from the absolute bottom of my heart for one year of showing up, listening, sharing, reviewing, and DMing me your attachment healing stories. This podcast exists because of you. Here's to year two — let's freaking go, y'all✨ 💜 Free resource: Grab the Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions or email [email protected] ❤️ Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs at doctorsarahhensley.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. 🎓 Wanna heal your attachment together? I just obtained my Integrated Attachment Theory Certification through Thais Gibson's Personal Development School — and I'd be so honored to work with you! DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions or email me at [email protected]   Listen to previous episodes with Brent: Inside the Dismissive Avoidant Childhood: Brent's Real DA Lived Experience [Part 1] — Episode 11 Inside the Dismissive Avoidant Relationship: Brent's Real DA Lived Experience [Part 2] — Episode 12 Your Attachment Questions Answered: Listener Q&Q — Episode 23 New to The Attachment Confessions? Start here: Attachment Theory Explained: The Beginner's Guide to All 4 Styles — Episode 1 Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied — Episode 19 Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant — Episode 20 Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant — Episode 21 Secure Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Born & Raised Secures — Episode 22 See you in season 2, Confessions Fam!!😘   6sxlEeKCGgTU7YH8NXAb

"I became a prisoner in a golden cage — and I wasn't even aware that I was helping to build it."💔 Those are Mia Hanks' words. And if they just stopped you cold — this episode is for you. Mia J. Hanks spent nearly 30 years married to a covert narcissist. Not the loud, obvious kind — the kind that operates in the shadows. The kind that makes you question your own reality, your own worth, your own sanity — quietly, methodically, and for decades. And then one day, she got out. And then, she wrote about it. Her Gold Literary Titan Award-winning memoir Bride-Made is a first-hand account of what day-to-day life with a narcissistic spouse actually looks like — and her follow-up memoir I've Made Plans: A Memoir of Rebuilding picks up exactly where that story ends. This conversation is one of the most powerful we've ever had on The Attachment Confessions💜 What we cover in this episode: What covert narcissism actually is — and why it's so much harder to identify than the more obvious kind What 29 years of narcissistic abuse actually looked like from the inside — day to day, year to year How a covert narcissist makes their partner feel like they are the problem — and how long it took Mia to realize the story she'd been made to believe about herself all those years wasn't actually true The gaslighting, the manipulation, and the slow erosion of self that happens What finally broke through — and what leaving actually looked like How Mia rebuilt her identity, her self-trust and her life after 29 years of abuse Why she wrote Bride-Made — and who she wrote it for The meaning behind the title and what it says about how covert narcissists operate Her message to anyone who is in this right now and feels like there's no way out Mia's story is not just about survival. It's about what's possible on the other side. And her words — raw, honest, and hard-won — are going to reach someone today who desperately needs to hear them💜 "What I had failed to realize during our courtship was that it had all been glamour, smoke and mirrors. I had not been courted. I had been acquired." — Mia J. Hanks About Mia J. Hanks: Mia J. Hanks is a survivor of narcissistic abuse and the author of two memoirs — Bride-Made (Gold Literary Titan Award winner) and I've Made Plans: A Memoir of Rebuilding. She is committed to raising awareness about covert narcissism and supporting other survivors, reminding them that they are not alone — and that their story doesn't end with their escape.   📘 Buy Bride-Made on Amazon 📙 Buy I've Made Plans: A Memoir of Rebuilding on Amazon 🌐 Learn more about Mia's work: miajhanks.com   📸 Instagram: @npd.andme 💜 Ready to heal your attachment? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs at doctorsarahhensley.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. 🆘 If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse: National Domestic Violence Hotline — 1-800-799-7233 (available 24/7)   Related episodes: Attachment vs Narcissism: How to Tell the Difference — and Why It Matters for Your Healing Narcissist & Codependent Relationships: The Toxic Dynamic Explained Through an Attachment Lens Love Bombing 101: How to Spot It, Why We Fall for It, and How to Get Out Dating Red Flags & Deception: How to Spot Them Early & Protect Your Heart (Feat. Cray App Founder Justin Smith) Boundaries & Anxious Attachment: The True Cost of Having Zero Boundaries — And How to Finally Make Them Stick

What happens when the person who helps everyone else heal finally has to look in the mirror?💜 Caasi O'Day is a licensed clinical social worker and therapist, but not the kind you're probably picturing. She grew up as the "difficult" kid, the lost cause, the one clinicians whispered about in the hallways. At 15, she was shipped across the country to live with her godparents. Somewhere in the middle of all that rage and rebellion, she decided: These therapists have no idea what they're doing. So, I'm going to become one. Twenty years later, Caasi is the therapist other therapists won't be – working with the clients everyone else has given up on, showing up fully human, and calling out the therapy industrial complex for failing the people who need it most. And... she's a Fearful Avoidant. Who didn't fully see it until she did. This conversation is one of the most raw, honest, and genuinely eye-opening episodes we've ever had on The Attachment Confessions. Because here's the thing: knowing all the theory doesn't make you immune to your own blind spots. Not even close👀 What we cover in this episode: Caasi's origin story – growing up as the "problem kid" and how that shaped who she became as a therapist The moment she realized attachment theory wasn't just something she was teaching clients. It was her own story. How her Fearful Avoidant attachment formed in childhood and what she found when she finally traced it back The blind spots that showed up in her own relationships DESPITE 20 years of clinical knowledge Whether understanding attachment intellectually can actually become its own defense mechanism (this one is a conversation stopper, y'all) What her own FA healing journey looks like in practice – from someone who knows exactly what it takes Her message to anyone who feels like they've tried everything and nothing is working Caasi tells the truth in a way that makes you feel genuinely seen. This episode is proof that healing isn't about how much you know — it's about being brave enough to apply it to yourself🙌   ❤️ Ready to start your own healing journey? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at doctorsarahhensley.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.   💜 Free resource: Grab the Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions or email [email protected]   🦊CONGRATS to our CRAY APP SWAG WINNERS from our last episode!!🦊 @mikaela_iob @jb_marquez @haylee.stokes   About Caasi O'Day, LCSW: Caasi specializes in the populations everyone else avoids — active drug users, sex workers, clients with chronic suicidal ideation, and those who've been rejected by provider after provider. She became a therapist because she survived what kills some people. And she helps others survive it too — not by being a distant, detached expert, but by showing up as someone who's been in the fire and knows the way out. Connect with Caasi: polarizedparts.com Related episodes: My Fearful Avoidant Origin Story: How Tracing Back My Attachment Finally Made Sense of My Relationships Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant Insecure Attachment Patterns: How to Stop Repeating Them & Actually Take Accountability (yes, even the hard stuff)

This episode is for every single person who has ever looked back on a relationship and thought – "The signs were there... why didn't I see them?"😩 Justin Smith spent years in a marriage with someone he thought he knew completely. When the truth finally surfaced, it wasn't just painful – it was the kind of disorienting, trust-shattering experience that makes you question your own judgment entirely. So instead of staying in that place, he built something — Cray — a dating safety app designed to help people spot red flags, detect deception, and verify who they're actually dealing with before they put their heart on the line. This episode is personal, practical and hits incredibly close to home for anyone healing from betrayal❤️‍🩹 What we cover in this episode: Justin's personal story: The relationship that changed everything and the deception that took years to surface Why he went looking for red flag detection tools, found almost nothing useful, and decided to build one himself What Cray's tagline "vibes lie, patterns don't" means — and why it's the most important dating mindset shift you can make A breakdown of Cray's five reports – CrayScore™, SchemerScore™, BaeScore™, CatfishCheck, and OffenderCheck – what each one does and when to use them The most common red flags people miss in early dating (and why we're so prone to explaining them away) How insecure attachment styles make us especially vulnerable to missing warning signs (this one hits, y'all) Why using a tool like Cray isn't paranoia — it's self-protection How to use Cray as part of re-entering the dating world after a toxic or deceptive relationship Justin built the tool he wishes he'd had. And honestly? So do I. "Informed trust is stronger trust. Knowing who someone really is before you give them your heart isn't paranoia — it's the smartest thing you can do for yourself." — Justin Smith 🚩 Try Cray free: Run your first report at cray.app — available on iOS, Android, and the web.    🦊WIN FREE CRAY SWAG! Here's how to get in the mix: 1. Go to Instagram 2. Follow @theattachmentconfessions and @cray.app 3. "Like" this episode's post 4. Tag 3 friends in the comments 5. 3 winners will be chosen at random and announced on the next Attachment Confessions episode! 💜 Free resource: Grab the Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions or email [email protected]   ❤️ Ready to heal your insecure attachment? Listeners get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.   About Justin Smith: Justin Smith is the Founder & CEO of Cray — a dating safety app that helps people identify red flags, detect manipulation and deception, and verify who they're actually meeting before the first date. Cray has been featured in Yahoo Finance, Morningstar, Global Dating Insights, and The AI Journal. Related episodes: My Attachment Red Flags: The Fearful Avoidant Patterns I Ignored for Years (and finally owned up to) Love Bombing 101: How to Spot It, Why We Fall for It, and How to Get Out Attachment vs. Narcissism: How to Tell the Difference — and Why It Matters for Your Healing

Y'all – "communication issues" might be the most common complaint in relationships. But here's what most people don't realize: you can't fix your communication until you fix your emotional safety💜 This week I'm joined by Kameran Al-Areqi — Gottman Certified Marriage Coach, straight-shooter, and one of the most practically brilliant guests we've had on TAC. Kam is breaking down exactly why so many couples struggle to communicate, how attachment science sits at the root of all of it, and the concrete tools to finally create the emotional safety your relationship needs to thrive. What we cover in this episode: Why "communication issues" are almost never really about communication — and what's actually going on underneath What emotional safety is and why it's the foundation every relationship lives or dies on How emotional safety (or the lack of it) forms in childhood — and how it shows up in your adult relationships The A.R.E. acronym — a game-changing framework for understanding what your partner actually needs from you Why 90% of conversations end the way they start — and what that means for how you approach conflict How to de-escalate in the middle of conflict and stop the retaliation cycle Real examples of emotionally safe vs. emotionally unsafe communication What happens when one partner is doing the healing work and the other is resistant How to become a safe emotional landing place for your partner — and why it changes everything This one is practical, punchy, and packed with insights you can actually use – and Kameran doesn't hold back🙌 Also in this episode: I share exciting news about going back to school to obtain my Integrated Attachment Theory Certification through Thais Gibson's Personal Development School!! Stay tuned for more on that! 💜 Free resource: Grab the Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — your roadmap for talking through attachment, needs, and triggers with your partner. DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions or email [email protected]   About Kameran Al-Areqi: Kameran is a Gottman Certified Marriage Coach with a straight-shooting, no-nonsense approach to helping couples build the relationships they actually want. Her practical insights on emotional safety and communication are grounded in Gottman Method research — one of the most evidence-based frameworks in relationship science. Check out Kameran here: Instagram: @married.and.connected YouTube: www.youtube.com/@marriedandconnected Join Kam's Skool Community: https://www.skool.com/married-connected-4920/about Buy Kam's book – Connected to Me: The Blueprint: https://a.co/d/0a3d2hPx Kam's podcast: Married and Connected (find it anywhere you get your favorite podcasts) Substack: https://substack.com/@marriedandconnected Related episodes: Conflict in Relationships: How Securely Attached Couples Fight Differently (and what we can steal from them) Boundaries & Anxious Attachment: The True Cost of Having Zero Boundaries – And How to Finally Make Them Stick FA & DA Relationship: Why the Fearful Avoidant / Dismissive Avoidant Dynamic Hurts the Most (and how to make it work)

Here's something nobody in the modern dating conversation wants to say out loud: Hookup culture isn't freedom. It's a trap. Especially for those of us with insecure attachments. This week I'm joined by Bev Mitelman – Certified Relationship & Attachment Trauma Practitioner and founder of Securely Loved – for one of the most important conversations we've had on The Attachment Confessions. Bev brings 25+ years of clinical expertise AND her own lived experience with insecure attachment to unpack exactly why hookup culture and attachment healing are fundamentally at odds. Y'all — a lot of us have told ourselves that keeping things casual is the safe option. That it protects us from getting hurt. That it's empowering. This episode is going to challenge that in the best possible way🙌 What we cover in this episode: What hookup culture actually is Why hookup culture is especially damaging for Anxious Preoccupied and Fearful Avoidant attachment styles — and what's happening in the nervous system The science of oxytocin — why the bonding hormone makes "no strings attached" nearly impossible How casual hookups reinforce your old emotional blueprint instead of helping you rewrite it Why using hookup culture to feel "in control" is actually one of the most common attachment self-sabotage patterns This convo is going to hit close to home for a lot of us. And that's exactly why we needed to have it💜 💜 Ready to break your toxic relationship cycles for good? Check out Bev Mitelman's work at securelyloved.com 💜 Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.   About Bev Mitelman, M.A.: Bev is a Certified Relationship & Attachment Trauma Practitioner and Certified Menopause Specialist with 25+ years in personal growth. She helps people break toxic relationship cycles, rebuild self-worth, and communicate with confidence in love, parenting, and family life. As someone who grew up in an unpredictable, chaotic environment and absorbed deeply unhealthy relationship patterns as a result, Bev knows firsthand that you're not broken — you're following an old emotional blueprint that can be healed. Related episodes: Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant

Let me ask you something — how many times have you said yes when you meant no? Stayed silent when you should have spoken up? Set a boundary and caved on it within five minutes?🙋 Same, y'all. Same. And as a healing fearful avoidant, I am so done letting that be my story. This episode is a wake-up call — for my anxious preoccupieds, my fellow fearful avoidants, and honestly anyone who's ever abandoned themselves to keep the peace💜 What we cover in this episode: What boundaries actually are — and what they absolutely are not (including the crucial difference between a boundary and an ultimatum) Why Anxious Preoccupieds are wired to fawn, appease and people-please instead of protect themselves — and the science behind it Why Fearful Avoidants have the most contradictory relationship with boundaries of any attachment style — and why that push-pull shows up in every relationship My personal boundary story — including the relationship that slowly eroded my sense of self (and what finally changed) 6 practical, totally doable steps to start setting and keeping boundaries without blowing up your relationships or your nervous system Why follow-through is the most important — and hardest — piece of the whole thing The closing truth: boundaries aren't selfish. They're one of the most loving things you can do. For yourself AND the people you care about. As Dr. John Delony says — behavior is a language. When someone repeatedly disrespects your boundaries, they're telling you exactly how much they value you and the relationship. That's a lesson I wish I'd learned a whole lot sooner💜 "We do not set ourselves on fire in order to keep others warm." — Peaceful Barb 💜 Free resource: Grab my brand-new Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — your roadmap for having the attachment conversations you've been avoiding. DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions or email [email protected] to get your free copy. 💜 Ready to heal your attachment? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. Good for her self-paced courses, 1:1 coaching, online workshops, and hybrid group coaching program. People & resources mentioned: Dr. John Delony — "behavior is a language" Peaceful Barb — follow her on Instagram for boundary mantras that hit different Codie Sanchez — "You must learn to be disliked or you'll find yourself stuck in a prison of other people's beliefs." Coming up next: Attachment expert Bev Mitelman joins TAC to kick off our brand-new Summer Guest Series — and y'all, we're going there. We're talking about how hookup culture is absolutely wrecking our attachment healing. This one might ruffle some feathers, but it's a conversation that needs to happen. Don't miss it🙌 Related episodes: Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant FA & DA Relationship: Why the Fearful Avoidant / Dismissive Avoidant Dynamic Hurts the Most Insecure Attachment Patterns: How to Stop Repeating Them & Actually Take Accountability

What happens when two avoidants fall in love? In this raw, eye-opening episode, we go inside the trenches of the most painful relationship dynamic — the Fearful Avoidant and the Dismissive Avoidant — with real-life couple Tesha & Taylor. This is not a highlight reel. This is the unfiltered truth about what it actually looks like to love someone when each of your biggest needs are your partner's ultimate triggers. Tesha and Taylor sit down to share their story — the blissful beginning, the conflict that changed everything, the breakthroughs, and the moments they almost didn't make it. Together, they unpack how they each discovered their attachment styles, what their dynamic looked like at its hardest, and how they've learned to communicate, reconnect, and choose each other — even when every instinct says run. In this episode, we cover: How Tesha & Taylor's attachment styles formed in childhood What it feels like to be a Fearful Avoidant in a relationship How the Dismissive Avoidant experiences love, distance and connection The triggers that sent them into their attachment patterns — and what pulled them back Real moments of conflict and how they worked through them The breakthroughs that changed everything for Tesha & Taylor Their advice for others finding themselves in the torturous FA/DA conflict cycle Whether you're a Fearful Avoidant, a Dismissive Avoidant, in a relationship with one, or just trying to understand your own patterns — this episode is for you. This conversation is honest, emotional, and deeply human. Grab your headphones and get ready to feel seen. Doing the work together just got a little easier. 🤍 I created a FREE Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — packed with questions to help you and your partner go deeper, heal together, and finally feel understood. Grab yours now! DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions and I'll get it sent your way! 💜Looking to heal your own FA/DA relationship? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs it. You never know what people are going through – and attachment science genuinely changes lives. It changed Tesha & Taylor's. xo - Chelsea

Y'all – this one is personal. The fearful avoidant / dismissive avoidant relationship dynamic is, without question, the most painful attachment combination out there. And as a healing FA who's been on both sides of it? I know this one all too well.  In this episode, we're getting into exactly why the FA/DA pairing starts off feeling like fate — and why it almost always ends in flames. What we cover in this episode: Why the FA and DA are magnetically attracted to each other at first (hint: it's the shadow self) The difference between vulnerability and transparency — and why DAs seem open but aren't How the honeymoon phase fades and the conflict cycle begins Why the DA shuts down and the FA spirals — and how each makes the other's wounds worse My own FA/DA story and what finally broke things for good What it actually takes for this relationship dynamic to survive — and when to walk away The FA needs to feel seen, heard and understood. The DA needs peace and harmony above all else. When those two core needs collide – especially in conflict – it creates a cycle that's genuinely brutal to break out of. But it's not impossible. As long as both partners are willing to do the work. 💜Looking to heal your own FA/DA relationship? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. Listen to these episodes first: > Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant > Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant > Attachment vs. Narcissism: How to Tell the Difference — and Why It Matters for Your Healing Coming up next: Our first-ever couple joins the pod! Tesha & Taylor are an FA/DA couple who've lived this dynamic firsthand — and are now on the road to healing. You will NOT want to miss this one. 🙌 If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs it. You never know what people are going through – and attachment science genuinely changes lives. It changed mine. xo - Chelsea

Hello, Confessions Fam! Welcome back for episode 23! He’s baaack! Everyone’s favorite Dismissive Avoidant (actually, recently discovered Fearful Avoidant who leans avoidant) – Brent Stokes – is joining the pod again to help answer YOUR questions! You’ve inquired – and as your semi-fearless host, I’m here to give you my {not so} expert attachment advice, purely based on my past year of personal heartbreak, Phoenix-like rising, and next-level obsession of burrowing down the attachment science rabbit hole.  When the people have relationship questions, we’re here to give you the best possible answers to your attachment woes. Been there, done that – got 3+ decades worth of insecure attachment T-shirts! Today is going to hit hard, provide sound advice, and bring clarity on your most-asked attachment questions I’ve received over the past 7 months since TAC launched. As ALWAYS, please ask any attachment-related questions or just chit chat with me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions To have your question answered on future Q&A episodes, send an audio message with your name, location, and question to the “TAC hotline” to be featured. Love you guys so much and thank you for your heartfelt questions! xo - Chelsea & Brent Links from today's episode: >>NEW OFFER FOR LISTENERS OF THE ATTACHMENT CONFESSIONS!!>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories?  Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount! https://dwellapparel.com/?ref=chelsea15 OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

Grab a hankie for your happy tears — because episode 22 is all about the holy grail of attachment styles: the Born & Raised Secures🙌 This is the final episode of TAC's 4-part attachment style deep-dive series, and we're going out with a bang. Because honestly? After three episodes unpacking insecure attachments, nothing feels better than getting an up-close look at what secure attachment actually looks like — and being reminded that it's achievable for every single one of us💜 Side note: listenership increased by 103% during this deep dive series. Y'all are incredible! Thank you. What we cover in this episode: How secure attachment forms in childhood — the two words that explain everything: consistent attunement What securely attached people carry into their relationships and why it's so different from insecure styles Interdependence — what it is, why it's the goal, and how it differs from codependence or avoidance How secure couples handle conflict differently — approaching it with curiosity instead of defensiveness Why securely attached people tend to attract other secures — and the 5 red flags that signal insecure attachment to a secure partner Why attachment quizzes are pretty much garbage (and what to do instead) The 2 things that actually earn your attachment security: self-awareness and daily practice What "catch and correct" behavior is — and why it's one of the most powerful tools in your healing toolkit Here's the truth: born secures don't make up the majority of attachment styles. But thanks to the miracle that is neuroplasticity, those of us who weren't blessed to start out secure can absolutely get there. It's not a quick fix — it's a daily practice. And it is so worth it🙌 "What matters is that the moments when your insecure attachment rears its unpretty head happen less and less frequently. And when they do, you're able to recognize it quickly and pivot." 💜 Ready to earn your attachment security? I personally recommend Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs. Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. 👗 Dwell Apparel: Faith-inspired clothing, drinkware & accessories — Get 15% off with code CHELSEASCOTT at dwellapparel.com Also mentioned: Thais Gibson — Learning Love (2023) and Personal Development School Adam Lane Smith — Attachment expert & relationship coach Catch up on the full series: Episode 19 — Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied Episode 20 — Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant Episode 21 — Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant

Grab your one-way ticket to cringeville, y'all — because episode 21 is a deep dive into the most complex attachment style of them all: the Fearful Avoidant. And since this one hits particularly close to home for yours truly, I am not holding back any punches💜 Sometimes called disorganized attachment, the FA is my own attachment style — and this episode is my most personal deep dive yet. Whether you're a fellow Fearful Avoidant, you've loved one, or you've been completely baffled by the hot-and-cold patterns of someone in your life (cue Katy Perry's 2008 hit "Hot N Cold"), this one is going to make the relationship light bulbs illuminate like never before. This is part 3 of TAC's 4-part attachment style deep-dive series. What we cover in this episode: How fearful avoidant (disorganized) attachment forms in childhood — the difference between big T and little T trauma What parentification is and how it shapes the FA attachment My personal FA origin story and how my dad's bipolar disorder shaped my attachment patterns The FA's core wounds: fear of betrayal, fear of abandonment, and the unworthiness wound underneath it all Why the FA is the most complex insecure attachment — operating across the entire spectrum depending on their partner The hot and cold pattern explained: why FAs crave closeness while simultaneously pushing people away Protest behavior — what it is, why FAs do it, and why it almost always backfires The FA's superpowers: empathy, emotional intelligence, resilience, and grit Why earning your attachment security is absolutely achievable — even as an FA As Dr. John Delony says — "what kept us safe when we were children will eventually destroy us as adults." This episode is proof of that. And also proof that awareness is the first step to changing it🙌 Life is so much sweeter on the other side of your insecure attachment. I promise. 💜 Ready to heal your FA attachment? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. 👗 Dwell Apparel: Faith-inspired clothing, drinkware & accessories — Get 15% off with code CHELSEASCOTT at dwellapparel.com Up next in the series: Episode 22 — Secure Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into Being Born & Raised Secure Related episodes: Episode 2 — My Fearful Avoidant Origin Story: How Tracing Back My Attachment Finally Made Sense of My Relationships Episode 3 — My Attachment Red Flags: The FA Patterns I Ignored for Years (and finally owned up to) Episode 19 — Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied Episode 20 — Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant FA & DA Relationship: Why the Fearful Avoidant / Dismissive Avoidant Dynamic Hurts the Most

Grab a pillow to scream into – because episode 20 is all about the Dismissive Avoidant😅 The DA tends to get the most attention of all the insecure attachment styles — and for good reason. It's the most predictable, yet often the most frustrating, confusing, and heartbreaking attachment to be on the receiving end of. Whether you're a DA yourself or you've loved one, this deep dive is going to make everything make sense💜 This is part 2 of TAC's 4-part attachment style deep-dive series. If you haven't listened to Episode 19 on the Anxious Preoccupied yet, go back and check it out — the contrast between these two styles is genuinely mind-blowing. What we cover in this episode: How dismissive avoidant attachment forms in childhood through emotional neglect — including subtle, seemingly benign parenting patterns you'd never expect The DA's core attachment wound: deep defectiveness — and why they believe they're fundamentally broken The brain chemistry of avoidant attachment — GABA, oxytocin deficiencies, and heightened dopamine-seeking behavior The infamous DA relationship cycle: infatuation → fault-finding → discarding — and why it happens every single time Why DAs move quickly at the beginning of a relationship and then completely pull away Why the DA is the most difficult insecure attachment to heal — and why coaching works better than therapy for them The positive qualities and superpowers of the Dismissive Avoidant If you've ever dated a DA and felt completely blindsided by their withdrawal — this episode is your explanation. And if you're a DA yourself? You're about to finally make sense to yourself🙌 As Dr. Sarah Hensley says — every DA might as well have a diploma in dismissive avoidance. That's how freakishly predictable this attachment style is. 💜Looking to heal your DA attachment? Dr. Sarah Hensley's hybrid group coaching program has an incredibly high success rate with DAs specifically — it's a way lower-pressure environment and more effective than therapy or couples counseling. Get 10% off at thelovedoc.com with code CHELSEA10. Up next in the series: Episode 21 — Disorganized Attachment: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant Episode 22 — Secure Attachment: A Deep Dive into Being Born & Raised Secure Related episodes: Episode 19 — Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied Inside the Dismissive Avoidant Childhood & Relationship: Brent's Real DA Lived Experience (parts 1 & 2) Love Bombing 101: How to Spot It, Why We Fall for It, and How to Get Out >>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount! https://dwellapparel.com/?ref=chelsea15 OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

Y'all — before we get into today's topic, I have to share some news that still has my jaw on the floor. The Attachment Confessions has been named one of the Best 30 Attachment Theory Podcasts in the US by Million Podcasts, ranking alongside some of the leading experts in attachment theory. I am truly flabbergasted and so incredibly grateful. All glory to God — and to YOU, my confessions fam!🎉💜 Now — episode 19 kicks off a brand new 4-part series where we're putting each attachment style under the microscope. And we're starting with the Anxious Preoccupied. If you're an AP, have loved one, or have ever been baffled by anxious attachment patterns in a relationship — buckle up. We're going deep🎙️ What we cover in this episode: How anxious preoccupied attachment forms in childhood through intermittent reinforcement — and why inconsistent caregiving creates an addiction to love in the brain The specific scenarios that create AP attachment — from working parents and big families to one emotionally attuned parent and one emotionally withdrawn parent The AP's core wound: fear of abandonment and the core belief "I'm not enough" — and how these drive every relationship pattern The fawn trauma response — why APs over-apologize and fall on their own sword even when they've done nothing wrong The octopus vs. turtle illustration (from attachment specialist Brie Neil, episode 4) — and why the AP's closeness-seeking behaviors push their partners further away The self-abandonment cycle — how morphing into whoever your partner wants you to be builds resentment over time The friend-ghosting pattern — why APs disappear from everyone else the moment a new relationship starts The superpowers of the AP: their kindness, thoughtfulness, affection, and deep capacity to love Why healing anxious attachment is 100% possible — and what that process actually looks like This isn't a roast session, I promise!😂 Every insecure attachment style has its shadows AND its superpowers, and we're covering both. The AP just wants to love and be loved. Understanding the science behind why their patterns sabotage that goal is the first step to changing it. Are you an Anxious Preoccupied who wants to share your story on the pod? I'm actively looking for an AP guest for an upcoming lived experience episode! DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions. 💜 Ready to heal your anxious attachment? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. (Check out Episode 13 for my full review of Dr. Hensley's hybrid group coaching program!) 🏆 TAC made the list! Check out Million Podcasts' Best 30 Attachment Theory Podcasts in the US — millionpodcasts.com/attachment-theory-podcasts Also mentioned: Thais Gibson — The Personal Development School Episode 4 — Attachment Specialist Brie Neil Joins TAC Episode 13 — My Attachment Healing Journey: An Honest FA Update Episode 18 — Love Languages vs Attachment Styles Up next in the series: Episode 20 — Avoidant Attachment: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant Episode 21 — Disorganized Attachment: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant Episode 22 — Secure Attachment: A Deep Dive into Being Born & Raised Secure >>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount! https://dwellapparel.com/?ref=chelsea15 OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

One of the most common questions I've gotten since starting this podcast is about love languages — and how they relate to attachment styles. So in the spirit of Valentine's Day, we're getting into it 💜 You've probably taken the love languages quiz. You know your results. But here's what most people don't know — your attachment style is actually what predicts your preferred love languages. They're connected, but they're not the same thing. And understanding the difference? Total game changer. What we cover in this episode: What the 5 Love Languages are and how Dr. Gary Chapman's framework has shaped how millions of people understand love How love languages and attachment styles are connected — and where they differ Why your attachment style is actually the deeper predictor of how you give and receive love How each insecure attachment style — AP, DA and FA — tends to express and experience love languages differently Why knowing both your attachment style AND your love language is the real relationship superpower Whether you're deep in your attachment healing journey or just starting to connect the dots — this episode ties two of the most talked-about relationship frameworks together in a way that'll make everything click🙌 Knowing your love language is a great start. But knowing your attachment style is what helps you actually use it. 💛 Find out your love language: Take the official 5 Love Languages quiz at 5lovelanguages.com/quizzes 💜 Ready to heal your attachment? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. Related episodes: Attachment Theory explained: The Beginner's Guide to All 4 Styles Anxious Attachment Deep Dive: The Anxious Preoccupied (AP) Explained — Signs, Triggers & How to Heal Avoidant Attachment: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant Disorganized Attachment: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant >>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount! https://dwellapparel.com/?ref=chelsea15 OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout