Advertise on podcast: This is How We Feel with Dr Ali Walker

We are more contactable than any humans who have ever lived. And we are lonelier than ever. Those two things are not a coincidence; they're a consequence of confusing contact with connection. Contact (the likes, the group chats, the colleague you see every day but never really talk to) can fill our entire life and leave us feeling flat and empty. Connection is something different. It's being known in a continuous line where people remember us and see us for who we are. Ali Walker describes it as the difference between swimming in the shallow water vs. diving into the ocean. We talk about what connection actually feels like in the body when we find it, and how to find our way back.

"Just surviving the day to day has made me forget what I have passion for." A listener left this comment on Instagram and this episode is for them. We explore one of the most important distinctions in human psychology — the difference between who you are and what you do. Who you are is your passion, your joy, your particular way of connecting with the world. It's stable. It runs through your whole life. What you do changes: sometimes day to day, sometimes overnight. The problem is that most of us were never taught to keep these two things separate. And when the role changes, when the athlete retires, when the politician loses office, when the career ends, when the kids grow up and leave home, we don't just lose a job. We lose ourselves. This episode is about why that happens, what it costs, and how to find the way back to who you actually are.

We're all told to be ourselves and bring our whole selves to work. But nobody tells us how. In this episode, Ali Walker unpacks why being ourselves is harder than it sounds, and offers three practical ways back to the person you were before the performance started.

We've been told that rest and recovery are the answer to burn out and over-work. But what if stopping doesn't feel like relief ?What if it feels like disappearing? In this episode, Ali explores what happens to high-functioning, hyper-responsible people when they step off the treadmill and why the silence that follows can feel more threatening than exhaustion ever did. Ali looks at why so many capable people have built their entire nervous system around performance, what gets lost when that structure falls away, and how to find a third way of being that is neither burning out nor shutting down. If you've ever felt emptier after a holiday than before it, guilty for resting, or quietly lost without a problem to solve, this episode is for you.

Our brains have four chemicals that drive everything we do, from every relationship, to every goal and every moment of pleasure we've ever felt. And AI has learned to hijack every single one of them. In this episode, Dr Ali Walker breaks down the DOSE framework (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins) and explains exactly how social media and AI are exploiting our neurochemistry with a precision no previous technology has achieved. This episode helps us understand what's actually happening in our brains, and what we can do about it.

We say we want deeper, more meaningful relationships.We say we want community, honesty, and a sense of belonging. But when the moment comes to connect, we hesitate. In this episode, Ali explores the gap between wanting connection… and actually choosing it. Drawing on her latest research into human connection in an AI-driven world, she unpacks a powerful truth: avoidance isn’t laziness- it’s protection. Our nervous system is constantly weighing the cost of connection, from social risk to emotional exposure, and asking, “Is this worth it?” Ali also reflects on the 4-week Connection Experiment, including: Courageous micro-intimacy (talking to strangers, expressing appreciation, interrupting gossip)Building depth through better questions and vulnerabilityShifting group dynamics by raising emotional standardsBreaking the habit of low-grade bonding through complaintIf you’ve ever felt resistance to reaching out, speaking up, or going deeper, this episode will help you understand why. And more importantly, how to move through it. Because connection isn’t built by avoiding discomfort. It’s built by staying in it, just a little longer. This is how we feel.

We tend to think connection is built in big moments, but behavioural research suggests something different. Connection is built in tiny moments: small signals of warmth and small moments of repair. Ali shares her connection framework that shows what you need in connection- your frequency and intensity. Then, Ali invites listeners to join a connection experiment - a simple set of small challenges designed to strengthen connection by changing small behaviours in the relationships around us. Each week includes: • A Courage Challenge: reaching outward• A Depth Challenge: strengthening an existing relationship• A Field Challenge: shifting the emotional tone of a group In this episode, Ali walks through the psychology behind connection and the first week of the challenge, including: Reconnecting with someone you genuinely miss Repairing small relational ruptures Upgrading the emotional tone of a room

In this second conversation with Dr Juliette Tobias-Webb, we turn our attention to something many of us struggle with: What happens on the days you are not your high-performance self? The dominant mindset of the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s celebrated intensity, grit, and relentless optimization. But that model only works for one version of you: the high-energy, high-focus version. What about the rest of the time? We explore why willpower is an unreliable strategy and why managing your attention is far more powerful than managing your time. We discuss why most goals are set by our “peak” self, and why that sets up our “most of the time” self to fail. We also go deeper into the psychology of change: Why the brain is fundamentally a prediction and certainty machine Why losses loom larger than gains, and how that makes transformation feel threatening Why real change often requires grieving the person you used to be Why you must accept the emerging version of yourself before change can truly stick This episode is about expanding beyond a narrow definition of performance. It’s about designing a life that works not just when you’re at your best but also when we’re simply being human. Because sustainable change doesn’t come from your peak self. It comes from the self you are, most of the time.

In this episode of This is How We Feel, Ali is joined by fellow behavioural scientist Dr Juliette Tobias-Webb, who holds a PhD from the University of Cambridge. We explore a deceptively simple idea: the house always wins. In casinos and on smartphones, that’s by design. Every flashing light, every near miss, every notification, algorithm and reward schedule is engineered around one core truth of human psychology: we are wired for hyperbolic discounting. We privilege immediate rewards over future gains. Every time. But here’s the twist: aviation does the opposite. In airline cockpits, systems are deliberately designed to support pilots; to reduce error, scaffold attention, and protect against predictable human biases. The environment assumes fallibility and builds in safeguards. Juliette asks, why don’t we design our own lives that way? We talk about: Why willpower is a losing strategy How hyperbolic discounting quietly shapes your daily decisions What gambling machines can teach us about behaviour Why aviation safety systems are a model for personal change Practical ways to “hack” your environment The science behind temptation bundling How to make the good choice the easy choice This conversation is about shifting from self-blame to system design, because if the house always wins, maybe it’s time to redesign the house.

Have you ever stopped to notice what you’re really feeling? This week, Ali experimented with naming emotions every day, and discovered how much our stories can mislead us, how small insights sneak up over time, and why a week isn’t long enough to see real change. Join Ali as she shares what she has learnt about emotional granularity and how giving yourself space can transform the way you see yourself.

In this episode, Ali Walker is joined by her first guest- Daniel Teitelbaum from Playful Thinking to unpack a simple but confronting experiment: what happens when we prioritise play for an entire week. Ali shares how choosing play - through dancing, dressing up, and being more light-hearted with her kids - dramatically shifted her energy and sense of aliveness. But play didn’t just bring joy. It also unearthed the reasons she avoids it: fatigue, responsibility, fear, and the unspoken rules we absorb about being 'serious' adults. Together, Daniel and Ali explore why play is not a luxury but a biological and psychological need, how it generates energy, connection, and resilience, and why returning to old patterns is so easy once the experiment ends. This is a conversation about play as regulation, leadership, and self-trust - and why small experiments matter if we want lasting change.

In this episode of This Is How We Feel, Ali Walker introduces a different way of approaching behaviour change - not through pressure, discipline, or shame, but through curiosity. After 15 years studying how people behave in groups, one pattern kept showing up: knowing what’s good for us rarely changes what we do. So instead of asking “How do I change?” or “What’s wrong with me?”, this podcast asks a simpler question: What happens if we try this? This episode introduces the idea of turning everyday life into a series of small, low-stakes experiments - and begins with the first one: PLAY. Not as a reward.Not after everything else is done.Just… play. You’ll hear: Why insight alone doesn’t change behaviour How curiosity softens the nervous system Why play is one of the fastest ways to create safety and flexibility Practical, adult-friendly ways to bring play into real life (no productivity required) You’ll also be invited into the first experiment: one small, unnecessary, enjoyable thing each day - and simple prompts to notice what comes up. This isn’t a challenge.It’s not a program.There’s nothing to keep up with. It’s an invitation to notice how it actually feels to be human - in real life. If you’ve ever felt stuck, flat, serious, or overwhelmed…you’re not alone in this feeling. THIS IS HOW WE FEEL...

If you start this year the same way you started the last one, you’ll get the same year all over again. What if this year didn’t follow the same pattern as the last one? In the opening episode of Season 2, Ali explores how to make this year unlike any other by changing where you invest your energy. Instead of setting more goals or pushing harder, this episode invites you to become self-referential; to start making decisions from alignment, curiosity, and your future self. You’ll learn how to: Connect with your future self Use energy, not pressure, as your compass for the year ahead This episode is about momentum, clarity, and choosing yourself without rejecting anyone else. If you’ve ever felt like you’re repeating last year on a loop, this is your invitation to begin differently.

In this episode, we explore a feeling so many people carry: What do I do when no one needs me? If you grew up getting approval for being 'good' or 'useful,' your nervous system learned that doing equals value - and being equals nothing. So when life gets still, or when the roles fall away, your identity can collapse. In this episode, Dr Ali Walker breaks down: why we feel lost when we stop performing or being 'useful'why presence feels uncomfortable when you’re used to performing and how to rebuild a clear, grounded sense of self You’ll get practical tools to reconnect with yourself, anchor your identity, and feel like you again… not just the roles you play.

In this episode of This Is How We Feel, Dr. Ali Walker, behavioural scientist and expert in group dynamics, shares five practical, science-backed ways you can shift your own energy and transform the group around you.