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As an adolescent, I fell in love with the Catholic intellectual tradition. I was led to believe that Catholicism, holding the fullness of truth, could withstand any intellectual scrutiny. But over time I began to realize that many Catholics would cheapen this tradition… often in the name of “orthodoxy.” In the latest Mezzo episode, I explore the psychology of orthodoxy. I examine how a fear of heresy, litmus tests, and identity policing can weaken intellectual inquiry. And I look at how preoccupations with orthodoxy can, paradoxically, lead us into heterodoxy. As Catholics, we can unintentionally expose our insecurities about the faith when we ask of someone, “Is he orthodox?” Fortunately, there’s a better way… and it can be found in the Church. 00:00 Why Orthodoxy Feels Unsafe 00:43 My Story and the Fear of Inquiry 02:30 Shoehorning and Fragile Certainty 03:33 Gay Identity and the Catechism 05:31 Peter and Psychological Reflexes 08:15 The Orthodox Litmus Test 09:06 Bad Faith and Cult Dynamics 11:44 Gatekeeping in Catholic Culture 14:16 Beyond Boxes Toward Truth 16:03 Brick or Weapon Closing Thoughts 17:07 Outro and Where to Follow

This is the eighth episode on FOCUS, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. FOCUS a ministry with more than 1000 young people based largely on college campuses around the United States and which last year had a revenue of $126 million. In this episode, you’ll hear the rest of our panel discussions with Kelly, Mat, Carole, Christine, Mary, and Anton. They share how they’ve built their lives after FOCUS, where they feel both gratitude and regret from their time in the ministry, and what they would say to their younger selves. 00:00 — Introduction: the final chapter of the FOCUS series 02:13 — Healing after leaving high-control religious spaces 03:21 — Mary on identity, deconstruction, and finding joy 06:13 — Christine on reclaiming her voice and trusting herself 10:21 — Zebra pants, belonging, and taking back joy 12:32 — Anton on faith, freedom, and an expanding world 14:14 — Revisiting the past: rumination, regret, and solidarity 17:30 — Anton on therapy, trauma, and inherent worth 20:10 — Gratitude for speaking out and sharing stories 21:25 — Carol on anger, finding her voice, and public honesty 25:03 — Accountability, repair, and compassion for people who caused harm 29:02 — Chris reflects on the series and the work still ahead 32:09 — What the panelists would tell their younger selves 38:52 — Closing reflections and thanks

This is the seventh episode on FOCUS Catholic, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. FOCUS a ministry with more than 1000 young people based largely on college campuses around the United States and which last year had a revenue of $126 million. In this episode, Christine reflects on her years as a FOCUS missionary, in religious life with the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal, and working for a Catholic parish run by a FOCUS priest. She learned from Curtis Martin a simple formula: love God, discover a vocation, and live it out. And she pursued this promise, even amidst financial strain, vocational pressures, breaches of trust, burnout, and more. Ultimately, this is a story of survival, of finding sunshine, and of help and hope in the darkest moments. 1:20 — Christine’s story and the purpose of life 3:14 — Early experiences with faith and fundraising 5:10 — Burnout, mental health, and hospitalization 7:07 — Finding herself beyond faith expectations 8:34 — Helpers, gratitude, and protecting herself from false promises

This is the sixth episode on FOCUS Catholic, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. FOCUS a ministry with more than 1000 young people based largely on college campuses around the United States and which last year had a revenue of $126 million. In this episode, we'll continue to explore the disparities between the external image of FOCUS and what too many suffered from the inside. I'll share allegations of abuse behavior on the part of FOCUS Founder Curtis Martin, how Martin kept a man in ministry even after a Court detailed sworn testimony of abuse, and how today FOCUS even has that missionary living in a $2 million luxury home owned by the ministry. We'll unpack: - The allegations against Curtis Martin that were reportedly raised to Focus and its board - What court records say about the missionary’s conduct in his marriage - How staff say Focus handled the victim and the public narrative - Why a $2 million home tied to Focus raises fresh financial questions how messaging around femininity, masculinity, and submission can become a recipe for abuse And we'll connect this case to broader church failures, showing how silence, reputation management, and unchecked authority can harm the very people ministries claim to serve. This is not just about one organization’s scandal - it’s about what happens when leaders are protected, victims are minimized, and accountability is treated as optional. 00:00 — Introduction: Allegations surrounding Focus 03:46 — The letter accusing Curtis Martin of threatening behavior 08:23 — Court findings in the missionary’s marriage case 10:41 — How Focus allegedly responded to the abuse allegations 14:02 — Gender culture, control, and patterns of abuse 18:42 — Wider allegations and the case for an independent investigation 22:45 — Questions about luxury properties and financial transparency 28:12 — A call for accountability from Focus leadership 30:34 — A message to current and former Focus members 33:24 — Advocacy, healing, and resources

This is the fifth episode on FOCUS Catholic, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. FOCUS a ministry with more than 1000 young people based largely on college campuses around the United States and which last year had a revenue of $126 million. In this episode, we explore how FOCUS didn’t just recruit students - it shaped identities, relationships, and entire careers. Kelly, Mat, Carol, Anton, Christine, and Mary return to tell us what it’s actually like to be “won, built, and sent” by one of the American Church’s most influential ministries, and why they’re still processing what they experienced years after leaving the ministry.What left missionaries facing panic attacks and hiding in bathrooms during Mass? Why do many former missionaries struggle with substance abuse today? How do those once engaged with the ministry process the harms they helped perpetuate within it? And how did the mental anguish from messages within FOCUS get so bad that it led one former leader to get checked into a psychiatric hospital? We’ll explore all this and much more. 0:00 — When Care Becomes Control2:09 — Burnout, Boundaries, and Work Culture8:53 — Control, Privilege, and Gendered Harm19:27 — Hiding Pain and Losing Trust21:58 — Family Leave, COVID, and Physical Safety27:10 — Shame, Substance Use, and Delayed Growth32:24 — Trauma, Testimony, and Spiritual Authority37:14 — Leaving FOCUS and Reclaiming Identity39:36 — A Crisis and Choosing Survival43:31 — Why These Stories Matter46:27 — Accountability, Apology, and Healing48:56 — Finding Support Without an Apology

This is the fourth episode on FOCUS Catholic, a ministry with more than 1000 young people based largely on college campuses around the United States and which last year had a revenue of $126 million. In this episode, we explore how the inside story of FOCUS is far messier than its public image. Six former insiders—Carol Marceau, Kelly Wuebben, Mat Wuebben, Christine Grote, Anton Kallungal, and Mary Forbes—reveal how a ministry that claimed belonging, mission, and spiritual zeal would normalize shame, control, and silence for those harmed. Beneath the Bible studies and the conference highs is a machine that relied on love bombing, emotional unchastity, gender discrimination, transactional relationships, and the pressure to appear joyful while your mental health unravels. We'll also unpack some more issues related to finances and hiring. This includes the bar being so low for male hires that one woman had to push against a group of other recruiters who wanted to hire a male candidate who was "on fire" for his faith... even after the recruit admitted to lying during the application process.The panelists occupied a range of roles within the organization, from student leader to missionary to team director to events coordinator to accounting manager, and together they help us unpack the harms behind FOCUS and the hope for the future. 00:00 — Introduction: A Closer Look at FOCUS02:07 — Fundraising, Isolation, and Spiritual Pressure07:05 — The Emotional Cost of Fundraising11:36 — A Breaking Point at Headquarters19:19 — Unqualified Leadership and Pay Inequity25:11 — Financial Controls, Expenses, and Accountability31:39 — Race, Representation, and Recruitment38:54 — Double Standards and the Suppression of Strong Women40:37 — A Choice Not to Continue with FOCUS42:54 — Closing

This is the third episode in the multi-part series on the Catholic ministry FOCUS, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. In this episode, we’ll hear from both sets of panelists: Carol, Kelly, Mat, Christine, Anton, and Mary. They talk us through love-bombing on the part of missionaries, the handling of unmarried missionaries who become pregnant, and some HR practices that discriminate against women. Some of what they shared was shocking, including how those involved in hiring were at times given different parameters for male vs female candidates, and also how a traumatized missionary was forced to go endure a talk on pornography that directly triggered her traumatic experiences.We talk through the shame behind the machinery of FOCUS, what harms they themselves participated in, and how they’re unpacking accountability for themselves as they move forward. How can Catholic ministries do better? And how can we assist with healing for those who have already been harmed in them?Much more to come.00:00 — FOCUS, marriage culture, and belonging02:54 — Unequal hiring standards for women and men06:16 — How gender inequality became systemic08:04 — Vocation, marriage, and pressure on women11:31 — Mary’s experience of sexuality and belonging17:11 — Mentorship barriers and pregnancy in ministry18:57 — Modesty culture, control, and harm22:10 — Processing complicity, grief, and healing24:22 — What’s next: financial practices within Focus

This is the second episode in the multi-part series on the Catholic ministry FOCUS, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. In this episode, we welcome a second group of panelists: Christine Grote, Mary Forbes, and Anton Kallungal. They discuss how FOCUS promised purpose, belonging, and holiness, but how those promises came with normalized shame, the marginalization of women, and psychological confusion. They'll share how they went from Catholics with many disagreements with Church teaching to impassioned FOCUS apologists, to largely no longer identifying with Catholicism. They shared a similar pattern in which they felt that FOCUS took advantage of their vulnerability and need for community, meaning, and healing. Christine shares how grief, desperation, and simple messages drew her into the ministry. Anton shares how belonging, identity, and a desire to be valued made him vulnerable to radical traditionalism and double standards. And Mary opens up about coming to terms with her sexuality, and how her attractions to other women faced a double bind within the ministry. There's much more to come.00:00 — Introduction01:54 — Looking back: who they were before FOCUS09:37 — How FOCUS drew them in18:19 — Belonging, pressure, and deciding not to stay20:05 — Exclusion and hierarchy within FOCUS23:21 — Shame, scandal, and controlling the narrative26:14 — Coming up

This is the first episode in the multi-part series on the Catholic ministry FOCUS, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. In this episode, we explore how FOCUS built a culture of belonging, then quietly taught people to doubt themselves, their bodies, and their instincts. In this conversation, three former FOCUS leaders—Carol Marceau, Kelly Wuebben, and Matt Wuebben—unpack what happens when a ministry built on mission, image, and influence collides with real human vulnerability.What starts as a story about Bible studies on campus becomes something much more complicated: emotional manipulation, purity culture, fundraising shame, gendered double standards, and the hidden cost of calling young adults “leaders” while treating them like disposable labor. Carol, Kelly, and Matt each bring a different vantage point—student, accountant, HR manager, therapist, missionary, and leader—and together they reveal how deeply the system shaped their careers, relationships, mental health, and faith.00:00 — Intro: FOCUS, religious trauma, and why these stories matter02:20 — Looking back: what their younger selves would think now05:00 — Where Kelly, Matt, and Carol are today10:25 — Framing the conversation: harm, accountability, and different experiences11:25 — How Carol first found belonging through FOCUS14:10 — Kelly and Matt’s path into ministry18:20 — Vulnerability, belonging, and recruitment culture20:00 — Targeting influence and the dynamics of love bombing23:40 — Emotional chastity, purity culture, and lasting wounds27:10 — Gender expectations, dating culture, and “FOCUS widows”31:55 — Masculinity, isolation, shame, and life on mission37:30 — Closing reflections and what’s ahead

For my whole life, I've just accepted one of Catholicism's most unbelievable claims: that the Eucharist is truly the Body and Blood of Christ. In this episode of Mezzo, I revisit one unforgettable night at a Catholic youth retreat where a girl suddenly began screaming during Eucharistic adoration, students believed they witnessed spiritual phenomena, and I experienced something that has shaped my faith ever since. Looking back as both a lawyer and a gay Catholic, I reflect on the tension between genuine encounters with God and emotionally manipulative religious environments. I talk about why I'm skeptical of dramatic spiritual experiences, why I still believe the Eucharist matters, and how I've learned to embrace mystery without pretending to have all the answers. Whether you're Catholic, former Catholic, atheist, or simply curious about faith, I hope this conversation offers an honest look at what it feels like to believe. 00:00 A Wafer and Wonder 00:46 Retreat Night Setup 01:52 Screams in Adoration 02:47 Aftermath and Doubt 03:22 What Catholics Believe 05:03 Touching the Veil 05:56 Faith With Limits 06:14 Manufactured and Real 07:31 Deception and Humor 08:12 A God Who Meets Us 08:45 Closing and Thanks

Today, I’m joined on Mezzo by Dr. Vincent Lloyd, professor at Villanova University and author of Black Natural Law and co-author of Break Every Yoke: Break Every Yoke: Religion, Justice, and the Abolition of Prisons.We discuss natural law, suffering, Christianity, oppression, prisons, abolition, Martin Luther King Jr., Anna Julia Cooper, and why the experiences of marginalized communities matter for understanding human nature and justice.This conversation challenged a lot of the assumptions I grew up with around Catholic natural law, punishment, suffering, and political theology. We talk about how Christianity became overly focused on rules and punishment, why suffering can both reveal injustice and be dangerous to romanticize, and how communities shaped by oppression often develop unique wisdom about domination and human dignity.We also discuss immigration enforcement, protest movements, prison abolition, the role of faith in activism, and why Christianity has historically offered people hope in moments that seem impossible. 00:00 Why Black Natural Law 03:01 Two Common Natural Law Frames 06:14 Human Nature Power And Dependency 12:55 Education Beyond Protest 16:14 Anna Julia Cooper And Integrated Life 20:37 Suffering And Redemptive Insight 22:15 Against Valorizing Suffering 29:07 Prisons Punishment And Bad Theology 35:31 Why Abolish Prisons 40:57 Natural Law As Communal Discernment 48:25 Faith Activism And Finding Hope

In today's Mezzo episode, I share a very personal story.Rather than debating DEI, merit, or politics in the abstract, I wanted to explain what these conversations have looked like in my own life. As a gay Catholic and lawyer, I've experienced both opportunities that were closed to me because of my identity and opportunities that were opened through diversity initiatives.I discuss losing a Vatican internship despite being the top candidate, why a corporate diversity externship changed the trajectory of my career, how discrimination has shaped my life, and why I believe these conversations are far more complicated than today's popular political commentary suggests.Whether you agree with me or not, my hope is that this conversation encourages greater empathy and a deeper understanding of the people on the other side of our political disagreements.If you enjoy thoughtful conversations about faith, politics, law, sexuality, and the Catholic tradition, I'd love for you to subscribe and join me for future discussions.00:00 Why We Stay Connected00:46 Setting the Stage on DEI02:26 Stories Over Sound Bites04:11 Trump Orders and Merit06:07 Growing Up Gay Catholic07:15 Vatican Internship Rejected09:37 Family and Future Kids11:32 Lawrence v Texas Reality13:51 Protections Won Then Lost15:35 My DEI Externship Breakthrough17:12 Owning the DEI Label18:02 Fears and Fair Critiques20:10 Special Education Targeted21:44 Closing and Call to Action

What happens when you stop trying to win arguments and start telling honest stories?In this conversation, I sit down with Simon, creator of the acclaimed Dear Alana podcast, to talk about the years-long journey of bringing Alana Chen's story to life. We discuss grief, creativity, Catholicism, deconstruction, conversion therapy, and why so many people—religious and secular alike—feel trapped by simplistic narratives.We explore why Dear Alana resonated so deeply, the challenge of telling a story instead of making an argument, and how authentic storytelling can create empathy across political, religious, and cultural divides. We also discuss the future of faith conversations, why we need more nuanced media, and what it means to create art that serves people rather than ideologies.Whether you're Catholic, former religious, LGBTQ, questioning your faith, or simply interested in meaningful storytelling, I hope this conversation helps you think differently about grief, creativity, and what it means to seek truth together.00:00 Welcome00:48 Simon background01:44 Starting Dear Alana03:44 Alana story parallels07:08 A vocational calling10:00 Telling grief responsibly12:24 Story not argument14:59 Bridging inside outside audiences22:39 Catholicism in politics now25:24 Grief and faith reckoning30:58 Grief reshapes priorities33:02 Grief without resolution34:00 Beauty in hard stories34:48 Building bridges across divides35:57 A small life's big impact37:03 Rated R faith conversations39:00 Beyond clean arguments40:43 Capacity to face suffering41:55 Dismantling secular religious divide44:47 Conversion therapy legal lessons47:30 Religious literacy and governance49:22 Making space for honest doubt52:32 Outsider honesty as gift55:11 Create together not alone58:38 Wrapping up

Socialism is presently all over American news, with democratic socialist politicians currently competing for key roles in state and national leadership. These developments have elicited forceful commentary from Catholic leaders such as Bishop Robert Barron. Catholics are often told that the Church has always condemned socialism. But is that actually what the Church teaches? In this episode, I examine Bishop Robert Barron's response to New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani and use it as a starting point to explore more than a century of Catholic social teaching. What does Barron get right? And what does he get wrong? Looking at Rerum Novarum, Quadragesimo Anno, Laborem Exercens, Centesimus Annus, and the writings of Popes Benedict XVI and Francis, I explore how the Church's understanding of capitalism, socialism, democratic socialism, collectivism, private property, and the common good has developed over time.Rather than asking whether Catholics must embrace capitalism or socialism, I explore the principles that have remained constant throughout Catholic tradition: the dignity of work, the rights of workers, the universal destination of goods, private property, solidarity, subsidiarity, and the preferential option for the poor.If you've ever wondered what Catholic social teaching actually says—and whether modern political labels fit the Church's tradition—this episode is for you.00:00 Catholicism Meets Socialism00:53 Barron Versus Mamdani02:09 Collectivism And Socialism05:00 Democratic Socialism Question05:23 Leo XIII Rerum Novarum07:29 Pius XI Quadragesimo Anno09:36 John Paul II On Work14:04 Centesimus Annus And Capitalism18:08 Benedict On Democratic Socialism20:24 Francis And Marxist Dialogue22:51 Back To Barron Tweet24:00 Closing Thoughts

Former youth minister–turned–therapist Ashley Kieffer joins Chris to talk about black-and-white Catholicism, youth ministry culture, and what happens when faith gets tangled up with OCD and scrupulosity. They unpack safety vs fear, confession as compulsion, sexuality and shame, and what it means to move from “cookie-cutter Catholic” to a faith rooted in love instead of anxiety. If your religious life feels more like panic than peace, this conversation is for you. 00:00 Ashley's Background and Early Faith Journey 01:35 Youth Ministry Experience 05:54 Transition to Mental Health Therapy 09:51 Exploring Faith and Mental Health 18:10 Understanding OCD and Scrupulosity 21:57 Navigating Scrupulosity in a Hyper-Catholic World 23:05 Therapeutic Approaches to Religious OCD 29:39 Challenges in Youth Ministry 36:17 Overcoming Fear and Embracing Nuance 44:42 Gratitude and Connection with God