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Two men wrote to me this week with the same question: “I’m not as attracted to my wife as I used to be. What do I do?” It can feel unsettling and helpless. But if you can relate to that, you aren't as helpless as you might think. In this conversation, I share why attraction doesn’t have to be just spontaneous. You can intentionally cultivate your desire for your wife by paying attention to what you still find beautiful in her. On a related note, I talk about spontaneous vs. responsive desire, and how you can use responsive desire to open the door for intimacy, even if you don’t feel spontaneously attracted to your wife at the moment. We’ll talk about loving the whole person, body and soul, and building an attraction rooted in the relationship you’ve grown together. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

God has entrusted you with a little corner of the world to cultivate: your marriage and your family. What kind of fruit is growing there? The vineyard readings from Isaiah and Matthew got me thinking about that question, and about how easily I can expect good fruit without doing the daily work of love (I'm preaching to myself here, too). In this conversation, I'll share why the garden is such a helpful image for marriage, what tending it looks like through forgiveness, humility, and affection, and how that care connects to a mutually fulfilling life of intimacy. I'll also return to the wedding feast at Cana and the hope that God's grace can make more of your marriage than you could produce on your own, even through the struggles. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

Should Catholics talk openly about sex? I’ve been doing this long enough that I’ve heard some of the same objections come up over and over again. In this episode, I address four of them directly. 1) Some men worry that public conversations cheapen something sacred and private. 2) Others believe solid theology should be enough and that discussions about the practical aspects of sex aren’t needed. 3) Some have a hidden or acknowledged doubt that anything in their marriage can change, so it’s not worth trying. 4) Finally, a surprising number of men assume they have nothing to learn and no need to improve and that their wife is the only one who needs to change. I share my thoughts on each one of these: We’ll talk about how respectful discretion can coexist with honest conversation, why theology still needs prudential application to live it our in the concrete realities of our lives, where hope comes from when your circumstances feel stuck, and why humility always begins with the man in the mirror. (I’m preaching to myself here too.) Everything I teach in Holy Desires serves a deeper purpose: helping husbands love their wives, grow in holiness, and cultivate the joyful, connected marriage God designed for them. Enrollment for the Fall 2026 Holy Desires formation is open through Saturday, October 3. Learn more and join us. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

Most of us are quick to notice what our wife could do differently when marriage feels stuck. The harder but more effective question is the one we ask the man in the mirror: How am I showing up, and how is God asking me to grow? In this conversation, I’ll share several insights from men who completed Holy Desires this spring, including why marriage is never 50/50, how changing your own steps changes the whole dance, and why taking responsibility for your heart, habits, and perspective is empowering rather than discouraging. We’ll also talk about your vocation as a husband, the call to love your wife all the way to heaven, and the tools that can help you cultivate a more vibrant, passionate, and faithful marriage. Holy Desires, my program for Catholic husbands to to help them grow in intimacy with their wives, is designed specifically to give you the tools you need and the brotherhood to support you. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

The group of Catholic dads I was hanging out with all nodded with ironic, knowing smiles. Someone had just shared that no matter how successful you are at work, you always get knocked down a few notches when you come home. Honestly, I've felt that too. Why is that? The rules for success at work are not the same as the rules for success at home. Let's chat about the differences. Grab a coffee and join me. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

Most good Catholic men who want freedom from porn have been handed two tools: try harder and pray harder. Prayer and discipline matter deeply, but many men are still missing a map of what is happening in the brain and how healing takes place. In this conversation, I’ll share why I made Rewire and why I'm making it free. We'll overview the science of how dopamine, supernormal stimuli, and neuroplasticity shape the struggle and discuss why understanding these processes can help you win the fight for freedom. We’ll also talk about the difference between freedom from porn and freedom for the beautiful vision God designed for marriage. (Because tearing down lies is only part of the work.) You need truth, a plan, and something worth building in their place. Whether porn has been part of your story or you want to help a friend, brother, or son, I hope this gives you a way forward without shame. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

There was a season when Sarah and I were basically roommates running a household together. Life got difficult. We got stressed. We let our marriage slip to the back burner without ever really deciding to. In this chat, I'll share about the weekend that turned things around for us. I'll share what actually thawed the frost between us (including one rainy afternoon sitting in our parked car that I still remember vividly), why the warmth of your marriage is the soil that connection in the bedroom grows out of, and one small step you can take this week to add a little warmth at home. A marriage drifts toward cold on autopilot. The good news, the real good news, is that warmth can be rebuilt, in any season. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. Resources mentioned in this episode: 🏖️ Abundant Live: For four weeks this July, Sarah and I walk with couples live through the most marriage-changing parts of our Abundant course. Enrollment is open through Sunday. www.canafeast.com/abundantlive ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

Imagine taking your wife out to a beautiful dinner. You finish your appetizer, your entrée, and dessert while she has barely touched her first course. Then you sit back, satisfied, while she stays at the table hungry and unfulfilled. St. Francis de Sales once used an extended dining metaphor to talk about married love, and I think it can teach us husbands something we really need to hear. In this conversation, I'll share what the Catechism teaches about the purpose of sex in marriage, why a slower and more attentive approach leads to deeper pleasure and connection for both of you, and how a simple dinner date can reshape the way you love your wife. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. Resources mentioned in this episode: 📖 Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

This is a touchy subject, and I almost didn't record it. What do you do when you have real feelings about your wife's changing body? Maybe it's weight. Maybe it's the way pregnancy, stress, illness, or just the years have changed her. Maybe you feel guilty for even noticing. This conversation is not about your wife. This is about what's happening in our own hearts as husbands. In this discussion, I'll share why your wife's body is not a project to manage, what it looks like to love her the way Christ loves the Church, and whether a husband can ever bring up health without leaving his wife feeling one ounce of shame (there's a way that heals and a way that wounds). I'll also share something Sarah said recently that prompted me to talk about this particular topic in the first place. If your desire feels more complicated than it used to, you are not alone. There is a holy way forward. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

Here's something that might surprise you. Some of the most common themes in my Holy Desires coaching calls, both group and one-on-one, have very little to do with sex itself. Three out of the four biggest brakes on a couple's sex life actually live outside the bedroom. Sometimes a struggling sex life is the canary in the coal mine, an early signal that something else in your marriage needs your attention. In this discussion, I'll build on last week's four-categories conversation and zoom in on what this looks like in everyday married life. I'll talk about why chronic stress is one of the biggest brakes on sexual desire for both men and women (and how it can sneak up on a household), and I'll share two practical moves any husband can start this week to claw back some margin and put real joy back into your home. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

82% of the men in my current Holy Desires class are dealing with some kind of difference in desire with their wives. If you are in that 82%, brother, you are in good company. I want you to know that there is real hope here. In this conversation, I'll share the four lenses I use to understand what's actually going on underneath low or mismatched desire: 1) the quality of your relationship, 2) wounds from the past, 3) physical and mental stress, and 4) satisfaction with sex itself. Then we’ll dive into that first category. It’s the one that is easy to overlook for many of us! I'll share why you need to prioritize your marriage and what that looks like, practically speaking. You’ll hear a jolt of inspiration, too, with a reminder of how your marriage is your pathway to heaven. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

Confession time. For years, my first instinct when something felt off in my marriage was to fix it. Diagnose the problem, apply a solution, move on. Turns out I was using the wrong mental model. Most of us have inherited a mechanical way of thinking about marriage. Your marriage needs fuel. It needs a tune-up. If something is wrong, find the broken part (or the broken person) and fix it. Although well intentioned, this metaphor can quietly reinforce unhelpful assumptions and unrealistic expectations. In this discussion, I'll share why the mechanical metaphor falls apart under real-world pressure, why a garden is a much more accurate picture of what God designed marriage to be, and what it looks like to cultivate your marriage even when it has been in a long season of drought (spoiler: there are no shortcuts, and that is actually good news). Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

If things feel distant in your marriage right now, I want you to remember something really important: you already know what it feels like to be close to your wife. It's in your memory. A specific night, a specific look on her face, a moment when everything felt right. In this conversation, I'll share what happened when I asked a group of Catholic husbands to recall their best dates with their wives. I’ll walk you through a simple, five-step exercise to write your wife a love letter she won't forget (all you need is a pen, some paper, and about fifteen minutes). Finally, we’ll talk about why this whole thing follows a pattern you already know well but maybe you never connected it to your marriage: the Mass itself. Whether you're in a great season or a hard one, this is something you can do this week. Grab a cup of coffee and let’s chat. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

Today, I'll share three things I've learned about what it actually looks like to prioritize your marriage. First, I think most of us need to get curious again. We're resourceful in every other area of life, but when it comes to marriage, we wing it. Second, I'll talk about humility, the willingness to look in the mirror and ask the hard questions about what I need to change, not what my wife needs to change. I think that's actually what headship in the family is really about. And third, I want to challenge you on whether your marriage is actually a priority, or just something you say is important while your time and money go everywhere else. Your marriage is your vocation. It deserves more than leftovers. Grab a drink and let's talk about it. ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

I was on the Doug Hinderer Show this week talking about physical intimacy from the husband's perspective. It was a great conversation. But a woman called in and shared something that's been weighing on me since. She said she avoids sex with her husband because it feels purely physical. I gave her an okay response, but I didn't go far enough. She deserved more. So I'm recording what I wish I would have told her. First, I'll talk about the question of obligation. There are voices in the Catholic world that say it's sinful to turn down your spouse. That's just not true. Second, I'll share why "it feels purely physical" is a really important clue. The Church's vision of sexuality is that it's a body language, a reflection of the love and connection you share as husband and wife. If that connection isn't there outside the bedroom, something important is missing. I also talk about leading by example, building the bond first, and letting the physical intimacy flow from it more naturally. This whole conversation is really about one thing: your heart matters. Your experience matters. If something feels off, don't force your way through it. Pay attention to it. That feeling is pointing you toward healing, and healing is possible. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. 🎙️ The original interview on the Doug Hinderer Show (Marriage Unhindered, Relevant Radio): https://relevantradio.com/2026/03/growing-together-in-marital-love/ I also mention my Holy Desires course: https://www.canafeast.com/holydesires ____________ Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy: 🔥 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams >>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets ⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction >>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire