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You keep trying to be a better partner. You apologize to keep the peace. You’re told marriage is hard, but you’re starting to wonder: is this emotional abuse? Molly believed that if she could just try harder, her marriage would get better. Instead, she found herself increasingly isolated, questioning her own judgment, and carrying the weight of religious expectations that made asking for help feel wrong. In this episode of The Check In! with Dillan, therapist Dillan Koch sits down with Molly for an honest conversation about emotional abuse, gaslighting, religious trauma, and life after a high-conflict divorce. Molly shares her experience of a seven-year marriage, a lengthy custody battle, and rebuilding trust in herself while raising her daughter. We talk about: • Walking on eggshells, self-blame, and the relationship patterns Molly struggled to recognize.• How messages about submission, forgiveness, and being a “good wife” shaped her response to abuse.• Navigating Christian divorce and rediscovering faith on her own terms.• Parenting through divorce without putting children in the middle.• Dating after divorce and learning what emotional safety can feel like.• Making room for grief, support, and a future you didn’t plan. For anyone questioning a relationship, healing after divorce, or trying to support someone they love, this conversation puts words to experiences that can be difficult to explain. CONNECTMolly: @the_divorced_mamaDillan: @checkinwithdillan SUPPORT & RESOURCES — U.S.You don’t have to be certain it’s abuse—or ready to leave—to talk with an advocate about your concerns and options. • National Domestic Violence Hotline: Free, confidential support, available 24/7. Call 800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat with a live advocate at thehotline.org. • Personalized safety planning: Explore options for staying safer while in a relationship, preparing to leave, or after separation at The Hotline’s safety planning resource. • Legal information and help: WomensLaw.org offers plain-language information about protection orders, custody, divorce, and finding legal help. It serves survivors of all genders. If your device or internet activity may be monitored, use a safer device to access support when possible. If you’re in immediate danger, call 911 if you can safely do so. Content note: Discussion of domestic and emotional abuse, religious trauma, and custody conflict. This episode shares personal experiences and general education; it isn’t individualized therapy or legal advice.

When a marriage ends, parents are often terrified about what the divorce will do to their children. But divorce itself isn’t the strongest predictor of how kids will cope—the conflict surrounding them is. Systems-oriented family specialist, Dillan, sits down with licensed child psychologist and high-conflict divorce expert Dr. Karalynn Royster to discuss how parents can protect their children when trust has been broken, emotions are high, or healthy co-parenting feels impossible. Together, they explore: • What makes a divorce truly “high conflict”• Why criticizing your co-parent can fracture your child’s sense of self• What to tell children about infidelity or a divorce one parent didn’t want• The fine line between being honest and making your child your emotional caretaker• How parentification can show up, especially with teens• Why children should have a voice without carrying the burden of choosing between parents• Custody schedules, nesting, transitions, and preserving stability• What you can still control when your co-parent refuses to cooperate Dr. Royster also offers a grounding reminder for parents navigating the impossible: You may not be able to change your co-parent, but the safe, steady relationship you create with your child can make an enormous difference. Whether you’re newly separated, caught in a high-conflict custody situation, co-parenting with a difficult ex, or supporting a child through divorce, this episode will help you focus on what protects kids most. Follow @checkinwithdillan on Instagram CONNECT WITH DR. KARALYNN ROYSTER: Website: https://www.learnwithlittlehouse.com/Instagram: @learnwithlittlehouseEmail: [email protected] Please note: This conversation is educational and does not constitute legal advice or establish a therapeutic relationship.

What happens when a systems oriented therapist sits down with a state representative not to trade political talking points, but to ask why life has become so difficult for so many families? In this candid conversation, licensed clinical social worker Dillan and Michigan State Representative Joey Andrews connect the stress people feel at home to the larger systems shaping their lives. Why has housing become so unaffordable in Southwest Michigan? Are short-term rentals really the problem or does outdated zoning deserve more attention? What does the divide between St. Joseph and Benton Harbor reveal about education, race, resources, and opportunity? How can Michigan embrace AI and economic growth without passing the hidden costs on to families? And what happens when schools are expected to educate, protect, feed, and provide mental health support all while smartphones and social media are reshaping childhood? Joey also opens up about his unconventional path from small business and law to the Michigan Legislature, his experience living with Crohn’s disease, and the generations of support that helped his own family build stability. Together, he and Dillan explore why personal responsibility and systemic responsibility do not have to be opposing ideas and why investing in people before they reach a crisis can strengthen an entire community. This isn’t a campaign speech or a partisan debate. It’s a thoughtful, accessible conversation about housing, schools, healthcare, technology, mental health, and what families need to thrive. You don’t have to follow politics—or agree with every policy—to get something meaningful from this episode. If you care about raising children, affording a home, accessing healthcare, or building a community people can remain part of, this conversation is for you. @checkinwihdillan @joeyformichigan https://housedems.com/joey-andrews/

Schools are being asked to do more than ever: educate children, protect them, support their mental health, respond to behavior, navigate cell phones and AI, and help every student feel like they belong. So, what do kids actually need from schools now? In this episode of The Check In!, systems-oriented therapist Dillan Koch sits down with public school superintendent Kristen Bawks for an honest, behind-the-scenes look at the decisions shaping children’s experiences at school. Together, they explore: • Why behavior is communication—and what adults may be missing underneath it• How relationships, belonging, and psychological safety affect learning• Balancing emotional support with expectations, grit, and healthy struggle• Student mental health, school social workers, and barriers to accessing therapy• How cell phones affect learning, connection, anxiety, and school safety• What artificial intelligence means for writing, critical thinking, and academic integrity• Teacher burnout, school funding, and the pressures educators are carrying• Why one trusted adult can change the trajectory of a child’s life Kristen also pulls back the curtain on what school leaders are balancing—from budgets and building safety to teacher retention, technology, mental health support, and community expectations. This conversation is for parents, educators, therapists, school board members, and community leaders who want to better understand the systems surrounding children. It will also give you language, questions, and ideas you can bring back to your own superintendent or school district when advocating for stronger mental health supports, thoughtful technology policies, safer learning environments, and schools where every child feels known. Follow The Check In! with Dillan for honest conversations about parenting, mental health, family systems, education, and the communities shaping our children. @checkinwithdillan on instagram

Sabrina Clark Rohde was 18 when her dad died suddenly, just after they'd had a big fight. In the aftermath, grief didn’t only look like sadness. It looked like urgency. Achievement. A determination to build an extraordinary life because she understood, far too young, how quickly life could end. Sabrina went on to work at McKinsey, become one of the firm’s youngest managers, pursue her MBA at Stanford, run marathons and launch her own successful fashion brand Rohde Vene [check it out at https://www.rohdevene.com/] . But underneath the impressive résumé was a deeper question: Was she building a life she genuinely wanted or using achievement to feel safe, in control and worthy? Sabrina and Dillan, two women who lost their dads at young ages, talk about complicated grief, guilt after sudden loss, forgiving someone after they’re gone and the people who help carry us through what we couldn’t survive alone. They also explore female ambition, marriage and career trade-offs, the pressure to “have it all,” and how to create an identity that doesn’t disappear when the accomplishments do. This episode is for anyone who has ever seemed happy while carrying enormous grief—or wondered whether their ambition comes from passion, survival or both. Because sometimes loss doesn’t make you stop living. Sometimes it makes you feel like you have no time to waste. Shop Rohde Vene at: https://www.rohdevene.com/

In this episode of The Check In, Dillan sits down with Patrick VanAntwerp for a powerful conversation about child loss, father grief, anxiety after trauma, faith, and life after the death of a child. Patrick shares the story of his firstborn son, Conner James VanAntwerp, the little boy who made him a dad. He opens up about Conner’s sudden medical emergency, the trauma of the hospital, the heartbreaking decisions he and his wife Angie had to make, and what it has been like the last 10 years navigating grief and life after losing a child. Together, they explore what grief in men really looks like, why many fathers try to stay strong for their family after tragedy, and how child loss impacts marriage, mental health, faith, identity, and everyday life. Patrick speaks candidly about returning to work after loss, struggling with anger and anxiety, seeking therapy, taking medication, and learning that grief does not disappear. This conversation also offers practical insight into how to support grieving parents and bereaved families. Patrick shares what helped and why showing up consistently matters more than finding the perfect words. If you are grieving the loss of a child, supporting someone through grief, navigating marriage after child loss, struggling with anxiety after trauma, or looking for honest conversations about faith and suffering, this episode is for you. Content Note: This episode contains discussions of child loss, pediatric stroke, death, grief, trauma, anxiety, mental health, faith, and bereavement. Grief Resources: The Compassionate Friends—Support for parents, siblings, and grandparents after the death of a child Dougy Center—Grief resources for children, teens, young adults, and families GriefShare—Faith-based grief support groups available in many communities 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline—Call or text 988, or use online chat, if you are experiencing emotional distress or need immediate support Topics Discussed: • Child loss and parental grief • Father grief and grief in men • Losing a child and life after loss • Marriage after child loss • Anxiety, trauma, and mental health • Therapy and grief recovery • Faith during suffering • Supporting grieving parents • Bereavement and healing • Medical trauma and pediatric stroke

In Part 2 of my conversation with Kaitlin Good, we continue talking about pregnancy loss, invisible motherhood, grief, and what it actually looks like to support loss moms. In this episode, Kaitlin opens up about the invisible grief so many women carry after miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, infertility, and child loss. We talk about Mother’s Day, Bereaved Mother’s Day, ambiguous loss, and why motherhood isn’t only defined by the children the world can see. Kaitlin also shares the physical and emotional realities of early pregnancy loss, including the parts women are often expected to navigate quietly and alone. We talk about shame, medical trauma, trauma-informed care, advocating for yourself in medical settings, and why early loss is still loss. We also explore how grief can impact marriage, especially when two people are grieving the same loss in completely different ways. Kaitlin shares honestly about the misunderstanding, distance, therapy, communication, and support that helped her and her husband move through unimaginable pain. Toward the end of the episode, Kaitlin shares how she’s using her story to support other women, advocate for better maternal care, and help loss moms feel less alone. This conversation is tender, honest, and deeply important. It’s for anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss, child loss, infertility, pregnancy after loss, or invisible grief. It’s also for the partners, friends, family members, providers, and loved ones who want to better understand how to show up. Please listen with care. Your baby counts. Your grief counts. Your motherhood counts. Connect: Guest: Kaitlin Good Instagram: @kaitlinrgood Host: Dillan Instagram: @checkinwithdillan Resources Mentioned and Related Support: Maternal Trauma Support A trauma-informed maternal health provider directory for people trying to conceive, navigating infertility, pregnancy, postpartum, pregnancy loss, or maternal trauma. MoMMAs Voices A maternal health patient advocacy coalition that trains people with lived experience as Patient Family Partners to help improve maternal health care and bring patient voices into hospital systems, quality improvement, and policy conversations. Postpartum Support International Offers online support groups for pregnancy and infant loss, early pregnancy loss, and pregnancy after loss. March of Dimes Offers information and support related to miscarriage, pregnancy loss, grief, and infant loss. Content Disclaimer: This episode includes open conversation about pregnancy loss, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, infertility, child loss, pregnancy after loss, medical trauma, grief, postpartum emotions, marriage after loss, and the physical realities of pregnancy loss. Please listen with care. Pause if you need to. If this conversation feels too close to your own story right now, it’s okay to come back when you feel ready. This episode is not medical advice, mental health treatment, or a substitute for care from your own provider. If you’re navigating pregnancy loss, pregnancy after loss, or medical concerns, please reach out to your OB, midwife, primary care provider, therapist, or a qualified medical professional.

In this tender episode of The Check In! with Dillan, Dillan LMSW sits down with Kaitlin Good for an honest conversation about pregnancy loss, motherhood, grief, and what it means to love children who are not physically here. This is part 1 of the conversation. Kaitlin shares her journey through infertility, the loss of her identical twin daughters at 22 weeks, an early miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, and the complicated emotional experience of carrying hope after profound loss. Together, they talk about the invisible layers of motherhood, the grief that resurfaces through milestones, the fear and anxiety that can come with pregnancy after loss, and why acknowledging a child’s name and existence can mean so much to a grieving parent. This episode is not a “how-to” for grief, because there is no one right way to grieve. Instead, it is one mother’s story of love, loss, faith, survival, and continuing to mother all of her children—the ones in her arms and the ones she carries in her heart. This conversation is for loss moms, grieving parents, and anyone who wants to better understand how to show up for someone walking through pregnancy loss, infant loss, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, or grief. Please note: This episode shares one mother’s lived experience and is not medical advice. If you are experiencing pregnancy-related pain, bleeding, emotional distress, or concerns about your health, please reach out to a medical or mental health professional. Resources for support and education:Postpartum Support International offers pregnancy and infant loss support groups, including support for miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, early infant loss, and pregnancy after loss. March of Dimes offers accessible information and grief resources for families navigating miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, and grief after the death of a baby. ACOG provides medical education on early pregnancy loss, bleeding during pregnancy, and ectopic pregnancy symptoms and treatment. Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support provides grief support, resources, and connection for families impacted by pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or the death of a baby in the first few months of life.

If you follow Georgia Wellman online, you're one of the nearly 300,000 people who know her for her comforting routines, honest life updates, humor, relationship content, and the way she makes everyday life feel both beautiful and real. But in this episode, you get to hear more of the story behind what people see online. In Part 2 of the Grief Around Mother’s Day series, Georgia opens up about losing her mom to cancer at 17, feeling alone in grief, getting sober in her early 20s, leaving a stable corporate career, and the path that led her to becoming an influencer. We talk about what it’s really like to grow an audience online, the video that changed everything, the pressure of being perceived, the difference between going viral and building a community, and how hard it can be when your job is tied so closely to your identity. Since recording, Georgia has also shared that she’s exploring a return to the corporate world, which makes this conversation even more relevant. Because changing your plans doesn’t mean you failed. Sometimes it means you’re growing, being honest, & paying attention to what you need. This episode is for the girl or woman who feels behind, feels lost, is rethinking her path, or wonders if everyone else got the memo on how to “figure life out.” It’s about grief, identity, sobriety, career pivots, social media pressure, relationships, and the reminder that you don’t have to do life alone. If you’re new here from Georgia’s world, welcome! I’m Dillan, a therapist, mom, and host of The Check In! with Dillan, where we talk about the deeper stories behind who we’re becoming. In this episode, we talk about: losing a parent as a teenagergrief and feeling unsupportedgetting sober in your 20sleaving Google and changing career pathshow Georgia became a full-time influencergrowing an audience on social mediagoing viral vs. building real connectionlife online vs. real liferelationships, identity, and emotional growthwhy changing your mind doesn’t mean you failedwhy community matters so muchConnect with us: Dillan / The Check In!: @checkinwithdillan Georgia: @georgiawellmanEllen | music: @elliezelie If this episode resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend, and come hang out with me on Instagram at @checkinwithdillan

In this deeply moving episode of The Check in! with Dillan, Dillan begins the Grief Around Mother’s Day series with Angie VanAntwerp. Angie shares the story of losing her son, Conner, just before his fourth birthday, while she was newly pregnant and parenting a toddler. Together, Dillan and Angie talk about child loss, Mother’s Day after grief, faith, marriage, parenting surviving children, trauma in the nervous system, and the power of community support. This conversation is for bereaved mothers, grieving families, people supporting someone through loss, and anyone learning how to sit with pain without rushing to fix it. Resources mentioned: Lory’s Place, a grief support center for children, adults, and families; GriefShare, a grief support group program often hosted by churches; Holding On to Hope by Nancy Guthrie; and Respite Retreat, a retreat for couples grieving the death of a child. Additional support: The Compassionate Friends offers peer support for families grieving the death of a child, sibling, or grandchild. For immediate emotional crisis support, call or text 988. Follow Dillan on Instagram: @checkinwithdillan

AI, social media, screen time, teen mental health...it can feel like every headline is telling parents to panic. What if fear isn’t the most helpful starting point? In this episode of The Check-In with Dillan, I’m joined by Kirsten Haglund [speaker, researcher, and communications professional] for a nuanced conversation about young people, technology, AI, and digital safety. Kirsten shares her research on AI and youth mental health through the University of Zurich, including her work connected to the Frontiers in Digital Child Safety initiative with the University of Zurich, TUM Think Tank, and Harvard’s Berkman Klein Center for Internet & Society. Together, we talk about why simply banning technology may not build the skills kids need, how fear-based narratives can sometimes increase anxiety, and why digital safety has to involve more than just parents. We explore social media, AI chatbots, education, cheating, creativity, screen time, neurodivergence, resilience, and what it means to help kids build capacity instead of just control. This conversation does not give a one-size-fits-all answer. Instead, it asks better questions: How do we help kids stay safe without making technology taboo?How do we build digital resilience?How do we protect childhood while also preparing young people for the world they are actually growing up in? Resources mentioned in this episode include: Frontiers in Digital Child Safety — TUM Think Tank, University of Zurich, and Berkman Klein Center for Internet & Society at Harvard UniversityKirsten Müller-Daubermann’s thesis: It Depends How We Grow Up With It: Designing a Child-Centered Digital Environment That Supports Rights This episode is for parents, therapists, educators, and anyone trying to raise or support thoughtful, capable, connected kids in a rapidly changing digital world.

A single conversation can change the trajectory of your life… even if the other person never remembers it. In Part 1 of this conversation, Kirsten Haglund reflects on her journey from winning Miss America at 19 to building a life that finally feels aligned. What looks glamorous on the outside often carries pressure, isolation, and the weight of becoming who the world expects you to be. Kirsten shares what that year was actually like—living out of a suitcase, constantly performing, and navigating the emotional highs and lows mostly on her own. We talk about:– The hidden cost of high-achievement environments– Why nothing in life works out the way you plan (and why that’s a good thing)– How small, seemingly insignificant moments can shape someone’s life– Letting go of rigid plans to create a life that actually fits This isn’t just a conversation about pageants—it’s about identity, pressure, and becoming. In Part 2, we shift into Kirsten’s research on AI and youth mental health—and her perspective might challenge everything you’ve been told about technology and kids.

Child sexual abuse is more common—and more misunderstood—than most people realize. And its impact doesn’t stop in childhood—it shapes families, workplaces, and entire communities. In this episode, I sit down with Brook Thomas from the Children’s Advocacy Center (CAC) to break down what’s actually happening behind the scenes—and what every adult needs to know to better protect kids. We talk about how abuse happens, why it often goes undisclosed for years, and how to respond in a way that supports a child instead of shutting them down. But we also go bigger—exploring how unaddressed trauma shows up later in life, impacting relationships, mental health, and even workplace productivity. This is why prevention and parent education aren’t just personal—they’re economic. This isn’t about fear. It’s about awareness, education, and knowing what to do. What the Children’s Advocacy Center (CAC) doesWhy most abuse is committed by someone the child knowsHow grooming works—and why it’s often missedWhat to say (and not say) if a child disclosesThe difference between safe, unsafe, and confusing touchHow to talk to youth about body safetyHow trauma impacts development, adulthood, and relationshipsWhy businesses and communities should invest in preventative family and mental health supportHow early intervention improves long-term outcomes—for individuals and the workforceIf you’re a parent, educator, business leader, or someone who wants to be a safe adult in a child’s life—this conversation matters. If you or someone you know needs support: RAINN 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) | rainn.orgChildhelp National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)You can also contact your local Children’s Advocacy Center for free support and services. (269) 556-9640 For parent education workshops, speaking, or business inquiries with Dillan Koch: 📧 [email protected]

What if everything you’ve worked so hard for… isn’t what matters most? In this conversation, 61yo Suzi Schweir reflects on parenting, identity, and what comes into focus after a life-changing cancer diagnosis. We talk about growing up believing your worth comes from achievement and how those messages can quietly shape you for decades. We talk about parenting through both safety and friction, and why protecting kids from everything may actually limit their resilience.We talk about eating disorders, control, and the pressure so many women carry to be “enough.”And we talk about what happens when a cancer diagnosis shifts everything into focus. This episode is a reminder that even when life looks “perfect” on the outside, there is always more beneath the surface. And when achievement, control, and certainty fall away—what actually matters are the relationships that make us feel seen, known, and loved. Whether you’re raising a teen, supporting one, or still working through your own story… this conversation will shift what you prioritize. In this episode, we explore: Performance-based worth and how it developsParenting with both support and accountabilityWhy kids need space to fail (and feel)Body image, control, and generational patternsMarriage, partnership, and being fully acceptedFacing illness and redefining what mattersWhy relationships—not accomplishments—leave the deepest impactResources & Support: If this episode brought anything up for you or someone you love: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (Call or text 988)Crisis Text Line (Text HOME to 741741)National Eating Disorders AssociationNational Alliance for Eating DisordersSelf-Injury Outreach & SupportAmerican Cancer SocietyCancer Support CommunityIf this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who’s raising, supporting, or loving a young person. Because this isn’t really about a podcast— it’s about getting these conversations into more homes, more relationships, and more moments that shape who someone becomes. And if you haven’t already, following the show and leaving a rating or review helps more people find these conversations :)

What happens when you finally achieve the dream… and realize it doesn’t automatically quiet the questions underneath it? In this episode of the Parenting Teen Girls Podcast, Dillan Koch sits down with Broadway performer Ally Bonino for a powerful conversation about ambition, identity, body image, belonging, and what it really means to feel seen. Ally shares the long road to making her Broadway debut and opens up about navigating an industry that has historically held a very narrow idea of what a “Broadway body” should look like. Together, they explore why representation in art matters and how powerful it can be when people finally see themselves reflected on stage. They also talk about the emotional reality of reaching a lifelong dream — and the deeper work of untangling identity and worth from achievement. Throughout the conversation, Dillan introduces her Safety + Friction framework, exploring how growth requires both support and challenge, and why relationships that help us feel truly seen are essential for development. In this episode: • The pressure of body image in the performing arts • The myth of the “Broadway body” • Why representation in art matters • Achievement vs. identity and self-worth • How safety and friction shape growth in teens and adults If you’re a parent, performer, educator, or someone navigating questions about identity and belonging, this episode offers an honest and meaningful conversation about resilience, representation, and becoming who you are. Please share this episode to spread this powerful message!