Advertise on podcast: Just Listen To Me

Description

🎙️ New episodes every Tuesday and Thursday Welcome to the place where love stops performing and starts telling the truth. I’m a couples counsellor who works with the real moments of relationships — the disconnection, the misunderstandings, and the deep longing to feel safe and chosen. Using an emotionally focused couples therapy lens, I break down attachment patterns, communication breakdowns, and the cycles that keep couples stuck. This podcast is for people who care deeply and want to understand what’s actually happening beneath the arguments, silence, or distance — without quick fixes or clichés. Whether you’re healing your relationship, reconnecting, or breaking generational patterns around love and attachment, this is a space to slow down and grow. Alongside relationship and attachment education, the podcast also explores narcissistic and coercive relational dynamics, emotional safety, emotionally unsafe systems, and the difference between genuine therapeutic support and dependency or emotional manipulation. Just Listen to Me was created to support individuals and couples navigating relationship pain and attachment wounds, while also providing therapists, counsellors, and helping professionals with attachment-informed conversations that deepen clinical thinking, reflective practice, and emotionally focused work. You’re welcome here. Let’s build relationships that feel safe, real, and alive. The stories and relationship dynamics shared in this podcast are always de-identified and adapted to protect privacy and confidentiality. Many examples are composites based on common patterns seen across therapeutic work. Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio, and wherever you get your podcasts. Disclaimer: This podcast is provided for educational and informational purposes only. The content is not intended to diagnose, treat, or provide professional mental health care, counselling, or psychological support. The information shared should not be considered a substitute for individualised advice or support from a qualified mental health professional. If you are experiencing significant distress or have concerns about your mental health or safety, please seek appropriate professional support.

Unlock Just Listen To Me podcast Email contact info,
Listeners & Audience details

Email contact information

Direct podcast contact details

Listeners

Audience numbers & engagement insights

Audience details

Podcast Insights

Podcast episodes

Check latest episodes from Just Listen To Me podcast

Deborah & Ava- When Connection Feels Like a Threat: Attachment Lessons from Hacks

2026/10/15

What happens when someone becomes deeply important to you — and that’s exactly what makes the relationship feel dangerous? In Hacks, Deborah Vance and Ava Daniels are boss and employee, mentor and protégé, friends, rivals — and occasionally something resembling mortal enemies. But underneath the power struggles, sarcasm, betrayals and spectacular attempts to push each other away is a relationship that matters enormously to both of them. In this episode of Just Listen to Me, Julia looks at Deborah and Ava through an attachment lens: Deborah’s fierce independence and need for control, Ava’s longing to know that she matters, and the cycle that keeps pulling them together before pushing them apart again. Because sometimes “I don’t need you” is protecting something much more vulnerable: “You matter to me enough that you could hurt me.” And perhaps the challenge of connection isn’t learning not to need each other — but learning that needing someone doesn’t always have to feel so dangerous. This is the final episode of Season 4 of Just Listen to Me. I’ll be taking a short break and will be back in a few weeks with Season 5 — and plenty more conversations about attachment, relationships, trauma and the messy business of being human. See you then.

“My AI Understands Me Better Than You Do” - AI, Love & Attachment

2026/10/13

What happens when talking to AI starts feeling easier than talking to your partner? AI can be patient, responsive and surprisingly comforting — especially when human connection feels complicated. For one partner, it might offer connection without rejection. For another, connection without pressure. But what happens when AI starts taking up emotional space inside the relationship? In this episode of Just Listen to Me, Julia explores AI through an attachment lens: why it can feel so emotionally safe, how it can become part of a couple’s negative cycle, and whether turning to AI for emotional support could ever cross into emotional infidelity. Because the real question may not be whether AI is replacing human connection. It might be whether we’re using it to help us find our way back to each other — or to avoid having to.

When Individual Therapy Has Made Couples Therapy Harder

2026/10/09

Individual therapy can be an incredibly valuable companion to couples therapy — but sometimes, what happens in one room can unintentionally make the work in another room harder. In this therapist-focused episode, Julia explores what can happen when individual and couples therapy are running concurrently, particularly when the two therapists are working from very different lenses. We look at how individual therapy can sometimes reinforce one partner’s perspective, strengthen blame, or shift the focus away from the relational cycle — even when the individual therapist is doing thoughtful, ethical work with the information available to them. Julia also explores the distinction between validation and certainty, what couples therapists can do when a fixed clinical formulation enters the room, and what to consider when referring one partner for concurrent individual therapy. Because individual and couples therapy don’t have to compete. When the roles are clear and the work is complementary, they can offer two very different — and equally valuable — spaces for healing. For therapists and relationship professionals.

When the Pursuer Withdraws: Will You Come After Me?

2026/10/07

What happens when the partner who usually pursues connection suddenly stops? Sometimes a pursuer goes quiet not because they’ve given up, but because they desperately want to know what will happen if they stop reaching. Will you notice? Will you miss me? Will you come after me? In this episode of Just Listen to Me, Julia explores protest withdrawal — when a pursuing partner creates distance in the hope that their partner will finally close it. We look at why this can backfire, how a withdrawing partner may interpret the distance as a request for space, and how both partners can end up confirming their deepest attachment fears. Because sometimes the pursuer hasn’t stopped pursuing. They’ve simply changed the way they’re asking to be pursued.

Learning to Trust After Trauma: Attachment Lessons from Stranger Things

2026/10/01

What happens when the people who are supposed to keep you safe are the ones who hurt you? In this episode, we look at Eleven from Stranger Things through an attachment lens — from her traumatic beginnings at Hawkins Lab to the relationships that slowly teach her that connection doesn’t always mean danger. Through Mike, Hopper and the people who become her chosen family, Eleven begins to experience something entirely new: consistency, repair, belonging and love that doesn’t have to be earned. We explore why trauma can make trust so difficult, why safety sometimes feels unfamiliar, and how healing relationships can gradually give the nervous system a different message: Maybe I don’t have to survive everything alone.

Liked, Followed, Triggered: Social Media & Relationships

2026/09/29

In this episode of Just Listen to Me, Julia explores social media through an attachment lens — from jealousy and reassurance-seeking to relationship comparison, digital boundaries and the endless temptation to check. Why can one tiny interaction online trigger such a big emotional reaction? When does checking for reassurance actually make us feel less secure? And how do couples decide what counts as crossing a line online? Because underneath the likes, follows and notifications are often much older attachment questions: Do I matter to you? Do you choose me? Are you there for me? Social media might give us more information than ever before — but secure attachment still happens offline.

The Blaming Partner: What They’re Really Protecting

2026/09/26

Working with a blaming partner can pull even experienced couples therapists into the content: Who started it? Who’s right? Who needs to change? In this therapist-facing episode, Julia explores blame through an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) lens — not simply as difficult behaviour, but as a protective strategy that can conceal fear, shame, helplessness, rejection and a deep longing for connection. We look at how therapists can avoid becoming the judge in the couple’s courtroom, find the vulnerability underneath blame without forcing it, track how criticism shapes the other partner’s response, and externalise the cycle without removing individual responsibility. Most importantly, we explore the shift from blaming to reaching — helping clients move from “You never prioritise me” towards the much more vulnerable attachment message underneath it. Because sometimes the most useful question we can hold in the therapy room isn’t “How do I stop this client from blaming?” It’s: “What becomes too dangerous for this person to feel if they stop?”

When You Stop Chasing and They Start Pursuing

2026/09/22

What happens when the partner who always pursued connection finally stops — and the person who used to withdraw suddenly starts reaching? In this companion episode to When the Pursuer Finally Gives Up, Julia explores the other side of the pursuer-withdrawer cycle: what can happen inside a withdrawing partner when the reassurance hidden within their partner’s pursuit suddenly disappears. Why can distance start to feel frightening when it once felt safe? Why might the withdrawer suddenly seek reassurance, initiate conversations or fear losing the relationship? And does this role reversal mean the relationship is becoming more secure — or have the partners simply swapped positions in the same cycle? Through an attachment and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) lens, we explore pursuer burnout, attachment alarm, emotional accessibility, and how couples can move beyond chasing and retreating towards something safer: reaching and responding. Because secure attachment isn’t about who pursues whom. It’s knowing you don’t have to chase someone to find them.

Maeve & Otis — When Love Isn’t Enough: Attachment Lessons from Sex Education

2026/09/17

We spent years rooting for Maeve and Otis. The chemistry was there. The connection was there. So why was it so difficult for them to make it work? In this episode, we explore Maeve and Otis through an attachment lens—from Maeve's fierce independence and fear of vulnerability to Otis's anxiety, avoidance and emotional confusion. We'll look at their repeated pattern of moving towards each other and then pulling apart, and what their relationship can teach us about chemistry, emotional safety, timing and compatibility. Because sometimes two people can genuinely love each other—and still struggle to build a relationship that feels secure. Sometimes love is real, even when it isn't enough.

Matched, Ghosted, Triggered: Dating Apps & Attachment

2026/09/15

You match. You message. You wait. And sometimes, before you’ve even met someone, your attachment system is already working overtime. Dating apps have completely changed the way we meet people — but they haven’t changed the attachment patterns we bring into relationships. The uncertainty, mixed signals, ghosting, endless swiping and constant availability can create the perfect environment for anxious and avoidant attachment strategies to kick in. In this episode, we’re looking at dating apps through an attachment lens. Why can a delayed reply feel like rejection? Why can someone seem incredibly attractive until they start getting too close? And why do we sometimes mistake anxiety, uncertainty and emotional activation for chemistry? We’ll explore the anxious attachment trap, the swipe-and-withdraw cycle, and the difference between being genuinely interested in someone and being preoccupied with whether they’re interested in you. Because sometimes the person you’re most drawn to isn’t necessarily the person you’re most compatible with. Sometimes they’re simply the person who touches the oldest wound. And perhaps the most important question when you’re dating online isn’t “Do they want me?” It’s “Do I actually want them?” Welcome to the Attachment Dating App.

Are You Working Harder Than Your Client?

2026/09/10

As therapists, we care deeply about our clients. We prepare, reflect, research, analyse and constantly think about how we can help them move forward. But when does caring become over-functioning? In this therapist-facing episode, we explore what happens when you start taking too much responsibility for a client's therapeutic process — working harder than they are, trying to find the “right” intervention, filling the silence, rescuing, or feeling responsible for an outcome you can't control. We also look at what happens when we get caught in a client's relational system, including how countertransference and our own nervous system can pull us into patterns we're trying to help the client understand. Most importantly, we'll look at what secure therapeutic practice actually looks like: staying engaged without taking over, trusting the client's agency and pace, and knowing when to intervene and when to step back. Because being a good therapist doesn't mean working harder and harder. Sometimes, the more skilled intervention is to stop carrying what was never ours to carry.

When the Pursuer Finally Gives Up: The Cycle of Shame

2026/09/08

What happens when you've spent so long pursuing connection that you start feeling ashamed of the way you're trying to get it? In this follow-up to my Season 3 episode on pursuer burnout, we look at the shame that can develop when your attempts to reconnect repeatedly leave you feeling unheard, rejected or alone. You may find yourself asking: Am I too needy? Am I asking for too much? Why can't I just let it go? Over time, shame can make you question not just your behaviour, but your need for connection itself. In this episode, we explore the cycle of disconnection, pursuit, escalation, shame and self-criticism — and how both partners can end up misunderstanding what is really happening beneath the surface. Most importantly, we look at the difference between shame and responsibility, and what it means to move toward a more secure way of expressing your attachment needs. Because having needs doesn't make you “too much.” And pursuer burnout isn't necessarily proof that you've stopped loving your partner. Sometimes it's evidence that you've been trying to connect without enough emotional safety for too long. If you've ever felt ashamed of how hard you've tried to be heard, this episode is for you.

The Affair Without Sex: Understanding Emotional Infidelity

2026/09/03

Can you have an affair without ever having sex? Emotional infidelity can be one of the most confusing forms of betrayal because there are often no clear boundaries. A close friendship isn't automatically an emotional affair—but when does emotional intimacy with somebody else begin to threaten the safety of your relationship? In this episode, we explore what emotional infidelity is, how an innocent connection can gradually become something more significant, and why emotional affairs can be so deeply painful for the person who discovers them. We'll also look at what can make someone vulnerable to emotional infidelity, why understanding vulnerability isn't the same as making excuses, and whether a relationship can recover after emotional betrayal. In this episode: What emotional infidelity actually isThe difference between friendship and an emotional affairHow emotional affairs often develop graduallyWhy “we never had sex” doesn't necessarily remove the sense of betrayalEmotional replacement, attachment and loss of trustVulnerability without blame or excusesHow couples can rebuild emotional safety and trust Because sometimes the most significant betrayal isn't physical—it's discovering that somebody else has quietly become the person your partner turns towards instead.

When One Partner Won't Engage: Now What?

2026/08/27

What do you do when one partner simply won’t engage in couples therapy? They say “I don’t know” to every question. They shut down when emotions come up. They blame their partner for everything. Or they’re physically present in the room, but emotionally somewhere else. For therapists, this can be one of the most challenging dynamics to navigate. Is the client resistant — or are they protecting themselves? Are they overwhelmed, ashamed, burnt out, ambivalent, or simply unwilling to participate? In this therapist-facing episode of Just Listen To Me, Julia explores how to look beyond apparent non-engagement, track what happens in the couple’s cycle, and avoid becoming another pursuer in the room. We’ll also look at when individual work or a pause may be more appropriate — and when we need to ask the bigger question: Is couples therapy actually appropriate here? Because the goal isn't to make someone engage. It’s to understand what their non-engagement is telling us — and what this couple needs from us as therapists.

Reactive Withdrawers: When Withdrawal Looks Like Anger

2026/08/25

What if withdrawal doesn't look like withdrawal? When we think about a relationship withdrawer, we often picture someone who goes quiet, shuts down or walks away. But some withdrawers don't go silent—they become angry, defensive, critical or argumentative. In this episode, Julia explores the world of reactive withdrawers: people who may look like they're pursuing connection because they're highly activated and engaged in conflict, while emotionally they're actually moving away from vulnerability. We explore what can sit underneath the anger—including hurt, fear, shame, inadequacy and feeling overwhelmed—and how this creates a painful cycle where one partner reaches for connection while the other reacts by creating distance. You'll also hear a case example that brings this cycle to life, and we'll look at the important difference between understanding someone's protective response and excusing harmful behaviour. Because sometimes the person who looks like they're fighting with you is actually fighting to protect themselves from what they feel when they get close to you.