Advertise on podcast: Middle Years with Bridget KerMorris

Why does the same screen-time argument happen every single night? You say it’s time to get off. They say, “One more minute.” You repeat yourself. They push back. And somehow everybody ends up going to bed annoyed. In this episode of Middle Years, I’m talking about the part of technology that wears so many parents down. It's not the screen itself. It's the fight about the screen. We talk about: why screen-time conflict is often a design problem, not just a discipline problemwhat gets activated in parents around technologywhy middle schoolers care so much about having a saythe difference between giving your child agency and giving them the final saywhy stopping is an actual skill, especially for kids who struggle with transitionshow to move screen negotiations out of the heat of the momentwhy “we renegotiate in daylight” can change the whole tone of the eveninghow to build a screen agreement with firm edges and real input from your childthe State, Timing, and Shame gauges for knowing how to respond in the momenthow to repair when the night still goes sidewayswhat to do if you discover something online has already happenedYou don't need your middle schooler to cheerfully hands you their phone every night but your kid can gradually learn: I can handle stopping.I can have some say.My parent will lead when I can’t.A fight between us does not mean the relationship is in danger.I go deeper into my overall approach to screens, monitoring, values, and technology fears in Episode 3, I Hate Tech. Click here to listen. And, exciting news, So Glad It’s You, the middle school parent support platform, opens October 14!! This is the week I finally get to tell you more about So Glad It’s You, the new home Leah Anne Borrell and I built for families raising middle schoolers. Inside the platform, you’ll find: full Steady + Connected Parenting sessionslive workshops with both of ussupport that brings the home side and school side of your child’s life togetherthe Question Box, where you can bring us what is actually happening with your kid, in your house, that weekOur first live workshop together is November 3 and will focus on middle schoolers and AI. The founding rate is kept for life and will not repeat after this season and Founding Families begin accessing So Glad It’s You on October 14. Click here to join the Founders’ List so you're the first to hear when it opens on 10/14. Thanks for listening today, we're so glad it's you. Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

What do you do when your middle schooler loses her friend group and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make the lunch table go back to the way it was? In this episode of Middle Years, I answer a mom whose eighth-grade daughter has been left out and is heartbroken. We talk about: why friendship loss in middle school is real griefthe difference between the social problem and the story your child may start telling herself about what it meanswhy “I got left out” can quietly become “I am leaveable”how to comfort without minimizingwhy nightly friend audits can make things harderhow to be a soft place without running an investigationwhy you do not need to make the other kids villains in order to take your child’s pain seriouslywhen being left out crosses into something that needs adult interventionhow to gently widen where belonging liveswhen to offer perspective, and why timing matterswhat to notice in yourself when your child’s friendship pain wakes up your own history or fearThe line I want you to carry: The lunch table matters today. The caption she writes about herself matters longer term. You cannot control who sits with her tomorrow but you can help make sure this painful season does not teach her the wrong thing about who she is. And if you need one more sentence to hold onto: I do not have to solve her pain to be a safe place for it. I mention in the episode that I have something new coming in October. I’m building it with my colleague, Leah Anne Borrell, who spent twenty-five years as a teacher and brings the school-day perspective parents rarely get to see. There will be a founding group and that group will come from my email list first. Sign up below to make sure you're on my newsletter list. If this episode made you think of another parent whose child’s lunch table just got smaller, send it their way. And if you have a minute, follow the show and leave a review. It helps this show reach the next parent standing in a heartbroken kitchen wondering what to do next. Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

Let me tell you who so often ends up sitting across from a trauma therapist twenty years later: a strong and resilient person. They're the kid who never made a fuss. The kid nobody worried about because she never gave anyone a reason to. Somewhere along the way, we flattened "resilient" into handles hard things without needing anyone. And from the outside, you cannot tell the difference between a kid who is strong and a kid who has quietly concluded that strong is the only option they have. In this episode, I share the distinction that changes how you hear that compliment forever, alone-strength versus connected strength, plus three small, doable moves that help your middle schooler grow the second kind. Because decades of resilience research keep landing in the same place: the most common factor in kids who come through hard things well is at least one stable, committed relationship with a supportive adult. Resilience was never meant to be developed solo. You'll hear: Why "she's so resilient" deserves a gentle second lookThe caption kids write when they conclude nobody's coming and how it quietly becomes an identityAlone-strength vs. connected strength (capable AND accompanied)Three small moves: praise the reach, let them see you reach, and keep asking cheapWhen "resilient" is the label a kid wears while they actually need more supportSomething new is coming: I'm building something entirely new with my colleague Leah Anne Borrell, 25 years as a teacher, and the founding cohort will come entirely from my email list. Be the first to hear by signing up for my weekly newsletter. If this episode helped you see your kid differently, follow the show, send it to your group chat, and leave a review. That's how the next parent finds us. Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

Your middle schooler says he’s not lonely. So why are you still worried? In this episode of Middle Years with Bridget KerMorris, I answer a mom whose 12-year-old son is well-liked at school, has ADHD, and rarely reaches out to friends outside of school. She’s wondering whether to trust that he’s genuinely content or worry that difficulty maintaining friendships will catch up with him later. We talk about: why the question isn’t “does he have enough friends?”the hidden executive-function load of maintaining friendships in middle schoolwhy getting a phone solves the access problem, but not necessarily the initiation, planning, or follow-through problemhow to tell the difference between needing social recovery and avoiding connection you actually wantwhy solitude and loneliness can look identical from the outsidehow to scaffold the administration of friendship without managing your child’s social lifewhy texting frequency is a terrible measure of friendship qualityhow to believe your child’s experience while still staying curious about what may be getting in the waythe UPDATE work when your brain jumps from “he doesn’t text much” to “what if he ends up lonely?”The line I want you to carry: Don’t confuse a quiet social season with a lonely future. A kid can be bad at texting and wonderful at friendship. A kid can love people and need a lot of solitude. And a kid can need help making plans without needing a parent to decide how much socializing is “enough.” The long game is helping your middle schooler learn: What kind of connection feels good to me? When do I need rest? And when is something getting in the way of something I actually want? Something new is coming in October I’ve been quietly building something for parents who want more of this kind of support in the everyday moments of the middle school years. It opens in October, spots will be limited, and my newsletter subscribers will hear about it first. If this episode made you think of another parent doing silent friendship math right now, send it their way. And if you have a minute, follow Middle Years with Bridget KerMorris and leave a review. It helps the show reach the next parent wondering, “My kid says he’s okay… can I believe him?” Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

Your middle schooler says “leave me alone,” slams the door, or falls apart the second they see you. It can feel like rejection but what if it’s actually a hidden reach? In this episode of Middle Years with Bridget KerMorris, I’m sharing one of the most powerful ideas from my recent workshop, Your Middle Schooler Is Secretly Obsessed With You: the backward glance. That little look your toddler used to give you from across the playground never really disappeared. It just changed form. Now it might look like: “Ugh, I don’t know if I look okay.”falling apart the second they get home“leave me alone” followed by a quiet drift back into the kitchena slammed door followed by finding a reason to be near you twenty minutes laterretelling you the whole story at 10pm after insisting they did not want to talkIn this episode, we talk about: why middle schoolers still check for you even when they act like they don’t need youhow the backward glance gets disguised during the middle school yearswhy falling apart with you can sometimes be a sign of safetyhow attachment can look more hidden without becoming less importantwhat to do when your child pushes you awaywhy you don’t need to chase them, but you also don’t need to disappearthe difference between healthy distance and distance that may deserve more supportThe line I want you to carry is this: Your middle schooler is not done with you. They’re checking whether you’re done with them. And when they look back, your answer can be very simple: I’m still here. I’m still glad it’s you. If you want help turning this kind of connection into something you actually practice every day, 30 Days Closer begins September 14. For 30 days: every morning, I’ll text you one small question to ask your middle schoolerevery Friday, educator Leah Anne Borrell will help you understand and support your child’s life at schoolevery evening at 8:45, I’ll send something just for you, because the parent matters tooNo streaks. No homework. Nothing to log into. We count asks, not answers. Click here to sign up or text the word CLOSER to 858-389-6745. If this episode changed how you see your middle schooler even a little, send it to another parent who might need the reminder. And if you have a minute, follow Middle Years with Bridget KerMorris and leave a review. It helps the show find the next parent standing outside a slammed door wondering whether they still matter. Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

We tell middle schoolers to “work it out on their own” all the time. But what if that advice is leaving kids alone with relationship skills they haven’t actually learned yet? In this episode, I’m sharing a piece of my recent Social Lives of Middle Schoolers workshop and challenging one of the most common rules parents hear about friendship struggles. Because stepping in does not have to mean taking over. We talk about: why “let them figure it out” can quietly protect the child causing harmthe difference between a character problem and a capacity problemhow to know when to stay on the sideline and when it’s time to step onto the fieldwhat intervention looks like without fixing the friendship for your childwhat to do when your child is the one being hurthow to respond when your child is the one who caused the harmwhy bullying is never a “work it out yourselves” situationhow teaching relationship skills now shapes the friendships, partnerships, and hard conversations your child will have for the rest of their lifeThe goal is not to play the game for your middle schooler. It’s to be the coach: on the sideline most of the time, reading the field always, and willing to step in when the moment is asking for more than your child can currently handle. Your child doesn’t need a parent who never gets involved. They need a parent who knows when. I hope you'll also click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to be the first to hear about upcoming workshops. Ready to build a relationship that can weather the middle school years and beyond? Check out my Unbreakable Bond resource (click here). It's designed to help you create the kind of connection that lasts through disagreements, growing independence, and all the beautiful, messy moments in between. And if you're looking for a way to grow closer to your middle schooler, I hope you'll join me for 30 Days Closer in September. Click here to check it out!! Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

How do you make home a safe haven for a middle schooler whose big feelings are loud, when that same loudness makes home feel less safe for everyone else? In this episode, I answer a mom whose 13-year-old is being evaluated for ADHD, has significant sensory sensitivities, and can become loud or aggressive when overwhelmed. We talk about: what sensory overwhelm can actually feel likewhy ADHD is not simply “an inability to focus”helping a child recognize overwhelm before someone else has to absorb itprotecting siblings without shaming the child who is strugglingREPAIR (both ways)™ after harmwhat additional professional support can helpThe goal isn’t a perfectly peaceful home. It’s a home where everybody’s experience matters, harm gets interrupted, and no one has to disappear to make room for someone else. This episode includes discussion of ADHD, sensory processing differences, and autism. It is coaching and education, not diagnosis or therapy. I hope you'll also click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to be the first to hear about upcoming workshops. Ready to build a relationship that can weather the middle school years and beyond? Check out my Unbreakable Bond resource (click here). It's designed to help you create the kind of connection that lasts through disagreements, growing independence, and all the beautiful, messy moments in between. Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

When your middle schooler is melting down over a stained sweatshirt, a messy room, or something that seems objectively small, it can be hard not to think: Why is this such a crisis? And then the parenting questions start. Is this anxiety? Am I making it worse if I help? Should I be teaching them to tolerate the discomfort? Could this be something like OCD? Or am I overreacting by even wondering? In this episode of Middle Years with Bridget KerMorris, Bridget walks through how to take your child’s distress seriously without rushing to explain, minimize, or diagnose it. You’ll learn: why behavior is information, but not yet an explanationhow the Steady + Connected Parenting™ “filing cabinet” helps us understand the meaning kids may be making from an experiencewhat happens when your child’s urgency becomes your urgencyhow to use the discernment dials to track intensity, flexibility, frequency, and interference over timewhat A.R.E. Parenting™ can look like in the actual hard momenthow to get CURIOUS later, when your child is able to reflecthow to REPAIR when the pattern turns into a fightwhat OCD actually is, how it differs from simply wanting things “just right,” and when it makes sense to seek professional supportMost importantly, this episode offers a middle ground between dismissing your child’s distress and letting their distress run the whole family. The behavior is information. It is not yet an explanation. You don’t need certainty in order to stay connected while you figure out what the information is telling you. I hope you'll also click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to be the first to hear about upcoming workshops. Ready to build a relationship that can weather the middle school years and beyond? Check out my Unbreakable Bond resource (click here). It's designed to help you create the kind of connection that lasts through disagreements, growing independence, and all the beautiful, messy moments in between. Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

You ask about homework --> Your middle schooler gets defensive. You offer a reminder. --> They hear criticism. And before you know it, both of you are caught in a conversation that feels much bigger than the missing assignment. In this episode, I’m answering a parent whose middle schooler becomes angry whenever help with school is offered. We’ll talk about why needing support can feel so exposing during these years, why anger often protects more vulnerable feelings, and how parents can respond without either pushing harder or quietly giving up. You’ll learn: Why middle schoolers can become unreliable narrators of themselves when emotion, incomplete information, and a still-developing brain collideHow to notice what school struggles are bringing up in you before deciding what to sayWhy the best script in the world will not land without steadiness and self-compassionHow to have one calm, curious conversation about what help has come to meanWhat to say when your child snaps, shuts down, or insists, “That’s just how I am”How to help your child separate struggle from identityAt the heart of this episode is one idea I hope you carry with you: Help tells us what we need. It does not tell us who we are. This is bigger than homework. It is about helping your middle schooler build a healthier relationship with struggle, support, and themselves. Ready to build a relationship that can weather the middle school years and beyond? Check out my Unbreakable Bond resource (click here). It's designed to help you create the kind of connection that lasts through disagreements, growing independence, and all the beautiful, messy moments in between. I hope you'll also click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to be the first to hear about upcoming workshops. Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

What if your middle schooler's friendship struggles aren't a sign that something is wrong? What if they're exactly where they're supposed to be? In this special episode of Middle Years, I'm sharing one of the most important sections from my Social Lives of Middle Schoolers workshop. You'll hear the big reframe that changes how I think about middle school friendships: Friendships are where kids practice. Home is where they're safe. From there, we dive into the very first shift every parent needs to make before trying to help their child through friendship drama. Because when our child gets left out, ignored, or hurt by a friend, it doesn't just activate them. It activates us, too. In this episode, we'll talk about: Why middle school friendships are supposed to be messy.The difference between what happened and the meaning we make of it.How your own middle school experiences can quietly shape the way you respond to your child's.Why your steadiness helps keep one hard friendship moment from becoming your child's identity.This episode is an invitation to stop trying to fix every friendship problem and start tending to something even more important: your child's sense of belonging. Ready to build a relationship that can weather the middle school years and beyond? Check out my Unbreakable Bond resource (click here). It's designed to help you create the kind of connection that lasts through disagreements, growing independence, and all the beautiful, messy moments in between. I hope you'll also click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to be the first to hear about upcoming workshops. Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

Am I too sensitive or is something else going on? Do you ever walk away from a conversation with your middle schooler feeling . . . dismissed and, well, kind of small? Maybe every casual comment turns into a debate. Maybe they correct you, play devil's advocate, or seem determined to prove you wrong. And somewhere in the middle of it all, you find yourself wondering: Am I just too sensitive? In this episode, we're unpacking what's really happening when your middle schooler argues with everything you say and why this dynamic can feel so hard. We'll talk about: Why middle schoolers often debate ideas more easily than they share their feelingsWhat may be happening developmentally beneath the constant correctingWhy your sensitivity isn't a flaw to fixHow to have an honest conversation that builds connection instead of defensivenessPractical scripts to help your child learn to disagree without damaging the relationshipThis isn't about raising a child who always agrees with you. It's about raising a child who can think independently while still protecting the relationship. And it's about remembering that you are a human in a real relationship with your child. If you're longing for conversations that leave you feeling closer instead of farther apart, this episode is for you. Ready to build a relationship that can weather the middle school years and beyond? Check out my Unbreakable Bond resource (click here). It's designed to help you create the kind of connection that lasts through disagreements, growing independence, and all the beautiful, messy moments in between. I hope you'll also click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

When your middle schooler says, "I hate you," it hurts. Whether they say it once in a moment of frustration or it has become a daily pattern, those words can leave you wondering: Am I doing something wrong? Should I ignore it? How do I stop this without pushing my child further away? In this episode, I'm answering one parent's heartfelt question about a middle schooler who tells her parents and younger sibling, "I hate you," every single day. We'll talk about what's likely happening underneath those words and, more importantly, what you can actually do about it. Inside this episode, you'll learn: Why "I hate you" is almost never about hateThe first step parents can't afford to skip before respondingHow to have a calm, connection-centered conversation outside the momentWhat to say (and do) when it happens againWhy boundaries and connection must work togetherHow to protect younger siblings without shaming your middle schoolerHow to help your child replace hurtful words with healthier ways of expressing big feelingsThis isn't about excusing hurtful behavior. It's about leading your child with steadiness while helping them build the relational skills they'll use for the rest of their lives. Because your middle schooler isn't just learning how to manage emotions. They're learning how to stay connected to the people they love when those emotions get big. If this episode resonates with you, I'd love to continue supporting you. My Steady + Connected Parenting Workshops dive deeper into the topics middle school parents ask about most often, with practical tools you can start using right away.  Go here to be the first to hear about upcoming workshops: https://kermorris.myflodesk.com/parentingworkshops You can find me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/bridget.parentcoach/ The Ultimate Middle School Parent Survival Toolkit is here: https://bridgetparentco.samcart.com/products/ultimate-toolkit Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

Do you ever feel like you’re constantly defending your parenting? Your middle schooler says, “That’s not fair!” and suddenly you’re explaining, justifying, presenting evidence, and reminding them what happened three months ago . . . only to realize you’re somehow arguing your case to a twelve-year-old. If so, you’re not alone. In this episode, we explore why middle schoolers and their siblings become so focused on fairness, what’s happening developmentally, why some neurodivergent kids experience perceived injustice even more intensely, and the attachment questions that are often hiding underneath sibling comparisons. We’ll also talk about: Why “fair” and “equal” are not the same thingHow to take your child’s feelings seriously without putting your parenting up for a voteWhat steady leadership looks like when your child disagrees with your decisionsHow to build a family culture where respectful disagreement strengthens relationships instead of turning your home into a courtroomBecause your child doesn’t need to walk away from every disagreement believing you were right. They need to know your relationship is strong enough to hold the disagreement. You can grab my free Social Guide and a seat at my free live Friendship Workshop on July 22 here:  https://kermorris.myflodesk.com/julyworkshop You can find Bridget on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/bridget.parentcoach/ The Ultimate Middle School Parent Survival Toolkit is here: https://bridgetparentco.samcart.com/products/ultimate-toolkit Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

Have you ever looked at your middle schooler and quietly wondered: "I love my child . . . why is it so hard to like them right now?" If so, this episode is for you. In one of the most honest conversations I've had on the podcast, I answer a vulnerable question from a mom who feels hurt, disconnected, and ashamed that she's struggling to like her 13-year-old son. Together, we'll explore: Why these feelings are far more common than most parents admitHow hurt can begin writing the story of your relationshipThe difference between your child's capacity and their caring, especially for middle schoolers with ADHDWhat may be happening beneath behaviors like lying, complaining, and resisting helpWhy your child's attempts to reconnect after conflict matter more than you might realizeHow to find your way back to seeing your child with compassion without minimizing your own painThis episode isn't about pretending difficult behavior is okay. It's about learning to tell a truer story about your child, yourself, and your relationship so that hurt doesn't become the loudest voice between you. If you've ever worried that something is wrong with you because you're not enjoying this season of parenting, I hope this episode feels like sitting down with someone who truly understands. You're a human in a real relationship with your child and real relationships are strong enough to stretch without breaking. You can find Bridget on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/bridget.parentcoach/ The Ultimate Middle School Parent Survival Toolkit is here: https://bridgetparentco.samcart.com/products/ultimate-toolkit Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.

Content Note: This episode includes discussion of depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation in the context of supporting LGBTQIA+ youth. If you're listening with children in the car or this topic feels especially tender, you may want to skip this episode or listen on your own first. Pride Month felt like the right time to have a conversation that so many parents are quietly wondering about: What if I say the wrong thing? In this episode, I answer a thoughtful question from a parent whose middle school daughter is exploring questions of identity, belonging, and community. We talk about how to stay deeply connected to your child while holding your own fears, uncertainty, and hopes with compassion. Together we'll explore: Why identity exploration is a normal part of adolescent developmentHow UPDATE can help you respond from steadiness instead of fearWhy belonging at home remains one of the most protective factors during the middle school yearsHow to use A.R.E. Parenting and CURIOUS Relational Parenting to create emotional safetyThe power of REPAIR when conversations don't go as plannedResearch on family connection, LGBTQIA+ youth mental health, and why relationships matter so muchWhether your child is questioning aspects of their identity, finding new communities, or simply becoming more themselves, this episode is a reminder that you do not have to have all the answers. Your relationship can be strong enough to hold the questions. You can find Bridget on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/bridget.parentcoach/ The Ultimate Middle School Parent Survival Toolkit is here: https://bridgetparentco.samcart.com/products/ultimate-toolkit Click here to find me on Instagram. Click here to sign up for my Parenting in the Middle weekly newsletter.