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Hello and welcome back to Regular Features, the only podcast where the hosts stop existing as soon as you stop listening. Thank you for making us alive again. In this episode, Log tries to please a bee but falls foul of his Boys. Steve is down the stock saloon with an ace up his spittoon. And Gav is there, because it's his studio and he doesn't trust us with the buttons. -- "Fig Leaf Rag" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/ Episode photo by TomasEE, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=54505867

Despite all my rage, my big buck-teeth, long pink tail, short lifespan and biological similarity to human physiology, it turns out that I'm still just a rat in a cage. Bloody typical! You couldn't make it up! In this episode, Joe fixes pubs, Steve issues a solemn public health warning, and Queen Nefertiti stops by to settle royal baby disputes.

You know what really sucks when you're the hunter? Becoming the hunted. It's basically the last thing you want to happen when you're the hunter. Ideally you want to remain the hunter for at least the duration of the hunt. If you, as the hunter, become the hunted, it's not good. In this episode, Joe dusts off his rudebox, Steve will see you in court, and Gav is the sweet-smelling grease that makes the cogs go round. "Summon the Rawk" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/ "Sinfonia Number 5" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Sing when you're winning. Dance when you're losing. Scream if it's a draw or, like, extra time or something. Twirl when you're being chased out of the bingo hall. And laugh, my son. Always never stop laughing. It's what your uncle would have wanted. Oh if he could see you now. In this episode, Log is visited by a hue-ruing toon, Joe blows open ancient Riga's dusty troubles, and Steve nods on encouragingly, no light behind those dead doll eyes.

Arms up, pits out, get my stinkies in your snout. When you're full and set to burst, boy you've got that pit pig curse. In this episode, Gav is wounded by an Welsh icon's betrayal, Log's short stories go head to head, and Steve unclogs his backed up featurehole.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but have you heard about what birds are doing to themselves? Do you want that going on in your hand? If you close your fist, you don't know what's happening in there, that bird could be up to all sorts, and you wouldn't know. That's why they call it Schrödinger's Bird - because that bird is doing something to its dinger and you can be Schrö you don't know. Anyway this week, Log's basically talking about all that, Steve's understanding more about the whole Pepto Bismol situation, and Joe is booted off the podcast briefly due to more scandal.

They really buried the lede with "Jack and the Bean Stalk". Yeah sure it's an impressive stalk, but hello, there's an actual giant man who lives in a cloud castle on top of the world?? Should have called it "Jack and the Giants Are Real and They Are Squatting in A Violent Heaven Forsaken By God". In this episode, Log pitches some hot new Pragmata DLC, Gav has a shocking interaction with a customer support agent, and Steve is paid a visit by a certain redundancy-making wizard.

Joe can't stand the attention a 100 year-old is getting. Matt can't stand up, because his microphone is simply too low. Log can't stand down from his duty to inform you about horsebook.

Are YOU afraid of Paris? Are YOU afraid of the A1(M)? Are YOU afraid of poorly executed jingle work? Well don't YOU have fat luck, because this episode is going to cause you to faint, die, come back to life, and then die again when you remember what just happened. "Gregorian Chant" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

This week Log discovers audio books, Steve's had a camera up his arse and Gav could do with a camera in his brain. DISCLAIMER: the hosts of Regular Features are NOT doctors so please don't listen to their medical advice no matter how adamant they are that you DO listen to it.

What's that in your mouth? Drop it! Give it here. Oh, it's an episode of the Regular Features podcast. In this one, Log gives Bill Oddie his flowers, Joe treats us to a day in the life of a ghost-face killer, and Steve shares his numerous gripes of which there are loads actually.

This episode of Regular Features is funded in part by the British Associate of Uncles (BAU), because if it's not your mother's brother, well what the hell are we even doing here. In this one, Joe's got robot hoover problems, Log wants to know who's gonna push him around in his wheelbarrow when he's old, and Steve gets to know a former Chancellor what done disappeared because nobody remember to believe in her aww.

Hello this is the news. In the past hour United Nations has announced that we have flopped through a temporal squirmhole into the rotten Time Dimension, and that we had better get used to living under the autocratic regime of supreme leader Doctor Time and his dope calendars. In this episode of the podcast, Steve dives into the good doctor's rude past, Gav tests our song intro knowledge, and Joe meets the world's foremost expert in being oh so freakin' quiet. Let's dance. Put on your red shoes and select "dance" from the drop-down menu. "Mesmerising Galaxy", "Burn the World Waltz" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

To listen to this podcast, you must solve a riddle: What goes on four feet in the morning, two feet at noon, and three feet in the evening? Stumped? The answer is that it is a dog who, just before 12pm, decides to pretend to be a human so that it can buy cigarettes. Later that day, it hardens one of the cigarettes with wax, and uses it as a crutch because its hind legs are so sore. Anyway, I've been the Sphinx, you've been great! This week: Joe has been freed from lump ambiguity. Log provides an insight into his bold medical future. Matt is here, and makes comments throughout.

2026! The future! What will it bring? Cool-ass sunglasses probably?? According to the thumbnail of this podcast - yes! But also, here's another edition of our RAMBLEMAS tradition where we record solo features and whack em all together like a podcast frankenstein.