Advertise on podcast: Navigating Toxic Relationships | Christian Relationship Counseling, Loneliness, Divorce, Narcissistic Abuse, Self-Esteem

Podcast is now in video format on Youtube! Check it out on myYoutube channel: Navigating Toxic Relationships.  Have you ever watched your kids laugh, or heard good news, and felt absolutely nothing? Is the calm you've been calling "peace" actually exhaustion in disguise? What if the reason you can't feel joy anymore is that you've been working so hard not to feel the pain? You've stopped crying. You've stopped arguing. You've stopped hoping. From the outside, it looks like calm. On the inside, it's flat and gray, and you can't find the dial to turn the color back up. In this episode, we're talking about numbness: what it really is, why it shows up when you're exhausted in body, mind, and spirit, and why it's one of the loudest warning signs your heart can send. Drawing on both Christian relationship counseling and a trauma-informed understanding of narcissistic abuse, we explore why you can't shut off pain without also shutting off joy, and how to begin feeling again. We'll talk about: What numbness actually is: the avoidance, or absence, of feeling, and why it makes sense as a survival strategy Why numbness is dangerous and what it says about your body, mind, and spirit The three jobs of emotion: helping you bond with people, connect with God, and make good decisions The hot stove illustration: why blocking the pain means you keep tolerating the harm Why you cannot block sadness and pain and still feel joy, and how this connects to the deep sadness, loneliness, and lost self-esteem many women feel in toxic relationship patterns What Pixar's Inside Out and Bing Bong can teach us about sadness Four steps to begin feeling again: face what keeps you numb, practice radical honesty, journal, and understand that your emotions are a gift from God Where God meets you in the numbness, with Psalm 34:18 and Ezekiel 36:26 Whether you're setting a boundary, seeking counseling, or even weighing divorce, this episode offers no verdict. It explains why a wise, faith-guided decision is so hard to make when you can't feel what you feel, and gives you permission to start feeling again at a pace that's safe. A note before you listen: This episode is educational, not diagnostic. If your numbness has lasted a long time, or you're struggling with depression, please connect with a licensed therapist or your doctor. If you're having thoughts of not wanting to be here, call or text 988 anytime. CONNECT: Drwendyburchett.com IG: @drwendyburchett Tiktok: @drwendyburchettpsyd Facebook: @drwnedyburchettpsyd

Are you worried that whatever you decide about your marriage, your kids might be harmed? What do children need from you during a hard marriage or a hard divorce? Can you protect your kids' hearts even while your own is breaking? CONNECT: drwendyburchett.com join my email list!  When a relationship is painful, the question that keeps many mothers awake isn't only "what should I do?" It's "what is this doing to my kids?" This episode offers something practical you can start using today. The things your children need most from you are largely the same whether you stay and work toward change or walk through a divorce. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling and what developmental research tells us about children and conflict, this episode covers: Why children so often quietly decide that a parent's pain is somehow their fault, and how to reassure them in age-appropriate ways How to limit your children's direct exposure to conflict, even when the situation is urgent and the house is small Why your kids, even the older ones, shouldn't become your confidant or your messenger, and where you can take your own pain instead How stability, routine, and your own nervous system regulation protect your children more than you might expect What honest, age-appropriate truth sounds like, so your kids aren't left to fill the silence with their own fears Where God meets you as a parent in an exhausting season, with gentleness instead of judgment This episode speaks directly to you whether you're navigating the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-esteemwhile still showing up for your children every day, carrying the loneliness of parenting through a hard season mostly alone, or walking through a divorce and wondering how to keep your kids' hearts safe through it. A note before you listen: This episode offers general education and encouragement, not individualized parenting or clinical advice. If you're concerned about your child's emotional wellbeing, please consider connecting with a licensed child or family therapist, and a Christian counselor for support of your own.

Have you ever walked into a conversation to talk about something that hurt you, and walked out apologizing? Why does raising a real concern so often end with you comforting the person who caused it? What if the confusion you feel after those conversations isn't a flaw in how you communicate, but a recognizable pattern with a name? You rehearsed what you were going to say. You waited for the right moment. And somewhere between your first sentence and the end of the conversation, your concern disappeared, and you were the one saying sorry. This episode names what just happened: a pattern researchers call DARVO, which stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. Once you can see its three moves, it gets much harder to be confused by them. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling and psychology research on how people respond when they're confronted about harm, this episode walks through: What DARVO is, where the term came from, and how each step (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender) sounds in a real conversation Why this pattern works especially well on empathic, conscientious women, and why that's not a weakness in you An honest look at the difference between ordinary defensiveness and a consistent pattern, so you don't have to read anyone's mind or diagnose anyone Five practical steps to stop ending up in the apology: name the pattern in the moment, return to your original concern, stop defending your character, pause or end the conversation, and bring in a second witness What Scripture says about the flipping of guilt and innocence, and why naming a pattern isn't unforgiveness This episode speaks directly to you whether you're untangling what might be narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-esteemafter years of leaving hard conversations doubting yourself, sitting with the loneliness of being the only one who seems to see what happened, or wondering whether a pattern like this is something you could live with long-term, or part of what's bringing you to consider divorce. A note before you listen: DARVO is a description of what happens in a conversation, not a diagnosis of any person. This episode offers general education, not individualized therapy. The tools in this episode are meant for relationships where speaking up costs you emotionally. If raising concerns has ever led to threats or fear for your physical safety, please talk with the National Domestic Violence Hotline about a plan that fits your situation, and consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor.

CONNECT: Join my email list at drwendyburchett.com! Have you ever been certain your newest relationship was completely different, only to end up in the same painful place? When a relationship falls apart, do you wonder whether you're the common denominator, and whether you're simply not made for love? What if the pattern was never proof that you're broken, but a sign of a wound that hasn't had a chance to heal yet? If you've moved from one painful relationship to the next, each time convinced this one was different, this episode is for you. It's a personal story about nearly three decades of toxic relationships, the darkest moment of believing "I am broken beyond repair," and the truth that finally changed everything: the pattern was never about being unlovable. It was about a deep hole in the heart, and a lack of loving and respecting myself the way God already loved me. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling and lived experience, this episode covers: Why a different face doesn't always mean a different pattern, and how what you're drawn to often says more about what's running underneath than about the person in front of you The lie of "something is very wrong with me," and the difference between a pattern that needs attention and a person who is unfit for love What was actually true underneath the repeating pattern, and why building a settled sense of your own worth has to come before your next relationship, not during it Practical steps for breaking the cycle: naming your pattern, getting outside help, learning what healthy actually feels like, and giving yourself real time Why God's posture toward you was never rebuke, but delight, even in the middle of a pattern you haven't broken yet This episode is written for you whether you're single, dating, or recovering from a relationship that ended painfully, and whether it's your first hard breakup or your tenth. If you're untangling the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-esteem after years of choosing people who hurt you, sitting with the loneliness of believing everyone else got this right and you didn't, or wondering whether a future with real love, or even a future divorce and fresh start, is still possible for someone like you, this is a starting point for coming back to yourself. A note before you listen: This episode offers personal reflection and general encouragement, not a substitute for individual therapy. A pattern this long-standing often benefits from professional support, so please consider connecting with a licensed Christian counselor who can walk with you through your own story.   If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Have you ever stayed somewhere unhealthy simply because you couldn't picture how the math would work if you left? What if your financial fear isn't a personal failing — but the deliberate result of a pattern designed to keep you exactly where you are? Can you trust God with your finances without pretending practical planning doesn't matter? CONNECT: www.drwendyburchett.com Click this link to sign up for my newsletter for updates, and be among the first to know when my new website launches! Financial fear rarely gets the attention it deserves in conversations about relationships — but for many women, it's the single biggest practical barrier standing between them and a decision they already know they need to make. This episode names that fear honestly and offers real, concrete next steps, instead of empty reassurance. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling, this episode covers: Why financial fear runs so deep, and why it deserves to be taken seriously rather than treated as a lesser or less spiritual concern The important difference between genuine financial uncertainty and deliberate financial control — a key tactic within narcissistic abuse and coercive control — and why the solutions differ depending on which one you're facing Practical, small starting steps: knowing your actual numbers, building independent footing safely, and connecting with financial advocacy resources How to tell the difference between panic and planning when your mind keeps circling the same financial worries What it actually means to trust God as provider — without pretending that trust removes the need for practical action This episode speaks directly to you whether you're rebuilding self-esteem after years of financial dependency eroding your confidence, sitting with the loneliness of carrying this fear mostly alone, or weighing divorce while genuinely unsure how you'd survive financially on your own. A note before you listen: This episode offers general education and encouragement, not individualized financial or legal advice. If financial control is part of your relationship, please also consider connecting with a domestic violence organization's financial advocacy program for guidance specific to your situation.   If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Have you ever stayed in a hard marriage specifically because you believed it was the more protective choice for your kids? What if the real question was never "divorce or stay," but something the research points to instead? Is it possible that the environment your children grow up inside matters more than which legal category their family falls into? "Staying together for the kids" is one of the most common, most understandable reasons women give for remaining in a hard marriage. This episode looks honestly at what the actual developmental research says — not to tell you what to decide, but to make sure the decision you do make is based on what's true, not just what feels intuitively protective. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling and real developmental psychology research, this episode covers: Where the "stay together for the kids" belief actually came from, and why the research behind it is more contested than most people realize What well-documented studies actually show about children in high-conflict intact families compared to children of divorce Why conflict exposure — not marital status itself — appears to be the real variable shaping children's wellbeing The honest, nuanced part of this picture: why divorce isn't automatically protective either, especially when conflict continues afterward What stays true for your children's hearts regardless of which path you're on This episode speaks directly to you whether you're navigating a relationship marked by narcissistic abuse, rebuilding your own self-esteem while trying to make the best decision for your family, sitting with the loneliness of carrying this decision largely alone, or standing right at the edge of a divorce decision, weighing what it will actually mean for your children. A note before you listen: This episode presents research findings and general education — it does not offer individualized guidance for your specific family. Please also consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor or family therapist for support specific to your situation. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Have you ever been afraid that both staying and leaving could turn out to be the wrong choice? What if "right decision" was never actually the right way to measure a choice this hard? Is it possible to trust God with an outcome you can't guarantee, without pretending the fear isn't real? This episode sits with one of the heaviest fears so many women carry in silence: the fear of making an irreversible mistake about their marriage. Whether you're leaning toward divorce or leaning toward staying, this fear shows up on both sides — and this episode doesn't try to resolve it with a quick answer. Instead, it offers a steadier way to think about decisions that carry real weight and no guarantees. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling, this episode walks through: Naming the specific fears bundled inside "what if I'm wrong" — regret, judgment, impact on children, and doubting your own capacity to decide something this large Why the "right decision versus wrong decision" frame may not be the most honest or helpful way to think about this choice What's actually within your control in a decision like this — and what genuinely isn't How to live with a decision that can't be fully undone, without requiring it to have been perfect What it actually means to trust God with an outcome, including a careful, honest look at Romans 8:28 — without the oversimplified promise that everything will simply feel good This episode speaks directly to you whether you're untangling a relationship shaped by narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-esteem after years of doubting your own judgment, sitting with the loneliness of carrying this decision mostly alone, or standing right at the edge of deciding and terrified of getting it wrong in either direction. A note before you listen: This episode does not offer legal, pastoral, or individualized theological advice, and it does not tell you whether to stay or leave. Please seek your own pastor or Christian counselor for guidance specific to your situation.   If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Are you trying to make a decision about divorce or about whether to leave your relationship but feel stuck with indecision?  Have you ever doubted your own gut simply because the person lying to you was kind about it? What if the "right decision" you've been searching for was never actually available to anyone? Have you ever realized, looking back, that you betrayed yourself by refusing to trust what you already knew? This is a personal, honest episode about learning to trust yourself again after years of self-doubt — doubt that grew not from cruelty, but from confusion, because kindness and honesty are not the same thing, and civility can exist right alongside deception. This episode walks through what it actually takes to rebuild decision confidence, without waiting for a certainty that was never coming. Drawing on both Christian relationship counseling and real lived experience, this episode covers: Why kindness and honesty are two separate questions — and why confusing them can keep you doubting your own instincts for years The myth of the "right decision," and why wise choices are made with incomplete information, not guaranteed outcomes Practical ways to rebuild real decision confidence, including learning to notice your body's signals as real information, not overreaction The difference between a fear-driven decision and a values-driven one Where God fits into decisions made without full certainty — and why your own intuition may be one of the ways He's already speaking to you This episode speaks directly to you whether you're untangling a relationship shaped by narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-esteem after years of doubting your own perception, sitting with the loneliness of being the only one who sees the pattern clearly, or standing at the edge of a divorce decision without any guarantee of how it will turn out. A note before you listen: This episode offers personal reflection and general encouragement, not a substitute for individual therapy. If you're facing a significant decision, please also consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor.

Have you ever felt like your whole world quietly got smaller, without being able to point to the one moment it happened? What if gaslighting is just one piece of a much bigger system you haven't fully named yet? Can you disagree with your partner without facing punishment, escalation, or fear — and what does it mean if you can't? Gaslighting gets a lot of attention, but it's only one tool inside a much larger, well-documented pattern: coercive control. In this episode, we widen the lens beyond a single tactic to the full system — isolation, monitoring, financial restriction, degradation, intimidation, and reality distortion — working together to restrict a woman's freedom and sense of self, often so gradually she doesn't see the full shape of it until years in. Drawing on both Christian relationship counseling and established psychological research, this episode covers: What coercive control actually is, and why researchers and lawmakers in some countries now recognize it as its own form of abuse, separate from physical violence The specific tactics that make up this pattern, named clearly so they're recognizable rather than abstract Why coercive control is so hard to see from inside it, and why each small restriction can look reasonable in isolation What healthy interdependence in marriage actually looks like, by contrast A careful, fuller look at what Scripture actually says about marriage and mutual submission — and why coercive control was never the picture the Bible paints This episode speaks directly to you whether you're recognizing a deeper pattern behind what you first identified as narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-esteem after years of a shrinking world, sitting with the loneliness of isolation you didn't choose, or wrestling with divorce while still trying to understand whether what you're living in has a name. A note before you listen: This episode offers general education, not a diagnosis, legal advice, or individualized safety planning. If what you hear today resonates, please also consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor.

Have you ever been able to list every reason a relationship is hurting you, and still not been able to walk away? What if the pull you feel back toward him isn't weakness, but biology doing exactly what it was trained to do? Why does the "good" version of him always seem to show up right when you're finally ready to leave? If you've ever wondered what's wrong with you for staying somewhere your own mind clearly recognizes as harmful, this episode is for you. We're naming something real: the trauma bond — a documented psychological pattern that explains why clarity about a relationship doesn't automatically translate into being able to leave it. Drawing on both Christian relationship counseling and established behavioral psychology, this episode covers: What a trauma bond actually is, and why cycles of tension and relief create stronger attachment than steady, consistent safety Why this isn't a willpower problem — the real neurochemistry behind why seeing a pattern clearly doesn't automatically break its hold The four-phase cycle that keeps a trauma bond alive, and why the "reconciliation" phase is often mistaken for real, lasting change Practical, gradual ways to begin loosening a trauma bond's grip, and why the pull often gets stronger right when you try to create distance Where real peace — steady, not a rollercoaster — actually comes from This episode speaks directly to you whether you're untangling a relationship shaped by narcissistic abuse, recognizing patterns you first heard named in our gaslighting episode, rebuilding self-esteem after years of blaming yourself for not "just leaving," sitting with the loneliness of a cycle only you seem to fully see, or quietly weighing divorce while still feeling pulled back every time things get good again. A note before you listen: This episode offers general education, not a diagnosis or individualized therapy. If you recognize this pattern in your own relationship, please also consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor or a trauma-informed therapist.

Have you ever believed that if people around you were happy, that meant you were finally loved? Why are you drawn to people who need you, instead of people who simply want you? What happens when you finally ask yourself: what is my part in this pattern? This is a personal, honest episode about healing from the rescuer identity — the belief that being needed, being the helper, being everyone's safe place, was the way to earn love and belonging. It's a pattern that often starts as a genuine gift for compassion and listening, and quietly turns into a life spent disappearing so that everyone else can be comfortable. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling and real lived experience, this episode covers: How the rescuer or "superhero" identity forms, often starting in childhood, long before any romantic relationship begins The quiet equation that can end up running your whole life: if they're happy, I'm loved; if they're unhappy, I've failed The difference between naming your part in a repeating pattern and blaming yourself for harm that was done to you Three honest questions that start real healing: what makes you worthy, what do you actually like, and what do you actually want and need in a relationship Why you were created for presence with God, not performance for everyone around you This episode speaks directly to you whether you're recognizing patterns of narcissistic abuse in relationships you were drawn to, rebuilding self-esteem after years of measuring your worth by how needed you were, sitting with the lonelinessof being everyone's confidant but no one's priority, or wondering whether divorce is even on the table when you still believe you could fix things if you just loved harder. A note before you listen: This episode offers personal reflection and general encouragement, not a substitute for individual therapy. If this pattern resonates deeply, please also consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor.

Have you ever mistaken one good week for proof that everything was finally going to change? Is it possible to have compassion for someone's pain and still not be responsible for fixing it? What happens when the hope you're holding onto has no actual evidence behind it anymore? This episode is a personal, honest story about loving someone through addiction — the charisma that draws you in, the trauma underneath the drinking, the small lies that grow into a pattern you can no longer ignore, and the years of hope that kept saying "maybe this time" without any real evidence behind it. It's a raw look at what it actually costs to love an addict, and what finally has to shift in order to heal. Drawing on both lived experience and the wisdom Al-Anon has offered families of addicts for decades, this episode walks through: The difference between hope rooted in real, sustained change and hope rooted in how badly you want something to be true How the rescuer role (from our last episode) shows up specifically inside addiction — compassion for someone's trauma turning into responsibility for their recovery Al-Anon's Three C's: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it — and why that truth is a relief, not a rejection Where God was present even in the hopelessness, and why His nearness to the brokenhearted doesn't depend on the addicted person changing first This episode speaks directly to you whether you're navigating a relationship affected by addiction, recognizing patterns of narcissistic abuse wrapped around someone else's substance use, rebuilding self-esteem after years of measuring your worth by his sobriety, sitting with the loneliness of loving someone who is physically present but emotionally gone, or wrestling with whether divorce is even something you're allowed to consider after everything you've already tried. A note before you listen: This episode discusses addiction, infidelity, and depression, including a personal reference to suicidal thoughts. If anything in this episode feels heavy for you personally, please know that support is available: the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) is there anytime, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available at 1-800-799-7233. This episode offers general encouragement, not a substitute for individual therapy — please also consider Al-Anon or a licensed Christian counselor who understands addiction's impact on families.

Have you ever believed that if you just loved someone enough, you could finally heal what was broken in them? Why does letting go of trying to save someone feel like giving up on them? What if your love was never meant to be the cure for someone else's pain? So many women don't lose themselves to a relationship — they lose themselves to a mission. This episode names that pattern directly: believing that enough love, patience, and effort could heal someone else's trauma, addiction, or brokenness, and save the relationship in the process. It's a compassionate instinct that quietly costs you everything. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling and the same wisdom Al-Anon has taught families for decades, this episode covers: Why the rescuer identity is so compelling — and why it's rooted in real compassion, not a character flaw Why love alone was never going to be the mechanism of someone else's healing, no matter how devoted or patient you were What the rescuer role actually costs you: your rest, your own emotional world, and a stable sense of your own worth Where God actually fits into this story — and why salvation was never a role available for you to fill, however much you loved This episode speaks directly to you whether you're trying to understand a relationship shaped by narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-esteem after years of measuring your worth by someone else's healing, sitting with the loneliness of loving someone you can't fully reach, or quietly wondering whether divorce is even something you're allowed to consider when you still believe you could fix things if you just tried harder. A note before you listen: This episode offers general spiritual and emotional encouragement, not a substitute for individual therapy. If you recognize this pattern in your own relationship, please also consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor. Have a question you'd like answered anonymously in a future episode? Email me at [email protected]. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Have you ever remembered a conversation clearly, only to be told it never happened that way? Why do you find yourself rehearsing what you're about to say, just to avoid being told you're overreacting? What if the confusion you've been living in isn't a sign that you're losing your mind — but a sign that something specific is happening to you? "Gaslighting" is everywhere right now — which has been both a gift and a problem. A gift, because it gave a lot of women language for something real. A problem, because it's been stretched to cover so much that it's lost its precision. In this episode, we slow down and get specific, moving past the trendy term into something clearer: [YOUR TERM] — a pattern that repeatedly erodes your trust in your own perception, and a real path back to trusting yourself again. Drawing on both Christian relationship counseling and a grounded, non-trend-driven look at this pattern, this episode covers: What's actually happening when your memory, perception, and emotional reactions are consistently challenged — and why that's different from a single disagreement Why the popular use of "gaslighting" has become so broad it's stopped being useful for evaluating your own specific situation Four concrete markers of this pattern to watch for, without needing a diagnosis to take them seriously Practical, real steps to begin trusting your own perception again, after it's been worn down Where God is in the disorientation — and why ongoing confusion was never His design for you This episode speaks directly to you whether you're trying to understand a pattern that might be narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-esteem after years of doubting your own reality, navigating the loneliness of being the only one who seems to remember things the way they happened, or wondering whether divorce is even something you're allowed to consider because you can no longer trust your own read on your marriage. A note before you listen: This episode offers general education, not a diagnosis or individualized therapy. If this pattern resonates deeply, please also consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor who can walk with you through your specific situation.

Is it possible to love God, love your marriage, and still not know what "faithful" means in your specific situation? Are there thoughts you are afraid to entertain?  What if the silence around divorce in Christian spaces has never actually protected anyone? ASK DR. WENDY A QUESTION  Submit a Question This is the conversation so many Christian women carry alone for years — sometimes decades — because they're not sure they're even allowed to ask it out loud: God, is it okay if I leave? In this episode, we address that question directly, honestly, and without pretending it's simpler than it actually is. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling and an honest look at what Scripture actually says, this episode walks through: Why the topic of divorce feels so forbidden in church culture, and why that silence tends to add shame rather than protect anyone What Scripture actually says — presented as the range of views sincere, Bible-believing Christians genuinely hold, not a single verdict handed down from a podcast Real questions to bring to God and to a trusted pastor or Christian counselor, instead of searching for one tidy rule How fear shows up on both sides of this decision — the fear of staying somewhere unsafe, and the fear of leaving and being judged — and how faith meets you in either one This episode speaks directly to you whether you're navigating narcissistic abuse and trying to understand what's actually happening in your marriage, rebuilding self-esteem worn down by years of doubting yourself, sitting with the specific loneliness of a relationship that isn't what you hoped it would be, or quietly circling this exact question without anyone to say it to out loud. A note before you listen: This episode does not offer legal, pastoral, or individualized theological advice. Please seek your own pastor or Christian counselor for guidance specific to your situation.