Advertise on podcast: Grief is a Language ™ with John Onwuchekwa

What do we lose when we know what our parents lived through, but not how they felt while living through it? Rich reflects on his mother’s cancer, his parents’ immigration from the Dominican Republic, and his desire to understand how they processed fear, sacrifice, faith, and trauma. The conversation explores the emotional history families leave behind—and how sometimes the stories we’re looking for were preserved in songs instead of words. RESOURCES: John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief is a Language™ is produced by EPYC Media Network

What happens when grief is too complicated to say out loud? In Part 2 of Grief is a Language™ conversation with Dave, Rich Perez, and James Roberson, they explore grief as a written language and how putting words on a page can help us understand what we’re feeling, preserve the people and stories we’ve lost, and leave something behind for the generations that come after us. From Rich discovering the letters his son writes to a grandmother he never met, to John writing directly to his brother Sam ten years after his death, the conversation explores why the page can sometimes hold what conversation cannot. They also unpack intergenerational grief, the stories families never tell, and why both the raw emotion of the moment and the clarity that comes with time deserve to be recorded. KEY POINTS 00:00 – How writing helps us slow down and process grief 06:32 – Using writing to make sense of difficult emotions 09:32 – How grief can become creative expression 14:02 – Writing as a path to emotional clarity 17:10 – Letters that preserve connection across loss 19:55 – Why writing can hold what’s hard to say 22:34 – John writing to Sam 10 years after his death 30:53 – Writing as an emotional heirloom 39:51 – Generational grief and family silence 54:23 – How time can bring clarity to grief QUOTES  “Writing was not the goal for me. Clarity was, and I think that I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say.” – Rich Perez “I would say write it when you feel it. Whether it's the immediacy of it, or 10 years down the line... some stuff might get mumbled up. It might not be what it needs to be, but I feel like if you if you spend time with it, you'll go, ‘Oh, I see what this meant,’ and I can apply it to what's going on in in my life later.” – Dave  “In the heat of the moment, you're not meant to have the clarity that you're gonna have… Don't put that pressure on yourself.” – John Onwuchekwa  “It does seem like every generation has found a way to communicate their hope... There's nothing like listening to someone sing through their pain. And so, I think what we were left with wasn't stories. We were left with songs.”  – James Roberson  RESOURCES: John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief is a Language™ is produced by EPYC Media Network

Grief does not always arrive as words. Sometimes it shows up as exhaustion, tears, tension, or a body that simply refuses to keep pushing. In this conversation, John and the guests explore what can happen when we stop treating the body like something to overpower and start listening to what it may be trying to tell us about loss. RESOURCES:  John Onwuchekwa  Website | https://www.johno.co/  IG | https://www.instagram.com/jawn_o/  Grief is a Language™ is produced by EPYC Media Network (visit at https://www.epyc.co/)

What if your body knows you’re grieving before you do? In this Part 1 episode, John Onwuchekwa sits down with Dave, Rich Perez, and James Roberson for a deeply honest conversation about grief as body language: the exhaustion, tears, anxiety, tension, and physical reactions that can surface when loss has nowhere else to go. Together, they unpack grief after death, friendship changes, leaving ministry, losing community, and other losses that don’t always come with funerals. They explore why we’re often taught to push through pain, what happens when grief refuses to stay buried, and how learning to listen to the body can give us language for what we’re carrying. KEY POINTS 00:00 – Introduction 01:08 – Grief is a body language. 06:21 – Why your body remembers loss long after it happens. 13:00 – Grieving relationships that end without a funeral. 18:09 – When grief shows up as anxiety, exhaustion, and physical pain. 27:13 – Why grief has no expiration date. 35:10 – Learning to listen instead of pushing through. 41:24 – Giving yourself permission to cry, rest, and slow down. 56:02 – How creativity, movement, and reflection can help us process grief. 1:09:32 – Why there is no such thing as “small” grief. 1:24:38 – Healing by making space for what the body is saying. QUOTES  “Grief is gonna come out, and it's either gonna come out in a beneficial way where your life is still intact, or it's gonna come out in a way where it ruins everything... grief is not biodegradable.” – John Onwuchekwa  “God sent two prophets. My wife was one, and my body was the second one.” – Rich Perez “There is a pain you just got to sit with... we've not been taught that in church to sit with pain. You've been told to be delivered from it, but there is a pain you need to sit with because it's there to teach you something about God, about you.” – James Roberson “We need to treat grief not based on how we feel about the thing... It is not the size of [the] thing. It is the proximity of where that thing lies next to your heart.” – John Onwuchekwa  RESOURCES: John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief is a Language™ is produced by EPYC Media Network

Tembi Locke shares how widowhood changed her relationship with grief and inspired From Scratch. Using grief as a rock in the road, she explains why she stopped trying to get around her loss and instead learned its shape, lived beside it, and eventually used it as raw material to create something new. RESOURCES: Tembi Locke  Website | tembilocke.com IG | @tembilocke John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief Is A Language is produced by EPYC Media Network

In this episode of Grief Is A Language, John Onwuchekwa sits down with Tembi Locke for a beautiful conversation about grief, language, memory, writing, love, and the slow work of turning loss into something that can hold meaning. Together, they explore why grief is not something to rush, fix, or “move on” from, but something we learn to speak with more honesty, patience, and tenderness. Tembi reflects on writing through the loss of her husband, the loneliness of not having words for grief, the friends who could and could not meet her in it, and how memoir became a way to reclaim a painful story with beauty and care.  “Grief was my first time where I had no words.” – Tembi Locke  This conversation is for anyone who has ever felt silenced by loss, rushed toward hope, or unsure how to explain the ache living inside their body. It is a reminder that grief has its own language, its own timeline, and sometimes, its own kind of beauty. KEY POINTS - Grief often begins where language ends. - Tembi shares how writing helped her “alchemize” grief into meaning. - John explains why grief is not a journey with an ending…  - They unpack why rushing people toward hope can do more harm than good. - Tembi reflects on losing friends who could not understand the pace of her grief. - Grief has a body language, heart language, and silence. - Memoir becomes a way to reclaim trauma, memory, love, and identity. - Beauty can make grief less frightening to approach. - Healing often requires patience, precision, boundaries, and permission to move slowly. QUOTES  “I was writing to better understand my own experience.” – Tembi Locke  “If we don't have language for grief, we kind of don't know what we're doing.” – Tembi Locke  “Grief is a language aimed at connection.” – John Onwuchekwa “I've got to befriend and get to know this thing that is now a part of my path.” – Tembi Locke  “The problem with both grievers and comforters is that we live in a world that is very impatient when it comes to our grief.” – John Onwuchekwa RESOURCES: Tembi Locke  Website | tembilocke.com IG | @tembilocke John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief Is A Language is produced by EPYC Media Network

Grief and joy are often treated like opposite emotions, but what if they can exist at the same time? John Onwuchekwa and Jessica Hurley unpack the “shoulds” we place on grief, why we police our own emotions, and what it means to let grief and joy intersect. RESOURCES: Jessica Hurley  IG | @jessicahurley__ John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief is a Language™ is produced by EPYC Media Network

In this deeply reflective episode of Grief Is A Language™, John Onwuchekwa is joined by EPYC Media Network’s founder and producer Jessica Hurley for a conversation about anticipatory grief, ambiguous loss, joy, purpose, patience, and the loneliness that often accompanies them all. Jessica shares what it was like watching her newborn fight for his life in the NICU, caring for her father through stage four cancer, navigating divorce, and wrestling with the guilt of experiencing joy while carrying grief. Together, she and John explore why grief and joy aren't opposites, why purpose can't be rushed, how patience changes the meaning of suffering, and why people don't need silver linings nearly as much as they need someone willing to stay with them. They also unpack why healing isn't a destination, why hope creates the patience we need to endure, and how learning the language of grief can transform the way we experience every form of loss. KEY POINTS 00:00 - Introduction  02:36 – Grief and joy can exist at the same time. 04:14 – Why grief makes us afraid to experience joy. 08:43 – Grief and joy aren't opposites; they intersect. 15:16 – Stop trying to assign purpose too soon. 17:18 – Patience is the missing ingredient in grief. 28:01 – Healing isn't something you finish. 38:52 – People don't need silver linings; they need presence. 50:51 – Stories create hope because our stories aren't over. 56:19 – Purpose grows like a plant, not a building. 01:15:08 – Leave space for the "almost" in your story. QUOTES  "The only person that's shaming me is me." – Jessica Hurley "People don't need silver linings. People don't need the lights on. People need something to address the deeper problem, and it is the loneliness that they feel." – John Onwuchekwa "The wealth of my experience has been the hardest grieving moments." – Jessica Hurley "The healthiest people that I know tend to use “heal” in the present tense. I am healing and I am healthy. I am not healed." – John Onwuchekwa   RESOURCES: Jessica Hurley  IG | @jessicahurley__ John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief is a Language™ is produced by EPYC Media Network

Psychotherapist Dr. Zoe Shaw shares how becoming pregnant at 15, being sent away to a pregnancy home, and hiding the adoption of her first daughter shaped decades of complex shame. She explains why achievement became a way to outrun her past, why shame eventually caught up with her, and what it took to begin separating shame from her identity. GUEST RESOURCES:  Dr. Zoe Shaw Website| drzoeshaw.com IG | @drzoeshaw RESOURCES: John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief Is A Language is produced by EPYC Media Network

Grief is like a shadow that follows you, waiting to meet you when you think you've outrun it. In this pilot episode of Grief is a language, host John Onwuchekwa welcomes Dr. Zoe Shaw to unveil the complex landscape of grief, offering a transformative perspective on emotional healing.  Dr. Zoe highlights complex shame as a deeply personal experience that goes beyond traditional understanding, revealing how trauma and unresolved guilt intertwine with identity. Grief is described as a non-linear journey that cannot be outrun—but must be embraced with vulnerability and self-compassion. Together, Dr. Zoe and John explore how individuals can recognize and process their deepest feelings. They delve into personal stories of hidden pain, demonstrating how speaking one's truth can be a powerful act of liberation. Let’s start navigating the hard truths and use these stories to enlighten us, instead of defining us. Tune in. KEY POINTS 00:00 – The difference between simple shame and complex shame 01:18 – How grief transforms our understanding of self 05:43 – The connection between complex shame, validation, codependency, and emotional connection 07:49 – The story behind Dr. Zoe’s work on shame and grief 10:00 – When grief becomes tied to identity 12:03 – Dr. Zoe’s personal story of shame and carrying a secret for decades 17:52 – Book discussion: You Are Your Best Thing and understanding complex shame 20:31 – How grief can create courage and the beginning of freedom 31:40 – Naming feelings and using language to separate yourself from your emotions 36:41 – Self-compassion, acknowledging feelings, and navigating emotional vulnerability 43:17 – Shame around anger, relief, joy, and societal expectations in grief 48:00 – Navigating grief through relationship dynamics and attachment styles 51:03 – How grief impacts intimate relationships and shared priorities 54:37 – Finding healing, freedom, and learning not to run from grief 56:46 – Moving from hiding to freedom through acknowledgment and expression QUOTES  “Grief is not something that ends. I think we can have a healthy relationship with grief.” – Dr. Zoe Shaw “When we hide, it feels good in the moment, but it will come back to get us.” – Dr. Zoe Shaw “Don't run. It's okay to sit and grief feels like it's this thing, this deep, dark pit that you're going to fall into that will never end.” – Dr. Zoe Shaw “Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past.” – Dr. Zoe Shaw “We talk to ourselves more than we talk to anybody else, and we talk to ourselves more than anybody talks to us.” – Dr. Zoe Shaw GUEST RESOURCES:  Dr. Zoe Shaw Website| drzoeshaw.com IG | @drzoeshaw RESOURCES: John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief Is A Language is produced by EPYC Media Network

Hospital chaplain Joon Park explains how to support someone who is grieving without trying to fix their pain. He and John explore why grief has no timeline, how well-intentioned advice can add another burden, and why quiet presence may be what a grieving person needs most. GUEST RESOURCES:  J.S. Park Website | jsparkblog.com IG | @jspark3000  RESOURCES: John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief Is A Language is produced by EPYC Media Network

Some people catch dreams, but others catch grief — holding space for pain, honoring loss, and ensuring no one suffers alone. Today, host John welcomes Joon Park, a hospital chaplain who has witnessed over 1,000 deaths, for an insightful conversation about being a “grief catcher.” As the author of the book "Take As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve", Joon shares his unique approach of providing presence and space for those experiencing profound loss, emphasizing that grief is not something to be fixed but to be witnessed. He explores the complex emotional landscape of supporting individuals through their most challenging moments, revealing how chaplains create safe spaces for authentic grieving.  Their conversation also delves into the importance of storytelling, the power of human connection, and how simply being present can be more healing than offering solutions. Joon challenges traditional notions of grief support — giving emphasis on the need to make room for all emotional responses, whether that means singing, crying, or expressing anger.  Don't miss this powerful episode about compassion, vulnerability, and the sacred work of accompanying people through their darkest times. Discover how Grief Is A Language through the profound art of being a grief catcher and how we can all learn to support each other more meaningfully during loss. KEY POINTS 00:00 – Joon Park’s work as a hospital chaplain and “grief catcher.” 05:29 – How Joon still finds laughter after witnessing over 1,000 deaths. 08:53 – Why grief needs presence instead of fixing. 13:06 – Walking beside someone through the darkness. 14:52 – How grief clichés can add another burden. 21:07 – Creating space for every expression of grief. 23:34 – Helping someone without trying to solve their pain. 31:29 – Why chaplains must release the need for answers. 37:29 – Making room for anger, rage and unexpected grief responses. 53:18 – Carrying the grief home and becoming a safe person. QUOTES  “Grief catching is also when the expressions of grief, the pain, the sorrow, the gravity of the loss, are so much that I'm vicariously absorbing all the pain that they're experiencing.” – Joon Park “When we sit with somebody who's grieving, when we see someone's loss, it always reflects back to ourselves mortality and loss, that the abyss is really coming for us all.” – Joon Park “The unbearable can be made slightly more bearable if you have someone to bear with you.” – Joon Park "Every diagnosis has a name... except for loneliness." – Joon Park “Through the gears of this machine that doesn't stop, we can find each other. We can reach through those gears, and we can stretch out our hands for one another.” – Joon Park GUEST RESOURCES:  J.S. Park Website | jsparkblog.com IG | @jspark3000  RESOURCES: John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief Is A Language is produced by EPYC Media Network

What happens when the smallest detail suddenly reminds you that someone is gone? In this segment of Grief Is A Language™, Natalie and John explore the sharpness of absence, the loneliness of remembering alone, and why grieving people often want us to ask about the people they’ve lost. From tall grass to old toothpick cases, they reveal how ordinary objects can preserve connection, memory, and love. RESOURCES: Natalie Lauren Sims IG | @natalielaurensims John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief is a Language™  is produced by EPYC Media Network

On today’s episode, John Onwuchekwa sits down with Natalie Lauren Sims to explore what grief actually feels like when loss comes in waves. From losing multiple family members in a short span of time to navigating numbness, rage, memory loss, faith, and radical acceptance, this conversation offers a powerful framework for understanding grief beyond clichés and stages. John shares his four-part model of grief as body language, oral language, written language, and sign language, while Nat opens up about surviving compounded loss, caring for a dying father, losing a beloved godmother to violence, and discovering that curiosity became his path forward. Listen in as this episode is for anyone who has ever felt stuck, numb, angry, confused, or alone in their grief. More than anything, it is a reminder that grief is something you learn to speak. KEY POINTS - The goal of grief isn’t closure; it’s connection. - Your body often recognizes grief before your mind does. - Stories help us process loss because grief is ultimately about love, not just absence. - Writing slows memory down long enough for us to make meaning from pain. - Compounded loss can leave you feeling disconnected from your own life for years. - Curiosity can be more powerful than answers when you're stuck in grief. - Some grief settles into peace, while other grief remains too hot to touch. - Radical acceptance is releasing the need to explain suffering. QUOTES  "Grief ain't a journey. Journey is a bad metaphor. Grief is a language. Goal of a language, not to finish, to become fluent." – John Onwuchekwa "Curiosity has been the superpower." – Natalie Lauren Sims "Her absence isn't the thing that causes the most suffering. It's the meaning making that I'm after." – Natalie Lauren Sims "I would wake up and I would realize that waking up was the nightmare." – Natalie Lauren Sims "Every celebration now has an asterisk next to it." – John Onwuchekwa RESOURCES: Natalie Lauren Sims IG | @natalielaurensims John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief Is A Language is produced by EPYC Media Network

John Onwuchekwa and Trip Lee explore how the brain learns to live after loss and why chronic illness creates a uniquely lonely kind of grief. Trip opens up about grieving his health, energy, and independence without a funeral, anniversary, or community that always recognizes what he has lost. GUEST RESOURCES Trip Lee IG | @triplee RESOURCES John Onwuchekwa  Website | johno.co  IG | @jawn_o Grief Is A Language is produced by EPYC Media Network