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Hey there, sport. (turns chair backward) We know this podcast usually makes a lot of jokes and goofs about marijuana. But here in episode 420, we want to get real with you. (turns hat backward) Don't do a drug. And don't just take it from us -- we've got two anti-drug Christmas songs to help you kick that green. "Santa Doesn't Cop Out On Dope" by Martin Mull is a simple little tune(/skit) about Santa's sobriety, while "Merry Quitmas" by East 17 is a suprisingly complicated quagmire of shady business and Santa-shaming. The ranking music in this week's episode is "Auto-Tune the News #5" (2009) by The Gregory Brothers.

Lots of things are other things in this episode: the 60s are the 90s, Nashville is Paris, children are women. And freezing time? You better believe that's doing crime. What does any of that have to do with rockabilly? Tune in to find out, I guess! By request, we listen to "Sleighbell Rock" by Chuck Blevins and "Rock'N Roll Santa" by Little Joey Farr. Thank you to Charles for these requests!

I know last episode was our back-to-school special, but don't take off your thinking caps just yet, because we're not done learning. This time, we're getting some international perspective with two C-Pop holiday song requests! We start with an upbeat New Year's song, "新年快乐 (Happy New Year)" by 小虎队 (Little Tigers) and 忧欢派对 (we're going with Sad Happy Party). Then brace for a mood shift with the intensely emotional "Lonely Christmas" by Eason Chan! If you'd like to see the video essay we mention in this episode, you can find it here. It good! Thank you to Min for these requests!

Hey, does this episode have a vibe? Can you tell it's 9pm? And on a school night?? Join us to prepare for a return to school AND the return of Rosh Hashanah with some educational-adjacent Hanukkah songs! "I Got a Harmonica for Hanukkah" by Ella Jenkins educates us about income disparity and also the blues, while "Hanukkah's Not Just For Kids" by the Macaroons educates us about different family structures, latke technique, and dogs as well. The ranking music in this episode is "8 Days of Hanukkah" by Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings.

It's another AGROBAR episode, and we're taking this beloved classic international! Sort of! Technically! Our first sort-of-technically international GGROBAR version is by celebrated Canadian band The Irish Rovers, followed by a not-really-international-but-at-least-multilingual rendition performed by Juan Carlos Guerrero and Dr. Elmo himself! This week's ranking music is, of course, "Everything Sucks" by Reel Big Fish. Matthew's AGROBAR gift to us can be read in full here!

Like a werewolf helplessly transforming into its beastial form, our podcast once again becomes all Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, all August long! Come howl along with us as we listen to two tales of revenge. "Grandpa Got Revenge On a Reindeer" by Luke McKinney gets a lot of respect, even if it's moreso for the things it's not rather than the thing it is. Then "Grandpa Run Over the Reindeer" by Christmas Workshop Band offers a more opaque vision of the GGROBAR universe. The ranking music this episode is, of course, "Everything Sucks" by Reel Big Fish.

We're BACK... and this time? It's BIRTHONAL. In other words, it's Ian's Birthday Boy's Choice! He curates a romantic indie music Christmas in July for us with "December, forever" by Big Society, followed by "This Sky" by perennial Hark favorites, Christmas Aguilera. What a sweetie!! The ranking music in this episode is "Christmas in the Room" by Sufjan Stevens.

Since we'll be away from the podcast until July 22, we've got some songs specifically to hold you over until then! For the rest of the month, we hope that "Christmas in June" by AJR will satisfy your holiday music appetite - hopefully more than its protagonist satisfied his partner, hey-oh!! And then to help you get through next month, we get more heartfelt (and also gay) (and also Grinch) with "Christmas in July" by Alex the Astronaut. The ranking music in this episode is "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men, I guess!!

Despite our best efforts, the World Cup is happening again, and it's happening here. Though we were able to put it off for 400+ episodes, it's finally time for us to do some winter holiday songs about the so-called beautiful game. Ian, in particular, has a lot of say. First up, we hear "Three Lions (It's Coming Home for Christmas)" by Baddiel, Skinner and the Lightning Seeds, a 2022 holiday version of their 1996 hit. Then it's "Star of Lisbon" by Celtic FC (I guess), a holiday song that is, in a rare event on our show, not really about the holidays and ALSO just barely a song. The ranking music in this episode is the theme to "Taskmaster" as performed by David Baddiel.

It's almost Pride Month and we're getting ready with some queer (or at least queer-adjacent) holiday songs! By request, we're listening to Girl in Red's "Two Queens in a King Sized Bed", a Christmas song featuring sapphic love and potential body horror, followed by "Happy Hanukkah (Will We Still Be Friends)" by Philip Labes, a Hanukkah song featuring theatre kids and a brief digression into Clinton-era political policy. The ranking music in this episode is "Cool for the Summer" by Demi Lovato. Thank you to Jolene for these requests!

Since we're away this week, we pre-recorded this episode! Appropriately, the theme of the requested songs is travel, and in particular, travel gone wrong at the holidays. Or maybe just being stuck in a place during Christmas? But not like a place-place, like, a liminal place. Airports, ships at sea, that kind of thing. Which is to say: exactly and exclusively like those two things. "Christmas at the Airport" by Nick Lowe is a light little tune about spending a holy night trapped in one of the earth's least sacred places. "Christmas at Sea" offers a more profound sentiment, performed by Sting and Mary Macmaster. The ranking music in this episode is "Watermark" by The Weakerthans. Thank you and congratulations to Andy for this request and on the marriage, respectively!

In honour of International Workers' Day on May 1st, we're listening to two songs about the plight of those who have to work on Christmas Day. First up is an epic song about an achingly mundane world. Specifically, Seattle in the 1990s: it's "Sometimes You Have to Work on Christmas (Sometimes)" by Harvey Danger. Then we earn some overtime with Modern Modem's retail-centric "Working on Christmas". The ranking music in this episode is "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger.

It's April, all. And I know you depend on us, annually, to deliver only the best winter holiday songs about marijuana. Well, good news: we have not let you down. So grab some cookies, sit back, relax, and partake with us in "Cookie Doe" by Sly Til I Die featuring Woe and "Smoked Out Santa" by Big Freedia. The ranking music in this episode is "Make It Jingle" by Big Freedia.

Just in time for Easter, we're covering two Christmas songs that are, uh, maybe kind of appropriate? The first song is about death, but also kind of about everlasting life: "I'm Spending Christmas with Jesus This Year" by Brenda Ontko Boulton. The second song is about... well, birth on one level, and condoms on a much more literal level. It's "Condoms for Christmas" by Milo Bobbins and the Budget Boys. The ranking music in this episode "Christmas Song" by the Dave Matthews Band, which is famously, an Easter song. Thank you to CJ for requesting both songs featured in this episode!

As the vernal equinox approaches in our hemisphere, we are saying goodbye to winter with two snow-themed songs! First, by listener request, we hear "50 Words for Snow" by Kate Bush -- a real arthouse-film of a song, complete with a beloved celebrity there to impart gravitas. We pair it with "Snobows" by Stan Beard and the Swinging Strings, which we are disappointed to report is NOT about the elbows of snowpeople. The ranking music in this episode is "December Will Be Magic Again" by Kate Bush. Thank you to merikus for the request!