Advertise on podcast: The Boundaries.me Podcast

What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the word “criticism?” How you handle criticism is not just a measure of your patience, it’s also a huge growth opportunity. Dr. Henry Cloud explains how changing the frame through which you look at criticism can greatly improve your relationships and your performance. How you feel about criticism can also tell you a lot about your character. Getting to the next level in your life involves improving on things or adding new things to your life, whatever they may be. If you are not willing to find out where you can improve from the outside it’s going to be very difficult to verify real changes. Dr. Cloud wants you to think about your reactions to feedback and how you can steer away from defensiveness. Not all criticism is warranted or justified, but when it’s coming from a trusted source that wants the best for you it can be a blessing and chance to change for the better.    Dr. Cloud answers this write-in question: I have a getting-started problem. I am a 37 year old male and I know that I need to make changes if I want to live the kind of life I always imagined living. I could lose a few pounds. I could take my dating relationships more seriously. I could be more ambitious at work. I could play a few less video games and drink a bit less. But I don't, and feel like I'm always living in tomorrow. I come up with plans but I never get started. Is there something I can do today that will make the kind of difference that I'll feel immediately, and might help me get more motivated to get to work?   Heather needs strategies for staying emotionally centered when things get heated with family members she works with.    Regina has a daughter who is a pastor in Sweden. How can she make her relationship with her daughter work when her daughter is showing signs of contempt toward her at every turn?   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

How do you work on conflicts in a relationship? Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think about which way you lean when something comes up that’s either uncomfortable, argumentative or otherwise conflictual in your relationships. Understanding that there are basically three types of behavior that you might engage in, one of them being more prevalent in your life. The three types are moving toward, moving away, or moving against. You will always move in one of these directions during a conflict. Where this gets interesting is when you see that rather than making a choice, you might be doing this automatically. You might be moving away from a conflict when you need to move against it. And so on. As you begin learning your conflict type, you’ll also see it in others and your relationships will greatly improve as conflicts arise.   Jacqueline wants to take care of her sister’s former foster daughter as a child advocate, but her sister is against the idea and sees it as a betrayal. What do you do when someone you love is preventing you from doing what’s right?    Anne is having difficulty accepting her decision to end a romantic relationship. Did she leave for the right reasons, or was it out of misplaced fears?   Written Question: I am really interested in personal growth. Lately I feel like my enthusiasm for personal growth and development content might be going overboard though. I follow a lot of good folks on social media, read tons of books, watch Youtube videos, and attend seminars in person. These things all make me feel good and like I'm doing something right, but I'm not sure if I'm really doing all that much growing. Can you overdose on personal growth, or what am I doing wrong?   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

One thing most of us do with the word “choice” is that we equate it with the power to make something happen. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to rethink what choice is actually capable of bringing to your life. Choice is great, it’s important, but it’s not a methodology. That’s to say that willpower and choice are not a method of change alone. Your initial choice can set your direction, and that’s a hugely powerful start, but that does not lead to staying power. When you’re setting a goal, definitely use choice to get started, but remember that you will continue to employ choices at every step to get to your goal. One choice is never enough to make anything meaningful happen. You need to continue making choices along the way to make real changes.   Dr. Cloud takes a write-in question: I think of myself as an emotionally intelligent person, but recently I got some feedback that has me wondering. A friend of mine reached out looking for support and I did what I hear a lot of men do and tried to give her some advice. She wasn't looking for advice. She told me in a kind way that my response lacked emotional intelligence. I understand now that what I did wasn't helpful. But that leaves me wondering: How do I assess my own emotional intelligence?   Sarah is having difficulty accepting her adult daughter’s decisions. How can learn to let her daughter make her own mistakes?   Kathy is having serious issues with her daughter and granddaughter who both live with her. They don’t talk to her, and when they do it’s rude and mean. What can she do to open up civil communication again? Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.   If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

Unlike in the distant past, we don’t really have a rite of passage to adulthood. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how regardless of how many degrees you have, or how old you are, being an adult is not a guarantee on age or merit alone. So what is adulthood, and how do we get to it? You’ve probably met people that have made it far into their lives and still aren’t an adult yet. Dr. Cloud talks about what it means to be a responsible, independent adult. You may physically be an adult, but there are emotional, psychological and spiritual aspects to adulthood that you may need to grow in.   Written Question:I feel like fear is ruling my life right now. I can feel my life getting smaller and my dreams getting further away. How do I stop giving into fear? I find that my language around fear, the way I frame it, can feel very negative and avoidant, and I am prone to making excuses. I don't expect things to be perfect, but how can I feel more secure that things will work out? Susan has discovered gaps in her memory most likely caused by childhood trauma. She asks Dr. Cloud to talk about dissociation. How can she get back in touch with her emotions? What does childhood trauma recovery look like? Melanie has a sister that continues to belittle her and mischaracterize her as selfish when she’s setting boundaries. Her family doesn’t want to weigh in. When do you decide to stay away from a family member that won’t respect your boundaries? If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud

Regrets are inevitable in this life and can bring us great sadness. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think differently about how you look at your regrets. When we talk about regret we’re talking about loss and the emotional pain that comes with that. What can really be helpful is letting regret show us what we don’t want to lose. The trouble is that guilt will accompany the regret and that can prevent you from mourning what you’ve lost. Dr. Cloud asks you to transform your normal reactions of guilt and badness to one of godly sorrow. When you think about what you’ll lose by not changing, real change can come forward.   Written question: I find myself stuck between this sense that I'm constantly striving for MORE and BETTER versus the idea that it might be healthier to accept what I've got, what I've accomplished, and the way things are. Why do I always feel like I want and need more? Does it ever end?   Marshall is working irregular hours and wants to add meaningful structure to his time to maintain his relationships and his work-life balance. Linda has an adult son that has been violent with her in the past. How can she mend her relationship with her son, and what role does she have to play in her grandchildren’s lives? Karissa is a pastor’s wife and a mentor. She wants to know how to stop internalizing others’ failures. She feels like she has failed when they fall short and it’s affecting her.  Having trouble setting boundaries? Are you worried that boundaries go against your Christianity? Dr. Henry Cloud lays the foundation for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries that align with Christian principles. Check out the upcoming workshop and get discounted early bird pricing for a limited time. https://boundaries.me/myboundaries If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud

Our life is driven by two key drives and they are often at odds with each other. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how these two drives can be worked together. Drive number one is our need to connect and feel connected. The second drive is our aggression. When when we can merge these drives together it’s called drive neutralization and it will greatly improve your relationships and your performance. Written question: How do successful people think differently about outcomes? Sally needs help with an intrusive father that spreads rumors. Sarah has two boys going through crises and feels like her parenting skills are being criticized. Having trouble setting boundaries? Are you worried that boundaries go against your Christianity? Dr. Henry Cloud lays the foundation for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries that align with Christian principles. Check out the upcoming workshop and get discounted early bird pricing for a limited time. https://boundaries.me/myboundaries If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud

Loving someone and treating them with love are two different things. Dr. Henry Cloud reminds us of what we can do to be more proactive in our loving relationships. Written question: Do physical activities help people heal from trauma? Kerri is housing kids from a youth group and wants advice on how to help a traumatized 17 year old open up. Sarah feels like a crappy person and doesn't know why. What can do to get started unpacking these feelings? Margie is putting up simple boundaries and her in-laws cross them all the time. What is the right response when people cross your boundaries? Having trouble setting boundaries? Are you worried that boundaries go against your Christianity? Dr. Henry Cloud lays the foundation for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries that align with Christian principles. Check out the upcoming workshop and get discounted early bird pricing for a limited time. https://boundaries.me/myboundaries If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

Changing your life is always a difficult task, but it’s nearly impossible without accepting personal responsibility. Dr. Henry Cloud gets into what you should and shouldn’t take responsibility for and how this awareness can transform your life and the options you have. Written question: Lately I feel like my attention and ability to focus is being stolen away from me. There are so many distractions, from email to messaging apps, and group chats, and social media, and all of the other notifications. Are we meant to be able to manage all of this communication? Jill is setting "healthy boundaries" but doesn't want to sacrifice helping the people she cares about. Tamars seeks advice on how to look at a failed dating relationship. Betty is having trouble with some new people at her church that are questioning her integrity and spirituality. Having trouble setting boundaries? Are you worried that boundaries go against your Christianity? Dr. Henry Cloud lays the foundation for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries that align with Christian principles. Check out the upcoming workshop and get discounted early bird pricing for a limited time. https://boundaries.me/myboundaries   If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.  https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

How do you stay positive when all of life is coming at you like work, kids, social issues, health problems etc? Dr. Henry Cloud discusses a key element that the mature possess and immature lack: being able to hold the good and bad together at the same time. Written question: Can you offer any advice or strategies to help me find my bearings and start moving forward with purpose and clarity? Connor is struggling with overreacting to his wife’s moods and wants to know how to be more centered. Written question: How does one deal with anxiety about their health? Kim is feeling overwhelmed by her New Year’s resolutions and doesn’t know which ones to prioritize. Melody has an adult son she's having trouble setting financial boundaries with. Having trouble setting boundaries? Are you worried that boundaries go against your Christianity? Dr. Henry Cloud lays the foundation for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries that align with Christian principles. Check out the upcoming workshop and get discounted early bird pricing for a limited time. https://boundaries.me/myboundaries If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

One of the worst feelings you can have in a relationship is loneliness despite being in the presence of another person. Dr. Henry Cloud works through how this all too common problem can be resolved. He uses the example of “I, Thou” where both people in the relationship are showing up with attunement.  Written question: Is it better to have a counselor that didn't know you previously so as not to have biases? Jonathan wants to open up to others but doesn't know how to connect after a difficult divorce. Denise needs clarity on when boundaries are being misconstrued as a way to manipulate others. Chris is trying to rebuild trust with coworkers when trust was lost over a rumor. Mike's family is in crisis because of his debts and past behaviors. How can he reconcile with his wife? Having trouble setting boundaries? Are you worried that boundaries go against your Christianity? Dr. Henry Cloud lays the foundation for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries that align with Christian principles. Check out the upcoming workshop and get discounted early bird pricing for a limited time. https://boundaries.me/myboundaries If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

What you are capable of, what you are not capable of, and which one is true are all derived from how you perceive yourself within the context of the world and peoplearound you. Dr. Henry Cloud shares ways to expand how you look at yourself, what you’re capable of, and your relationships with what is outside you. Adrienne needs help dealing with a short tempered father. Lizzie doesn't know whether a romantic interest is safe after he withheld some important things from her. Donna is hoping for a Christmas miracle that thing will change in her family.   Having trouble setting boundaries? Are you worried that boundaries go against your Christianity? Dr. Henry Cloud lays the foundation for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries that align with Christian principles. Check out the upcoming workshop and get discounted early bird pricing for a limited time. https://boundaries.me/myboundaries If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud

How is it possible that your day to day life can heal you? Dr. Henry Cloud explains how specific but small changes in your day to day life can lead to big changes. Lauren asks Dr. Cloud how to grieve a friendship that's over. Erika is having trouble healing from financial trauma that's causing poor spending behaviors. Mandy was neglected by her mother and is still having trouble finding safe and meaningful way to connect with her.   Boundaries.Me Plus is on sale until of the end of the year! You can get a full year of access for 59% off the regular price! Go to https://bounaries.me/plus to find out more and get the deal before it goes away!   If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud