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Resentment rarely comes from one big moment. More often, it builds through the small things we don't talk about: the dishes, the forgotten gestures, the mental load, and the feeling that you're the only one making an effort. I talk about how these everyday frustrations become evidence of deeper hurt, why unresolved conflict makes resentment grow, and how to repair the damage before years of disappointment turn into distance. I talk about: • How small moments of hurt build into long-term resentment • The invisible mental load of maintaining a relationship • Why the dishes are rarely just about the dishes • How the stories we tell ourselves amplify frustration • Asking for what you need before it becomes a demand • Why conflict is inevitable but repair is essential • Creating a safe space for difficult conversations • Using empathy, self-awareness, and accountability to repair emotional wounds If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here: https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint: https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack: https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here: https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does genuine love actually look like? It may have less to do with how someone makes you feel and more to do with whether you can truly see them, allow them to be themselves, and continue meeting them as both of you change. I also explore what happens when fear of losing someone keeps us from fully enjoying the relationship we have today, how relationships teach us who we are becoming, and the difference between healthy compromise and losing yourself. I also look at what can exist underneath betrayal and affairs, including the desire to reconnect with a version of yourself that feels lost. I talk about: • What genuine love looks like beyond attraction and chemistry • Loving someone without abandoning yourself • Why we have to keep meeting our partners as they change • The fear of losing someone and how it can steal the present • Why the small, ordinary moments in a relationship matter • Asking what a relationship is teaching you to become • The difference between compromise and self-abandonment • How relationships can teach us to expand or shrink ourselves • What can be underneath affairs and betrayal • The different emotional realities of the betrayed partner, the person who cheated, and the affair partner If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We were handed a blueprint for what a “good life” is supposed to look like: fall in love, get married, buy the house, have kids, build a career, and stay together. But what happens when you achieve the life you were supposed to want and realize it doesn’t actually feel like yours? I talk about breaking away from inherited ideas of happiness, questioning the lives we’re maintaining simply because we’ve already spent years building them, and creating something more honest and customized. I also answer questions about open relationships, getting over self-doubt after leaving a good person, and why a relationship can be meaningful without lasting forever. I talk about: • The blueprint we inherit for what a “good life” is supposed to look like• Getting everything you were supposed to want and still feeling unhappy• The difference between a good life and a life that actually feels like yours• Redefining marriage, family, success, wealth, and commitment• Breaking patterns and questioning what you’re maintaining simply because you’ve already built it• Whether open relationships can work and what needs to be addressed before opening one• Why changing relationship structures doesn’t automatically fix existing problems• Getting over self-doubt after breaking up with a good person• Why someone can be a good person and still not be your person anymore• Letting relationships be meaningful without needing them to last forever If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Being in love and loving someone aren’t always the same thing. Being in love can be about chemistry, longing, fantasy, desire, and the way someone makes you feel. But loving someone asks something harder: can you keep seeing who they actually are as they change? Can you stay curious about the person they’re becoming instead of holding them to the version you first fell for? In this episode, I talk about why intensity alone isn’t enough to build a life with someone, why long-term relationships can go through seasons where the love feels different, and why falling out of love doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is over. I also get into what happens after betrayal when you’re still watching an ex’s life and waiting for them to suffer, fail, or finally understand what they did to you. At some point, healing means taking your attention back and putting it somewhere they no longer get to participate in. And I answer one of the questions I hear most: how do you know whether your marriage is going through a hard season or whether the relationship is actually ending? In this episode, I talk about: • The difference between being in love and loving someone• Why intensity and chemistry aren’t enough• Loving someone as they grow and change• Why we sometimes miss who we were in a relationship more than the person• Three questions to ask when looking back on a past relationship• Why falling in and out of love can be part of a long-term relationship• How to stop making an ex’s life evidence for your own• Why healing can require teaching your attention a new address• The difference between a hard season and a relationship that may be ending• Why movement, ownership, and changed behavior matter more than promises Sometimes love isn’t about getting back to who you used to be together. Sometimes it’s about deciding whether you still want to know and choose the people you’re becoming. If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when one person is willing to grow and the other isn’t, why growth should be an invitation rather than an ultimatum, and why sometimes the most important thing your partner needs from you isn’t perfection — it’s your willingness to lean in. In this episode, I sit down with Bryan Reeves to talk about what changes in the second half of life and why the rules that got us here may not be the same ones that carry us forward. We also get into men’s loneliness, why so many men wait until life or a relationship falls apart before asking for support, and how the need to be the hero can keep us isolated. We also talk about becoming fathers later in life, how pregnancy can expose old wounds and patterns in a relationship, and why presence may matter more than getting everything right. In this episode, we talk about: Why the second half of life requires a different kind of ambition When achievement and success stop feeling like enough Meaning, impact, and the temptation to become cynical Why so many men feel lonely even when they’re surrounded by people The “hero” mindset and hyper-independence Why men often wait for a crisis before asking for help What to do when you want to work on your relationship and your partner doesn’t Relationship as invitation instead of obligation Resentment and the importance of speaking up before it’s too late How pregnancy can expose deeper wounds in a relationship Becoming a father later in life Why being present matters more than being perfect Thanks for listening. If something in this conversation makes you think of someone, send it their way. Connect with Bryan Reeves: Website: https://bryanreeves.com/ Book — Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her): https://bryanreeves.com/book Love With Integrity Online Community: https://www.skool.com/lovewithintegrity If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 📚 My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📖 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist Ready for deeper work? Check out my Secure Self course:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 📱 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ 🌐 Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the life you spent years trying to build isn’t the life you want anymore? For most of my life, I was trying to arrive somewhere - make more money, build the audience, get another book deal, buy the house, become somebody. There was always another number to hit, another door to get through, another version of myself I thought would finally let me exhale. But lately, something has shifted. In this episode, I talk about giving yourself permission to disappoint the person you used to be. Not because that version of you was wrong, but because you’re allowed to change. You’re allowed to outgrow the goals, identities, and plans that once made perfect sense. I get into the difference between constantly becoming someone and actually experiencing your life, why ambition can be useful without being allowed to drive, and how easy it is to postpone happiness by attaching it to the next achievement, relationship, body, house, promotion, or milestone. Maybe the question isn’t, “Where is all of this going?” Maybe it’s, “Where can I go while I’m still here?” I also answer an Ask Angry question about knowing when it may be time to leave a marriage - and why waiting for absolute certainty can keep us stuck much longer than we realize. In this episode, I talk about: Giving yourself permission to disappoint the person you used to be Letting old goals and identities evolve without rejecting your past Why constantly trying to “arrive” can make you miss your actual life Ambition without letting ambition run your life Following curiosity without needing everything to be productive Why happiness becomes a moving target Recognizing joy while it’s actually happening Asking whether the plan you’re following still belongs to you Why certainty may never come when deciding whether to leave a relationship The questions that can reveal whether there’s still something worth repairing Thanks for listening. If something in this episode hits you, pass it along to someone who might need it. If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ CONNECT WITH ME 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On PurposeToss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 📚 My book publishing company, Soulprinthttps://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substackhttps://substack.com/@theangrytherapist 🧠 Ready for deeper work? Check out the Secure Self coursehttps://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 📱 Follow me on Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/?hl=en 🌐 Find out morehttps://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you know whether a relationship can last and when it might be time to leave? In this Therapy Thursdays episode, we take on your questions about conflict, attraction, exes, love languages and the hurt we carry into new relationships. There’s one question underneath many of them: are you working through what’s happening, or waiting for something to change? If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here: https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint: https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack: https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here: https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 My book, Break Up On Purpose: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 📸 Instagram: https://instagram.com/theangrytherapist 🌐 Find out more: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What matters more than love? My answer is capacity. I think we’ve wildly overestimated love’s ability to carry a relationship. You can love someone deeply and still lie to them, betray them, disappear when things get uncomfortable, refuse to look at yourself, or be unable to create a safe space for them. Love is a feeling. A relationship requires skills. In this episode, I answer questions about what actually makes relationships work, how relationships change over time, and what it means to leave someone you still love. I also talk about social media, comparison, and how constantly looking at everyone else’s life can make us question our own. I talk about: ● Why love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship ● Capacity, communication, accountability, and repair ● Why long-term relationships require us to grow and become someone we’ve never been before ● What happens when couples resist change and begin to drift apart ● How you can love someone and still know you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with them ● Why staying in a relationship out of fear can sometimes create more pain ● The difference between inspiration and inadequacy on social media ● How comparison can make you overlook the life you’re actually living Thanks for listening. If any of these words help you or someone you know, pass them along. If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here: https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when you decide an idea is worth pursuing, even when you don't know where it's going to take you? Kelsey Crane joins me to talk about The Vanishing, her debut novel and the first book in The Exiles trilogy. We get into her journey from storytelling and gardening to writing a novel, why she chose to self-publish, what it feels like to reinvent yourself in your 40s, and the fear that comes with putting your work into the world. We also talk about nature, creativity, climate change, the power of storytelling, and the idea that we're not defined by one story or one moment in our lives. Kelsey shares why she believes creating something for future generations can be a powerful source of motivation. In this episode: • Reinventing yourself in your 40s• Writing your first novel• The reality of self-publishing• Fear and pushing through uncertainty• Nature as a source of creativity• Climate fiction and telling teenagers the truth• Why it's okay to be a beginner• Creating a legacy for future generations Follow Kelsey and check out The Vanishing. Guest links: ✨ The Vanishing novel: https://tr.ee/nhKDU8✨ Shopify: http://bit.ly/4hmSopJ✨ Goodreads: http://bit.ly/4fRbbs9✨ Website: https://www.theexilesseries.com✨ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artforartssake 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.HERE My book publishing company, Soulprint:HERE 📘 Read my book in progress, Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:HERE If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available:HERE 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose:HERE 📸 Follow me on Instagram:HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some of the hardest truths about relationships are the ones we spend the most time avoiding. I’m talking about the conversations that challenge the way we think about marriage, love, resentment, breakups, and even our own intuition. I start with a controversial idea: I think marriages need to die. Not because divorce is the goal, but because long-term relationships can’t survive if the old version of the marriage is expected to stay the same forever. Growth asks us to let old dynamics end so a new relationship can be born. I also answer some of your relationship questions about resentment, breakups, choosing the wrong partners, trusting your gut, and what happens when love activates old attachment wounds. I talk about: Why marriages need death and rebirth to keep growing How life transitions reshape relationships Why feelings and capacity are two different things The difference between loving someone and choosing someone What resentment is communicating before it destroys a relationship How overfunctioning creates hidden resentment Why breakup anger often belongs to an older wound How to move through anger without letting it make decisions Why intuition whispers and anxiety argues How childhood experiences shape what my gut tells me If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe for more conversations about relationships, healing, attachment, and personal growth. If this episode spoke to you, leave a comment and share it with someone who needs this reminder. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company: Soulprinthttps://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/?hl=en Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I reflect on what I’d tell myself 10 years ago about losing everything, rebuilding, and learning that security was never really about what I owned. I also share a story about a local surfer in Costa Rica who offered to teach me after watching me struggle in the water every day. What stayed with me wasn’t the surfing—it was the feeling of being seen, believed in, and chosen at 52. Sometimes the thing we need most isn’t more confidence. It’s someone saying, “I see what you’re trying to become. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Connect with me: 📘My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here. https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/  📘 My book, Break Up On Purpose: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 📸 Instagram: https://instagram.com/theangrytherapist 🌐 Find out more: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you staying because you want to or because you’re afraid to leave? In this Therapy Thursdays, I answer your questions about fading attraction, slow-burn love, situationships, and healing after heartbreak. We also talk about what it takes to start liking yourself again. And before you decide there’s no spark, there’s one question worth asking yourself… 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Shefali who is an NYT bestselling author of The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family. She is also a clinical psychologist, an international speaker and a wisdom teacher, integrating Eastern philosophy with Western psychology. We talk about what it actually means to raise conscious boys and girls in a world that is changing faster than ever. We talk about the different things boys and girls are missing today, from physicality, movement, mentorship and healthy masculinity for boys to voice, self-trust and protection from the pressures of social media for girls. We also get into how much of parenting is really about our own wounds, fears and unresolved experiences. Dr. Shefali also shares her own struggle with staying present, letting go and trusting her daughter instead of constantly trying to prevent discomfort or rescue her. We talk about the messy process of parenting, learning to hold space for our children, and eventually becoming less central in their lives. We talk about: What boys and girls need from parents today. Why boys need movement, adventure, mentorship and healthy initiation. The importance of giving boys a pathway toward conscious masculinity. Why young men can become vulnerable when they don't have healthy male mentors. How social media and unrealistic standards are affecting girls. The difference between empowerment and seeking approval. How pornography and the internet have changed childhood. Why parents need to be more present and vigilant without becoming paranoid. How our own childhood experiences can shape the way we parent. Why parenting can become a mirror into our own unconsciousness. The challenge of letting go, trusting and allowing children to experience discomfort. Why boundaries can become harder to establish when we don't set them early. What it means to parent without trying to mold your child into who you think they should become. The eventual goal of moving from center stage to backstage in your child's life. Why there is no perfect way to parent and why making mistakes is part of the process. Connect with Dr. Shefali: Preorder Raising Conscious Sons and Raising Conscious Daughters:https://www.drshefali.com/raisingconscious-daughters-sons/ Official website:https://www.drshefali.com/ Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/doctorshefali/ Parenting & You podcast:https://www.drshefali.com/podcast/ Book tour:https://raisingconscious.drshefali.com/tour/ 🎙️ Connect with John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’m answering a few questions about love, desire, affairs, and obsession. I start with a question about losing desire for a husband after having an affair and whether that desire can actually come back. My answer is yes - but I don’t think getting the old desire back should be the goal. Sometimes the relationship we had has died, and the work is to create something new instead. I also talk about why affairs can make desire especially confusing, how an affair can awaken a version of ourselves that we haven't felt in a long time, and why that version of us doesn't necessarily belong to the person we had the affair with. Then I get into what happens when couples try to repair after infidelity but accidentally allow the affair to become the relationship. Finally, I talk about obsession and how to tell the difference between obsession and love. Sometimes the person we can't stop thinking about isn't the love of our life - they're the person who created the most uncertainty in our life. I talk about: Why getting the old desire back shouldn't necessarily be the goal. Why you may need to create a new relationship instead of recreating the old one. Why comparing marital desire to affair desire isn't a fair comparison. What an affair can awaken in us beyond the other person. Why sometimes we're craving the version of ourselves we got to be around someone. How couples can rebuild desire together after infidelity. Why making the entire relationship about the affair can prevent real repair. When transparency becomes surveillance instead of rebuilding trust. Why love should expand your world while obsession tends to shrink it. How uncertainty and intermittent reinforcement can make someone feel impossible to let go of. Why we can become obsessed with a version of someone we've created from incomplete information. How to separate what actually happened from what we imagined could happen. Why letting go can mean surrendering the ending we hoped someone would give us. Link to the challenge: ⁠https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/300-hundred-questions-in-30-days⁠ If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. ⁠HERE⁠ My book publishing company: Soulprint ⁠https://www.soulprintmedia.co⁠ 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack⁠ ⁠HERE⁠⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available ⁠HERE⁠ Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more ⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I think resentment is one of the biggest things that can crack a relationship. We get hurt, minimize it, swallow it, and keep moving until all those little things start piling up. Eventually, the resentment becomes so big that we don't see the person or the relationship the same way anymore.  In this episode, I talk about why we need to learn how to express ourselves before resentment turns into a giant pile, how to know what is actually worth bringing to the table, and why resolving resentment doesn't always mean getting an apology from the person who hurt us.  I also talk about how to bring up resentment without blaming or attacking someone, taking ownership for my own part, and figuring out whether a relationship is still worth investing in. I break down the difference between doing life with someone, at someone, or around someone - and why honest relationships require us to be willing to talk about the hard shit.  I talk about: Why resentment can create hairline cracks in a relationship. How swallowing small hurts can eventually turn into a giant pile of resentment. Why I don't believe we can always depend on someone else to give us closure. How to decide what is actually worth expressing. Why I sometimes overexpress and need to work things out on my own first. Why bringing up resentment should come from a place of response rather than reaction. How taking ownership for my own part can change the conversation. What someone's response to my hurt can tell me about their capacity for the relationship. Why some relationships may have simply been outgrown. How children, finances, and other responsibilities can make resentment harder to address. Why I think we have a responsibility to express valid hurt before the pile gets too big. The difference between doing life with someone, at someone, and around someone. How to think about resentment differently in romantic relationships, friendships, and family. Why some resentment may need to be processed without ever being expressed directly. Why working through resentment is a muscle that requires reps. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices