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Summer is a busy season when you’re in the church. There are lots of family activities going on, childcare to work out, and, of course, VBS.  Because we’re nearing VBS season, I thought it’d be a good time to talk about whether or not you should send your kids to VBS. Even more so, I want to discuss the bigger question of how we can protect our kids from toxic religion. We must learn how to equip our kids to navigate the world of faith and thought beyond our homes and what that may look like in our day-to-day lives. So, in this episode, I’m going to share all of my thoughts on VBS. Tune in to hear an overview of what exactly VBS is, its purpose and goals, and whether or not I think you should send your kids to it. Show Highlights: A summary of VBS. The evangelical aspects of VBS. Why I find VBS to be predatory. The genuine and positive aspects of VBS. The nuanced aspects of whether or not you should send your kids to VBS. How to prepare your kids if they are going to VBS. How to soothe your own inner child when your kids start getting involved in church activities. How to help your kids spot religious red flags. How to be a good resource to your kids.   Links (affiliates included): Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary   *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

If you’ve got a child nearing college or already there, this episode is for you.  We’re going to take a critical look at evangelical colleges and universities and analyze the experience they provide our kids. Having attended the evangelical college Wheaton, I have firsthand experience to bring to the table that we’ll discuss throughout today’s show. Joining me is the host of the Chapel Probation podcast, Scott Okamoto. He grew up in a conservative Christian family but began deconstructing when he went away to college. Eventually, he became a professor at an evangelical university and started to clarify his progressive Christian beliefs. This led to him stepping away and becoming a stay-at-home dad.  Tune in to hear my conversation with Scott on the evangelical college experience from each of our unique perspectives.  Show Highlights: Scott’s background with evangelicalism. Why he stepped down from his job at APU and became a stay-at-home dad. What inspired him to start his podcast. Where I was at in my faith while attending Wheaton. The paradox of the evangelical college experience. The challenges deconstruction brings to parenting. Why we must love our kids well and then trust them to make the right decisions. Advice for parents thinking about sending their kids to an evangelical college. Advice for students attending an evangelical college right now. Links (affiliates included): Scott Okamoto Website: https://www.rscottokamoto.com Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn1Little  You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

Ever been triggered by your child’s behavior? It can feel uncontrollable. No matter how hard we try to hold ourselves back when our child behaves a certain way, it immediately puts us into triggered mode. Jen Lumanlan addressed this in her talk at my recent Parenting is Revolutionary conference. Jen holds an MS in Psychology (Child Development) and is the host of the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. She is an amazing reference guide for parents of young kids and shares great parenting advice based on scientific research and the principles of respectful parenting.  In this episode, I’m sharing a snippet of Jen’s talk from the conference. She shares a little more about her background and experience with parenting triggers and teaches us how to tame these emotions when they come up. This topic is extremely important for parents at this time so tune in to learn from Jen.   Show Highlights: Where triggered feelings come from. The window of tolerance. Big T trauma and little T trauma. The many different fronts we have to heal on to tame our parenting triggers. How to get more of your daily needs met. How to widen your window of tolerance. Physical habits you can implement to remind yourself to pause. Why it’s important to share our authentic feelings with our children. The different triggers that come with having toddlers, adolescents, and teenagers. What it means to feel flooded.   Links (affiliates included): Jen’s website - https://www.parentingmojo.com/ Parenting is Revolutionary Conference Recordings: https://www.parentingforwardconference.com/2022-sessions Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn1Little  You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary   *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

The Parenting is Revolutionary Conference is over! It was an incredible time connecting with other parents and parenting influencers in the online space. I myself learned so much and, though I’m exhausted, I feel so fulfilled by the experience. Throughout many of the sessions of the conference, childhood trauma was discussed. A question popped up over and over in my mind: if our parents had had the resources we have today and access to information on mental health and validating emotions, would we have all had better childhoods? I brought my partner in crime Corey Wayne onto the show this week to discuss this. Corey helps me build and maintain the Parenting Forward Conferences and I truly could not do the work that I do without him. Tune in to hear us analyze our own childhoods and more on religious trauma vs. childhood trauma.   Show Highlights: How parenting styles are a generational thing. Some background on Corey’s childhood. How he discovered his wounds were mainly childhood trauma, not religious trauma. How Corey has mended his relationship with some of his family members. How ending generational trauma is like a wave. How the concept of “breaking toxic cycles” has become combative rather than a means of building community. Why self-compassion is such an important part of healing your inner child. How to balance grief about your past and gratitude that it made you who you are. Some resources Corey loves.   Links (affiliates included): Parenting is Revolutionary Conference Recordings: https://www.parentingforwardconference.com/2022-sessions  Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership  Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt  Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary    *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

One of my favorite people, Hillary McBride, recently posted this on Twitter: “Spiritual trauma is someone handing you an inner critic and telling you it’s the voice of God.”    I love that quote because it paints the picture of religious trauma so well. Trauma doesn’t always have to involve one disastrous event; it can be the result of the script we were given in childhood that stuck with us.   Matthew Paul Turner is a children’s author who does amazing work towards reversing that harmful script. He is trying to put a better story into the hearts and minds of children, specifically using the language and vocabulary of God.    Matthew is joining us on this episode of Parenting Forward to discuss some of his best-selling books. We also talk about how parents can give their kids a better script. If we don’t want our children to have to rewrite their scripts or “recover from God” in adulthood, we must be proactive about introducing them to God the right way now.   Show Highlights:   The script I was given as a child about God. The damage that harmful script does to children’s brains. The gossip chain that develops in fundamental communities. Why it’s so hard for us deconstructed believers to accept compliments or love ourselves. How our body holds trauma. Why Matthew didn’t write evangelical books. How children's books can benefit adults too. What it was like for Matthew to write his most recent book, I Am God’s Dream, right after coming out. How I Am God’s Dream teaches kids to be happy with their bodies. The importance of genuine apologies.   Links (affiliates included): Matthew Paul Turner - https://matthewpaulturner.com Parenting is Revolutionary Conference: https://www.parentingforwardconference.com Register with the discount code: PFPOD for 20% off! Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

Parenting is revolutionary because it not only changes your perspective as a parent but it also impacts your perspective of your kids. Parenting is not just for parents but for anyone who wants to see a better world, not only for the children but for all of us that co-exist. Parenting is revolutionary because it changes us. It evolves us and it demands that we become better people. In this episode, we talk about the five reasons why parenting is revolutionary. One essential thing to note is how parenting teaches us to manage our triggers because the things our kids do that tend to push our buttons aren’t necessarily our kids’ fault. Instead, they are triggering something inside of us that needs healing, perhaps a past traumatic experience or simply the everyday trauma of living in an unkind world. Just the mere resurfacing of what needs to be healed inside of us is revolutionary! Show Highlights: Learning and unlearning relationship habits Re-parenting our inner child Preventing childhood adverse effects Managing your triggers Drawing better boundaries between your issues and your children's behavior Being parents to our society’s children If only adults could just play more… What to expect from the Parenting is Revolutionary Conference Links (affiliates included): Parenting is Revolutionary Conference: https://www.parentingforwardconference.com Register with the discount code: PFPOD for 20% off!!  Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership  Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn1Little  You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know I sent you.

Since the pandemic, the world of Christian faith deconstruction exploded into this wonderful kaleidoscope of podcasters and influencers, including the Dirty Rotten Church Kids, Adrian and Josh, who both left their faith but continued to forge and nurture a solid friendship beyond the walls of the church. Once you leave the church that has become a foundational and formative part of your identity, it leaves you with that sense that you no longer have a community or you don't have anyone to talk to. If you’re like many people who want to keep their relationships because they can't stand the thought of being lonely, you may end up keeping your friends from toxic pasts who don’t really love you for who you are. Because if they did, then it wouldn’t matter to them if you left your faith or stopped believing in certain things.  In this episode, Adrian and Josh talk about life after church, leaving the religious baggage, and how they approach parenting in a way that’s totally different from how their parents had raised them. Show Highlights: The birth of the Dirty Rotten Church Kids podcast How they managed to maintain their friendship outside of the church The biggest parenting issues they’re facing Learning to love ourselves and finding our values Not everything has to have eternal consequences Being open to your kids about your own baggage Cutting the cords with people you don’t resonate with A chosen family that’s involved in your kids’ upbringing Links (affiliates included): My appearance on the DRCK Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/security-and-clarity-w-cindy-wang-brandt/id1487820978?i=1000498263787  DRCK on my Parenting Conference, alongside Your Favorite Heretics and Jo Luehmann - https://www.parentingforwardconference.com/parenting-after-deconstruction  Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership  Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn1Little  You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know I sent you.

The stigma of having an abortion is still rampant, especially among highly conservative people of faith. This led to Katey Zeh’s passion for navigating how to bridge these two worlds. It is important to provide care and compassion to those who decide to go through abortion because, at its core, abortion is still part of the human experience.  Statistically, most people who have abortions are already parents. And oftentimes, it is a parenting decision they need to make to care for their living children. A lot of times, these are people who have caregiving responsibilities. Regardless of whether people should have access to it, it's just important to recognize that most people who have abortions are parents. On the other hand, some people choose not to ever have kids. And unless they know that they won't be stigmatized, harassed, and pressured by society, only then is that choice made out of enthusiastic consent.  In this episode, Katey Zeh talks about her new book, A Complicated Choice. Katey is an author, speaker, and strategist. She is the Chief Executive Officer of the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice, and she talks frequently about the intersection of faith and activism.  Show Highlights: How Katey got involved in advocating for abortion The role of crisis pregnancy centers The disconnect between doctrines and the way we experience human life The need to flex our compassion muscles Abortion out of a parenting decision Making sense of the experience through having that space to process and having access to their needs Minimizing the grief that comes from abortion Acknowledging abortion as a human experience Links (affiliates included): A Complicated Choice: https://www.broadleafbooks.com/store/product/9781506473499/A-Complicated-Choice  Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership: https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership  Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team: https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book: https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn You Are Revolutionary: https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Growing up in a religious and Asian household, I had very little sex education, if any, and it was mainly about purity culture. And it has only been in the past two years that I've actually delved into demolishing such sex-negativity. Last month, I ran a webinar on sex-positive parenting with Melissa Pintor Carnagey and I got to check off some of the toxic ideas of purity culture and reframe them with what I've learned from Melissa and other wonderful sex educators. And so today, I wanted to share it with our wider podcast audience. It's so important that we're opening up these conversations about sex with our kids to help them make informed choices.  Melissa is the founder of Sex-Positive Families, which provides resources to give children holistic, comprehensive, and shame-free sexuality education so they can live informed, empowered, and safer lives. She is an expert in sexual health education and a mother of three. She currently runs a fantastic online course called Growing Into You which provides gender-inclusive puberty education for kids ages 8-12.  Show Highlights: Deciding for yourself what sex means and giving other people the agency to decide for themselves   Early ongoing sexual health education provides more context as kids grow Virginity as a construct is self-negative. Reframing the language suggesting self-negative ideas Self-pleasure as a human right and being able to reclaim your own body Reframing fear-based narratives around pornography Redefining porn and having a more nuanced conversation about porn Discerning how porn affects us Seeking age-congruent and age-relevant resources Sexuality is not synonymous with sex Co-parenting with a sex-negative parent Recognizing boundaries and safer ways to learn about sex How to talk to kids about sex when they’re not interested How to help teens decide when to have sex A mindset shift from preventing things we can't control to preparing our young people for safer and more satisfying experiences Links (affiliates included): Growing Into You (Gender-Inclusive Puberty Education for Ages 8-12) - https://sex-positive-families.mykajabi.com/?ref=https%3A%2F%2Fsex-positive-families.mykajabi.com%2Fa%2F2147492303%2F27YazHpV  Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership  Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn  You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

For years now, I have been on a journey of healing from religious trauma. My inspiration through it all has been to become a better person for both myself and all of the people around me, including my children. Because of this pursuit, I’ve always been on the lookout for people who help others resolve their childhood and religious trauma (which I’ve now come to realize is complex trauma). So, today, I am extremely excited to bring on a guest who does just that. Dr. Tanner Wallace is the host of the Relational Healing podcast. She is also a mentor and a community builder for those with childhood trauma. Through her history of childhood trauma and extensive professional training, Dr. Tanner has developed groundbreaking new ways of healing from trauma. In this episode, we get into some of the science of trauma and talk about all things regarding being trauma-informed. Specifically, we get into why religious trauma can be so particularly damaging and how to heal and move forward from it. Tune in to learn some amazing insights and healing tips from Dr. Tanner Wallace. Show Highlights: Dr. Tanner’s story. Why becoming trauma-informed is the key to healing. Why religious trauma is complex trauma. How complex trauma forces us to develop multiple personalities. Why some wounds develop into trauma while others don’t. Why we need to develop a secure attachment with ourselves. How religious trauma makes us doubt our own authority. Why just physically leaving the church won’t heal our religious trauma. How to figure out what needs to be dropped completely from your religious past and what just needs to be adapted. Why shame is so particularly damaging and traumatic. Practices for developing secure internal and external attachments. Connecting all of this to parenting. Links (affiliates included): Dr. Tanner Wallace’s IG - https://www.instagram.com/drtannerwallace/?hl=en Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn1Little You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

As many of you know, I've been investing a lot recently in my new community. It’s called Parenting After Religious Trauma and, in it, we explore the impact of childhood trauma and specifically religious trauma. We discuss the impact that it has on the rest of our adult lives and parenting.  This all comes back to one of my core beliefs, the thesis of my book Parenting Forward: if we change the way we parent, we can change the world. As time goes on, I only become more and more convinced of this truth. It becomes more and more evident that so much of what happens in our childhood determines the kind of person, neighbor, friend, partner, parent, and citizen that we become.  So today, I have Dr. Carol Scott on the show to talk all about this. Dr. Carol is a TEDx speaker and author of two books. Her expertise is in childhood trauma and how that impacts relationships which she believes is the foundation of success in so many areas of our lives. Tune in to join in on our incredible conversation. Show Highlights: Dr. Carol’s journey of realizing the impact her childhood trauma had on her adult life. Why 5-7 years old is a critical time for setting social and relational patterns. How trust issues can develop when we’re infants. The difference between unlearning and rewiring our brain patterns. Why healing has to start with admitting that what you experienced in childhood was not okay. How to intentionally nurture our kids’ development and emotions without being paranoid about harming them. Why our priority should be making our kids feel seen. How being trauma-informed helps us having better relationships in adulthood. How to figure out your needs and ask for them to be met. Links (affiliates included): Dr. Carol’s email: [email protected] Dr. Carol’s socials: https://www.facebook.com/Dr.L.CarolScott/  Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn1Little You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Many of us begin our parenting journey not really knowing what we’re doing. We tell ourselves we’ll be fine just winging it and then quickly realize we will not be fine at all.  This is especially true when it comes to discipline. We know a one-size-fits-all approach to discipline won’t work but aren’t sure how to give our kids the freedom to be exactly who they are. This is exactly what twin sisters Hannah and Kelty experienced and now help other parents navigate. Hannah and Kelty are the founders of Upbringing, and, above all else, moms. They began Upbringing three years ago to advocate for consent-based, shame-free styles of parenting. As a part of their movement, they teach parents how to use powers beyond control in their daily discipline.  In this episode, we talk about all of this. Hannah and Kelty teach us how to honor our children and their uniqueness, especially when it comes to helping them through their big feelings and challenging behaviors. Tune in to learn more! Show Highlights: How Upbringing came to be. Why we should talk about kids on a spectrum of diversity that’s related to their sensitivity and spiritedness. What sensitivity and spiritedness mean. Why we need to accept our kids exactly as they are. How to simultaneously self-regulate and teach your children how to regulate themselves.  How to navigate your resentment towards your kids’ freedom. How to teach your kids to be fully themselves in a world with social constructs. Why your most important job as a parent is to teach your kids self-awareness. Why we need to redefine safety as former people-pleasers. What consent-based parenting is and how to practice it. Why parenting isn’t about perfection but repairing connecting. Links (affiliates included): Hannah and Kelty’s website, Upbringing - https://www.upbringing.co Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn1Little You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com