Advertise on podcast: The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins

Most of us are just surviving. Getting through the day. And we know that is not a condition for great sex, intimacy, and pleasure. Kayla Moore is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified sex therapist, and feminine liberation coach who left the clinical model for the same reason so many of us hit a wall. The system wasn't built to support humans, and trying to treat anxiety, depression, and intimacy issues inside a structure that extracts and exhausts just wasn't working. In this conversation, Kayla and I talk about what it actually takes to come back to your body, your pleasure, and your rage. We get into why high-achieving women have zero access to their grief, why, if you are not angry right now about what is going on, that's a problem, and what it looks like to alchemize those feelings into something that can actually fuel you. We also go deep on beauty standards, who created them and why, the patriarchal ladder we're all climbing without realizing it, and what it means to finally get off it. Kayla is currently building the Sacred Fire Circle, a space to name what you're feeling, move it through your body, and turn grief and rage into joy and pleasure. Circles are among the most sacred ways people have come together for much of our existence. We've kind of lost that. This is about getting it back. Connect with Kayla: https://sacredfirecircle.carrd.co/ Find Kayla on Instagram at @‌priestessKaylaMoore Connect with JORDIN Subscribe to The Pleasure Path on Substack for deeper frameworks, case studies, and diagnostic tools that accompany this work. And if you want to map out exactly where you are and where things are going wrong, book a Pleasure Path Assessment. If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz. -Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.   If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE. Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]    

JOIN: HOLD YOUR CENTER: For Women Who Are Done Losing Themselves to Overfunctioning April 29th, 2026 You have asked him to do it 17 times. It is still not done. That is not forgetfulness. That is not ADHD. That is weaponized incompetence, and it is the number one hidden brake on female desire that no one is naming correctly. Weaponized incompetence is when a person performs helplessly in a specific domain so consistently and convincingly that the competent, over-functioning person stops expecting anything from them and permanently absorbs the task. He can't fold laundry, but he can manage a fantasy football team. He's helpless in the kitchen on a Tuesday, but when it comes to coordinating a boys' trip, they eat like kings. That is not a skill deficit. That is a choice. And your body knows. Your brake does not switch off because the children are asleep, and he has indicated interest at 9:35 PM. Resentment is a brake. Carrying the full cognitive load of the household is a brake. Watching somebody be on their phone while you manage a meltdown, pack lunches, and coordinate tomorrow's logistics is a brake. That is not low libido. It is your body accurately responding to its environment. We break down what weaponized incompetence actually is, why couples therapy misses it, how to spot it in your relationship, and why mismatched libidos and desire discrepancy are a power problem, not a communication problem. Your pleasure centers do not care about how much you love him. They respond to felt safety, pleasure-centered equality, and actual partnership. HOLD YOUR CENTER: For Women Who Are Done Losing Themselves to Overfunctioning is a three-hour experience for women who lose themselves to over-functioning. You will identify your patterns, interrupt them in real time, and learn how to hold someone else's discomfort without collapsing or trying to manage it. *If you are a past client, DM for your discount code.   Subscribe to The Pleasure Path on Substack for deeper frameworks, case studies, and diagnostic tools that accompany this work. And if you want to map out exactly where you are and where things are going wrong, book a Pleasure Path Assessment. If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz. -Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.   If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE. Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]   Chapters 0:00 Intro and the gap in female health research 3:15 Defining pleasure-centered relationships 6:40 The dual control model: accelerators and brakes 9:50 What is weaponized incompetence? 13:10 The leisure time gap and domestic labor stats 16:25 How performance of helplessness creates a libido brake 19:45 Selective incompetence and DARVO explained 23:15 Why standard therapy fails to address power imbalances 26:30 The physical and emotional cost of overfunctioning 28:10 How to reclaim your power

JOIN: HOLD YOUR CENTER: For Women Who Are Done Losing Themselves to Overfunctioning April 29th, 2026 The same traits that make you exceptional at your career make you exquisitely sensitive to context in sex and relationships. You do not have low desire. You are not inherently bad at relationships. As a high achiever, you are hypervigilant, not high maintenance. Libido is not a fixed biological drive. It is dynamic and context-dependent, shaped by your nervous system, relational context, and psychological safety. That feeling of being unfulfilled is your body signaling that something is out of balance, but treating the wrong problem keeps you stuck. Sexual coercion is any pattern that overrides your ability to freely choose intimacy. It becomes a chronic brake, and pressing the gas while that brake is engaged leads to exhaustion. Safety is a physiological requirement. When you are tracking moods, calculating the cost of your no, or having sex out of obligation, your pleasure centers are off. Your body is doing its job. The question to ask is simple. The last three times you had sex, what was the actual reason that you did? Not the story. The felt reason.   HOLD YOUR CENTER: For Women Who Are Done Losing Themselves to Overfunctioning is a three-hour experience for women who lose themselves to over-functioning. You will identify your patterns, interrupt them in real time, and learn how to hold someone else's discomfort without collapsing or trying to manage it. *If you are a past client, DM for your discount code.   Subscribe to The Pleasure Path on Substack for deeper frameworks, case studies, and diagnostic tools that accompany this work. And if you want to map out exactly where you are and where things are going wrong, book a Pleasure Path Assessment. If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz. -Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.   If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE. Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]   Chapters 0:00 High achievers and the sensitivity to context 2:45 Why success doesn't translate to relationship ease 5:12 Defining the missing piece: Sexual coercion 8:30 The three levels of coercive beliefs 11:15 Accelerators vs. brakes in your nervous system 14:00 Identifying subtle coercion and obligation in sex 17:45 Why safety is a requirement for arousal 19:50 Overcoming the over-functioning pattern

Something very interesting is happening right now. The women I work with are splitting into two camps. One group is more connected than ever, having better sex than ever. The other group is burning it all down, choosing separation, choosing themselves. Women with super traits do not have a lower capacity for desire. We have a higher sensitivity to everything surrounding it. We are exceptional at taking the temperature of the room, managing the emotional climate, and anticipating what is needed before it is asked. These are not weaknesses. They are survival strategies that make us extraordinary in every domain of life except one: erotic experience and intimate relationships. What actually creates desire for a woman with super traits is not lingerie, a scheduled date night, or a glass of wine. It is feeling unseen versus seen. Unsafe versus safe. Carrying everything versus having someone handle something without being asked. His attention landed on her fully. Her own attention finally landed on herself. Attention given fully is foreplay. Safety, desire, turn on. They are all the same thing. This is your map for what is actually working and what to bring to your partner. Subscribe to The Pleasure Path on Substack for deeper frameworks, case studies, and diagnostic tools that accompany this work. And if you want to map out exactly where you are and where things are going wrong, book a Pleasure Path Assessment. If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz. -Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.   If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE. Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

Are you the higher drive partner, wondering why your husband never wants sex as much as you do? Do you feel rejected, undesirable, or like something is wrong with you? You are not broken, and you are not alone. I am answering your most pressing questions about mismatched libidos, how to close the desire gap in your relationship, the best vibrators for women's pleasure, and why a self-pleasure practice is one of the most powerful things you can do for your health, hormones, and relationships. We cover everything from expanding your definition of sex beyond penis and vagina, to mutual masturbation, to how to stop thinking about your to-do list and actually be present during sex. Yes, we are going there. Whether you want to know which vibrator to start with, how to communicate your desires to a lower drive partner, or how to get out of your head and into your body, this Q&A has the answers you have been waiting for. Because good sex requires pleasure, presence, and connection, and you deserve all three.   If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins   Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE. If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz. -Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.   Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

If you are honest with yourself, most high-functioning women already know the answer. Needs are the basics, the foundation. But desire is different. It is where intimacy, connection, and pleasure actually live, and it is the first thing to go when you are overfunctioning. This is what I see every day. Women who are successful, capable, and holding everything together, but feel disconnected in their relationships. Not because something is wrong with them, but because they have lost access to their own desires. When you are living in your head, planning, managing, and carrying the emotional load, your body shifts into survival mode. Low libido, lack of arousal, and feeling disconnected are not just hormone issues. They reflect your nervous system and the dynamics in your relationship. Over time, this creates relationships where you are great teammates but not lovers. You ask for less than you need, or stop asking altogether. You default to your partner and lose connection to yourself. There are three patterns driving this. Being cut off from your desires, living in your head instead of your body, and beliefs that keep you overfunctioning while your needs go unmet. From the outside, everything looks fine. On the inside, you feel exhausted and disconnected, unsure why it is so hard to feel fulfilled. If your needs and your desires are not being met, your body already knows. This does not change by trying harder. It changes when you reconnect to your body, your desires, and what allows you to experience intimacy again.   If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins   Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE. If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz. -Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.   Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

Pelvic health physiotherapy is something many women still do not even know exists. If you are having issues with peeing, pooping, pelvic pain, pressure in the pelvis, constipation, leaking urine, pain with sex, or difficulty reaching orgasm, there is help available. I'm joined by pelvic health physiotherapist Kristen Parise, owner of Blueberry Therapy Pelvic Health and Pediatrics. Kristen has been a physiotherapist for more than 26 years and spent the last decade focused on pelvic health. Most women will experience some type of pelvic floor dysfunction. About fifty percent of women who have had a baby will have some degree of pelvic organ prolapse. Many women experience urinary or fecal incontinence, and as women age, pain with intercourse or difficulty reaching orgasm becomes more common. Pelvic floor dysfunction can show up as heaviness or pressure in the pelvis, groin pain, pubic pain, hip pain, SI joint pain, constipation, leaking urine, or pain with sex. Many women believe these symptoms are normal because they have experienced them for so long. Constipation is one of the most overlooked issues. Many women say they are not constipated, but when asked how often they have a bowel movement, the answer might be every three days. Stress and trauma also show up in the pelvic floor. People who hold tension in their shoulders and jaw often hold that same tension in their pelvic floor. Helping women have better poops and better sex is connected to the same system. Understanding the pelvic floor is an important part of better health, better sex, and a body that feels like your own again. Connect with Kristen Parise - @blueberrytherapypelvichealth Listen to our episode: Super Traits and the Real Reason Your Sex Drive Disappears   Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE. If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz. -Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE. If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

You are lying there, maybe alone, maybe next to someone, and still feeling miles apart. You go to that same place of dissociation during sex. The spark, that erotic aliveness, is nowhere to be found. You have done everything right, checked all the boxes, excelled in so many areas, and now you are asking, what is wrong with me? Am I broken? Low libido, low desire, difficulty getting aroused or staying aroused, pain with sex, trouble orgasming. These are the reasons women come to me. But for superwomen, low libido is rarely a true arousal problem. Most high-achieving women do not have a broken accelerator. They have a brake pedal on the floor. Stress. Perfectionistic tendencies. Performance pressure. Mental load. Resentment. Relational power dynamics. Your body is not broken. The conditions are wrong. Your super traits are survival mechanisms, and they are costing you your desire. I break down the dual-control model in terms that actually make sense to high achievers. I talk about male-centered sex, pleasure education, knowing what you like, giving real-time guidance, and when mismatched libidos are not a communication problem but a power dynamic problem. If this is you, explore audio erotica this week and notice what lands in your body. Ask yourself, do I truly love the sex we are having? And if you want a clear, personalized next step, book a Pleasure Path Assessment HERE. One hour. Tangible tips. No more guessing. You are not broken. Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE. If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz. -Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE. If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]   CHAPTERS 00:00 The Loneliness of the High Achiever 02:15 Superwoman Trait 04:45 Understanding the Dual Control Model 07:10 Why Great Sex is a Priority for High Achievers 09:30 Pleasure Research and Learning What You Like 11:50 Communication vs Power Dynamics in Relationships 13:45 3 Steps to Take This Week for Better Sex

Chellie Carlson is a transformational wardrobe stylist, and this conversation goes way deeper than clothes. After leaving an abusive relationship, I had zero body confidence. Zero idea what to wear. I did not know what clothes I liked. I did not know what was acceptable. I went from enjoying getting dressed and going to work every day to standing in my closet feeling lost. Chellie works with women who feel frozen and overwhelmed. Full closets. Nothing feels aligned. So they keep wearing the Lululemons. The comfy cozy jogger sets. Hiding their bodies. Not feeling self-expressed. Not showing up confidently. She says it clearly. The fewer pieces you have, the better your style will be. You do not need twenty-five bottoms. You need four that fit you right now. Fit matters more than size. The size does not matter. The fit matters. Stop shopping daily. Stop trying to fill the holes. Go inward. Edit your wardrobe. Wear what you own. We talk about outfit repeating with no shame. Removing the non-current season from your closet. Building a small capsule that actually works. Bringing it in at the waist. Building the hourglass. Stop hiding in large fabric. Stop waiting to lose five pounds before you let yourself feel good. And underneath all of it is this. Getting dressed affects your mood and productivity. Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident. It is messaging to your body that you are safe. When you feel aligned, your aura changes. The way you walk into a room changes. The way people treat you changes. This is not about buying more clothes. It is about self-worth. It is about alignment. It is about women stopping the hiding and owning their bodies exactly as they are. Connect with Challie HERE   For deeper clarity, you can also book a Super Trait Audit HERE. This is a private clarity session where we map how your super traits are eroding intimacy, identify shutdown patterns, and outline what would actually need to shift to move from high achiever to receiver. The Super Trait Audit is a one-hour diagnostic session designed to identify what is driving sexual shutdown, nervous system overload, and relational power imbalances. Grab a Super Trait Audit HERE If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz. -Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE. If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]  

Pleasure was never just about sex. It has always been about power. What is happening inside women's bodies, inside heterosexual relationships, and inside healthcare systems is not separate from what is happening culturally and globally. These dynamics mirror each other. The same power structures that silence women medically also shut down desire, libido, vitality, and connection in relationships. This conversation begins with a moment of violated personal space and opens into the deeper architecture beneath women's exhaustion and disconnection. When autonomy is restricted, and obedience is rewarded over truth and pleasure, pleasure cannot survive. Safety is not a feeling. It is a condition. Without it, the most sensitive systems shut down first. Women were never broken. The environment became unsafe. From medical gaslighting and delayed diagnoses to hormone fear-mongering and unequal care, women's bodies have been treated as exaggerated or secondary. These same patterns show up in relationships where emotional labor is expected, tolerance is praised, and desire is pathologized. When love becomes compliance, the nervous system learns that self-erasure is the price of belonging. Super traits like empathy, loyalty, responsibility, and resilience are not personality quirks. They are survival traits formed inside systems that rely on women overfunctioning. Over time, they cost women their health, joy, and sexual sovereignty. Pleasure requires choice. Choice requires autonomy. Autonomy only exists when power is shared or consciously given. Desire does not disappear randomly. The body speaks first. Libido loss, burnout, and numbness are not failures. They are information. For deeper clarity, you can also book a Super Trait Audit HERE. This is a private clarity session where we map how your super traits are eroding intimacy, identify shutdown patterns, and outline what would actually need to shift to move from high achiever to receiver. The Super Trait Audit is a one-hour diagnostic session designed to identify what is driving sexual shutdown, nervous system overload, and relational power imbalances. Grab a Super Trait Audit HERE:  If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz. -Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE. If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]   CHAPTERS 00:00 When Men Invade Your Space 00:35 Misogyny at Home 01:04 Pleasure Is Political 04:04 Women's Health, Burnout & Medical Gaslighting 08:54 Libido Loss as a Warning Signal 12:11 Autonomy, Consent & Coercive Control 13:49 Reproductive Control  15:15 How Safety Shapes Desire 19:16 : "Good Girls" in Medicine, Marriage & Parenting 22:19 Coercive Relationships 26:02 Compliance vs Connection 27:25  The Bedroom Mirrors the World  

Many high-functioning women are successful in their careers and still struggle with intimacy, desire, and connection in their relationships. They feel distant, numb, over-responsible, and exhausted despite doing everything right. When you have super traits, responsibility, empathy, loyalty, and competence, you often become the over-functioner in relationships. You manage emotions. You do the invisible labor. You regulate connection. You perform intimacy instead of receiving it. Being good at sex or being good at relationships is not the same thing as being met. I explain why effort has never restored desire, why common sex therapy and relationship advice do not work for women with super traits, and how emotional labor and power dynamics quietly shut down libido, arousal, and presence even when hormones and labs look normal. These patterns show up as low desire, sexless marriages, feeling like roommates, replaying conversations, and struggling to stay present during sex. If you want to identify your super traits and understand how they are impacting your sex life, health, and relationships, take the Super Trait Quiz in the show notes. For deeper clarity, you can also book a Super Trait Audit HERE. This is a private clarity session where we map how your super traits are eroding intimacy, identify shutdown patterns, and outline what would actually need to shift to move from high achiever to receiver. The Super Trait Audit is a one-hour diagnostic session designed to identify what is driving sexual shutdown, nervous system overload, and relational power imbalances. Grab a Super Trait Audit HERE:  If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz. -Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE. If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

Most women are not fully enjoying the sex they are having. Low desire, arousal issues, pain with sex, numbness, difficulty reaching orgasm, and mismatched libidos are common, yet women are taught to blame themselves for them. We are told it is a hormone failure, a personality flaw, a lack of effort, or something we should accept as we age. We try harder. And when effort fails, shame fills the gap. More often than not, women are tracking the wrong data. Desire does not respond to productivity or effort. It responds to safety, capacity, and the body's internal environment. When the body does not feel safe or resourced, it will always prioritize survival over reproduction. When someone feels numb, disconnected, dry, distracted during sex, or that sex no longer feels good, there is no single lab that explains it. Sexual shutdown shows up as a pattern involving hormones, cortisol rhythm, thyroid function, nutrient status, inflammation, sleep, and nervous system load. Normal labs do not mean optimal. This pattern is most evident in women with super traits. High responsibility, high empathy, and emotional over-functioning quietly create chronic hypervigilance. Over time, pleasure shuts down. Nothing is wrong with you. Your body adapted to a life that did not allow you to be a receiver. Low libido is not a failure. Loss of pleasure is information. When you learn to read the data correctly, your body stops being the enemy and becomes your guide. If intimacy keeps breaking down and you are being told everything looks normal, stop guessing. Low desire is not a failure. It is a pattern. The Super Trait Audit is a one-hour diagnostic session designed to identify what is driving sexual shutdown, nervous system overload, and relational power imbalances. Grab a Super Trait Audit HERE:  If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz . -Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE. If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]  

Women with super traits know how to get shit done. They are hardworking, loyal, independent, and high-achieving. Some want better sex and a deeper connection and cannot figure out why it feels so hard. Others say they don't care about sex anymore, but what they're really saying is I don't feel met. I don't feel safe enough to erotically open. Desire didn't disappear. Effort replaced it. Survival crowds out sensation. Performance crowds out receptivity. Women with super traits are good at everything else. Careers. Parenting. Emotional intelligence. What they are not great at is sex, intimacy, and vulnerability. Being good at giving, pleasing, and performing is one-sided. If the effort worked, they would already feel deeply connected. Sex is not a drive. It's a reward system. When pleasure centers are off and receiving muscles are off, even when someone is trying to give, the body cannot receive. Presence is not a mindset. It is a nervous system state. When sex becomes something you manage, desire shuts down automatically. If you feel called out in a good way, attend the live workshop on February 5th, where we cover the three most common ways women with super traits erode intimacy and the three shifts required to restore desire. JOIN THE MASTERCLASS HERE For those ready for personalized clarity, you can also apply to work with me privately HERE. We map your super traits, erotic shutdown style, and relationship dynamics so you stop guessing and start changing the patterns that repeat in and out of the bedroom. APPLY HERE If you do not know your super traits yet, take the Super Trait Quiz to understand exactly how this is showing up for you. Why Smart & Successful Women Lose Themselves In Relationships (And why over-functioning and fixing desire never works), on February 5th at 12 PM Eastern and 9 AM Pacific. Register for the free masterclass. If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]   CHAPTERS 00:45  Desire and Relationships 01:25 Presence in Intimacy 01:45 The Struggles of High Achievers in Sexual Intimacy 02:32 Effort vs. Connection 03:38 Pleasure-Centered Sex 05:46 Common Misconceptions Around Sex 06:45 Presence in Sexual Intimacy 09:18 The Shift from Performance to Pleasure-Centered Sex 11:13 Presence in Intimacy and Pleasure 15:00 High Achievers in Receiving Intimacy 27:46 The 3 Shifts to Improve Intimacy and Connection

You do not lose desire. For women with super traits, desire does not disappear. It goes offline when you override yourself one too many times, and your body adapts because it knows it is not safe. We are taught that desire fades slowly. That it is stress, hormones, perimenopause, being busy, or having too much on your plate. In my clinical and coaching work, I see the opposite. Desire shuts down at very specific moments, but you are trained not to see them. If you are the fixer, the anchor, the emotional glue, the one people rely on when things fall apart, those are not flaws. Those are super traits. The same qualities that make you capable, reliable, and successful. In relationships, these traits often place you in inequitable dynamics where you are the over-functioner. Over time, your body learns that wanting more creates more work, not more connection. This is not a libido problem. It is not a hormone problem. It is a self-override problem. Desire shuts down when connection requires self-erasure. The body downregulates to conserve energy and stay safe. If you do not know your super traits yet, take the Super Trait Quiz to understand exactly how this is showing up for you. This work is being taught live and for FREE in a MASTERCLASS, Why Smart & Successful Women Lose Themselves In Relationships (And why over-functioning and fixing desire never works), on February 5th at 12 PM Eastern and 9 AM Pacific. Register for the free masterclass. If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching. 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

Over the Christmas break, I had several private clients reach out, and what I noticed was that the transformations had not been completed. The holidays brought up ruptures, disappointments, and old patterns at a time when most women were already running on fumes. The holidays come with extra expectations and very little capacity. Many women even get sick once their bodies finally feel safe enough to stop. That is not a coincidence. We hold an image of the holidays as cozy and connected. In reality, they often unearth everything we have been holding together all year. I found myself repeating the same thing to my clients. Stop over-explaining. Stop people pleasing. Get grounded before you act. If you are here, chances are you feel disconnected in your relationship. Some of you were disappointed by the holidays. Some of you went through separations. Some of you navigated the season alone. The common thread is being a woman with super traits who struggles to feel met, supported, and able to receive. This is a familiar loop. Still explaining. Still repairing. Still choosing words carefully. Still believing that if you say it the right way, it will finally land. That does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It means you have super traits. Women with super traits were never taught discernment. We were taught to fix, soften, reassure, and carry emotional labor. Not every accusation deserves a response. Not every misunderstanding needs a conversation. When we lose connection to ourselves, we start efforting in ways that do not work. Over time, desire shuts down. Health is affected. Intimacy becomes hollow. The traits that brought success elsewhere begin working against us in relationships. There is a LIVE Masterclass on February 5 that goes deeper into why women with super traits overfunction in relationships and what actually restores clarity, desire, and connection. Sign up for FREE HERE, and let's make this the year we stop overgiving and start recieving. PRIVATE COACHING- Success, intimacy, pleasure,  you don't have to choose. Learn how to create a deeper connection and better sex without sacrificing who you are or what you've built. [APPLY HERE] 1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins Take the free Super Trait Quiz to understand why these patterns show up so strongly during the holidays Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]   00:02:16 Understanding Super Traits and Relationship Dynamics 00:03:47 The Exhaustion of Over-Communicating 00:04:51 The Impact of Super Traits on Health and Desire 00:06:51 Navigating Emotional Labor and Intimacy 00:09:22 The Importance of Discernment in Relationships 00:12:02 Overexplaining in Relationships 00:16:37 Communication Problems